Letting go of a painful past isn't easy. Injuries have to run their course and simply trying to forget them too soon won't work. However, some pain can linger and corrode people's souls. Time, as they say, is a great healer, but sometimes it's not enough and a little more help is needed.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Inner Process: Helping Yourself
Step 1. Use self-help techniques
Put them to the test. Identify which ones work best for you. You may feel weird or even silly at first, but these popular techniques are effective for many people.
- Repeat affirmations. In the morning say to yourself: "I am happy to let the pain of the past go away in this moment"; in the evening repeat: "I am good enough and deserve to be happy". Make this a regular practice when you look in the mirror. Sing them, write them, say these phrases aloud, or mentally say them to yourself. Create a piece of artwork that contains these statements and keep it where you can see it often.
- Practice mindfulness. When you come back to thinking about the painful events of the past, gently push those thoughts away and create a beautiful image to focus on, such as a beautiful flower or someone you are fond of. It may not seem easy at first, but with practice you learn to train the mind.
- Try creating a ritual for yourself. Write notes about what happened to you, allowing yourself to feel pain as you jot down the events on a piece of paper. Then tear apart the paper with what you wrote. Then, using a safe container (and, if you are young, with adult supervision) burn the pieces. As they catch fire, say aloud, "Go away, pain of the past."
- Break unhealthy patterns. Identify the obsessive rituals and compulsive patterns associated with your pain. Remember that emotional pain is a perception and you may fall into vicious circles to react to it. Try to be aware of these behaviors and stop them.
Method 2 of 2: External Process: Ask for Help
Step 1. Join a support group in your community
Look for one that addresses grief feelings like yours (for example, a bereavement or childhood trauma group). Share your experiences with others. Relate to them and talk about your pain. Realize that you are not alone with your hurt feelings. Be confident that, like others in the group, you can begin to heal.
Step 2. Rely on a professional therapist
Find a personal or group therapist with experience in past pain or trauma recovery. You may need to talk about your past and feelings many times in order to eventually reconcile with it.
Step 3. Seek spiritual comfort
Try guided meditation, or turn to faith. If your spiritual needs aren't being met or your spiritual practice isn't addressing your emotional needs, look for something different.
