If you had "enemies" would you be able to recognize them? They are those people who profess to be friends but occasionally perform actions that seem rather aimed at destabilizing you. Discovering and dealing with them is necessary to preserve your sanity and to understand when it is best to unload the one who pushed things a little too far.
Steps
Step 1. Identification
Before dealing with a friend you will need to get to know the people you think you are friends with. Here are some indicator signs:
- Neams can't be happy with your luck. If something good comes your way, they pucker their lips together and have something critical, derogatory, and biting to say.
- They are champions of compliments that sound good on the surface but actually have a less flattering subtext (for example: "I like it when you wash your hair, that is, when you are pretty," thus suggesting that you are gross when your hair is not perfect.). They will use this "art" of theirs on you in abundance.
- They gossip about you. When the voice comes to you and you face them, they deny everything, lie between their teeth and claim that you have misinterpreted what they meant.
- They always say slander about you, trying to ruin your bond with other friends.
Step 2. Follow your instincts
How does being with this person make you feel? Are you comfortable in his presence or do you feel as if he is always trying to get the rug out from under your feet, leaving you at the mercy of events? If you understand that this person is with you a lot more when you have problems or are not feeling fit, than when you are perfectly in control of yourself, then you are faced with someone who wallows in the miseries of others, whose pains are a target for control and manipulation. Also, if after spending time together you feel sluggish and negative, then that is not a good friend. A self-respecting friend always makes you feel good about yourself. Any such sign must warn you:
- Whenever you try to improve yourself, for example by trying to lose weight, studying more, looking for a promotion, etc. will do your best to sabotage your efforts. It may also encourage you to do something that hijacks your progress, such as making you talk bad about your boss or eat sweets on the weekend. Neams tend to bring out the negative side of a person because of their bad relationship.
- He never has your interests at heart and you know it. Whenever you want to talk about something with her, she probably gets very argumentative, rolls her eyes, makes unkind or just plain negative remarks about everything you are trying to accomplish.
- Weeks ago you asked her to support you in something but at the right time, this person found an even weak excuse to dump you and break the promise. It will do it again and again.
Step 3. Make changes
If you are unsure whether or not this person is an enemy, discuss your concerns with a friend you are absolutely sure of and don't worry about it. This person may give you a new perspective on the situation, able to make you understand the value of your relationship with the friend. Of course, you need to be sure that you are talking to someone who is very trustworthy, who is not going to report everything to the friend. An enemy who suspects you (and therefore thinks you warn others) can become unpleasant.
Step 4. Talk to her
Instead of putting off and carrying the burden on your shoulders, come out and face the neamica. Avoid showing yourself vulnerable or needy; stick to the facts and express how it made you feel. For instance:
- "When you suggested that my tutu was too tight in front of the whole dance class you really made me feel like shit. Did you really want to be that unpleasant?"
- "I consider you a friend. So yesterday you hurt me when you said I was too wild and distracted to be a good speaker in a group discussion. inaccurate, it struck me as some kind of bizarre joke at my expense."
- "I'm really disappointed because you said one thing but you meant another, for example you told me that the jeans I bought were good considering how much I paid for them … as if you meant that they were actually cheap. Because it's so difficult for you being friendly and sincere instead of making fun of me all the time?"
Step 5. Expect surprise and / or denial
Being direct about your feelings means bringing your friend out into the open and forcing her to admit or deny her subterfuges. It can go either way and even if she denies it, she may never give up on this behavior and continue to go out of her way to hurt you. Or he might pick on you and refuse to argue, in which case you'll have a clear sign that it's time to cut it down.
Remember that if he ignites the fuse, then he has lost interest in you. At least the truth has come out and this will allow you to start focusing more on other types of relationships
Step 6. Be realistic about the odds of staying friends
It is important to be compassionate and to think that your friend may have slipped into a pattern of difficult interactions with others, considering herself alert, intelligent and superior; but it is equally important to think of you. If the friend is only able to interact in this way, you will never feel safe, supported or happy with her.
Step 7. Think for yourself
Is it possible that you also have some traits of the neamic? Hanging out with people who use wit and words to denigrate others can influence, especially if you try to be part of a popular group or become an alpha element. Be honest with your own judgment and admit that you have acquired some of the namic behavior with your friends. Put a stop to it.
Step 8. Take a break
Once you realize that you are dealing with a friend and have asked for explanations but without having had satisfaction, then withdraw from this ground of failed friendship. Remind yourself that you are not ending a real friendship but something toxic and that both of you will feel better once they are separated, each on their own path. Above all, remain polite and kind towards him, even if from a distance. There is no need to put more salt on the wound.
Advice
- If they talk to you behind your back, don't reciprocate. You would be as mean as the others.
- The word "neamiche" originated in 1977. It was added to the Merriam-Webster English vocabulary in 2009.
