Maybe not everyone hates you, but you are really making a great effort to settle down in school. Maybe someone has spread rumors about you and now your mates are avoiding you. They may have said that you are the only gay, that you have less money than the others, that you belong to a different race, that you have a disability or any other quality that makes you different. You may feel really lonely or feel like no one understands you. You must not lose heart, however, and understand that you can do something to overcome all this and be able to enjoy life.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Improving the Approach
Step 1. Be nice to everyone
Be kind to everyone, even if your peers are rude to you. Don't gossip or spread rumors. Be polite and courteous when addressing others. Nobody can say anything negative about you if you are nice to everyone.
Smile at people and don't avoid eye contact
Step 2. Write a diary
Unleash the emotions that haunt you. Write down any things you want to scream but are too scared or shy to tell. Take note of what is happening and your moods.
- You could write all your torments on a sheet of paper and then copy them back.
- It can be helpful to keep a journal where you can report your feelings, especially if you are shy.
Step 3. Build confidence
Exercising is a great way to reduce stress and to help you feel good about yourself. If the gym is not for you, you can choose many other solutions to move and sweat. Jump on the trampoline, take the dog for a walk or ride a bike.
- You could also dance, ice skate, or do some tae-bo. Do the things that interest you and that you like!
- Learn a new skill. Learning something new can boost your self-confidence, as well as feel your progress when working with something new.
Step 4. Join a sports association or club
Even if you feel like nobody likes you, you can try participating in club or team activities to make friends with people who share similar interests. This can be done in school or out of school. Check out the different clubs that operate within the school for theatrical activities, for the yearbook, for poetry, for music and for sport. In the non-school environment you may be interested in karate, dance and spiritual organizations.
- Think of something that might interest you, then do your own checking. You may feel weird or out of place at first, but give it a try.
- Sometimes the hardest part is going to the first meeting. You may be feeling really anxious or telling yourself all possible excuses related to the fact that nobody likes you or that you will be ignored. Don't be persuaded to give up! Just go once and try.
- Remember that all the people there share the same interests. Try getting to know other club members by asking, for example, "When did you start photography?" or "How long have you been doing karate?" or "Who is your favorite poet?"
Step 5. Focus on positive experiences
Instead of basking in the idea that nobody likes you or that people are rude to you, change your approach. You do not need to project the film of negative situations by reproducing them continuously in the mind. In fact, you value the people who hurt you if you focus your attention on past negative experiences. Instead, you have to put yourself at the center of attention by resorting to positive thoughts.
- It can be easy to get caught up in a loop of reasoning when people have rejected you. "What have I done? What could I have done? Why have they been so rude?" But get rid of it as soon as you can: people have not established who you are and their opinion is just an opinion, not a fact.
- Think about the positive qualities you have (such as courtesy, goodness of mind, attention and generosity) and your abilities (for example, being a great dancer and a great companion).
Method 2 of 4: Improve Social Skills
Step 1. Observe people with great social skills
Those who feel socially shy, anxious or have difficulty communicating often focus on themselves and their way of relating in the social sphere. Observe someone in your school who is well liked, everyone likes and has many friends. What makes him so nice? Notice her posture, body language, facial expressions, and how she interacts with others in words and gestures.
- Look at the positive things this person brings into social interactions and try to treasure them in your relationships.
- The insights that others give can escape when you are focused on yourself. Start noticing them and see if you can take advantage of them in your interactions.
Step 2. Communicate with body language
People are unlikely to consider you a friendly, sociable person to talk to if you keep your arms and legs crossed and your eyes down. Instead, be sure to express your willingness to communicate by being open with body language: lean towards others, smile, nod, and maintain friendly eye contact. Try to avoid crossing parts of your body, but keep your shoulders open and not hunched over.
When using eye contact, it's okay to look away; there is no need to fix indefinitely. You can also focus your gaze on different points such as the forehead, nose, mouth or the space between the eyes. If you've avoided eye contact in the past, it can be a difficult practice to adopt, but hold on
Step 3. Learn to be a great listener
Don't feel 100% responsible for keeping a conversation going. If you let yourself be conditioned by the thought of what to say next, you may miss what the other is saying. Instead, listen carefully and ask questions about what is being said. For example, if someone says "I enjoy gardening," ask "What kind of plants or flowers do you grow?" or "How did you start?".
Active listening means paying attention to what is being said and showing interest in the topic and the speaker. To show that you are following the thread, don't be afraid to nod your head, say "Oh yes" or "Really?" or "Damn! That's great!"
Step 4. Practice social skills
It is one thing to know them, another thing to put them into practice! Initially test yourself with people you feel comfortable with, then keep doing it more and more at school. Remember that the more you practice, the more comfortable you will feel.
Even if you feel completely out of your comfort zone, keep practicing! It will get easier
Method 3 of 4: Dealing with Bad People
Step 1. Step away
When you walk away from a bully, you show that he doesn't control your actions and emotions. Confronting him would mean being on the same level as him. You don't need to fight him and there's no reason to put a crumb of your energy into this situation.
Remember that it is up to you to choose your answer. Is it worth comparing? Maybe it's best to just walk away and not even worry about it
Step 2. Retire
If someone harasses you or instigates you, tell him with serenity that you are not interested in confronting him. Remember that he can only bully if you give him power over your emotions. He may get bored or lose interest once you show that you don't care what he thinks.
- If he insists, ignore him.
- Tell him "I don't want to talk to you" or "I don't care." Remember that you are in control of your reactions. If it's not worth your time, tell him so.
Step 3. Take a broad perspective
Ask yourself, "Will I remember this situation in a year? And in five? Will this affect my life?" If the answers are negative, you decide to devote your energy and time to something else.
Also ask yourself if this is someone who will stay in your life for a long time. It is likely that it will soon disappear from your horizons if you are planning to go to university or move
Step 4. Be fun
If someone is mean to you, respond with a joke or a little humor. Humor completely disarms those who try to harm you and displaces them so much that they may have difficulty responding. When you use humor, you show the bully that he has no control over you.
- If a bad person targets you and you respond with a joke, they are likely to lose interest in trying to harm you.
- For example, if someone teases you about your shoe size, say, "You're probably right. I've tried to play a part in the Lord of the Rings, but I think my feet aren't hairy enough."
Method 4 of 4: Seek Help
Step 1. Talk to your parents
They want to help and support you. Reach out to them for help and advice if you are having difficulties. They may share challenging experiences of their life with you when they were your age and tell what helped them get through the difficult time in school.
Step 2. Keep in touch with friends
There may be other kids at school with similar problems to yours. If you know other mates who are going through the same difficulties as you, approach them. Maybe they've been bullied, spread rumors about them, or are having a hard time adjusting. Whatever it is, offer your friendship to others who are not having a good time and show them that you understand and are there for them.
If many of your friends feel bullied, confront the bully together. Unity is strength and defending yourselves together will demonstrate your strength
Step 3. Talk to a teacher or guidance counselor
Especially if people are mean to you at school, talk to an adult you trust in your school. You may simply want to talk about the situation or seek remedies for what is hurting you. While talking about it doesn't change the situation, it can change the way you feel.
You could also talk to a coach, a friend's parent, or a spiritual leader
Step 4. Ask for a visit to a psychotherapist
If you are having a hard time in school and you feel that what you do does not make things better, ask your parents to see a therapist. He can help you work on your emotions, find ways to cope with negative feelings, and guide you to become more aware.
Meeting a therapist does not mean that you are "out of your mind" or unable to handle your problems. It just means that you are looking for the help of someone who has been trained to support you and help you grow
Step 5. Have compassion for yourself
Even if you feel really bad, remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, both by others and, above all, by yourself. You are important and precious, don't care about how people treat you. Remember that the way others see and regard you does not represent your identity, it is you who choose who you are. Above all, treated with kindness. When emotions make you blame yourself ("I'm so stupid" or "Nobody likes me"), try to be your best friend and take your side.
