Being annoyed by others can be the result of 2 distinct situations: The very people you are dealing with are doing something really annoying (most of the time), or (and we've all been through this before) someone who is to you. around, behaving in a completely natural way, makes you angry even for the simple fact of hearing him breathe deeply.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Doing Accounts With Annoying People
Step 1. Breathe deeply
Breathing deeply can be a good way to reduce the amount of stress your body goes through, especially if you do it right through the use of the diaphragm. Try counting to ten, very slowly. Imagine being on a beach, lulled by the sound of the waves and seagulls, while enjoying the relaxing effect that the salt has on your skin. Focus on a particularly pleasant memory in your life, such as a great love, a significant success, or a total lack of responsibility.
Step 2. Don't fixate on what people "should" do and how they "should" behave
It's all about managing expectations properly. Too often, we build stereotypes in our heads about how other people should present themselves and behave in our presence, eventually becoming annoyed if they disappoint our expectations in some way. We are convinced that there should be some "basic rules of conduct", known and observed by all. While it is entirely reasonable to expect this kind of attitude from other people, reality tells us that it can often prove to be a double-edged sword, causing a sense of annoyance and unhappiness. There is another way to deal with all of this:
Set low expectations. Don't lose faith in mankind, but at the same time don't expect people to be able to amaze you with their manners, their deep thoughts, or their words. When you start not expecting too much from others, you will be pleasantly surprised when they do something that matches your standards. The key is to be able to set your expectations at a lower level, and then be less annoyed
Step 3. Ask yourself, "What do I gain from reacting like this?
If you pause for a moment to think, you will probably find that behaving like this has no advantage. You may feel superior to the person who is bothering you, but you really want the judgment of who you are to be based on what you do or What other people are doing? If you try to focus only on your behavior rather than thinking about what others are doing, you will find that you will be strengthened.
Step 4. Don't be afraid not to react
Most of the time we find ourselves in a situation where someone is straining our nerves, it is not easy to remain impassive without reacting. But it is precisely in these moments that we say or do things that we may regret in the future. Often and willingly, our emotionality ends up complicating things more, rather than making them simpler. After taking a deep breath, think locally and take a moment to decide if you really need to react. You will find that it is almost always not.
Of course, it depends on the type of situation. For example, if a colleague of yours is making heavy compliments on the secretary in your office, then it may be a good idea to intervene by shooting him decisively. If, on the other hand, the same colleague has just finished playing the usual joke on you for the umpteenth time, it might be wise to let it go by pretending nothing has happened
Step 5. Pay attention to your body language
Grimaces, hateful looks, and other unpleasant body signals convey anger and contempt. And they are contagious, so if they are directed to the person who bothers you, they will probably get angry in turn and the situation could escalate. Try to keep a calm and relaxed attitude without facial expressions that suggest that you are annoyed or upset.
Step 6. Think best
Instead of assuming that all people are angry with you, trying to annoy you, try to think that they don't even have a clue what they are doing. The fact is, most people you meet don't have the slightest intention of bothering you. Maybe it doesn't even cross his mind that their attitude can somehow upset you. Remember that each of us pays much more attention to ourselves than everyone else does.
Step 7. Let the little things go
A kid is driving you crazy in the seat next to yours on the plane, a man is talking very loudly on his cell phone, or a lady is asking you the same thing over and over again. These are only small problems when placed within a larger overall scheme. You can really improve the quality of your life, if you can learn that certain little things play a really marginal role, focusing instead on the real priorities of your existence: friends, family, health and safety, news, adventure, and lasting memories.
Accept what you cannot change. You can change yourself, the toilet paper, and the color of the walls in the house. You cannot change other people, nor will you be able to feel comfortable if you continue to want the world to be the way you want it. Focus your efforts only on the things that you are truly capable of changing, and others will take notice
Step 8. Stop trying to please everyone
Whoever you are and whatever you do, there will always be someone who will disagree with you. Don't waste precious time making people who don't like you change their minds, just because your ego tells you to. It is a selfish attitude, which will certainly not do you or those around you any good.
- No matter who you are, someone won't like you. Whether it's for political, ethnic, racial, religious reasons, or sexual preference, people who don't like you will find it difficult to see you with eyes other than their beliefs. It happens that someone is able to prevail over the rooted prejudices, but these are always rare events and which in any case take time.
- Prove to those who hate you that they are wrong by simply continuing to do your thing flawlessly. The best thing you can do to combat prejudice and ignorance is to behave with indifference, trying to bring positive examples to those who judge you. Show everyone what a wonderful person you are, without the need to slam it in their face, but by continuing your everyday life. The people who don't notice this are likely to be the ones who are totally irrecoverable.
Part 2 of 2: Doing Accounts With Your Nuisance
Step 1. Find out what is bothering you
What is it that gets on your nerves? Is it something really annoying, like your brother continuing with the same noise after you ask him a thousand times to stop, or is it something trivial, like someone breathing deeply? If it concerns the latter option, it means that there are probably some unresolved problems between you and this person.
Step 2. Remind yourself that irritated people are annoying
Try to take a step back and imagine how you behave when you are annoyed. Do you think you are the epitome of kindness and grace, or do you rather find yourself being grumpy, sour, petulant, shunned by anyone around? There is a good chance that when you allow someone to make you irritable, you will end up being the annoying one yourself. The best motivation for wanting to change is not wanting to become what you hate so much.
Step 3. Ask yourself any advice you would like to give to others
If you are bothered by someone and don't understand why, or are frustrated that you are upset, try this trick. Make suggestions that you would like to address to that particular person. Let's say, for example, that this person has played a bad joke on a close friend of yours, and that your intention is to point out to him how inappropriate his attitude was. At this point, instead of addressing the advice to the guy in question, try asking yourself if the same suggestion applies to you too. Yes, you. Is there a possibility that you are being courteous to others? Can you make sure that for once, good humor prevails over anger? Did you give any consideration to the fact that your friend may have enjoyed the joke, even finding it funny? Sometimes, the advice we are most eager to give to others is the one that is most difficult for ourselves to digest.
Step 4. Be aware that your discomfort may only be related to your own problem, rather than others'
It is entirely plausible that the reason we find someone boring or annoying is because it makes us think about ourselves. We do not want to convince ourselves of who we really are, and so we try in every way to get away from that person by showing irritation and anger. Try asking yourself: "The reason why I feel so annoyed by this person, is it perhaps to be found in some attitude of his that resembles me?"
Step 5. Consider moving your life up a bit
Getting annoyed all the time could be a sign of an excessive bond with your safe and comfortable environment. Try to stir things up a bit. Change the arrangement of the furniture in your bedroom, read books by authors who question what you believe in, take a trip overseas. Make sure to change something in your life, which takes you out of your shell of security and at the same time projects you towards new adventures.
Anything that helps you grow and mature will tend to mitigate your annoyance with other people. The more you learn about the world and the motivations that move the people who populate it, the less you will expect from others. The key to happiness is all in low expectations
Advice
- Be aware that the net can bother you too, but this time, more because of anonymous people you can't see in the face. Try not to take negative internet interactions to heart, use humor, and go further when a situation turns on. The next day everything will look different after sleeping on it.
- Positive thinking can ease the irritation we get from others.
- The sweeter the person is bothering you, the more sour you are. Solve your own problems before downloading them to others.
- If someone is bothering you (for example your brother or sister), simply walk away from the room they are in and try to calm down somewhere else.
Warnings
- Be careful what you interpret as annoying. If you are exaggerating a problem, you risk turning people away by making yourself annoying in turn for your snobbish, fussy and rude behavior.
- Be aware that contempt, disdain, and fear are contagious. Avoid pouring contempt for the person who annoys you on others. A tumultuous crowd is a horrifying sight that will soon lead to bullying.
- Be aware that on some occasions you can magnify a problem by looking at one problem at a time. Look for patterns that repeat and indicate that there is a serious conflict that requires mediation. Discuss the situation with trusted friends who have an external view of the problem, and don't react, even if you feel on edge. In all situations where there is a deeper conflict, having a reaction will give your opponent what he wants: you will make a fool of yourself by crossing the line and you will end up in trouble.
