Constantly ruminating on your past or focusing on your future could cause you to lose sight of the present, letting life pass you by quickly, without you being able to enjoy it. If you dwell too much on reflecting on past events or traumas or worrying about your future, you can adopt some systems that can help you live in the present.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Forget Past and Future Concerns
Step 1. Learn to manage past emotions
Regardless of the severity of the event that continues to disturb you, you should externalize your emotions associated with it before you can move on. There may be some painful experiences, but also some good memories. Displaying pent-up emotions can help you leave the past behind and focus on the present.
- Share your innermost thoughts with a friend, family member, or therapist.
- Try to write down the emotions aroused by past events. You can keep a journal or write a letter to someone who has hurt your feelings (without sending it to them!).
- Even if you dwell on good memories, you may lose touch with reality. You would find yourself fantasizing about the past and wishing it all went back to the way it used to be, instead of focusing on improving your present.
Step 2. Forgive and turn the page
Continuing to look back to find the person responsible for your emotional pain is negatively affecting your present life. Instead of mulling over those who hurt you, forgive them. Focus on the present events and leave behind all past guilt and suffering. Constantly stirring in pain does not harm the one you hold responsible for your unhappiness and brings you to a stalemate.
If necessary, write a letter to the person concerned or deal with it openly. You don't have to send the letter, but that will help you stop blaming her for past actions and focus on the present and your happiness
Step 3. Focus on enjoyable experiences
If sharing your past feelings doesn't work, focus on the positive. You can't change the past or worry about the future, so focus on the positive aspects of the present.
If you think it's difficult, create a point of reference. For example, create an isolated spot in which to spend pleasant moments of relaxation. If you find yourself mulling over your past or worrying about your future, think about the happy moments you spend in this quiet and comfortable place
Step 4. Repress your memories
If all attempts fail, try to suppress negative thoughts and emotions. Over time, this strategy can help you get over bad memories that, pushed deep inside, will become less nagging. Imagine closing the doors of the past in reference to sad moments and suffering. Creating a mental image will be useful, especially if memories or worries are suffocating.
Some studies have shown that self-control of emotions is useful for getting rid of negative memories and cutting ties with the past. If you continuously adopt this strategy you will no longer be prey to your emotions. Whenever bad memories resurface, push them to the back of your mind and make an effort to forget and overcome the traumatic episodes
Step 5. Overcome your anxieties for the future
Whenever you are assailed by anxiety about the future, remember that you can only change the present. Make a list of things that belong to the present. Think about the book you are reading, how nice it would be to be in Hawaii at this time of the year, or some other image that can distract your mind from negative thoughts about your future. Instead of focusing on what might happen, focus your attention on what you can control.
- If this is difficult for you, find visual memories to focus on. Bring a copy of the book you are reading with you, or print a photo of the place where you love to spend your free time the most to observe when you feel the need to release the tension.
- It will take some practice to find new ideas that don't feed your worries about future events. Don't give up and you will eventually succeed.
Step 6. Get help
If these methods don't work, you should get someone to help you get over the past, worry less about the future, and focus on the present. Look for a specialist in the area where you live; you can ask your doctor or your family and friends for directions. You may consult with different types of specialists, such as counselors, psychotherapists, psychologists and psychiatrists. They specialize in suggesting coping strategies to help people become more productive and constructive by focusing on the present.
Don't be ashamed to ask for help. Your mental health is very important and you shouldn't feel embarrassed. It is a very common problem and medical specialists are always ready to welcome you and help you
Method 2 of 3: Managing Previous Trauma
Step 1. Learn to distinguish a traumatic event from painful memories
Trauma causes psychological and physiological effects similar to intense anxiety and fear, as if it were relived in the present. Bad memories trigger painful emotions like sadness and guilt, but they don't alter your perception of reality, as is the case with acute trauma.
- The trauma must be dealt with independently and usually requires the intervention of a specialist.
- Sometimes it takes many years for trauma symptoms to emerge. You may have nightmares, intrusive thoughts or be prone to depression, anxiety, phobias or flashbacks due to a traumatic event.
- Liberation from a traumatic experience can only occur through a very slow and gradual process, but if you continue to work, the situation will improve.
Step 2. Get help from a support group or a specialist who can implement a targeted individual support intervention
You are the architect of your own healing and growth and it's up to you to decide how and when to heal. Regardless of the therapy you choose, the program should include the following steps:
- Self-perception: your recovery is an opportunity to regain control of your life. Although a guide is important, you are solely responsible for your health. If your counselor offers you a suggestion that you don't think is valid or that you don't feel ready to follow, you don't need to listen to it.
- Confirm: Your experience may have been dwarfed or sidelined over the years. Your group or your counselor can confirm what happened and how the traumatic event negatively affected your existence.
- Interpersonal relationships: the experience of a trauma can lead to isolation. Talking about it with other people and sharing your story with someone who can understand you is useful for starting to nurture relationships and overcome any states of discomfort.
Step 3. Trust someone you trust
An integral part of the healing process is talking about what happened. Choose someone patient and kind who is aware of the severity of your trauma. People who respond with phrases like “Don't think about it again”, “Forgive and forget” or “It's not that bad” are not the right ones.
- You may need to talk about your trauma more than once, so make sure your interlocutor understands its importance. Getting rid of the weight of an oppressive past is positive, but you will need to come back to the subject several times.
- If there is no one in your life to whom you feel particularly close or whom you can trust, ask for help from someone you really like. Ask him to do something fun, and if it works, invite him again in the future. Spending time with this person can help you establish a strong relationship.
- Know that the empathic relationship with traumatized people can cause vicarious or indirect traumatization, that is, the perception of the same symptoms as the patient. Don't be offended if your friend can't hear your story every day. Family and friends are a great place to start, but if you need additional support, psychotherapists are trained to avoid vicarious trauma.
Step 4. Make a list of systems to take care of yourself
It may be difficult to focus on finding relief when going through tough times. Make a list of the things that help you feel better and put it in a prominent place. Here are some options:
- Dedicate yourself to something creative, such as painting, drawing, woodworking, crochet or other manual activities.
- Practice moderate physical activity. It doesn't have to be intense - you could just take a walk around your house. Or try running, swimming, playing a sport, dancing, hiking or anything else that keeps you in training.
- Play with the kids or with your dog. The game has a calming effect, which can make you feel better.
- Sing softly or at the top of your lungs. Fill your lungs with air and sing out your favorite songs.
- Wear your favorite shirt or jewelry that you particularly like.
Method 3 of 3: Being Aware of the Present
Step 1. Learn to appreciate your surroundings
Stop analyzing your life and letting your mind get stuck in the past. Learn to admire everything you see around you, starting from the wonders of nature to the works made by man. Make an effort to pay attention to each aspect of your present life.
For example, take a walk and observe your surroundings. If you are outdoors, admire the trees, the earth and the whole landscape. Enjoy the breeze that caresses your skin. If you are indoors, pay attention to the color of the walls, the voices of those around you and the feel of the floor under your feet. This will help you focus on the present
Step 2. Slow down the pace
Often people whiz at full speed through life, overwhelmed by the frenzy of everyday life and already projected into the next moment. Push the "Pause" button and enjoy every moment, even if it seems boring. For example, pay attention to the gestures you make while eating a snack. Grab a bunch of grapes and look at it. Note the shape and size of the berries. Eat one and focus on its flavor, enjoying the sweet sensation it gives you on your tongue.
It is normal not to get excited about anything. If you're doing a project that doesn't appeal to you, or you need to fulfill a task you don't particularly like, that's fine. Instead of putting it aside, think about all the actions you take every day and learn to appreciate them
Step 3. Modify your routine
If you do the same thing the same way every day or at the same time every week, you probably get stuck in the past without realizing it. While routine can be comforting, it can help create a deadlock. Try to change your daily habits - for example, you may find a different way to go to the bus stop or to work.
- Even making minor changes can help you escape. Change your eating habits and introduce new words into your lexicon every day. Anything noteworthy daily will help you live in the present, rather than the past or the future.
- If you don't want to or can't change your routine, pay more attention to daily gestures. Take note of the taste of the cereals you eat every morning or the appearance of the trees on your way to work.
Step 4. Learn to manage waiting moments with greater patience
There are times in the day when you have to wait. It could be at the supermarket, or at the traffic lights, while you are in your car. Resist the temptation to play on your mobile and observe your surroundings. Be careful of the things around you, instead of wasting time grumbling about the long line or the green light that doesn't go off.
- These are the perfect times to savor the little things in your life. Avoid using the phone to kill time, rather observe people in line or in cars. Smile, or have a conversation with the person in line behind you.
- Keep trying your hand at new experiences until you find the best way to enjoy the present.
Step 5. Use a reminder
To keep thinking about the present, especially at the beginning, you may need a reminder. Tie a thread around your wrist, put fuchsia nail polish on a nail, or wear the watch upside down.
Whenever you see the reminder, give yourself a few seconds to focus on the sounds, smells and colors around you. Take stock of the situation. This will help you focus on the present rather than the past or the future
Step 6. Focus your attention on one task at a time
Instead of doing something irrationally, commit to something constructive. Get involved in a school assignment, work project, or housework. Work hard enough to distract your mind from thinking about the past and the future.
- It is preferable that you do not do many tasks at the same time. In that case you would lose sight of what you are doing and start thinking about the next job.
- Try to do things slower. This will help you focus your attention on the present actions.
Step 7. Meditate
One of the best ways to focus on the present is to meditate. The ultimate purpose of meditation is to relate to reality, to be completely present in the "here and now".
- Start breathing deeply and slowly, focusing on the rhythm of your breathing. This technique will help you distance yourself from limiting thoughts and emotions, setting you free.
- Complete meditation takes time and practice. Do not give up if you are unable to achieve psychophysical balance immediately, or even after a few months. Keep practicing and eventually you will begin to reap the rewards of Zen meditation.
