Silence treatment - characterized by a refusal to communicate verbally with someone out of pure spite, an intention to hurt or simply detachment to avoid facing a problem - can arouse a sense of helplessness in the victim or cause them to lose control. Address this childish and manipulative attitude by understanding and dealing with the situation. Take the initiative and calmly start building a dialogue. Invite the other person to speak and listen carefully. Finally, don't let your emotions take over. Take care of yourself by doing whatever you like, relaxing or ending the relationship if it's not healthy at all.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Dealing with Psychological Violence
Step 1. Address the violence inherent in this attitude
Recognize that this is a form of psychological violence especially if the other person often maintains verbal silence. The violent nature of this behavior is less obvious than physical abuse, but it is just as harmful and can harm self-esteem, self-perception and personal dignity. If you feel isolated or humiliated because you are a victim, know that it can be used as a form of psychological violence.
- Face silence firmly, saying, "It's cruel and I won't tolerate it."
- Remember that you cannot change anyone. If the other person has promised you to change but hasn't made any progress, take steps to deal with the emotional abuse that is taking place against you in your own way. Seek support from others or end this relationship.
Step 2. Set limits
It is likely that the other person has not defined their spaces in a healthy way, so it is up to you to create boundaries between theirs and yours. Start by identifying the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits. Ask yourself what troubles you, stresses you, and feels intolerable in your relationship. So, let her know how far she can go when she relates to you.
- Affirm your limits in an assertive manner: "I refuse to get involved in your silence. Either you use a different approach or I will not bow to your behavior."
- You can also say, "You can also resort to the silent treatment, but I don't accept it. We need to discuss it."
Step 3. End the relationship
Ultimately, you can't change the other person, no matter how hard you try to improve the situation. If your relationship is conflicting and hurting you, consider moving away. Tell her you have to move on. Your well-being is more important than having someone by your side who has no qualms about overcoming you psychologically.
- Don't accept emotional abuse in your life. You deserve a relationship with someone who is able to communicate in a healthy and mature way.
- Those accustomed to this kind of behavior are probably not inclined to "correct" it to save a friendship or a relationship. All in all you will be happier and have more time and space in your life for people who are ready to receive your affection or love.
Step 4. Consider what triggered the silence treatment
Silence treatment is a form of influence, power and control over another person and is a passive-aggressive approach to communication. An individual could use it to avoid facing any differences or escape from their responsibilities, but also to punish someone else. Basically, he can't communicate his feelings properly.
For example, he could use it to blame the other without taking responsibility for his mistakes or to emphasize the mistakes of others without acknowledging his own. Whatever the reason, the silent treatment leads the victim to feel defective
Part 2 of 4: Communicating in an Open Way
Step 1. Stay calm
The first reaction could be dictated by frustration, anger or upset. While it's understandable to have these feelings, reacting aggressively will only make the situation worse. Above all, do not fall into silence too. You won't solve anything if you ignore each other!
- Staying calm means staying in control.
- If you are nervous or angry, focus on your breathing. Take long, deep breaths until you feel your body and mind calm down.
Step 2. Start talking
Take the initiative and start discussing what is happening with the maturity of a person who does not shy away from confrontation when faced with a problem. Choose a time when you are both available and there is nothing to rush you, then invite the other person to talk, saying, "Do you have some time? I would like to talk to you to understand some things."
- She may not be ready for a discussion yet. If you have this impression, tell her: "I see that you are not ready to talk about it. We will resume the conversation in a few days."
- Prepare for confrontation by setting the right time. For example, you might say, "I would like to talk to you about some issues. Are you available on Tuesday?"
Step 3. Ask what is happening
You don't have to read minds or guess what the problem is with the other person. It is up to her to express what she thinks and is feeling. If you don't know how things are, ask him: "I noticed you drifted away. What's going on?".
- For example, you might say, "I'm curious why you are so quiet. Can you tell me what's going on?" If he refuses, he continues: "We can't resolve the situation if you're not willing to talk. I need to know what's going on and I need your cooperation."
- If she stands still, tell her you'll talk about it later.
Step 4. Invite the other person to open up
Give her the space she needs to share her thoughts and mood with you. Sometimes she'll talk, sometimes she won't, but give her a chance to explain what's going on and listen carefully. Don't think you know everything. Instead, ask her open-ended questions to try to understand the problem clearly.
- Try saying, "I'd like to know what's troubling you. I'm willing to listen to you if you're ready to talk."
- Encourage dialogue in a healthy way and behave correctly by asking questions and giving the floor without interrupting.
Step 5. Explain what it feels like to ignore you
Clarify how his silence affects you. Tell her that her behavior doesn't allow you to solve problems and could damage your relationship. However, don't attack it (say, for example, "You just dump it all on me" or, "You expect me to solve the problems for you"), but express yourself (like: "I feel that you want to put the responsibility on me for what you are feeling ").
Stick to the facts when explaining that the lack of communication between the two of you is because you can't solve the problems
Part 3 of 4: Turn the Page
Step 1. Accept any breakup
Often the treatment of silence leads to a temporary estrangement. Instead of resenting or agitating about his behavior, accept this detachment and use the time you have to get in touch with yourself. Focus on your life, letting go of the other person, and ask yourself, "How do I feel?"
Identify your needs and put them first
Step 2. Show that you care about their situation
Even if the silent treatment is unbearable, try to see things from the other person's point of view. He may not be able to express his feelings and this attitude can be a way, however ineffective, of dealing with problems. Therefore, let her know that you realize how confused she is and that you care about her state of mind.
For example, say, "I see you're nervous, even if you can't talk about it."
Step 3. Apologize for your mistakes
If you know you said or did something that hurt her, admit it. Silence treatment can be used to express one's pain without using words. So if you know you were wrong, say so. This way, you will have the opportunity to connect with what she is feeling and let her know that you are aware of the pain you have caused her. The mere fact of feeling listened to can convince her to soften her position.
- For example, if you have said very harsh words, say, "I'm sorry. I didn't understand how much I hurt you when I said this."
- However, don't apologize by taking the full weight of the situation on your shoulders or taking responsibility for something just to close the matter or break down the wall of silence. Acknowledge any wrongdoing you may have committed, but don't apologize for putting an end to his stubborn silence.
Step 4. Go to therapy
It may be helpful to have psychotherapy together especially if the other person is a family member or your partner. Silence treatment is a form of filibuster that undermines the intimacy, trust or happiness of a relationship. Consult a therapist who can help you improve the way you communicate and express yourself.
Talk to a family or couples therapist. Find it by asking your doctor, friend or family member for advice
Part 4 of 4: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. Ask for the support of others
Share your experience with a friend or family member who can support you. If you are confused or don't know what to do, it can be helpful to talk and hear someone else's point of view. Even if you don't solve the problem, you will be able to clarify your ideas and organize your thoughts.
- Choose a friend who you can trust and who is able to listen carefully.
- You can also speak to a therapist if you want to get professional help and learn some behavioral strategies.
Step 2. Do whatever makes you feel good
Don't pester yourself by constantly thinking about the pain caused by the other person's silence, but focus on the things that put you in a good mood. Take the time to do something enjoyable or something you think is important. It's a great way to take care of yourself and not let someone else's behavior negatively affect you.
For example, ride a bike, listen to music, paint or play with your dog. Dedicate yourself to whatever makes you happy
Step 3. Relax
It can be stressful to deal with someone who punishes with silence, so don't let the tension take over. Find time to relax. Do something each day that allows you to relax your nerves for at least half an hour.
Listen to some music, practice yoga or meditate
Advice
- Do not give in to the game of those who manipulate you. Just try to get confused and control yourself. Don't let them. Just say, "When you're ready to talk, let me know!" And leave him alone until he's ready.
- Let the other person know that you are available to them if they need you, especially if they are going through a personal crisis.
Warnings
- Understand that by explaining how you feel, you risk encouraging those who manipulate you. Therefore, it is very important to be assertive instead of hitting the emotion button. State the facts and explain how they have affected you, but avoid crying or humiliating yourself. If he mistreats you psychologically, he will continue to do so.
- If you are in the early stages of a relationship and you see that the other person tends to punish you with silence, you may want to take the situation head on or end the story. He needs to know you won't take long.
