While many people silently endure a critical mother-in-law, a violent mother-in-law is another matter entirely. If you have experienced physical or psychological abuse from your mother-in-law, here's how to deal with the situation.
Steps
Step 1. If you have been mistreated by your mother-in-law it is not right, it is something wrong
No one deserves to be subjected to verbal or physical violence.
Step 2. Talk to your husband
Ask your husband how he intends to deal with the situation since it is his mother. He should understand the injury you have suffered and speak to his mother telling her that what she did was wrong.
Step 3. Ask your husband to keep you away from her
Realize that it will be difficult for him too as he will be torn between you and his mother.
Step 4. If you feel your partner doesn't understand, you need to think about your relationship as well
If you don't get his full support, you will feel helpless.
Step 5. Completely cut ties with your mother-in-law
No person who mistreats you should be allowed to be a part of your life. Don't try to fix things for your husband's sake.
Look at yourself with love but carefully. What consequences did the abuse have on you? Do you find yourself simply piling up anger to the point of being on the verge of clinical depression? Are you short-tempered? You have gained or lost 10 kg. or more as a result of the ill-treatment suffered and the restlessness due to physical or verbal violence? Does your mother-in-law have an underlying psychiatric illness that causes violence, such as paranoid personality disorder, delusions, depression, paranoia or schizophrenia that has yet to be diagnosed?
Get yourself the tools you need to cope with the situation. Try to take back your life and regain control of it instead of existing in a reactive way. Do something for yourself that you are proud of. Ask yourself why you need a relationship with your formerly cordial mother-in-law. The situation can be more dramatic if your mother-in-law is living with you and your husband.
Advice
- Avoid your mother-in-law as much as possible until you are ready to build a relationship with her, if you think you can.
- Don't try to think that it was your fault and that your mother-in-law was right to treat you badly. If you find yourself having this thought, stop and find a way to eliminate it. Nobody deserves to be subjected to violence.
- If your husband doesn't understand, tell your mother-in-law to leave you alone for the sake of her child, so that she can live a healthy family life.
- Give yourself time to reflect on everything the abusive mother-in-law has told you. Discover the cheats and mind games, understand and neutralize all the traps. Violence has many facets and one of the worst concerns the late effects of shame, guilt and hopelessness, when regardless of what you did, you did not do the right thing. Look for contradictions and absurdities. Understanding the tricks is like cleaning up a minefield: as you understand them, they lose power over what you think about yourself, your life and your marriage.
- Keep children away from abusive mother-in-law. She could be violent with them. If she can be allowed to see them, opt for situations where one of you two is present to check her out, preferably in a neutral public place like a trip to the zoo or museum.
- If your mother-in-law should have the responsibility of feeding your children, check a second time if she has done so by asking her and cross-checking the leftovers or asking your children if they are old enough to answer. She can vent her frustration with you by not feeding your children as you wish.
- Let your partner know how you feel.
- If you compare yourself to her about the behavior pattern, first cheer up and present clear examples. Set specific boundaries that include asking for help in solving their problems.
- Let her know if you are calm and how you feel about what she did to you. The best time to do this is during the time he is undergoing therapy or when he is somehow on the road to recovery and is working hard to solve his problems.
Warnings
- Do not share any sensitive personal information with her in an attempt to bond - she may use it against you.
- Violence is not only physical but could also be psychological.
- Never feel like it's your fault.
- If you live with your mother-in-law NEVER, NEVER invite your mother to you. If he mistreats you while you are living with your husband, he will not hesitate to mistreat your mother.
- If someone uses violence towards you, it means that they have problems to solve in their life.
- Do not tolerate violence from anyone and do not think that person has the right to do so.
- Don't rely on your mother-in-law for support and assistance for you or even your baby after giving birth, especially the first. It can be dangerous as her behavior and lack of necessary support can lead to postpartum depression.
