In reality, when or if you want to get married, it is none of the other people's business; however, this question is often asked of couples who have been together for a number of months or years. Many young couples have decided to postpone their marriage or do not even want to consider it after having witnessed the high divorce rate shown by their parents' generation. Putting aside the reasons why you don't get married but hang out with someone or live together, being armed with good but classy answers when beset by these questions is vital to maintaining a sense of humor and perspective.
Steps
Step 1. Answer the question with another question
Try to avoid sounding too hateful but one way to deal with intrusive questions is to answer with another question.
- Ask the person who asked you the question when he or she is getting married (if the question comes from another single person). It may highlight how inappropriate the question itself is, especially if the person is in a similar situation. You can say for example: “Mmm, I don't know. And you? Do you already know when you're getting married?"
- Ask directly: When do you think we should get married? Put the person who asked the question in an awkward position and ask when they think your marriage plans should be executed. If he answers "Next year", say that you will consider it, laugh and change the subject.
- Ask when they got married, and move the discussion to them. For example: “I don't know yet. But when did you get married? What made you feel it was time to get married? Do you have any regrets? " and so on. Then thank them for their story and say that you found it interesting. You can also say that he gave you ideas, but only if you don't mind seeing them come back and ask you how he's going next time you meet.
- Answer challenging questions so they regret asking. For example say something like: “We would love to get married but we have such specific ideas for the perfect wedding that neither of us has anywhere near enough money. Did you know that an average wedding costs at least twenty thousand euros and we are very far from the average and we would need at least double the amount to accommodate all the guests who would like to celebrate the event and to make sure it is a memorable day. Mom and Dad have to keep their savings intact, we can't use them. It is difficult to even think about it but maybe you can help us find a way to save the forty thousand euros we need to make a wedding at least decent, I don't know, maybe you have forty thousand euros left over? ". After a tirade like this, they will not wait to change the subject.
- "Why should we?" Raise this question. Most people don't even think about why people get married. There are advantages and disadvantages, many people prefer to renew their commitment rather than face taxes and legal complications.
- "Why do you ask?" This can block the speech altogether. Most people who ask expect a customary answer, and you'll get even funny results as they try to figure out why your life path should be of interest to them. He is especially nice with people other than his parents, who have a personal interest in their grandchildren.
Step 2. Change the subject
There is nothing more subtly polite than being able to somehow avoid the question and bring the conversation to more neutral grounds. To do this, simply bring the conversation to another topic. Give a short and friendly answer, then quickly ask the other person a question about himself, such as how his children are doing at school or if they have finally finished renovating the house.
- One way to deal with it is to give a very quick nod to the question and immediately launch into an alternative topic. For example: “I still don't know how to answer you! But tell me, how are your children! Did I hear they won a school competition last week?”. By filing the question quickly at the beginning and replacing it with another question to the person concerned, the conversation will immediately begin to drift away from your not so imminent wedding.
- Try the "someone is getting married" approach. This is a perfect distraction if you know a mutual friend is getting married. For example, you might reply: “Not yet, but have you heard? Luca and Paola are getting married next August. Is not it fantastic? I was so excited when I heard about the engagement! " Then take the conversation elsewhere.
- Ask a question about sport or something else completely off topic. By asking them something totally unrelated to the question, like "Well, what do you think about the victory of Milan (or any other sports team)?" This should make the message clear that you don't want to talk about it. Immediately throwing yourself into a discussion about sport can quickly defuse wedding speeches, letting the other person know that you are not in the mood.
Step 3. Turn the speech into a joke
If you really want to dodge the question and have fun with the victim who asked it, try some funny joke or answer that makes him understand that you are not thinking about marriage or anything like that. Here are some possible answers:
- “When getting married will be legal for everyone”. Thus the conversation becomes political and will make both of you appear virtuous for putting human rights before your personal lives.
- "When my divorce is final". Whether that's true or not, bringing divorce into the discussion may not be an appropriate answer. However, depending on who is asking the question (such as an old school friend or an annoying colleague), you can consider this answer to silence him.
- "After the apocalypse". Generally this means that you are not planning on getting married, but it is a fun way of letting others know.
- "I hope before we start to see". It is not the ideal answer to give to mum or grandmother but it can be fun with a close friend or even with an acquaintance.
- "No comment." Stated right, it can be fun.
- "We will get married when people stop asking us." Straight to the point.
Step 4. Be evasive in a polite way
When you really want to ask someone to stop snooping in your private life, just say something like, "Not yet, but rest assured that as soon as there is news, you will be among the first to know." Use a polite tone of voice but also say "End of story, enough conversations on this topic". If the person were to comment further, trying to steal something more, simply repeat the sentence: "As I said, you will be the first to know".
Step 5. Be honest
If both of you have decided that you will not get married and that you are perfectly happy living together, dating and living apart, or whatever, the best option might be to simply say so. Suggested answers to the question might include:
- "We are not getting married." Nothing more.
- “We are happy with the way things are now. Neither of us feels the need to go further at this moment”.
- “We are married in the eyes of common sense. We don't need anything else"
- “We are testing a long engagement. We hate surprises"
- “We joined in a Wiccan rite. Renewing it every year is a truer commitment"
Step 6. Discuss the issue with your partner before answering the others, so you can organize a united front
The first way to be caught off guard is to not have a plan. Even if you are simply not ready or do not know it, act as if you were a minister’s press office and prepare a ready-made statement that will politely block questions.
- Be honest with your feelings. If you want to get married, let your sweetheart know. But also be open to how he or she feels. Maybe your partner wants to finish school or wants to save more money before the big step. Regardless of the reasons, consider his position when answering.
- Make sure you address the speech before attending a family occasion such as a wedding. The usual questions at a wedding will inevitably be about your upcoming wedding! Accept that there will be questions about it, to which you will have to give unique answers.
- Discuss how you are going to answer the questions and come up with a mutually agreed answer. Whether you decide to be direct or evasive, make sure you are on the same line about the answer and that you are comfortable giving it to just about everyone.
Step 7. Keep the answer light
Don't be offended or defensive, even if it's the fourth person to ask you that night. Be friendly, but make sure the person who asked the question understands that you are not going to go any further than planned in the (prepared) answer.
Advice
- Be aware that not getting married is your choice, not someone else's problem. People may be upset that you've chosen not to get married now or ever, but that doesn't mean you have to submit to their preferences. Don't get married just to please someone else or to "do the right things". You will regret a choice based on someone else's social sense, on their concerns for your future, unhappiness or whatever else forces them to insist that you marry. If you decide to get married, make sure it's just for your reasons. The person asking you questions won't be living with you for the rest of your life.
- Try to avoid getting irritated with people when they ask questions. They most likely want to see you happy and married more than anything else.
- A cheeky answer is to tell whoever asked the question to ask your mate!
- Avoid going into detail about your intentions unless you want an in-depth conversation. The exception is an "bore the interlocutor to death" approach with all your plans …
Warnings
- If you have a great theory on the evils of the institution of marriage, spare the listener. Most people won't understand it (or don't want to understand it) and since most people who ask the question tend to be married, they will probably feel insulted if you stand there and tell them that marriage is a bad choice.. On the other hand, this tirade could be just what it takes to deal with insistent and annoying acquaintances.
- If you and your partner are not of the same opinion and cannot communicate about the prospect of marriage, it is best to shake your head and not answer the question. Making a statement before discussing it with your partner could lead to problems in the relationship. Otherwise, you might look extremely surprised and say with a slightly shocked air: “Wow! It's a bit early to think about it! ". How long it takes you before considering the idea of marriage is not another's business, and whether to do it.
