When we think of the word "positive", the word "happy" probably resonates in the minds of most of us. But happiness is not the only form of positivity: there are many ways to be more positive in life, even in situations of sadness, anger or difficulty. Research suggests that we have powerful choice abilities when it comes to positive emotions and ways of thinking. In fact, our emotions literally change our bodies on a cellular level. Many of our life experiences are the result of the way we interpret and respond to our surroundings. Fortunately, instead of repressing or trying to "get rid" of negative feelings, we can decide to interpret and react differently. You will find that with the right amount of practice, patience and persistence, you will be able to become more positive.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Starting with Yourself
Step 1. Accept who you are
You can't be able to change your thinking if you can't (or don't want to) identify the problem. Accepting that you have negative thoughts and feelings, and recognizing them as unwelcome, can help you set the process of change in motion.
- Try not to judge yourself for what you think and feel. Remember that having real control over the thoughts and emotions that surface in your body and mind is almost impossible. However, note that none of them are naturally "good" or "bad", they are simply thoughts and feelings. What you can control is how you interpret and react to them.
- Also accept the things about yourself that you cannot change. For example, if you are an introverted person who needs to spend time alone to "recharge", it is likely that trying to be constantly extroverted would make you feel exhausted and unhappy. Accept yourself for the person you are in this moment, exactly as you are. Only after reaching this first milestone can you feel free to transform yourself into a better version of yourself!
Step 2. Set goals
Having goals to achieve allows us to acquire a more positive outlook on life. Research has shown that setting a goal can immediately make us feel more optimistic and confident, even if the result is not immediately achievable. Bringing goals that you consider significant and related to your values will help you achieve them and progress in your evolution.
- Start by giving yourself small goals. Don't demand the moon immediately. By maintaining a slow but steady pace, you will be able to cross the finish line. Set specific goals. Wanting to "be more positive" is great, but it is such a vast goal that it can put you in trouble when you are ready to reach it. Therefore, prefer more limited but specific goals, such as "meditating twice a week" or "Smiling every day at a stranger".
- Formulate your goals in positive terms. Research has shown that when we express our wishes positively the chances of seeing them fulfilled increase. In other words, make sure your goals are goals to be achieved and not to try to avoid. For example: "Quitting junk food" is not a useful goal because it can cause feelings of shame or guilt. "Eat 3 servings of fruit and vegetables every day" is specific and positive.
- Base your goals solely on your actions. Remember that they are the only ones you can control. By setting yourself goals that presuppose a certain behavior on the part of others, you risk feeling bitter if things don't go as you hoped. So choose to set goals based solely on what is under your control.
Step 3. Practice the loving-kindness meditation
Also known as metta or compassion meditation, this meditative practice has its roots in the Buddhist tradition and teaches us to expand the same feelings of affection and love that we feel for the people we care about to the whole world. It has also been shown that, in a few weeks, it is able to improve our relationships and our resilience, or the ability to recover from negative experiences. Even just five minutes of daily meditation will guarantee visible positive fruits.
- Sign up for a compassion meditation course or search online and download guided meditation practices; many are available free of charge.
- Loving-kindness meditation is also beneficial for mental health. In fact, some studies have shown that compassion meditation reduces symptoms of depression, suggesting that learning to be compassionate towards others can help us become compassionate towards ourselves as well.
Step 4. Keep a journal
The most recent research suggests the presence of a mathematical formula of positivity: it seems that experiencing 3 positive emotions for each negative emotion helps us to maintain a healthy balance. Writing in a journal can help you focus on your multiple daily emotional experiences and determine where to take action. It can also help you focus more on positive experiences and allow you to keep them in mind for longer.
- Writing in a journal isn't just about making a list of the things you don't like. Research states that focusing pages solely on negative emotions and experiences will only reinforce them and become even more negative.
- Therefore, describe how you feel without labeling your feelings as good or bad. For example, a negative experience might look like this: "I felt offended today when my colleague made fun of me about my weight."
- Now focus on your reaction. How did you react at the moment? Looking back, how would you have liked to react? For example: "At the time I felt terrible about myself, like I was a useless person. Now, however, looking back, I realized that my colleague makes tactless judgments about anyone. No one else can define myself or my worth., only I can do it ".
- Think about how you can turn facts into a learning experience. How can you use them for your personal growth? How will you behave at the next opportunity? For example: "The next time someone offends me, I will remember that the judgments of others do not define me in any way. I will also let my colleague know that his comments are devoid of sensitivity and hurt my feelings by reminding myself that my feelings are important ".
- Include positive things in your journal! Simply taking a few moments to notice the kindness of a stranger, the beauty of a sunset or the pleasure given by a chat with a friend "fixes" the memories allowing you to recall them later. If you don't focus on it, positivity is likely to go unnoticed.
Step 5. Practice active gratitude
Gratitude is more than feeling, it is doing. Dozens of studies have shown that gratitude is beneficial to those who practice it. By showing gratitude you are able to change your perspective almost immediately, and the rewards continue to grow as you put it into practice. Gratitude helps you feel more positive, improves your relationships with others, fosters compassion and increases the feeling of happiness.
- Some people are naturally more prone to feel grateful. Nonetheless, anyone is able to encourage their "attitude of gratitude", whatever their natural level!
- Avoid acting like you "deserve" something, whether it's in relationships or in the most common situations. This does not imply having to believe that you do not deserve anything, nor that you have to tolerate disrespectful behavior or mistreatment, it simply means that you should try to approach things without feeling that you have the "right" to obtain a certain result, behavior or benefit.
- Share your gratitude with others. Sharing your feelings of gratitude with those around you will help you "fix" those positive emotions in your memory. It will also inspire positive feelings in the people you have decided to share your gratitude with. Find a friend who can be your "gratitude partner" and share with each other three things you are grateful for every day.
- Make an effort to acknowledge every day all the little positive things that happen along the course of your day. Write them down in a journal, post a picture on Instagram or describe them on Twitter, choose any action that allows you to recognize and memorize the little things you feel grateful for. For example, if a friend complimented you on your outfit, if you tasted a perfect blueberry pancake, or if the traffic magically melted away allowing you to get to work on time, notice! The positive things will increase rapidly.
- Taste what's good. Humans have a bad habit of focusing on the negative things and letting the positive ones pass by unnoticed. When you notice something positive in your life, take a moment to consciously acknowledge it. Try to "fix" it in memory. For example, if you notice a garden in bloom along your daily path, stop for a moment and say to yourself: "This is a good moment and I want to remind myself how grateful I feel for it." Try to take a mental "snapshot" of the moment to be able to remember it more easily in the future, when you find yourself facing difficulties or negative experiences.
Step 6. Use self affirmations
Self-affirmations may seem like a trivial method, but research suggests that they work on a fundamental level; in fact, self-affirmations can form new neuronal groups of "positive thoughts". Remember: your brain likes to take shortcuts and tends to head for the paths it uses most frequently. If you get into the habit of uttering compassionate words towards yourself, your brain will begin to think of it as "normal". Positive internal dialogue and self-affirmations also help reduce stress and depression, promoting good immune system health and increasing your ability to overcome difficulties.
- Choose statements that you find particularly meaningful. You could choose statements that show compassion to your body, yourself, or that bring to mind your own spiritual traditions. Whatever words are capable of making you feel positive and calm, say them!
- For example, you might say something like "My body is healthy and my mind is bright" or "Today I will do my best to be kind" or "During the day today my spiritual keeper will always be by my side."
- If there is something in your life that is challenging you, make an effort to look for positive affirmations about it. For example, if you have a hard time accepting your body image, try saying something like "I am strong and attractive" or "I can learn to love others as I love myself" or "I am deserving of love and respect".
Step 7. Cultivate Optimism
In the 1970s, researchers found that among the lottery winners, which most of us find incredibly positive, there was no trace of greater happiness than those who never had, after just one year of winning. won. This is caused by the eudonic adaptation: human beings have a "reference line" of happiness to which they always return after an external event (good or bad). Nonetheless, even if your baseline is very low, you may be committed to actively nurturing your optimism. Optimism increases self-esteem, a sense of general well-being and relationships with others.
- Optimism is a lens through which we interpret the world. Thanks to the flexibility of the human brain you can change the way you observe and perceive your surroundings! A pessimistic perspective interprets the world in immutable and rigidly made terms: "Nothing is right", "I can't do anything to change things", "My life sucks and it's my fault." An optimistic perspective, on the other hand, sees the world as a flexible and customizable place.
- For example, a pessimistic person might think about his upcoming cello concert and say "I've always been denied playing it, my performance will be a disaster anyway, I might as well keep playing with my Nintendo". This statement assumes that the ability to play an instrument is innate and permanent, rather than a practice that can be influenced by hard work. It also blames you in a general way; to say that you have always been denied playing the cello assumes that your skills as a musician are attributable to personal failure rather than something that requires commitment and practice. This pessimistic outlook can lead you to not exercise as a waste of time, or make you feel guilty because you are "poor" at doing something. Either way, the result won't be of any help.
- An optimistic perspective would approach this situation differently: "My cello concert is approaching and I am not satisfied with the results achieved so far. I will devote an extra hour each day to practicing and on debut day I will do my best. This one. is all I can do, at least I will know that I have done everything possible to achieve success. " Being optimistic does not mean arguing that challenges and negative experiences do not exist, it means choosing to interpret them in a different and constructive way.
- There is a huge difference between authentic optimism and "blind" optimism. Blind optimism can assume that the first time you pick up a cello you will be able to get yourself admitted to a famous music school; it is not realistic thinking and such expectations can lead to great disappointments. True optimism recognizes the reality of the situation and urges you to be ready to face it. A truly optimistic outlook admits that you will have to work hard and for many years, that despite this you may still not be admitted to the school of your dreams, but it guarantees that you have done everything possible to succeed in making your wishes come true.
Step 8. Learn to process negative experiences
One of the mistakes people make is trying to avoid or ignore negative experiences. From a certain point of view this could make sense, given that these are painful situations. However, the reality is that by trying to suppress or ignore them, you only damage your ability to handle them. Then consider how you can rework these experiences. Can you learn anything from what happened? Can you try to change your point of view on this?
- Think for example of the inventor Myshkin Ingawale. In a 2012 science TV show, Ingawale reported inventing the technology that could save pregnant women in rural India. During the first 32 attempts it was unsuccessful. Defeat after defeat, she had the opportunity to interpret the situation as a failure and to surrender. However, he chose to use his experiences as opportunities to learn and now, in rural India, the device he invented has helped reduce the deaths of pregnant women by 50%.
- A second example tells of Dr. Viktor Frankl, who was imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp during the Holocaust. Despite facing the worst of humanity, Dr. Frankl chose to interpret his situation in his own way and wrote: "Everything can be taken from a man except for one thing: the last of human freedoms, which is to be able to choose your attitude in any given situation, even if only for a few seconds ".
- Instead of reacting to every challenge or negative experience with immediate negativity, take a step back and examine the situation. What went wrong in reality? What is the real risk? What can you learn from this experience and what can you do differently next time? Has what happened taught you to be kinder, more generous, wiser, or more determined? Taking a moment to reflect on the experience rather than just automatically considering it as negative will help you reinterpret it.
Step 9. Use your body
Your body and mind are intimately connected. The cause of your difficulty in feeling positive may be due to the fact that your body is working against you. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy has shown that our posture can affect the body's levels of stress hormones. Try to stand upright, with your shoulders back and your chest out. Look in front of you and occupy the space around you. Basically assuming what is called a "high power posture" will help you really feel more confident and optimistic.
- You smile. Research indicates that when you smile, whether you "feel" happy or not, your brain improves your mood. In particular, this happens when you smile in a genuine way (Duchenne smile), activating the muscles around the eyes as well as those of the mouth. People who smile while undergoing painful medical procedures say they suffered less than those who didn't smile.
- Express your personality through your clothes. What you wear affects how you feel. One study has shown that people who wear a lab coat while doing simple science tasks accomplish their work considerably better than others, even when the lab coat is the only real difference! So choose and wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself, regardless of what others and society think. And do not give importance to the sizes written on the tags, these are completely arbitrary data and the size 40 of one shop can correspond to the 46 of another. Remember that I am not certain of the random numbers that define your value!
Step 10. Get some exercise
When you move, your body releases endorphins, the natural chemicals that make you feel good. Exercise can help you fight feelings of anxiety and depression. Some studies have also shown that moderate and regular exercise increases feelings of calm and well-being.
- Make a commitment to do at least 30 minutes of moderate physical activity every day.
- You don't need to turn into a bodybuilder to enjoy the benefits of exercise. Even moderate training consisting of running, swimming, or gardening can help make you feel more positive.
- Disciplines that include meditation, such as yoga and tai chi, can also help you feel more positive and improve your overall health.
Step 11. Create positivity from within
If you want to be more successful, focus on the ways that have allowed you to experience it previously. If you want more love in your life, focus on the people you already care about and the abundance of good feelings you are able to give to others. If you want to have better health, focus on the healthy aspects of your body and so on.
Step 12. Stop worrying about trifles.
Everyone in life is confronted with things that, at the moment, seem very important to us, but which, once overcome and analyzed with the right perspective, turn out to be irrelevant. Research has shown that these are the very things that can keep you from being happy. In fact, reality indicates that we often tend to focus on these small irrelevant things only to compensate for other unmet needs. The same studies state that to have a happy life we need five basic things:
- Positive emotions.
- Involvement (feeling really passionate and overwhelmed by something).
- Relations with others.
- A purpose.
- Achievements.
- Remember that you can define what these things mean to yourself! Don't stick to what others refer to as "purpose" or "achievements". If you personally can't make sense of some of your actions, it's impossible for them to allow you to feel good. Material objects, celebrities and money will not make you happy.
Part 2 of 3: Surrounding yourself with Positive Influences
Step 1. Use the law of attraction
Positive or negative thoughts and actions act like magnets. When we try to avoid a problem, it only recurs or even gets worse. It is our own negativity that takes control of our days. But the more we try to think positively, the more we act proactively, achieving our goals and finding both ways to move forward and identifying positive options, then being rewarded. In fact, few people know that our positive thoughts are none the less able to support our immune system!
Step 2. Do the things you love
It might sound simplistic, but sticking to this banal rule isn't always easy. You may have a very busy life, but you will still have to learn to carve out spaces that make you very happy. You could for example:
- Listening to music. Choose the musical genre you prefer.
- Light. Reading is very beneficial and can help you become more empathetic. By dedicating yourself to reading some essays you will be able to acquire new information and points of view.
- Express yourself creatively, for example by trying to paint, write, create origami etc.
- Practicing a sport or a hobby.
- Spend your time with family and friends.
- Try to surprise yourself. Some studies have shown that feeling awe or wonder, for example when walking in nature, admiring a painting or listening to a symphony, brings excellent health benefits, both physical and mental. So find a way to be amazed and amazed as often as possible.
Step 3. Surround yourself with friends
Appreciate the presence of those who have known how to be close to you through thick and thin. Think back to the support they gave you to be able to feel more positive and notice how you have probably been able to help them yourself in the process. Friends help each other both in moments of joy and in moments of difficulty.
- Studies have shown that people who know how to surround themselves with friends who have similar values and points of view are more likely to be happy and to face their lives with optimism.
- Interaction with the people you love causes your brain to release neurotransmitters capable of making you feel happy (dopamine) and relaxed (serotonin). Spending some time with friends and loved ones will therefore make you feel more positive chemically too!
- If you wish, you can encourage those you love to become your partners of gratitude. By nurturing a network of things to be grateful for, you will see a remarkable and mutual positivity grow and develop!
Step 4. Show compassion
Being compassionate means taking a kind action towards someone, especially if they are less fortunate than us. The consequence can be a notable increase in our positivity. Looking at an example, we find that research has shown that when people give charity, they feel as happy as when they themselves receive money! Find ways to help others, individually or in partnership with others, and practice being compassionate. Those who receive your help will not be the only ones to benefit from it, your own health will improve too!
- The good attracts other good. When we are courteous to someone, especially if unexpectedly, we will most likely see our own favor repaid, perhaps not directly to ourselves, but to someone else. Eventually, directly or indirectly, our good deeds will still be "returned" to us. Some people refer to this cycle as karma; whichever definition is more appropriate, some scientific studies have shown that the principle of "pay in advance" is real.
- Try offering yourself as a tutor, volunteer, or asking your parish how you can help.
- Make a microloan to someone who needs it. A microloan, even of just 10 euros, to a person living in a developing country can help them develop their own business or become economically independent. Most microloans have a return rate that exceeds 95%.
- Make a commitment to give small gifts to the people around you, including strangers. Offer a coffee to the person next to you in the queue. Send a friend something you did with him in mind. Giving gifts stimulates the production of dopamine in the brain allowing you to feel even happier than the people who receive them!
Step 5. Choose an optimistic statement or saying and keep it in your wallet or pocket
When you feel insecure or feel you need some encouragement, read it again. Here are some good suggestions:
- "It is wonderful that no one needs to wait a single moment before starting to improve the world" (Anne Frank).
- "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds and the pessimist fears it may be true" (James Branch Cabell).
- "The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future simply by changing his attitude" (Oprah Winfrey).
- "If within you you hear a voice that tells you that you cannot paint, at the cost of everything, paint by all means and that voice will be silent" (Vincent Van Gogh).
Step 6. Consult a therapist
Incorrectly, many are convinced that in order to need a therapist, people must have something wrong. So why do we go to the dentist to undergo a dental cleaning even though we don't have cavities? Likewise, we do follow-up examinations every year, even though we are not sick. Seeing a therapist can also be a form of "prevention". If you want to learn to think and act more positively, a therapist can help you identify any recurring patterns of useless thoughts to help you develop new and beneficial ones.
- Ask your doctor for advice or search online and try to find the right therapist for your needs. Find out about the costs and any benefits covered by the national health service.
- You will often find low-cost options as well. Inquire at mental health clinics, local organizations, and university-run centers.
Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Negative Influences
Step 1. Avoid negative influences
Human beings are highly susceptible to "emotional contagion," which means that the feelings of those around us tend to affect ours. Stay away from bad behavior and negativity to avoid absorbing them.
- Choose your friendships wisely. The friends we surround ourselves with can greatly influence our views, for better or for worse. If your friends tend to be constantly negative, offer them to share your process towards positivity. Encourage them to learn to be more positive too, but if instead of continuing on your same path, they continue to remain negative, make a commitment to part with them for your own good.
- Only do the things that make you feel comfortable. When you don't feel comfortable doing something, you tend to experience negative feelings, guilt, or worry. The resulting experience will certainly not be positive. Learning to say "no" to the things you don't want will help you feel stronger and more at peace with yourself. This healthy behavior should apply to both work situations and those involving friends and loved ones.
Step 2. Challenge negative thoughts
It is easy to get drawn into a pattern of "automatic" or habitually negative thoughts, especially about ourselves. We can easily become our worst critics. Whenever you feel a negative thought surface, stop and take the time to challenge it. Try to turn it into positive thinking or locate the logical flow in negative thinking. If you do this for long enough, the new behavior will become a habit and greatly improve your ability to think positively. Learn to say "I can do it!" more often than "I can't do this!". Remember that everything can be positively reworked, so prove inflexible in your endeavors.
- For example, if you were to get angry and verbally assault a friend, your instinct might be to think "I'm a horrible person." It is a cognitive distortion, which is a generic statement relating to a specific situation. As a result, it only creates a sense of guilt, without giving you a way to act constructively.
- Instead, accept your actions responsibly and consider what you can do accordingly. For example: "I was rude to a friend and I probably hurt his feelings. I was wrong. I will apologize and, the next time we discuss something similar, I will ask you to step away for a moment to clear up my ideas." This form of thinking does not generally define you as a "horrible" person, but as a person who has made a mistake and who wishes to learn from their experiences to improve themselves.
- If you find yourself frequently having negative thoughts about yourself (or others), get into the habit of wanting to identify 3 positive things for each negative aspect each time. For example, if negative thinking defines you as "stupid", challenge it with 3 positive thoughts: "I thought I was stupid, but just last week I completed a very successful project. Also in the past I solved some difficult problems., I am a capable person who is simply facing a complicated moment ".
- Even when we don't get what we want, we benefit from a valuable experience. Experiences are often of greater value than material things. Material things tend to slowly wither away as experiences accompany us and grow with us throughout our entire life.
- In almost every situation there are positive and negative aspects. We choose which one to focus on. We can make an effort to notice when we tend to be negative and try to formulate opposite thoughts.
- There is no point in worrying about those negative things that you cannot change. Some aspects of life are apparently "unfair". There is no explanation for it, life simply "is" like that. Wasting energy and joys trying to change the immutable only makes you even more frustrated.
Step 3. Deal with your past traumas
If you find yourself constantly unhappy, upset, or negative, understand that you may not be aware of some underlying problem that will be important to resolve. See a therapist who can help you deal with any past trauma, such as abuse, a high-stress situation, having gone through a natural disaster, bereavement, or separation.
Seek out a mental health professional, making sure they have the skills to treat your specific trauma. Working through and overcoming trauma, even with the help of an expert, may not be easy and painful, but it will allow you to become stronger and more positive
Step 4. Don't fear failure
To paraphrase the words of Franklin D. Roosevelt, The only thing we need to be afraid of is fear itself. We will fall and make mistakes, but the important thing will be how we will be able to recover. When we expect to be successful, but are not afraid of failure, the odds of having a positive experience are at their best.
Advice
- Nurture positive thoughts for important reasons: to improve the quality of your life and that of others.
- Remember that you are in control of your thoughts. You can always decide to change a negative thought by focusing on something positive.
- Create a "folder of happiness" in which to collect letters and cards received from friends and family. When you feel low, use it to remind yourself how many people consider you important. Each of them loves you and wants you to be happy. It becomes difficult to be sad when you find yourself bringing joy to so many people.
- Making progress means being successful. When you make a commitment in your mind and decide to take a positive perspective on it, there are no obstacles that you cannot overcome. Your determination is a very powerful tool.
- Encourage others: You will find that if you try to cheer someone up, you will find it really hard to be pessimistic.
- When you don't feel like thinking about anything and just feel the need to find comfort from negative feelings, try looking for positive and happy images by browsing the web.
- When you feel you are about to burst, take a deep breath, count to 10, drink a glass of water and smile. Even when the smile is forced it helps you feel better. Focus your attention on the positive things.
- Look in the mirror every morning and highlight 5 of your best qualities.
- Do not give up. If you can show perseverance, good habits will be able to replace old ones.
- Being kind will allow you to feel and keep yourself more centered and positive.
- Don't be too hard on yourself and don't blame yourself for everything! Notice what worked and what didn't and learn the lesson for next time.
- Think of the times you have helped or made someone happy. Remember times when you have supported someone in a difficult situation. To feel like a valuable person you can make a kind gesture towards someone, in addition to making a person happy you will be able to feel good about yourself.
Warnings
- Beware of people who don't want to be positive. Seek guidance from those who can prove themselves as such.
- There will always be someone ready to judge you for something. Do not be upset by the attitude of others. Remember that you are the only person you need to satisfy.
