You only have 90 seconds to leave a good first impression. If you make it, it probably won't change anymore. Fortunately, people react in much the same way: if you are enthusiastic and interested in them, they will probably be equally enthusiastic and interested in you. But there is more! Go to step 1 to find out how to make the most of that minute and a half.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Using Conversation
Step 1. Genuinely express your interest and enthusiasm
There is little to do, people like people who in turn like them. If you can show that you are genuinely interested in the person you are talking to and are enthusiastic about what they are saying and getting to know them, that's it. You can practically talk at random and he won't notice.
How you do it? Smile, make eye contact and focus on him or her. Ask questions. Answers. It's not aerospace engineering but plain common sense (we'll get to the counter-intuitive aspect soon). If you show up with honest and positive intentions, you have a good chance of success
Step 2. Ask questions
How else can you keep the conversation going? When engaging in conversation with someone, be sure to ask questions about him or her. People usually love to talk about themselves, so it's pretty easy to get them to like you because you're a good listener and care about what they're saying. They won't notice they've been talking most of the time until it's too late!
On the other hand, you also need to say something interesting about yourself, to keep the conversation alive and mutual. Ask open-ended questions (which cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no"), express your personality and highlight the things you have in common. So instead of saying "Oh, I've been to London too!"
Step 3. Compliment them
The fastest and easiest way to get loved almost immediately is to compliment. We have all experienced the effect of receiving a compliment. But you have to be genuine! Saying, "Um … I like the shading of your teeth" won't get you a lot of admirers.
- Compliment them for what they're wearing ("What a beautiful dress you have! It fits you really well") or for something they've done ("Hey, how strong you tied your shoes; I'll try it next time too!"). It always works because it's hard to despise someone who says nice things about you.
- This is a tactic that must be combined with others if you plan to be with this person for more than 90 seconds. Imagine having a friend who compliments you all the time. You wouldn't believe a single word of what he says! So use this move, in a long-term forecast, as the icing on the cake of your personality.
Step 4. Learn the name
If you are meeting someone for the first time, you should know their name in the first 90 seconds, preferably in the very first few moments. That way you have 80 seconds left to do the rest of the magic. Remember the name and use it. At the end of the meeting, say hello and remember to use her name, you will make the greeting more personal ("It was a pleasure to meet you, Greta. Hope to see you again soon").
Dale Carnegie, an American writer of the last century, said that for anyone their name is the sweetest sound that can be heard, in any language it is pronounced. So use it to no end. It is the closest thing to a spell you can use
Step 5. Flood with positive energies
When you are having a conversation with someone, try to talk only about positive facts and good things. They are much more pleasant to hear than negative things. Talk about what you enjoy or enjoy doing, your hobbies and interests. Try not to gossip and avoid talking about what you don't like, because you only have 90 seconds to make a good first impression, so don't let the other person convince you that you have a pessimistic outlook on life.
- True, pity has a strong bonding power, but it shouldn't be used in the first minute and a half. Save that socialization tool for when you've gotten to know each other a little better. Better to be positive before being negative.
- To make sure you stay positive, avoid straggling. So when the person you're talking to says, "Yeah, I just got back from London", don't retort her with "Really? Look, I'm just back from Paris and Madrid!". It is not a race. It is you who must be honored with his presence, do not seek the opposite.
Step 6. Speak the same language
In the book How to Please Others in 90 Seconds or Less, Nicholas Boothman explains the concept of "speaking the other person's language". Boothman argues that most people are visual, kinesthetic, or auditory, and matching them will make you more similar and therefore more enjoyable. If you focus on their type, you will create an immediate connection.
It all sounds pretty abstract, doesn't it? The simplest example is to pay attention to how they say "I understand". If they say "I see what you mean" they are probably visual. "I heard what you mean" are listeners. And if they use their hands, they're probably kinesthetic
Step 7. Ask for a favor
Yes, you read that right. This is the Benjamin Franklin effect: ask someone a favor and they'll appreciate you more. You might think the opposite, but no. It is a cognitive dissonance with which you enter their head. Did you imagine it was that easy?
The idea is that if they do something for you (which is probably what will happen, if the favor is small), their subconscious will think, "Mmm … I just did something for this person I don't even know … why did I do it. ? Well, probably because I like it! ". It seems a little rough until you realize that sometimes our behavior determines our thoughts. And this is definitely one of those moments
Step 8. Know the world and stand by your beliefs
Nobody likes a person who simply takes up space and is as exciting as a white sheet. Take the time to get to know the world you live in. If not for you, at least to make your conversations more valuable. You will be able to make comments that people will appreciate and consider valuable, which will make you interesting and memorable.
And if your opinions get lost in the fray, make sure you support them. If you falter and don't stay strong, you risk losing respect. Humans are attracted to people who trust themselves and their opinions. So don't be shy! If you like Miley Cyrus, say it. If you hate puppies, explain your reasons and move on. Honesty is the best policy
Part 2 of 3: Using Body Language
Step 1. Smile
Smiling makes you appear friendlier, more approachable and cheerful. These are qualities that people normally like to associate with themselves, in case you didn't know! No one seems to like approaching a stranger and opening up, so smiling is the first thing you can do to show that they don't need to be afraid of you. Even the most determined person finds it reassuring. And it costs you nothing.
Step 2. Mirror them
You have to do just that: adopt the same body position and / or facial expression as if you were their reflection in the mirror. Subconsciously the other person will think that you are like him or that you feel the same way. Have you ever experienced the thrill of being surrounded by 1000 or more brothers after a rock concert? It's because you all danced, jumped and sang together. The same goes for an everyday conversation! A few simple words (or none at all) can create a bond.
If you purposely change your way of being to do this 7 days a week, sooner or later you will be exposed. But for 90 seconds, you can do it. Then mirror the angle of your interlocutor's body, put your arms in a similar position and mirror your face as well. You will also likely feel an energy exchange
Step 3. Look in the eyes
Imagine you meet someone who is constantly looking half a meter above your right shoulder. You practically have to force yourself not to wave a hand in front of his face and yell "Dude! I'm here!". Avoid this temptation and look him straight in the eye. He will understand that you are listening to him, that you are interested and involved with him and with the words he is saying. Hardly ever looking in the eye is understood to be rudeness.
If this is a problem for you, use this trick: look at the tip of his nose, or just look at him when he's talking and then pause while you speak. You don't have to look him in the eye all the time, it would be too intense
Step 4. Open your body language
It is important to show that you are polite and respectful. If you don't, you risk looking rude and unapproachable. To get an idea, imagine you see someone with crossed arms and legs, sitting in a corner, eyes glued to the iPhone. Would you approach this person? Would you classify it as "pleasant"? Probably not. So make yourself open and available, even when you think no one is watching!
Much of this technique (as well as loosening your arms and holding your head up) is participating in the life of the world and the people around you. If your phone rings, ignore it. Show people that you want to spend your time with them. Do not look at the clock or look at the computer. Live the moment with the people who are close to you. Your phone will still be there when they're gone, believe it or not
Step 5. Use the power of touch
Imagine Giovanni, your colleague who greets you as he passes by your desk. You will have forgotten about it after 5 seconds. Now imagine that Giovanni passes by your desk and quickly touches your shoulder as he greets you. What looks most genuine and do you like best? This is the power of touch!
Now imagine John saying "Hey [your name]! How's your day going?" As he touches your shoulder. He combined the secret of touch with that of your name and a genuine, interested greeting. And now? We like Giovanni. We really like
Step 6. Make your tone, gestures and words match
This is especially important when you are in a position of power or want a position of power (i.e., at work). But it's also important when you're trying to convince someone about something or make a point. If you want to be trustworthy and look genuine, everything about you has to be consistent. Think of your loved one saying "I love you" with clenched teeth and clenched fists. Wait, what is he saying?
This is especially noticeable in politicians. Those who fail, in truth. It is not uncommon to see an elder say "I am close to the young. I know what is important to them", and as he says this he shakes his fist, points his finger and frowns. No. It looks shady and we can hear it. It is a simple mistake but it makes a difference
Part 3 of 3: Using Attitude
Step 1. Be confident
Weak personalities are annoying. Pompous personalities are hateful and repulsive in obvious ways. It is the self-confidence that is fascinating and attracts us like moths to the light. So in 90 seconds you have to: hold your head up, push your shoulders back, and smile. Ok, you can do it. You are quiet, calm and collected. You are someone that people like to hang out with, you know?
If you find yourself in a situation that requires it, give it a firm handshake. A weak handshake is a disappointment for many people, especially in the workplace. You must have a handshake that says "I'm here! Here I am!" and not "I'm here, I think. Am I here?". No thanks
Step 2. Dress appropriately
People judge based on first impressions (and this also applies to clothes), so make sure you dress appropriately for the environment where you are. Nobody likes to see someone in a sweat suit in a fancy restaurant or a girl with excessive makeup in the gym. As much as we hate to admit it, clothing plays an important role in how we think of people. It's too easy, we can't help but judge automatically. So dress appropriately for the occasion, whatever it is.
Think about the little things too. Men forget what the flashy, sparkly watch says about them, and women forget what long, dangling, feathered earrings say about them. Everything from shoes, makeup, hair and jewelry gives information that others gather about you. So choose your outfit carefully if you want to fix that first impression
Step 3. Adopt the mentality of the other
This is part of the "looking alike" you've already heard of. Since people love who they think are similar to them and with whom they have a lot in common (especially in the first 90 seconds of acquaintance), it's a good bet to adopt the attitude they show towards the world. So if they are moralistic and just, or against institutions, if it is an attitude that you can easily grasp, you can also adopt it easily, if you want.
In other words, if they are participatory, roll up your sleeves. If their tie is loose and their shirt is out of their pants, feel free to take off your shoes. If they're holding a bottle of Coke, hold back the anti-capitalist comments. Capture those visual details you can perceive and impersonate them, your way
Step 4. Don't be afraid to look clumsy
Jennifer Lawrence was great in The Hunger Games, but then she tripped over those stairs on her way to pick up the Academy Award, and she got even more magnificent. So, if you pour cappuccino on your shirt at your friend's joke, relax. It could earn you points if you don't freak out. Others will likely care as much as you do, so hurray for that stain! It brings out the hazelnut color of your eyes, too.
Everyone loves to know they are dealing with real people. On the other hand, we are all clumsy schoolchildren who are afraid of being caught picking their noses. Embarrassing yourself (and knowing how to laugh at it) shows that you are real (and you are okay with it). What a relief
Advice
- In conversation, talk about general things that don't require strong personal opinion. If you choose to talk about debated issues, you run the risk that the other person has a very different opinion from yours and your personalities could collide immediately. Then it will take a lot more than 90 seconds to get the other to like you again.
- If you've had a bad day, stay home. Bad moods are hard to shake off and others perceive them and confuse them with negativity if they have never met you before. Wait until you are more positive!
- When you look someone in the eye, don't stare obsessively at them. Look him in the eye only when he says something important, or at least important to him.
