Friendships sometimes grow stronger and sometimes fade away. If you think a friendship or group of friends isn't as solid as it used to be, identify the signs to find out what's going on. You may have a chance to recover or it may be time to end the friendship. If your friends are misbehaving with you or you find that they are not treating you well, the friendship has likely changed. It is up to you to decide how to proceed, but know that you can rebuild the friendship or make new friends.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Evaluating Friendships
Step 1. Find out if you are tired of them
When you suspect that your friends are fed up with you, it may be that you are tired of them. Ask yourself a few questions to find out if this is the case:
- Are you making little effort in the relationship, for example, do not contact them and do not organize anything?
- Do you get bored when you are with them?
- Are you hoping your appointments will skip?
Step 2. Determine if your friends exclude you
If your friends are tired of you, they are likely to start excluding you from their activities or ignoring you. You may notice that you feel them more distant. Even if they talk to you, it may be just for convenience and not to invite you to their events.
- For example, your friends may stay with you at school but exclude you on the weekend.
- Before you decide if your friends are excluding you, ask yourself if you are making an effort in the same way you would like them to do you. If you don't invite them to do things with you, they won't either.
Step 3. Recognize the ups and downs in your friendships recently
Sometimes, conflicts can generate distance. For example, if you have had an argument with one or more friends, they may distance themselves as the situation eases. Spending time apart is normal when you disagree on something. If time goes by and you haven't solved it yet or they say everything is fine, yet they hardly speak to you anymore, this could be a sign of more serious problems.
- Understanding the larger context can sometimes help understand why your friends are drifting apart.
- If you have drifted away with a problem, contact your friend to start rebuilding the relationship. For example, apologize first after an argument.
Step 4. Pay attention to constant excuses
Apologies are a bland way of not saying what you really think openly. You may still be talking to your friends, but when it comes to going out for fun, they may find excuses not to go with them. If they continue like this, it could be an indirect way of telling you that they are tired of you.
When an apology doesn't make sense, it means your friend intends to distance himself or spend time away from you
Step 5. Assess your need for approval
If you are constantly looking for approval, your friends may get tired of always indulging you. Saying things like "We're best friends, aren't we?" or "You're going to invite me to the party, right?" it can get heavy. Even if you want to feel accepted and included, don't actively seek consent.
- If you find yourself asking your friends for approval, take a step back. If you are worried that the friendship is ending and are always looking for reassurance, you will end up getting the exact opposite in no time.
- Avoid being in need of attention. Spend time dedicating yourself to things that are special to you rather than seeking the approval of others.
Step 6. Notice bullying behavior
Some people may be nice to you on certain occasions and treat you badly on others. If they insult you, steal your things, or talk badly about you behind your back, they're not being friends. On the contrary, it is more bullying than friendship.
Other abusive behaviors can include gossiping, spreading rumors, or deliberately embarrassing you
Step 7. Watch out for offensive words
You may be the object of ridicule or derision from your friends. If you retort, they may tell you to stop being so touchy or that you don't understand jokes. Friends do not make fun of each other and do not insult each other. This could be a clear indication that they are trying to exclude you.
- You might even laugh about it, but you would still feel very insecure and unhappy that they are making fun of you.
- If your friends tell you something offensive, say, "I don't find it funny. On the contrary, it's mean and offensive." If they keep saying those things, then they're not being good friends.
- It is not acceptable to be derided or become their laughing stock just to join a party.
Part 2 of 2: Coping with the Distance Between Friends
Step 1. Be realistic
Don't lie to yourself thinking they're still good friends if they've stopped inviting you out or if they act like they don't care about you. It can be difficult to accept that your friendship has changed or that those you thought of as friends are not. Just don't surround yourself with bad people just because you want to be accepted.
If your friends are misbehaving, don't feel the need to hang out with them or the need to win them back. If they don't treat you well, it's best to accept the end of the friendship and find new friends
Step 2. Talk to your friends
A mature way of dealing with the situation is to speak and communicate openly. Ask them why they behave that way and explain how you feel. They may not realize that they are behaving badly or in an unfriendly way. In some cases, a friend may be bored or have personal problems and will take it out on others rather than think clearly.
- Speak in the first person and avoid getting defensive or accusing. For example, say: "I suffer when I am excluded. What is going on?"
- Avoid scolding, criticizing, or being defensive.
Step 3. Reflect on helpful statements
Even if some say certain things simply because they are mean, your friends may have important opinions to think about. If they are honest and have no intention of being rude, try to understand their point of view. For example, if they say you chew loudly and don't want to invite you to eat for that reason, try not to be very offended. Conversely, make an effort to chew with your mouth closed.
If they say something just to be mean and it seems like their claims are an attack on you, ignore what they say
Step 4. Invite your friends over to your house to hang out
If you notice that your friends are aloof, invite them to your house to spend some quality time together and have fun. You could invite them to see a movie, sleep with you, or play games together. If all goes well and you have fun, you could solve the problems and start over. However, be aware that this is not a good solution if your friends are always misbehaving with you.
If they keep turning down all of your invitations, it's time to move on or argue with them
Step 5. Commit to developing social skills
Relationship skills are important for maintaining and building your circle of friends. Ask yourself what qualities you look for in a friend and make an effort to be like that too. Look for people who treat you the way you want and commit to doing the same with them.
For example, aim to be considerate, trustworthy, and a good listener. Look for people who reciprocate in the same way
Step 6. Go ahead and make new friends
You may realize that the friendship is over and you would like to welcome new friends into your life. Making new friends can be fun and exciting and can give you other opportunities to grow and learn. It will take time to get over and find new friends, but you will meet other people. Be prepared to understand who else is looking for new friends. After all, the important thing is to have people around who really want to be your friends and love you.
If you are not sure where to meet new friends, take part in educational or extra-curricular activities, for example by joining sports, leisure and volunteer associations
Step 7. Choose an environment that attracts the right friends
You will meet positive people with the qualities you seek by going to the places they frequent, such as volunteer organizations, extra-educational activities or recreational groups. Look for friends and acquaintances who have characteristics you value, such as honesty and generosity.
- Try meetup.com to meet local groups.
- If you are a student, look for clubs and associations that match your interests or that offer community service.
