How to Talk to Your Parents (with Pictures)

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

It is often difficult for parents and children to have an open conversation. The former often believe they are intrusive, while the children fear that the "grown-ups" are not interested in what they have to say. If you feel like your parents are being too critical or if you feel embarrassed at the very thought of starting a dialogue, prepare a strategy and use some communication tools to be able to talk to them.

Steps

Part 1 of 5: Planning the Conversation

Step 1. Find the courage to speak

Whatever the topic, consider that you will take a lot of the weight off your shoulders as soon as you share it with your parents. Don't feel worried, anxious or embarrassed, as they will always be by your side. They may even know more than you think.

Step 2. Don't worry about your parents getting angry or reacting badly

If you communicate correctly and with the right planning, you will be able to have the conversation you want. Your parents worry because they care about you and want the best. Therefore, they will be happy if you ask for their advice regarding a problem.

Step 3. Don't avoid the conversation

Problems and embarrassment won't go away on their own if you don't talk to your parents. Relieve stress by expressing your feelings. You will experience less tension and anxiety knowing that they are trying to understand you and solve your problems.

Step 4. Decide who to talk to

Do you want to do this with both parents or maybe your mother is more suited to the topic you want to cover? You probably have a different relationship with your dad than you do with your mom, so ask yourself what is the best choice.

• Some topics are easier to deal with with one parent than with the other, or one of the two may be calmer and the other more short-tempered. In this case, the best solution is probably to talk to the calmer person first and then have the conversation with the other person together.
• Be aware that your parents will likely talk about what you said, even if you did it in private. It is best to include both of them in the conversation, but it may be a good idea to get one of them to help you. For example, if you don't want to make your dad feel left out by just telling your mom about your experience with a bully, ask her if you can talk to your dad together, because you're afraid he might take it out on you, since you haven't been able to defend yourself.

Step 5. Set a place and time for the conversation

Find out about your parents' schedule so you can find the best time to talk. They shouldn't be distracted by an upcoming meeting or dinner preparations. In addition, it is important to decide where to hold the conversation, in order to avoid distractions like the television or your parents' colleagues.

Step 6. Think about the outcome of the conversation

While you probably already know what you want to achieve by talking to your parents, they may give you different answers than you expect. Plan out all possible scenarios. In theory, the conversation will go smoothly, but if it doesn't, that's not a problem. Remember that you will never be alone, as there are many people you can reach out to, including teachers and other responsible adults.

• If the outcome of the conversation isn't what you hoped for, you can try a few strategies:

  • Talk to your parents again. Maybe you haven't picked the right time. If your mom has had a bad day, she's probably not in the mood to discuss your situation with an open mind. For example, don't ask to be able to attend a friend's birthday party right after forcing your parents to be late for your sister's play.
  • Forget it. There is no reason to infuriate your parents and ruin the chances of getting what you want in the near future. If you have had an open and respectful dialogue, in which both sides have had the opportunity to express their opinion, you should accept their point of view. Showing that you are mature enough to respect their opinion will be very useful in the future, as they will be more willing to listen to you, knowing that you are able to keep your emotions in check.
  • Seek outside help. Convince your grandparents, your friends' parents or your teachers to support your position. Your parents will always try to protect you, so asking outside help can convince them that you can handle a situation. For example, you can ask one of your older siblings to tell your father that he has already been to the club you want to go to and that he can accompany you to ensure your safety.

  Part 2 of 5: Starting a Dialogue

  

  Step 1. Write what you want to say

  You don't have to prepare the whole script, but make sure you have at least identified the key points. This way you will be able to put your thoughts in order and predict how the conversation will develop.

  You can start by saying: "Dad, I have to talk to you about something that is stressing me a lot lately", "Mom, do you mind if I tell you about something?", "Mom, Dad, I made a serious mistake and I need your help"

  

  Step 2. Talk to your parents about trivial topics every day

  If you don't already have such a relationship with them, start by discussing the little things. If you get into the habit of talking about everything, they will learn to listen to you and your relationship will grow stronger.

  It is never too late to talk to your parents. Even if you haven't heard from them for a year, start with a simple greeting. You can say, "I just wanted to let you know how I am and chat for a while. We haven't talked in a long time and I'd like to tell you what's going on in my life." They will appreciate the gesture and it will be easier for them to keep the dialogue open

  

  Step 3. Probe the terrain

  If you feel the subject is too sensitive or if you know for certain that your parents will react badly, approach the conversation gradually. Ask preliminary questions to better assess their possible answers, or give clues as to what you want to talk about.

  For example, if you have to tell your parents that you are sexually active, try, "Mom, Laura has been dating her boyfriend for a year, they seem to be really serious. Do you think you can have deep relationships in high school?" By telling a friend's story to give context to the situation, you can get a pretty clear idea of how your parents might react if it were you. You can ask their opinion, but be careful to hide your cards well, otherwise they may understand your intentions and ask you questions about your personal situation

  

  Step 4. Decide what you want to get out of the conversation

  It is impossible to plan the development of a dialogue if you do not have a clear destination in mind. Ask yourself what your goal is, so you know which tools to use.

  Part 3 of 5: Speak So Your Parents Listen

  

  Step 1. Make sure your message is clear and direct

  Explain well what you think, how you feel and what you want. It's easy to get nervous and use the wrong words or ramble. To feel more relaxed, prepare for the conversation and offer your parents detailed examples until you are sure they understand what you are saying.

  

  Step 2. Be honest

  Don't overdo it and don't lie. If the subject is very sensitive, it is not easy to hide your emotions. Speak from the heart and make sure your parents don't ignore anything you say. If you've lied in the past or used to dramatize what's going on often, it will probably take some time for them to believe you, but keep insisting.

  

  Step 3. Try to understand your parents' point of view

  Anticipate their reactions. Have you ever talked about similar problems? If you know they will react negatively or disagree with you, explain that you understand their opinion. If you show that you care about their feelings, they may decide to be more open about your opinion.

  For example, if your parents are worried that you might have a cell phone, you can say, "Mom, Dad, I know you don't want me to have a cell phone. I understand that they cost a lot of money, that they are a big responsibility and that they are not necessary for a child of my age. I know that when you see my classmates with their cell phones you think it is a waste, because they just use it to play or go to Instagram. What would you say if I bought the phone with the my savings and we take a prepaid SIM, so that you do not have to bear any expenses? You can also control the games and applications I download, because I only want to use it in certain situations, such as that time when volleyball training is over late or when you are on the phone with your grandmother"

  

  Step 4. Don't complain and don't argue

  Show respect and maturity by using a positive tone. Don't be sarcastic and don't respond badly when your parents say something you disagree with. If you talk to them the way you would like them to talk to you, they will likely take the conversation seriously.

  

  Step 5. Consider whether to speak only to your mother or to your father

  Some threads are better suited to a certain parent. Maybe you have a habit of talking to your school dad more often and more to your mom than girls. Make sure you choose the right topic for the right person.

  

  Step 6. Find the right time and place

  When talking to your parents, make sure you have their full attention. Avoid public places and don't try to talk to them when they have little time available. They should have plenty of time to reflect on what you are saying. Also try not to surprise them by introducing an important topic at an unsuitable time.

  

  Step 7. Listen to your parents when they talk

  Don't get distracted by trying to think about what to say next. Reflect on what they say and respond appropriately. It's easy to push too hard on one topic if you don't get the answer you expected right away.

  To make sure you understand, you can even repeat what your parents said; in this way they will know that you listen to them carefully

  

  Step 8. Develop an open dialogue

  The conversation shouldn't be one-sided, so ask questions and explain yourself better if you feel like your message isn't understood. Don't interrupt your parents and don't raise your voice. However, if they get angry, try saying, "I understand you're angry. I'm not ignoring your feelings, but I wish the conversation was more constructive. We should talk another time."

  Part 4 of 5: Introducing Difficult Topics

  

  Step 1. Anticipate the outcome of the conversation

  Your goals are likely to be the following:

  • You want your parents to listen and understand you without judging or commenting on you.
  • You want to get your parents' support or get permission to do something.
  • You want them to give you advice or help.
  • You want them to suggest what to do, especially if you are in trouble.
  • You would like to be treated more fairly and with dignity.

  

  Step 2. Think about your feelings

  This can be difficult, especially if you have to talk about sex or open up like you've never done before. It's natural to feel embarrassed or anxious before discussing difficult topics with your parents. Try to recognize your feelings and communicate with them, so as to relieve the burden you feel.

  • For example, if you are worried that your parents will be disappointed, say so right away. Try saying, "Mom, I know we've talked about this in the past and you'll be disappointed with what I'm about to say, but I also know you're willing to listen to me and give me the help I need."
  • If your parents are particularly emotional and you are expecting a very harsh or hostile reaction, explain that you have taken these factors into account, but still found the courage to talk to them. Try to be proactive and temper the situation with positivity. For example: "Dad, I know you will be very angry, but it is important for me to tell you this, because I know that you love me, that you respect me and that you only take it because you want the best for me."

  

  Step 3. Choose the right time to speak

  If your parents have had a bad day, the chances of getting a negative response are higher. If it's not an emergency, wait until things get better. Pick a time when they are in a good mood and have had a stress-free day.

  • For example, try asking, "Can we talk or is this not a good time?" The perfect occasions can be a long drive or a walk; however, if these opportunities never arise, find the right time among those available to you.
  • Make sure you decide what to say in advance or make a list of the main topics so you don't forget anything important. Don't get caught off guard and don't start a conversation you're not ready for.

  Part 5 of 5: Finding Alternatives

  

  Step 1. Choose your battles

  You won't always get what you want, so don't be stubborn if your parents don't respond the way you want them to. If you have expressed your point of view respectfully and have listened to what they have to say, you will find them more accommodating on your next conversation.

  

  Step 2. Talk to other adults you trust

  In some cases our parents have personal problems. If one of them has addiction or mental health issues, talk to other trustworthy adults. You have many choices, such as teachers, relatives or psychologists.

  Before talking to someone you don't have a personal relationship with, do some research and ask your peers to help you

  

  Step 3. Behave in a mature way

  If you decide not to talk to your parents, approach your problems with maturity. Don't avoid difficult situations, especially if they have to do with your health or safety. If you wanted to talk to them about another person, you can approach them directly and with respect.

  Advice

  • Your parents can be stressed in the morning because they are in a hurry to get out of the house to avoid rush hour traffic or because they are thinking about work. If you decide to choose this time of day to talk, try to keep the conversation light.
  • Even small gestures count. A simple "Thank you" or a "Hello, how was your day?" they can do a lot.
  • There's nothing wrong with disagreeing with your parents, as long as you're willing to respect what they have to say.
  • Dinner preparations can be a good time to talk, because everyone has something to do. You will probably all find yourself in the kitchen but no one will be busy just listening to you.
  • Be confident and don't be afraid.
  • Try reading books, blogs, or forums that give advice on how to communicate more openly with your parents.
  • If you disagree with them, take some time to calm down so you don't react negatively and with anger. Take a couple of deep breaths and wait a few seconds before starting to express your point of view.
  • Avoid talking to your parents if they are in a hurry or are busy, frustrated or tired; try to find a good time for everyone. Make sure you are ready for the conversation.

  Warnings

  • The longer you wait to talk about a difficult topic, the more stress builds up. If your parents find out that you are hiding something, it would be very difficult to develop the conversation in the way you hoped for.
  • If you and your parents haven't developed good communication skills in the past, it can take time for them to feel comfortable enough to talk openly with you.
  • Be patient when talking to your parents, especially about sensitive topics. Don't let anger cloud your common sense.