Coping with the death of a grandfather can be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. It is probably doubly difficult since it could be your first experience of losing a loved one. While the pain in your heart won't magically go away, there are some steps you can take to accept your feelings and learn how to cope with the loss of a loved one and important to you by talking about it, using family as support, and returning to your life. The memories you keep of your grandfather will stay with you long after he is gone, and you will always be able to honor the memory of the people you love. If you want to know how to deal with this terrible moment, start reading the article from the first step.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Accept What You Feel
Step 1. Take your time
Do not listen to those who tell you that pain follows a temporal course. Some people take a lot less time than others when it comes to overcoming the disappearance of a loved one, and you shouldn't feel depressed if you feel like you're in mourning for a long time. The important thing is to take the time to fully process your feelings, instead of controlling the urge to get over everything quickly by repressing your mood.
- Know that there is no threshold to cross that passes from mourning to "overcoming" mourning and that overcoming does not mean having forgotten your grandfather or grandmother without feeling saddened by their loss. Each person should take all the time they need.
- Of course, if it's been several months, or even a year or two, and you feel like you're still in deep pain enough to find purpose difficult, then getting help from a professional might be a way forward.
Step 2. Let your emotions out
Another way to accept your feelings is to cry, scream, get angry, or just do what you have to do to express what you are feeling. It is advisable not to hold back tears or repress emotions, because this behavior leads to considerably dilating the difficulties that are encountered. You may be wary of showing what you feel, especially if a bereaved parent or other grandparent or grandmother needs your support, but it's best to let these feelings out sometime, either with a friend or family member who understands yours. situation, or alone.
- Having time just to cry can be very therapeutic. That said, don't feel guilty or confused if you're not the crying type and can't find tears despite your deep sadness.
- This can also be a good time to write in your journal how you feel. This way you can help channel your feelings in a more organized and peaceful way.
Step 3. Keep your dear grandfather and his memories in your heart
I don't think there will be a time when you stop thinking about your beloved grandfather entirely. You can always carry it in your heart and in your memory. Allow yourself to think about the good times you shared, the conversations you had, and the trips you took together. And even if you have the memory of some disagreement or difficult moments spent together, think about these things too. It is not just about cherishing the good times and forgetting the bad ones, but about honoring the whole person.
- Write down anything you remember your grandfather. This can help keep it in your heart at all times.
- Look at the photos with your grandfather to feel at peace.
Step 4. Be aware of what might arouse emotional reactions
Of course, some times of the year or some places will make it more difficult for you to cope with the loss of your grandfather. Maybe you should avoid the lake where you used to go fishing or the bar where your grandmother always took you for ice cream, at least for a while until you feel ready to tackle your favorite spots. Perhaps Christmas will be particularly difficult, because you associate these holidays with time spent with your grandparents. Knowing what might be causing you intense emotional reactions can help you both avoid them and find additional support if you don't succeed.
- This doesn't mean you should stop doing all the things you loved doing with your grandfather forever. It just means that you probably need to spend some time away from those things until you feel more stable and at peace.
- Unfortunately, some things like vacations can get a little more difficult. But with time, as well as with the support of your family, you will be able to enjoy them again, while thinking of your grandfather at the same time.
Step 5. Support and receive support from other family members
One of the best things you can do to accept what you are feeling is to talk about the loss with other family members. Your parents may really need your help and you should be there for them. If you still have another grandfather alive, you should also accompany him through this difficult time. You can share your feelings by supporting those around you without feeling the pressure to be strong all the time. The most important thing is to be there.
Don't be afraid to share your feelings. Spend more time with your family than usual, instead of holing up in your room and letting yourself be saddened. Even if they don't ask for your company, they will still appreciate it
Step 6. Remember to take care of yourself
An important thing to keep in mind when dealing with the loss of a grandparent is that you must not forget to take care of yourself. Make sure you get enough rest - without spending all day in bed - eat healthy three times a day and spend your time going out and socializing. Caring for other family members can be important, but you don't have to sacrifice your well-being at all while grieving. Showering regularly and maintaining hygiene can also help you stay in control of your life. Even if you still feel upset, having healthy rhythms can make a huge difference.
- Although you feel in a horrible state, you just need to show and wear clean clothes to feel better instead of spending all day in bed without washing.
- Getting enough rest can help you stay in control of your emotions. If you are exhausted from not getting enough sleep or if you feel sluggish from oversleeping, then it will be difficult to cope with your situation.
Part 2 of 3: Honoring Your Dear Grandfather's Memory
Step 1. Find out about your grandfather
Once your parents or other family members are ready, don't be shy about asking how much you don't know about your grandfather. Talk to them about where he grew up, what his job was like, stories you've probably never heard, or just those details that pop into your mind when mentioned. Many grandchildren tend to view grandparents with the stereotype of the elderly instead of seeing them as people with rich life stories and experiences, especially if they lose them at a young age; being aware of the person you have lost in its entirety can help you feel the situation under control.
If your parents are ready to talk about it, ask what it was like for them growing up at home with their grandfather and what childhood memories they can share
Step 2. Take note of the stories your grandfather used to tell
While not all grandparents like to remember their life, many of them like to share stories from their childhood, their job, their hometown or the country they grew up in, or what the world was like back in time. Gather your loved ones and see how many stories you will remember hearing about your beloved grandfather. Pinning them can help to be aware of the person in all his or her entirety and can give you something to keep forever.
You can also spin the notebook, letting everyone write the story they remember. While it is impossible to have full knowledge of the person you have lost, you can find comfort in remembering these stories
Step 3. Look at photos from your grandfather's life
While he probably didn't have a Facebook account that tells about his life from birth to his later years, browsing a family album can help you find peace and gain a better understanding of yourself. Since you won't have a million photographs available, you should really dwell on every photo and memory left by him. Browse the album with a family member who can contextualize what you see and seek comfort in the fact that your grandfather lived a full and rich life.
- If the photos are not arranged in an album, but inside a box, you can also plan to create a photo album that honors the memories of the grandfather in chronological order.
- Of course, this job will take a few more tears away from you. Make sure you are ready before doing this.
Step 4. Keep the memories your grandfather gave you
Take a look at the gifts, photos, sweaters, books, jewelry or other precious memories your grandfather left you. If it's something you can wear, wear it for a while. If not, expose it so that it is visible. Don't think that you have to get rid of these items or put them out of sight to "get over" the loss. You can keep them close and close to your heart, honoring the memory of the one you love.
If there is something special that your grandfather gave you, such as a pendant, a card or a written letter, you can also take it with you for some time to have a way to find comfort. While it may seem silly and symbolic, it can help your grief
Step 5. Visit your grandfather in the graveyard if you are ready
If you think visiting him can ease your suffering and help have a quiet conversation with those you've lost, then you should go there when you feel ready, alone or with someone from the family. If you are very young and have never been to a cemetery, then it is best to talk to your parents about it and see if you are ready. If you are an adult and you think this can help you honor the memory of the person you have lost, then it is worth taking this step if you feel like it.
Bringing flowers or whatever your culture provides can help pay tribute to the person you have lost
Step 6. Talk to other people who have lost their grandparents
You can also honor your grandfather's memory by talking to other people who have experienced a similar loss. If it seems to you that your family may be feeling emotionally drained talking about it, try friends who have been through similar pain and who can help you get through this difficult time. No grief processing is the same as another, having someone to talk to can make you feel less alone.
Part 3 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Know that you will never fully "get over" grieving
You don't have to think that there is a negative connotation associated with the term "overcome" or that it means that you will be able to put aside thoughts about your dear grandfather and move forward happily in your life. It just means that while you always hold a special place in your heart for him, you will no longer feel that pain is holding you completely back from living your life.
Don't view overrun as an unfair gesture towards your grandfather. Look at it as a positive development that will help you live a healthy life
Step 2. Change your habits
One thing you can do, if you feel stuck in a routine, is to change things up a bit. If you do everything you always did like when your grandfather was alive, then it might be a little harder to move on if you don't change something. You may be spending more time with friends and family, starting a new hobby, or discovering a love of volunteering or reading that you never knew you had.
While you should avoid making drastic changes or making big decisions in a time of pain, making small changes here and there can make you feel like you are stepping into a new and positive rhythm
Step 3. Spend more time with your family
Another way to have more comfort and to move forward is to spend more time with close family members. It's not a cliché that bereavement in the family can really bring loved ones closer, so you should take it as an opportunity to spend more time with those you care about and to make family-oriented plans. This behavior can help you with grieving and give you relief and stability.
Maybe you don't normally come home for the holidays or you're not the type who talks to parents on the phone several times a week. Try increasing the amount of time you spend communicating with family and you will see that you will have more strength in this difficult time
Step 4. Go back to doing the things you and your grandfather loved to do together
While it is of course recommended that you avoid some of the activities you used to do with your dear grandfather, such as hiking in your favorite wooded areas, making sweets or just watching baseball, after a while, getting back to this kind of activity must be done. be natural and make yourself happy. Don't avoid doing the things you loved forever, or you will never feel like you are progressing in your pain. When you feel ready, push yourself to do those things you've loved doing, alone or with another family member or friend.
While it won't be like it was with your grandfather, it's a way to channel the memory you have of being with the one you love
Step 5. Get additional help if you need it
If you feel like you are still grieving and as bad as you first did when you heard the sad news despite the several months having passed, then you may need to seek more help. You could meet a grief therapist, do group therapy, or even talk to a doctor if nothing seems to work. Don't be ashamed to admit that you need extra help to get through this difficult time, and it will only do you good to take all the steps necessary to move forward.
Step 6. Remember that your grandfather would like to see you happy for the rest of your life
While this may seem like trivial advice when you're in pain, at the end of the day nothing is truer. Your grandfather loves you dearly and would like you to live a worthy and happy life while remembering all the amazing moments you spent together. You may feel trapped in routine or guilty for experiencing joy, but the best thing you can do is to continue enjoying life while addressing loving thoughts to your grandfather.
Your grandfather's influence in your life will continue long after his passing. The best thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is to continue enjoying life every day, keeping the memory of your grandfather in your heart
Advice
- Always remember to love him.
- Don't think he left you. It is always there, in your heart, always.
- It's okay to cry a little at the funeral, you're probably not the only one!
- Your parents will understand if you burst into tears from time to time because you miss them, even if they can join in your grief.
- Tell your grandmother or grandfather or your parents often that you love them so they will know!
- On his birthday, maybe you can sing a peaceful happy birthday, put his favorite thing on your computer background or have him become your symbol.
- Always know that it will always be with you.
- Remember something funny about him to light up your mood.
- When you finish overcoming the first major obstacle, you may feel enlightened.
