Adolescence can be as difficult for children as it is for parents. Often the latter are bewildered by the transformation of their sweet and loving babies into susceptible and rebellious-looking boys. Teens are easily annoyed when parents fail to understand the hormonal storms, pressures and growing sense of independence they are forced to manage. Make an effort to understand what your child is going through these years of transformation. Then, adopt a number of strategies to guide and encourage him on his path to adulthood.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Understanding Why Your Child is Fickle
Step 1. Be aware that hormones greatly affect mood
Your child's moody behavior has a physiological origin. Hormones during puberty cause a chemical activity that very often disrupts adolescent brain development.
Be aware that hormones in adults can act differently in teens. For example, the THP hormone produces a calming effect on a fully developed brain, while in that of a teenager it produces a lot of anxiety
Step 2. Remember that your child's brain is still developing
Human beings' frontal lobes - the areas of the brain responsible for drive control, judgment and decision making - continue to develop until the age of 20. Therefore, a teenager's brain is still in the process of forming, even if the body begins to resemble that of an adult.
Step 3. Keep in mind that your child doesn't like being in a bad mood
At this stage of life he is forced to deal with physical changes, hormonal changes, the development of his identity, pressure from friends and the growing sense of independence. No wonder he misbehaves! He may be frustrated, confused, or even scared of the transformations that are taking place in his life. Therefore, you need to offer him stability and support, even if he claims otherwise.
Step 4. Think back to when you were a teenager
Perhaps, to better understand your child, you could remember what you were like at his age. Think about your successes and the obstacles you faced and consider how your parents experienced them.
Part 2 of 5: Editing Negative Behaviors
Step 1. Keep calm and be consistent
Due to the intense hormonal activity, adolescents can act by letting themselves be carried away by emotions instead of using reason and feeling unstable due to the strong emotions they experience. Your child needs a calm and constant presence in his life.
Step 2. Set clear boundaries on behaviors and ways of communicating
Get your child involved in defining these rules. In this way you will not lose sight of his growing sense of independence and in the future you will have the opportunity to remind him that, having had a voice in the development of the rules, he is obliged to respect them. They may complain, but knowing their limits helps teens feel more secure.
- Set punishments and apply them when he misbehaves, but make sure that the list of rules and consequences in case of wrongdoing is not very long. Prioritize your main concerns.
- Choose the most important problems. If your child is generally well behaved, skip the little things that can bother you, such as shrugging, raising their eyebrows, or looking bored.
- Sometimes, teens can disrespect unintentionally (again, this is caused by their brains in full development). Calmly ask him what his intentions are, for example: "Your comment sounds rather insolent. Did you say that on purpose?"
Step 3. Focus on his behavior, not his character or temperament
Express your disapproval when he misbehaves, pointing out the mistakes he makes, without mortifying him. For example, the gesture of slamming the door in frustration, closing his sister's finger, was not so happy, but he avoids humiliating him. Continue to value him as a person, as you explain to him why his behavior was unacceptable.
Part 3 of 5: Offer Positive Support
Step 1. Spend time with your child
Be available to talk to him when he expresses this interest. Offer to accompany him somewhere and use this opportunity to chat. Sometimes sitting next to each other can facilitate conversation.
Step 2. Get involved in his daily life
For some parents, it may be easier, but do all you can to find out about what they do and the environments they frequent. Follow him when he plays with his sports team or when he performs.
- Try to gather information about his interests in order to establish a meeting point. If your daughter loves football, start following her favorite team. While you should continue to give her the space needed to cultivate her passions without feeling suffocated, intense terrain can facilitate daily dialogue.
- Encourage your child to take part in stress-reducing activities, such as sports, or to relax by watching fun movies.
Step 3. Let me spend some time alone
Teens need to spend moments on their own so that they can process the many changes they are undergoing.
- Encourage your child to keep a personal journal.
- Step aside and give him all the space he needs to figure out certain things for himself. This will show that you are confident in his ability to make appropriate choices and in his judgment.
Step 4. Support him
Teens need positive reinforcement (in large quantities) during the process of identity development. So, reassure your child by telling him when you are proud of him. Praise him when he behaves well. Even during a heated discussion it can be helpful to give encouraging speeches ("I know your chemistry teacher is very happy with your results. We want to establish a schedule that allows you to continue getting good grades and spending free time with your friends. ? ").
- When giving a compliment, try to be specific: "I appreciated the way you taught your brother how to jump shot. I saw how proud he was that he made the shot. You were good at helping him understand how he would have it. could improve this technique ".
- Let your child know that you value their views.
Step 5. Find guidance for your child
This strategy is especially important if there is tension in relationships. Ask another adult you trust, such as an aunt, uncle, or family friend, to help you support your child during this difficult time in your life.
Even if your relationship is solid enough, a guide can provide additional support, which is essential for the boy
Step 6. Show your love
Your child may seem disaffected or even think that people don't love them. Your job as a parent is to love him regardless of everything. Leave him a note, hug him, or say loving words to him every day.
Part 4 of 5: Take Care of Yourself
Step 1. Remember to lead by example
If your child sees you treating others badly or engaging in destructive behaviors, such as consuming excessive amounts of alcohol, smoking, or using drugs, you will have little to blame for misbehaving.
Step 2. Respect your core needs
If you rest well, eat healthily and have time to exercise, you will be able to handle the stress of growing up your child.
Step 3. Take some breaks
During the day, try to find time to relax without your child. Wake up early, take a little walk or tell your child that you want to take half an hour to read a book and that you will be with him as soon as you finish. This way you will keep your balance and, at the same time, show that it is important to take care of yourself.
Step 4. Seek support
Talk to friends or your partner about raising your children. The contribution of other people is very useful in the growth of their children: they can offer valuable information, advice or simply listen to you when you want to give vent to anxieties and frustrations.
If you are really in trouble, consider finding a support group or outside help. Consult the professors or family doctor to find out how you can find further support
Step 5. Don't neglect your mental health
Severe stress can cause depression or anxiety. If you suspect that you have such ailments, contact your doctor.
Part 5 of 5: Recognizing the Signs of Major Problems
Step 1. Learn the difference between a fickle attitude and a dangerous outburst
Most unstable adolescents simply find it difficult to cope with the many changes they undergo. However, some may have severe anger management problems. If you recognize any of the following symptoms that indicate dangerous temper tantrums, contact a mental health professional immediately:
- Cry for help. The teenager declares that he intends to harm himself.
- Strong identification in a group or movement. If the boy expresses a desire to "go to war" with other groups, it means that he is mentally ready to challenge all sorts of dangers.
- Total absence of communication. It is normal to find it difficult to communicate clearly with a teenager, but the situation becomes critical if he stops talking to his parents or peers altogether. It is a serious sign of alienation.
- Violence. Pay attention to certain behaviors, such as aggressive gestures or vandalism, as they could escalate.
- Leaving not only school, but also activities he previously enjoyed. A child may decide to leave football when he starts high school, but if he completely stops recognizing human value in others, he can end up hurting someone.
- Substance abuse, especially associated with one of the behaviors described so far. Remember that drug addiction can include consuming products normally found in the home, such as glue (which is "snorted") or drugs (stolen from the medicine cabinet).
Step 2. Learn to recognize if your child is suffering from depression
Look out for the following symptoms, as they indicate that it needs treatment:
- Constant depression or a sense of sadness
- Almost total lack of energy;
- Lack of interest or motivation;
- Inability to take pleasure in what once stimulated him;
- Isolation from family or friends
- Anger, irritability, or anxiety
- Inability to concentrate
- Severe changes in weight (loss or gain)
- Sleep irregularity (insomnia or hypersomnia);
- Feelings of guilt or lack of self-love;
- Thoughts of dying or committing suicide
- Low academic achievement.
Step 3. Take action if you are really worried
The type of surgery depends on how scared you are.
- If you are concerned that your child is engaging in destructive behaviors that lead to violent outbursts or depressive symptoms, try to connect with them by encouraging them to learn instead of getting into a fight. Provide them with careful documentation and a list of websites to consult. This will show respect and consideration for their ability to make better decisions in the future.
- If you believe it poses a danger to yourself or others, seek help right away. Talk to your doctor, mental health professional, or teacher.
