How to stop thinking that accepting help from others is a sign of weakness

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

As easy as it may seem, eventually accepting help can be an extreme challenge for everyone. It can be especially difficult for those of us who believe that asking for a helping hand weakens our independence or our ability to deal with problems. However, the truth is that by refusing to accept support, we ignore the fact that we are social beings, that we need to cooperate with each other in order to ensure our survival. Treating requests for help from others as if they were a weakness is often a very ingrained thought pattern and can be hard to overcome. Either way, there are ways to change your perspective. The following tips may help you stop seeing requests for help as a sign of frailty and allow you to develop a healthier sense of interdependence with the people around you.

Steps

Step 1. Consider exactly why you think asking for help is a sign of weakness

There are many possible reasons that could affect your reluctance to ask others for a helping hand, and it's important to try to narrow down the reasons to find the ones that fit your case. Without developing the discernment and understanding of why you have this opinion, it will be impossible to make any changes. Some of the following reasons may apply to your situation, perhaps only one describes it or it may be a combination of several; in any case, try to open your mind and evaluate other possible reasons:

• You may feel that you are totally independent and do not need any help, or that any person who offers to help you may question your ability to fend for yourself. Maybe you were raised to be especially independent or you felt that from an early age for a variety of circumstances, such as having irresponsible parents who practically forced you to grow up on your own.
• You may be afraid of rejection or you may have perfectionist obsessions; both of these reasons can lead you to avoid accepting a hand for fear of failure or being considered a failure.
• You may have had a much harder life than others and worked harder than the people around you now, or maybe you just feel a lot more autonomous than the average person. As a result, you may think that the inability of many people to manage their difficulties is a sign of inferiority or incompetence.
• Maybe you feel vulnerable. Maybe someone has let you down in the past and you swore to yourself it would never happen again, and that's where your independence was born and you always worked out everything yourself. Not wanting to demonstrate the vulnerability you perceive in yourself can hold you back from asking for help.
• You may feel that your experience with insecurity, which has marked your life (for example, you had to deal with a difficult illness or other problem that has tested you), has been fought in solitude, but you would have liked to have a but no; therefore, now you believe that others must overcome their own insecurities in the same way that you were forced to do so.
• If you have a business or are a professional of another kind, you may be concerned that needing help is a sign of lack of professionalism. This is also a widespread problem among people in public office, where signs of fragility could put their position at risk.
• You may be of the opinion that exposing any problem to everyone is a sign of weakness.
• Perhaps you have an unresolved personal issue that you are practically denying or ignoring. So, you may have trouble with people asking for help when they are in trouble, because this serves as a reminder of your dilemmas, the ones you don't want to address.
• You may also have experienced so much difficulty in finding someone who could help you in various times of need, and therefore you think that other people are not willing to help anyone.
• These examples may sometimes be accompanied by the feeling that it is socially wrong to ask for assistance from friends and family (or that it is a burden to them). It may also be that these people are hindered by a personal fear of being judged or considered weak or inferior. Similar fears are seen in individuals who believe they have weak or inferior friends or relatives who are always in need of help, or who believe that others associate them with people who have problems and therefore always ask others for a hand.

Step 2. The inner process of a person who never wants to ask for help is reinforced by unrealistic ideals and deluded thoughts

In this type of individual, conflicting or reinforcing social ideals are sometimes observed that can give rise to the idea that asking for help is a weakness. If you understand that these "ideals" are just a few of the many approaches to life, you may have less trouble alleviating your obsession with considering asking for support a symptom of frailty. Example:

• There is a common theme seen in movies, books, and even games, that the hero of the situation gains supreme glory if he faces impossible problems and magically overcomes them on his own. Even historical events have been rewritten to fit this unrealistic vision, which is the one that describes the incredible prowess of leaders throughout history. The problem with this view is that most heroes and leaders have had many helpers and supporters on their side, often not recognized by the tales. Very often, moreover, they have only had luck on their side: things could have gone differently with extreme ease. These helpers may not be known, but they are present, and a good hero or leader will benefit enormously from the assistance, advice and encouragement of these individuals. So comparing yourself to unrealistic portrayals of heroes or leaders will only lead to unhappiness in the long run. Even the great scientist Isaac Newton wrote "If I have seen further it is because I stood on the shoulders of giants".
• There is a common tendency to think that you have to be able to deal with certain things on your own, that they should be handled unaided, that life shouldn't go any differently. This is a tendency to see the world as it "should" be, by deeply unrealistic standards, and it runs counter to the worldview for what it actually is, whether or not you want things to be distinct. This way of thinking isn't healthy in the long run, and it's important to identify what you really want from life when you feel like you have to deal with it without being supported by others. Most often, this can be reinforced by peer pressure or family views.

Step 3. Evaluate whether your propensity not to ask or seek help has any benefit to yourself and others

By keeping or making yourself detached from other human beings, you build an invisible barrier around you, which keeps away the potential for new relationships and friendships. You may feel a sense of security, but you are missing out on learning the benefits of giving and receiving, of reciprocity. In fact, when you do not receive help from anyone, you in turn do not help others, while reciprocating should be part of the cycle of love, of the demonstration of one's affection and of the generosity, in short, of compassion, indispensable in life.

• It can be quite arrogant to delude yourself into thinking that you can give help and advice but never need to accept it yourself. This basically leads only to loneliness and anguish, because it only serves to make you distance yourself from others.
• Consider reciprocity; Think of times when you have helped others using your skills, which can give you self-confidence and prompt you to ask others for help or suggestions without problems.
• Be careful not to be disoriented by the aura of your own expertise. Having received training in a certain field and having a certain experience does not make you immune from the possibility of continuing to ask for help from other experts in the same field or people from other fields. Your research, your advice and your practical skills will only improve if you seek support from others; in addition, you will gain access to new methods and ideas, potentially capable of bringing great benefits to everyone.

Step 4. Face reality instead of relying on illusory thoughts

If you can overcome the negative reasons behind why you don't want to ask for help and better understand the progress of your unrealistic thought patterns, you can begin to find paths that will allow you to give others the opportunity to help you. Some of the things you may decide to do include:

• Learn to accept offers of help. Recognize that people in general act in good faith. If another person is being kind and offering their help, accepting and taking it for granted is the first step.

  

• The next time the thought crosses your mind that you need help solving a problem, carrying a heavy box, making dinner, solving a work dilemma, etc., put it into action. Decide who you will ask for a hand, process the request in your mind and go for help.

  

• Don't try to ask anyone for help. Choose wisely and carefully: avoid people who will make you feel guilty in any way, and even if you trust the one you ask for a hand, take it easy. Find individuals you truly trust to try asking for help the first time. This will allow you to open up gradually, without exposing yourself to someone who may not be doing the right thing for you or who may make you feel "weak" for stepping forward.

  

Step 5. Expect paradoxes

By opening yourself up to others and asking for help, you may be faced with a couple of key paradoxes. Instead of considering them a challenge, consider solutions to your concern about being deemed too weak:

• Overcoming the fear of rejection: Fearing rejection, you open yourself up to the possibility that others judge your worth. This is even more emotionally demanding for you than asking for tangible help! Don't let your perspective on yourself be affected by how you think others may decide whether or not to accept you.

  

• Strength: To be able to ask for help, you need to be strong enough to accept that you have your shortcomings (remember, no one is perfect) and you need to be even stronger to accept help. While letting yourself be buried in problems makes you believe you are strong, this action is tantamount to running away from difficulties or hiding from them.

  

• Giving: To get something, you must also give. If you continue to avoid opening yourself up to others, you risk not sharing your skills, talents and abilities with those who need help. By giving yourself (your time, your ears to listen, your love, your care, etc.), you help others get to know you better, be able to care for you and feel that you are paying attention to each other. granted. By helping another person, you cease to be at the center of your world. And, when you stop thinking only of yourself, it is much easier to accept that others reciprocate your support.

  

• Trust: In order to get help, you need to trust the other person and be convinced that you deserve their support (also because you respect yourself and know what your limits are). This may be the hardest part, but it is absolutely vital. The healthy and secure trust, which welcomes others, is capable of absorbing rejection, of attracting genuine help and of easily detecting the occasional person who wants to take advantage of it (in case you should know an exploitative individual, remember that karma first or then he will go after him, not you).

Step 6. Avoid the illusion that all problems are easy to solve or that problems that need to be solved only apply to some people

It can be all too easy to dismiss the value or depth of your personal problems, and therefore have to apologize for needing a hand. There is no hierarchy of problems, or a scale for measuring pain. A problem is a problem, be it easy or difficult. The litmus test is the extent of the negative impact it has on you, not allowing you to proceed. Discrediting your problem and stating that it doesn't need to be solved only makes it even bigger, and you will face a greater challenge sooner or later.

Step 7. Prioritize your problems

It may help to develop a system where you are able to prioritize your desire to ask other people for help. If it's a problem that you feel you can truly solve on your own and this is doable, then address it. If, on the other hand, you can't find a solution for yourself and you can't deal with it, then talk to someone, be it a trusted friend or confidant; with this person you can discuss the solutions you could implement on your own or find the right person to assist you.

• Forget the problems that no one can fix. In this case the greatest force of all rests, which prevents you from intervening, because there is a big difference between burying the problems and accepting them, forgiving and letting them go. If you need help doing this, you absolutely mustn't be afraid to ask.

  

Advice

• We live in a society where more and more people do not help each other, do not accept a hand or disown they need support, denying others the opportunity to give, and this perpetuates the degradation of our planet.
• If you have a disability, accept the reality: not having the same skills as other people is not a fault. You don't deserve humiliation or being subjected to attitudes of superiority.
• Try to trade your skills with those of others instead of just asking for help - offer something you can do to easily repay the person who helped you.
• Asking for or needing help is a wonderful lesson in humility and essential to developing skills such as compassion, but remember that even when you ask for divine help, it is through human hands and hearts that it comes.
• Simple solutions don't always mean easy implementation. Asking for advice and then returning to your shell only reinforces the problem; if you need more assistance or suggestions, there are many people and services you can turn to.
• Avoid leaving your personal problems hanging, because they are the ground on which you will build negative feelings.
• Understand that by refusing to get help even when you need it, you will perpetuate the idea that no one is worthy or capable enough to help you, whatever problems or weaknesses you have. They may think that you deny others when you struggle with something that would be easier to solve with help.
• Perhaps it is a habit to judge ourselves and other people according to our feelings and ideas, and then come to conclusions about their position and ours. Essentially, you need to ask yourself if and how this judgment helps yourself or others, especially in times of need. If you can live without judging yourself (and others), try to understand if this can help you find solutions to your personal challenges and improve your overall well-being.