Refined people are known for their elegance, sobriety and discretion. If you want to be refined, you don't have to behave like an aristocrat, but treat others with respect while maintaining a sophisticated image. Sophisticated people tend to avoid bad habits, such as raising their voices, gossiping, or burping in public. If you want to be refined, you simply have to focus on the ostentation of confidence, composure and grace in your words and actions.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Speak in a refined way
Step 1. Don't overdo it
You don't need to spit out a list of facts or quote the entire Corriere della Sera to impress people with your refinement. In fact, when it comes to being refined, the less you do the better. You should say what you think in a succinct and clear way, leaving little room for imagination. Don't bore friends and strangers with facts and anecdotes, or by trying hard to get away with it; rather, express your opinions concisely and confidently, and you will show that you are a refined person who does not need to talk nonstop to get to the point.
- You don't have to use long and elaborate sentences to try to impress people. Short and concise sentences with clear words are ideal.
- You don't even need big words to express yourself. It is better if everyone can understand you.
Step 2. Slow down
Sophisticated people are never in a rush, because they are sophisticated enough to allow themselves the time to do whatever they want. They don't rush to have dinner, they don't talk too fast, and they don't go crazy rummaging in their bags because they already know that everything is in its place. If you want to be refined, you should learn to move confidently and accurately, rather than moving, speaking, and acting excitedly.
Instead of speaking quickly and saying “er…” and “that is” every 2 seconds to fill in the breaks, practice speaking slower and really thinking before you speak, to avoid those verbal fillers
Step 3. Avoid swearing
Although even refined people happen to get irritated from time to time, they tend to remain calm in public. Consequently, they avoid cursing when they get upset or saying inappropriate things in the heat of the moment. In fact, they usually avoid being vulgar about sex, droppings, or other potentially offensive topics. It doesn't mean being boring, just classy. Curses indicate rudeness, and refined people avoid them at all costs.
If you lose your temper and swear, however, all you have to do is apologize
Step 4. Apologize if you burp or fart
No one can be refined all the time, and sometimes our bodies betray us by making outlandish sounds. It's not bad if you burp or fart after eating, but the best thing you can do if you want to be refined is to apologize instead of pretending nothing has happened. Bury your pride and do it, and you will emanate refinement in no time at all.
A simple "pardòn" before continuing is fine
Step 5. Avoid conversational language
While you don't have to speak like a queen, you should avoid using too much slang in conversation to be refined. Avoid colloquial expressions such as "beautiful", "raga" or "what's it like?" if you want to look like a refined, cultured and well educated person. Pay attention to the regional phrases you use or the more "pop" terms, and try to get around them when you can. Sophisticated people speak a neutral language, not based on popular terms like "selfie" or "LOL".
Sure, if everyone around you uses a lot of slang, you don't want to get too noticed by using elevated language, but you should avoid slang as much as possible to look refined
Step 6. Avoid vulgar arguments
If you want to be refined, you should avoid talking about potentially offensive things, especially in the company of people from various backgrounds. Remember that what may be appropriate with your best friend may not work well in a crowd; avoid talking about sex, body parts, going to the bathroom, or any statements that could be deemed abusive about politics. It is better to assume that the people around you are easily offended, rather than hurting someone with a joke that you thought was innocent. To be refined, you can still talk about interesting topics while making sure you don't scandalize anyone.
If someone else starts a discussion about a vulgar subject that you are not comfortable with, you can also do your best to turn the conversation towards something more suitable for you
Step 7. Think before you speak
Sophisticated people rarely say something offensive or impulsive, and they don't often have to apologize for saying something wrong, because they thought it right. They don't spit out the first thing that comes to their mind and stop to ask themselves the possible reactions of their comment and if their intentions will be clear before opening their mouths. Sophisticated people literally take the time to "polish" words before saying them, so that they are spoken with elegance and grace.
Before saying something, look at your interlocutor and think about their possible reaction or, if you are in a group, if you don't want to talk privately
Step 8. Compliment
You don't have to give compliments you don't believe in just to look refined, but you should strive to make people feel special when they deserve it. The art of giving a compliment is difficult to learn, and when you learn to enhance a person's main traits without being invasive, you will be well on your way to looking more refined than ever. Sophisticated people are also very attentive to detail and quickly notice new jewelry or noteworthy clothing.
To look really refined, you can say something like “Never seen a better scarf” rather than “Oh my god, what a fabulous scarf!”
Step 9. Don't raise your voice too much
Sophisticated people know that what they will say will be heard because they have chosen their words carefully. Speaking too loudly is peasant, as well as a lack of respect for others. Make sure you adjust your tone of voice when you talk to someone, and make sure you get their attention instead of grabbing it by shouting so much that it forces them to hear you.
You shouldn't loudly interrupt people to try to prove your point either. Wait your turn if you want to be refined
Part 2 of 3: Behave in a refined way
Step 1. Avoid gossip
Sophisticated people have opinions, but they tend to keep them to themselves when they put someone else in a bad light. If you want to be refined, you should stay away from gossip, from talking behind someone's back or asking if two colleagues or mates are together. With that kind of reputation, you won't look refined at all; rather, you will be seen as unsophisticated and immature. To be truly refined, you should only speak positively about absentees.
Instead, try saying nice things about people "behind them". Positive comments about absentees always arrive at their destination
Step 2. Be condescending
Refined people do not quarrel and do not create problems when they do not agree with something. They are still comfortable sharing their opinions, but they don't do it to hurt others or to appear superior. If you do not agree with your interlocutor, you should still express yourself politely, avoiding insulting him. Sophisticated people should be personable and easy-going, and tend to go with the flow rather than raise their tone.
- If you are asked to solve a diatribe and you know the answer - for example two quarrels who don't know if a quote is from the Bible or from Shakespeare - then it is better to say that you are not sure of the answer, even if you know it. There is no need to foment conflict.
- If someone tries to tell you that your opinions are worthless, don't react. Don't stoop to that level and leave the conversation, instead of being determined to prove otherwise.
Step 3. Don't brag
Sophisticated people are cultured and interesting, but they don't need to brag to be known. Even if you memorized every scene from Truffaut movies or spoke 8 languages, you shouldn't tell everyone. Rather, wait for the conversation to turn to your interests to impress your interlocutors about your knowledge, instead of making them think you're just pulling it. When sharing what you know, don't act like an expert, but talk about what you know nonchalantly, amicably.
- You should congratulate others on their accomplishments as much as possible, rather than basking in your own.
- If you've really accomplished a lot, then people will already know. If they talk about it, be modest instead of acting like you know you're good.
Step 4. Hang out with refined people
If you really want to be refined, it is important to spend time with like-minded people. Sophisticated people hang out with other people with whom they can talk about politics, wine, travel, other cultures, foreign films, cultural events in the area and other spheres of interest. They don't spend time with too many people who are unable to contribute to a conversation, listen to music outside the Top-Pop40 or watch programs other than Forums or Open Studio. They tend to make friends with people who are stimulating and able to push them to improve continuously.
While it's not refined to completely ignore someone in your company because it could make you look bad, you should think about the people you hang out with. If you think you spend too much time with vulgar, classless people with a bad influence on you, then it's time to review those relationships
Step 5. Avoid monopolizing conversations
Sophisticated people have interesting opinions on politics, sports, cooking, wine and other topics, but they try to avoid being boring and talking about it all night. They also tend to avoid talking about themselves all the time. They would prefer to talk about other people or important international issues. It's not refined to talk for most of the conversation, no matter how interesting you think you are.
If you find that you have monopolized a conversation, switch gears and ask light questions to your interlocutors, give their holiday plans to their favorite team
Step 6. Be polite
Good manners indicate sophistication. To have good manners, you'll need to eat with your mouth closed, avoid swearing, wait your turn, keep doors open and help people sit down, and generally behave flawlessly. Polite people are sensitive to the needs of others and make sure that others are comfortable, whether they are guests or waiters … Ask people how they are, respect their space and avoid throwing everything away if you want to be polite.
Be gentle. Always welcome people friendly, introduce yourself to those you don't know, if they join in a conversation, and avoid being rude for no reason, even with those who deserve it
Step 7. Be cultured
You don't have to speak 17 languages to be, but it helps to know something about other cultures, whether it's like saying “foie gras” when you order in a French restaurant, or knowing that in some cultures it's customary to take off your shoes when walking into someone's house. There is no universal way to become cultured, but you can strive to find out what life is like in other areas of the world, watch foreign films, learn how to cook exotic dishes and most of all, avoid thinking that everything is done the "right way" in the your country.
- Take advantage of the cultural offer in your area, whether they are provincial theaters or museums.
- Read, read, read. Study anything from ancient philosophy to contemporary poetry. Sophisticated people tend to read a lot.
Step 8. Be discreet
Sophisticated people are very tactful and understand the need to choose words and times carefully before saying something. They don't cross borders by becoming too familiar with strangers, deflect negative comments, and are able to be discreet when needed. They know how to be courteous and do not embarrass others in public.
- Evaluate a person's sense of humor before making a joke.
- Avoid disclosing how much you earn or asking others. It is seen as an insensitive and not at all discreet attitude.
- If someone has something in their teeth, for example, a discreet person would try to tell them privately.
- Discreet people also recognize the importance of timing. You may be excited about some big event in your life, but you should know when it's your turn to talk about it, like not while your friend is revealing that she's engaged.
Part 3 of 3: Be aesthetically refined
Step 1. Wear smart, well-kept clothing
Refined people take great care of their clothing, because they understand the importance of a refined appearance in terms of image. They choose flattering dresses, suitable for the season, that don't show too much and that match the best. Their clothes are composed, clean and suitable for the period. They tend to wear clothes in neutral colors, such as gray, brown and blue, to avoid attracting too much attention.
- Sophisticated people also tend to dress more elegantly than others; men often wear tailored or office suits even on occasions when it is not necessary, and refined women tend to wear dresses and heels as well as classy jewelry.
- Your clothes don't need to be expensive to be refined. You just have to make sure that they fit you well, are matched and wrinkle-free.
- Too many flashy jewelry or accessories won't make you very refined. In fact, a sober watch or silver earrings are enough to look anything but tacky.
- Sophisticated people tend to avoid humorous t-shirts or accessories.
Step 2. Take care of yourself
Sophisticated people comb their hair and make sure their hair is always in order. Refined men tend to shave or keep it very neat. Sophisticated people also tend to appear tidy, clean and generally put a lot of effort into their appearance. If you want to be refined, you need to take care of yourself so that you are presentable when you go out.
- Get in the habit of carrying a comb with you and using it privately when needed.
- Women can wear a little makeup, but they should avoid overdoing it or they won't look very refined. A touch of lipstick, mascara and a pinch of eyeshadow should suffice.
Step 3. Maintain good hygiene
If you want to be refined, you should shower and wash your hair daily, or at least every other day, use deodorant (if you believe it) and add a touch of cologne or perfume if you like. You should also brush your teeth after each meal and be at your best at all times. It's hard to look refined if you have oily hair and smell of sweat. In addition to taking care of yourself, good hygiene is essential to be refined.
Step 4. Body language should also be refined
You must have a good posture: stay straight and have a good posture even when sitting. Sophisticated people keep their hands respectfully flat on their legs when seated and avoid resting their elbows on the table while they eat. They don't have a sagging posture, they don't fidget all the time, and they don't pick their noses in public. In general, they behave respectfully with others but also alone. To be refined, display respectful body language without acting like you are everywhere in your home.
- Avoid sitting with your legs wide open, so as not to look vulgar.
- Avoid scratching yourself in public. If you really have to, it's best to go to the bathroom.
- When talking to someone, keep an acceptable distance. Anyone who gets too close to talk tends not to be refined.
Step 5. Smile and look in the eye
You may believe that a refined person is a snob and prefers to look at someone from above, rather than smile or look in the eyes, but those who are truly refined know that everyone deserves respect. Looking people in the eye and smiling when you meet or approach them is straightforward manners, and shows your high regard for them. Eye contact also shows attention, something very respectful and refined.
Avoid checking your phone or texting while talking to someone, and instead focus on eye contact. Not paying attention to people is not very refined
Step 6. Greet people in a refined way
If you want to be refined, you should treat others respectfully when they approach. Don't be too lazy to get up to shake the hand of someone you don't know or to introduce yourself. If someone you know approaches, it's still a nice gesture to get up to greet them if you want to be refined. By simply raising your hand and saying “hi”, you may seem slightly socially lazy, a sign of a lack of refinement.
It is also polite to repeat the person's name if you meet him for the first time. You can say something like this: "Nice to meet you, Gianni"
Advice
- Don't be moody, be nice.
- This 'refined' personality is not credible 24 hours a day or with family and close friends. You can be so regularly; but with the closest people be more open (but still polite). In this way, your 'refined' image will not look fake, but simply a facade that you wear in front of those you know less. Not only will you avoid looking fake, but others will be even more curious to discover the 'real' you and will want to get to know you better.
Warnings
- Some might call you arrogant, but it's all envy.
- You may feel lonely, mistaking the character. This public image attracts a lot of admiration, but not always many friends.
