Sometimes you may get the impression that your parents don't understand you, and in this situation there is a risk that your relationship will be compromised. Nevertheless, it is important to respect them. If you want to show more consideration, you can easily change your behavior and point of view to treat them with the kindness they deserve.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Changing the way you view them
Step 1. Be grateful
Gratitude means being grateful for what you have. In addition to giving you life, your parents sacrifice time, energy and effort to make sure their children's needs and wants are met. By showing how much you appreciate their efforts, you will also show respect.
- Speak frankly. The easiest way to express gratitude is to thank them by saying that you appreciate what they do and that you love them for who they are.
- Make small, meaningful gestures. For example, clean up the kitchen after dinner or take out the trash without being asked. They will notice and appreciate your availability.
- Give a compliment when they are good at something. For example, congratulate your mother when she prepares some delicacies or tell your father how brilliant he is at his job.
Step 2. Take into account the different points of view
Respecting the opinions of others is a useful quality throughout life, from politics to work. Just because you want to understand your parents' vision doesn't mean you have to put your ideals aside. Rather, looking at various situations from their perspective will foster mutual understanding and, as a result, you will all be more likely to accept each other.
- Ask a few questions to get to know them better. Don't forget that your parents belong to a different generation than yours and that many changes take place over time. Talking to them will help you bridge the gap that separates you.
- Keep a journal about your interactions with your parents. Rereading it you will see the situation with more honesty, instead of reinterpreting the circumstances in your favor.
- Talk to an impartial person. By contacting someone who has nothing to gain you will be able to see things from another perspective, perhaps that of your parents. If you learn to understand their point of view, you will be able to lay the foundations for a respectful relationship on both sides.
Step 3. Recognize their wisdom
Wisdom is the ability to use knowledge and understanding of life in an attempt to deal with the uncertainties as they arise. Believe it or not, your parents have also gone through many experiences similar to those you went through in your childhood or adolescence. For this reason you must recognize their wealth of knowledge and value their judgment.
For example, if you need to be examined, you will probably prefer to consult a doctor with the experience and training necessary to diagnose and treat the condition you are suffering from. The same goes for your parents: if you begin to see them as "professionals in life" you will learn to have more respect and consideration for them
Step 4. Remember how much they love you
It is not possible to convert into numbers or percentages how much a parent loves their child. Not only did he give him life, but he nurtures him, guides him, helps him overcome obstacles, gives himself and loves him unconditionally. As children we often forget how much mom and dad did for us. By taking a second to think about their affection and support, you can build a bond based on love and respect.
- Recognize that when parents seem to be holding you back, they have a good reason. Often, they act as a shield to protect children from anything they consider dangerous.
- Your parents love you and want your existence to be full of satisfaction. When they see that a behavior is likely to compromise certain outcomes, this situation can cause short circuits in the relationship. Realize that, usually, it is love for their children that leads them to do this.
Part 2 of 3: Changing Behavior Towards Parents
Step 1. Follow the rules
As children we happen to disagree with the rules imposed by our parents, but we are not wise enough to realize that these rules are based on valid reasons. They are important because all people are interdependent. If you break the rules, there are consequences that affect not only you, but others (including your parents) as well. By observing them, however, you show your parents that you have respect for their foresight and judgment.
- Consider what they expect from you. Understand the rules set by your parents so as to avoid confusion and not inadvertently violate them.
- Stop for a second and think about the consequences. Think about the ripple effect your actions could trigger and how it would affect you and the people around you. Ask yourself if it's really worth it.
Step 2. Be polite
Good manners are not only about the cutlery to use at the table, but also the ability to be sensitive to the feelings of others. If you are caring and kind to your parents, whom you have known since you were born, you will show respect and consideration.
- Don't hesitate to say "please" and "thank you". Words are powerful and each has a meaning. In this way, in addition to being polite, you will show gratitude and esteem, two feelings that are part of the respect to be shown towards the people who brought us into the world.
- Pay attention to the language. Note the topics covered in conversations and your choice of words when your parents are nearby. Regardless of the age of the children, parents always consider them children. They prefer to keep a pure and clean image of them.
Step 3. Stay with them
At some point in life (especially during adolescence) children prefer to do different things rather than be with their parents. Yours know it and accept it. However, imagine how much love, admiration and respect they would feel if you chose to spend some time with them.
- Start with their interests. Pay attention to what they do in their free time. Whether it's sports, dance, music or gardening, ask a few questions and show your participation.
- Sometimes you choose to spend some time with them instead of your friends. They will really appreciate this gesture.
Step 4. Show your affection
As we grow, we tend not to hug and kiss the people we love anymore. By physically showing your affection, you will show gratitude, respect and esteem for the work of parents and educators carried out by your father and mother.
- Express the good you have for them when they least expect it, not just on special occasions or when you need something.
- Hug and kiss them for no particular reason. If they ask you what is the reason for this unexpected gesture, answer: "Because it's you!".
Part 3 of 3: Improving Communication with Parents
Step 1. Don't answer badly
This is disrespectful behavior towards parents, so don't react by yelling, insulting, rolling your eyes or using sarcasm. It seems like a means of defending yourself, but in this way you only exacerbate the conflicts. By learning to master impulsive reactions, you will show your parents that you respect their authority.
- Identify the problem. If you can grasp it and want to make some changes, you've already taken a step forward. It takes maturity to understand the different reactions and points of view between children and parents.
- Apologize. When you disrespect your parents, admit it and ask if they can help you as you try to improve your behavior.
- Take a mental "break". The next time you're tempted to say something sassy, rearrange your ideas for a second before getting carried away by emotion. Consider what your parents are saying and their point of view.
Step 2. Pay attention to your body language
Communication between people is characterized not only by what is said, but by how it is said. It is the tone of voice, eye contact and the way you move that make the difference. So make sure you show respect and understanding through non-verbal cues.
- Avoid crossing your arms, otherwise you will feel defensive and unwilling to communicate.
- Notice the tone of your voice. Avoid being sarcastic or yelling, otherwise you won't seem very rational, but it will give the impression that emotion is taking over. Instead, try to talk while maintaining calm and self-control.
- Make eye contact. You will show sincerity in what you say and an interest in hearing what your parents have to say.
Step 3. Don't bring up the past
When tempers are on fire, you can easily lose the thread and bring up any topic that justifies anger, pain or stress. Try to stay focused on one point of the discussion so that you can tackle the problems one at a time, without being overwhelmed by emotion.
- Check if there are any outstanding issues before you start talking. Resentment or repressed pain can be an obstacle to effective communication. So resolve existing frictions (one at a time) before moving on.
- At the beginning of the discussion, invite your parents to focus on one problem at a time. If any of you wander, the others should politely remind them not to change the subject.
Step 4. Accept any disagreement
Parents aren't always right, but that doesn't mean you can prove your point by disrespecting them. Instead of yelling, get them calmly and rationally to consider your view of the situation.
- Write what you think. Reflect on what you intend to communicate to your parents and write down your reasons and some examples to support your argument.
- Postpone the discussion. Take it back when tempers have subsided. Choose a time when they are not busy or too stressed to sit down and calmly explain your reasoning.
- To avoid being defensive, speak in first person. In this way you will be able to focus on the behaviors that are bothering you, on your mood and on the aspects that, in your opinion, should change. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," you could put it this way: "I feel like I'm not being listened to. I wish my opinion mattered more."
Step 5. Be open
Allow your parents to enter your world. Tell about school, work, your crush, or any interesting circumstance that you would never have shared in the past. Share your worries and fears, as they have probably already experienced them. By engaging in a sincere dialogue, you will show trust in them and consideration for what they think.
- Share some secrets. Of course you would feel uncomfortable describing everything in great detail, but if you show that you trust them enough to confess a little secret, they will understand that you appreciate their judgment.
- Don't be afraid to express your emotions. There is nothing wrong with showing your parents fear, anger, nervousness, joy, or other feelings. Getting them into your world is just a small gesture to show how much you care about them.
Advice
- Parents work hard every day to make sure their children's needs and wishes are met. They deserve esteem and consideration. Even if you don't always get along, respect them and show your admiration.
- Give them a gift even if it's not a special occasion. A small box of chocolates or a bottle of wine will do well to show how much you care about them.
- Realize that parents are not perfect beings. They have been wrong in the past and will continue to make mistakes. Learn to love them unconditionally, as they do with you.
- Remember that you only have two parents. Treat them well as long as you have a chance to show your love.
