Not always, when a romance ends, you and your ex will be ready to put the past behind you. If you still have feelings for him and wonder if he feels the same, pay attention to how he behaves with you and with others. Remember, though, that the best way to find out the truth is to talk openly with him. You won't be able to tell for sure if your ex is interested in getting back together if you just interpret his attitude.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Observe Your Ex Behavior in Your Comparisons
Step 1. Think about what you know about your ex
The best way to interpret his behavior is to appeal to everything you know about yourself, about him, and about your relationship. Think back to when you were together, how he communicated and dealt with conflicts with you. Was it direct and abrupt? In that case he is probably not hiding his feelings, because he would be able to tell you if he misses you. Did he have the habit of avoiding you when he was angry with you? His silence probably means that he does not think about you, that he is angry and does not want to talk to you. Is it a person who lives in the past and continually rethinks what happened? Maybe you are always in his thoughts. Use what you know about him and his personality to give the right interpretation to his attitude.
Remember that the interpretation of your ex's behavior is influenced by your prejudices and your desires, so you will have a tendency to notice details that are not real. If he used to write to you often and completely stopped contacting you after the separation, that silence does not mean that he misses you; he would write to you if he thought of you. Try to keep an objective point of view
Step 2. Note how often he contacts you
If your ex doesn't miss you, he'll probably only text you if he has to (for example, to ask you when you are going to pick up your things from his apartment). If, on the other hand, he misses you, it will be difficult for him to resist the temptation to call you, send you a message or an e-mail, etc.
- He may be looking for you for no particular reason, such as saying, “Hey! I was wondering how you are”.
- If he broke up with you, but asked you to remain friends, the above rule doesn't apply. In that case, contacting you '' 'could' '' be a sign that he misses you, or simply a friend's behavior.
- If he always calls you drunk or in the middle of the night, he probably still has feelings for you.
Step 3. Notice their behavior when you speak
When he searches for you, he probably finds excuses to call you so he doesn't reveal his intentions. He may ask you for advice, your help solving a problem, or try to take the conversation to deeper topics. For example, he might tell you about his goals in life or his thoughts on the future.
When you talk, does he call you "by mistake" with a nickname he used when you were together? This slip may suggest that he still has feelings for you
Step 4. Note how long it takes to get back to you
When and if you contact your ex, how long does it take to respond to your messages? How long does it take to call you back? If for once he takes a few hours to respond, it means nothing, but if he always ignores your messages for hours or even days, he probably doesn't miss you very much.
If he completely ignores your phone calls and messages, stop looking for him. It won't be easy if you miss him; Make it a rule to cut off contact so that you can leave the past behind
Step 5. Watch her body language
If you end up meeting your ex, pay attention to their body language. If he doesn't look you in the eye, if his arms or legs are crossed, and he's not smiling, he probably isn't very happy to be with you.
- Even though body language gives very important clues to a person's feelings, it can't tell you everything. For example, you may miss your ex very much, but he may decide to act coldly in your presence, for fear that you might hurt him again.
- Try to observe his body language and analyze it using the information available to you. For example, if your ex's posture indicates that he doesn't want to be near you, but he calls you every day, he probably misses you, but is defensive around you.
Step 6. Notice if it shows up in the places you frequent
If your ex visits you often at the office or if you meet him in the bar you go to with friends, this is probably not a coincidence. If you have mutual friends, he may find out where you are and show up there "by accident".
If you meet him, don't forget to observe his body language. Do you often look in your direction? In that case, he too is trying to notice your behavior
Method 2 of 3: Observe Your Ex's Behavior with Others
Step 1. Visit their social media profiles
If you're still friends on social media, watch what they post and how they interact with others. Do you publish many vague or sad states (melancholy songs about lost love, etc.)? Does he comment on old photos of you two together or "like" those images? In that case, he probably can't get over your relationship.
- Remember that social media profiles are not always an accurate representation of what happens in a person's life. Even those who publish many images of a seemingly perfect life could have serious emotional problems.
- Don't be too pushy on social media. Respect your ex's privacy and don't check their profile more than once a day.
Step 2. Notice how he behaves towards you in front of other people
If you still hang out with a group of mutual friends, try to carefully (but also discreetly) observe your ex's attitude in their company. If he seems nervous to you when you're in a group and tries to avoid you, maybe he still has feelings for you.
- Be careful. Your ex may have a hard time managing their feelings, but that doesn't necessarily mean they miss you. For example, he may be very angry with you for hurting him. Try to judge his behavior by always considering the context of your breakup and your history.
- Notice if he is always looking at you, even when talking to other people. This may indicate that he is interested in observing your behavior to understand how you feel.
Step 3. Talk to mutual friends
If you have mutual friends that you trust and who won't tell your ex that you asked for information, ask if he or she talked about you. Your friends can give you valuable insights into what your former partner thinks.
- If you have mutual friends, but you're afraid they'll tell your ex you asked about him, you can ask the question naturally. For example, instead of taking a straightforward approach, try saying, “I was wondering how is [your ex's name] doing? I know he had to take an important exam and I hope it went well”. They might understand your intentions anyway, but it won't be as easy as saying, "Did [your ex's name] tell you anything about me?"
- Avoid always annoying your friends about this topic. You can ask once or twice, but they won't like it if you don't talk about anything else.
- If your friends answer you “I'm sorry, but I don't want to get involved in this situation”, you have to respect their wishes. That doesn't mean they don't love you, but that they care about your well-being as much as your former partner's and don't want to be forced to take sides.
Method 3 of 3: Talk to Your Ex
Step 1. Assess if honest dialogue is a good idea
The easiest and most effective way to find out if your ex misses you is to ask him a direct question. Unfortunately, while it is the quickest route, for many people it is the most difficult.
- Keep in mind that not everyone answers questions about their feelings honestly, especially when they're afraid you might harm them.
- If you and your ex are unable to communicate without arguing, it's not a good idea to meet up to talk about a sensitive topic like your feelings.
- You may be afraid to ask your ex a direct question, but with this approach you will avoid a lot of confusion in the future. Instead of wasting time trying to interpret his silence or what he really meant with that smiling emoticon, you will know for sure if he wants to go back with you. If she has decided to permanently break up your relationship, you could begin the healing process and not waste your time with someone who doesn't want to date you anymore.
Step 2. Get in touch with your ex
You can do this by text or email, but the fastest means of communication is a phone call. Talk in a light and friendly tone. Ask him if he would like to have lunch or coffee because you want to talk to him.
Be aware that he may decline your invitation. If he declines, it would be a clue that he doesn't miss you or isn't ready to see you yet. Try not to get angry and respect his wishes
Step 3. Deal with light topics
The first time you meet after separation, the situation will be awkward. Take the initiative and try to temper the climate of tension. Ask your ex how his life is going (for example at school or work) and let him know what's going on in yours.
Try to keep the conversation light and don't talk about your relationship right away. This will help ease the situation and let him know that you are not trying to fight
Step 4. Wait for the right time
If you are in a restaurant or bar and are ordering, wait until the waiter has brought your dishes before talking about the reason for the meeting. That way, you won't be constantly interrupted by the staff.
If you order drinks, avoid alcohol (if you have a habit of drinking them). You may think that a few drinks will help you relax, but it could also lead you to say things you don't think about or let your emotions dominate you
Step 5. Speak truthfully
The idea of revealing your feelings will scare you a lot, but sooner or later you will have to explain the reason for the meeting. Start by telling your ex that you appreciate him coming and that you'd like to talk about a topic you've been thinking about for some time. If you still have feelings for him, don't hide it.
- If you miss him, telling him the truth can make you feel more vulnerable, but you may also make him open up about his feelings.
- For example, you might say, “The truth is, I've thought a lot about you. I know we separated and I respect your feelings, but I would like to ask you how you feel about me”.
- You could have this conversation over the phone or text, but in person you will have the opportunity to observe his body language and facial expressions.
Step 6. Decide how to proceed
If both of you miss your relationship a lot, you have to choose how to deal with your feelings. Try to objectively discuss why you separated and see if it's worth getting back together.
- If you find that your ex doesn't miss you, it's time to move on. Don't try to get him to have feelings that don't belong to him.
- It will be very difficult, but try to think rationally if getting back together is a good idea. Even if you miss the days spent together, resuming the relationship may not be the best choice. For example, if you were always arguing about your fundamental principles (such as religion or ideas on how to lead your life), your love story is probably not destined to continue.
Advice
- Be prepared for what can happen. If you want to find out if your ex misses you because you want to get back with him, you have to accept that he may have forgotten you.
- Remember not to let your pride out when talking to your ex. Often you will be tempted to use sarcasm or a defensive attitude if you don't know how he feels about you, but doing so will lead him to be insincere.
