A critical or know-it-all attitude can create tensions in the workplace and in personal relationships, but it is not so easy to correct your way of thinking. It takes time and practice to make less severe judgments about others, but there are various ways to change your point of view. For example, you can learn to question your own opinions, focus on people's strengths, and present your criticisms in a constructive rather than harsh and negative way. After a while, you will get used to liking and encouraging people instead of judging and criticizing them.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Developing a Less Critical Attitude
Step 1. Stop when you have to raise an objection
Most of the time it is automatic to make judgments about others, so every now and then you have to learn to put a stop to yourself. Try to pay more attention to these kinds of thoughts and analyze them when they arise.
When you find yourself being too critical, the first thing you need to do is acknowledge it. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, "I can't believe she let her son out of the house like that," stop and admit that you are judging a person
Step 2. Question your way of judging
When you feel like making a particularly severe objection or criticism, examine it thoroughly. Try to question it by reflecting on the assumptions from which you start.
For example, if you think, "I can't believe she let her son out of the house like that," you are assuming that the protagonist of such a thought is either a bad mother or that she doesn't care about the child. However in reality it is likely that, unlike other days, she has had a hectic morning and that she too feels embarrassed by the idea of her son wearing a stained shirt or that his hair is untidy
Step 3. Try to be understanding
Once you have examined the assumptions that lead you to criticize a certain situation, you need to find a way to understand the person you are judging and motivate their behavior.
For example, you might justify the child's mother leaving the house in a mess by thinking, "It's hard to raise kids and sometimes things don't go the way they should. I know I've had times when my child left the house with a dirty shirt on (or in which I myself left the house with a dirty shirt)"
Step 4. Identify the strengths of others
By focusing on the things you like about someone or even the affection you feel towards them, you will avoid making hasty judgments, coming to like people. Try to think about your favorite sides of people in your life so you don't be critical of them.
For example, you might reflect on the kindness of a co-worker who is always ready to listen to you when you want to tell him something. Or, you may be reminded of the genius of a friend who never misses a chance to get a laugh. Try focusing on the positives rather than the negatives
Step 5. Forget what you did for someone else
If you feel like someone is indebted to you, this can also fuel your critical attitude towards them and lead you to harbor resentment. Try to forget the times you helped others and instead think about what others have done for you.
For example, you may resent the thought that a friend has not yet paid you back the money you lent them. In this case, try to focus on all the most beautiful gestures he has had towards you
Step 6. Try to set more specific goals
Sometimes people fail to achieve their goals because they are too vague. Stop behaving critically is, in fact, a rather generic goal. Indeed, it would be easier to commit to improving some aspects that fall within a broader objective. Then, try to consider what aspects of your way of judging and criticizing others you really intend to change.
For example, would you like to congratulate people more often? Or would you rather find a way to make constructive criticism of people? Try to make your goals more specific so you can achieve them
Part 2 of 2: Constructively Criticizing
Step 1. Don't be rushed
Avoid criticizing people as soon as they have done something. If you can, give your approval at first, putting off criticism later. In this way you will have the opportunity to reflect better and elaborate more valid and incisive objections, which may even meet the favor of the interlocutor.
It would also be better to postpone criticism until the appropriate moment. For example, if you need to raise an objection to someone who has just given a speech, consider waiting a day or two before they engage in another speech
Step 2. Insert your criticism between two endorsements
It is called the "sandwich method"; to use it, try to formulate an encouraging opinion, followed by a criticism and another nice comment at the end.
For example, you might say, "Your relationship has won everyone over! I have had some trouble following you from time to time because the pace is a little too fast, but I think if you go slower next time, it will be perfect!"
Step 3. Speak in first person
If you begin to express your criticisms using second-person sentences, you will most likely give the impression that you want to argue, risking to put the other person on the defensive. Instead of starting this way, try to start your objection by speaking in the first person.
For example, instead of exclaiming, "You always interrupt me when I speak!", Try saying, "I get discouraged when I speak and I am interrupted."
Step 4. Invite them to behave differently in the future
Another great way to make a criticism is to formulate it in the form of an invitation to the future. It's not as drastic as expressing a hasty opinion about something that just happened or asking someone to completely transform their behavior.
