Trust is a key element in building a strong and lasting relationship with your boyfriend. While it is natural for doubts to arise during an affair, these concerns - if they have no basis - can create detrimental effects. To prevent this from happening, learn to trust your boyfriend, to regain confidence after a betrayal, and to deal with the problems that can arise from distrust.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Addressing Trust Issues
Step 1. Consider why you think you can't trust your boyfriend
Before making any drastic decisions about your relationship, you should consider why you are having a hard time trusting your partner. If you are going to talk to him about your concerns, you should be able to identify why you have this strong mistrust of him
- Is there anything in his behavior that made you doubt? Do you have the impression that he is avoiding you? Has anyone else made a comment or suggested that he is not worthy of your trust?
- Do you have elements in favor of your suspicions?
Step 2. Don't rush to conclusions
While this reaction may be because you don't trust him, it's best not to rush to conclusions that could jeopardize the relationship. Instead of being influenced by your suspicions, try to reflect on the situation calmly and rationally
- Is there another explanation that clarifies your boyfriend's behavior or concerns? It would be wiser to understand exactly what the facts are and how they unfolded.
- Have similar circumstances ever occurred in your relationship in the past? What was the final result?
- If you have a dear friend who usually helps you reflect, ask her to help you out again this time.
Step 3. Reflect on your past relationships
Before making any assumptions about your boyfriend's unreliability, think about previous relationships. If you have been deceived or betrayed, it is not so strange that you have some doubts about the reliability of your current partner
- If you think that your past relationship problems may be compromising your trust in your boyfriend, take care to clarify your point of view. This way the other person can better understand your position and you may agree on how to interact more effectively in the future.
- If he isn't willing to put up with your mistrust, or at least try to understand it, then he probably doesn't deserve your trust.
- If you are feeling emotionally trapped because you don't believe you can overcome trust issues that have arisen in the past, it may be a great time to talk to a therapist or analyst so you can move on and move on in your current or future relationship.
Step 4. Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel
While it may seem difficult, the best way to deal with a lack of trust is to face your fears. Without being argumentative, accusing or portraying in a negative way, talk to him about how you perceive his behavior.
- Psychologists often recommend introducing speech with the expression "I feel" rather than with a second-person sentence. For example, instead of accusing your boyfriend of betraying your trust, try saying "I feel bad" or "My concern is that we don't have the same expectations in this relationship." If you focus on what you are feeling instead of his behavior, at least at the beginning, the conversation will take on a less confrontational tone. As a result, your boyfriend is more likely not to back down.
- Think about how you might feel if someone accuses you of being untrustworthy, plus do your best to stay calm and listen carefully to what they have to say.
Step 5. Try to use the same yardstick
If you want to be able to trust your boyfriend, it's only fair that he can trust you too. Therefore, do not adopt two different criteria and do everything to be open, honest and worthy of his trust.
- For example, if you don't want him to text other girls, avoid texting other guys too.
- Likewise, you shouldn't fret if he doesn't call you, when you ultimately don't keep your promises.
Step 6. Make a commitment to strengthen your relationship
If you feel closer to your boyfriend, you will be able to overcome the trust problems that have arisen in your relationship, so take the time to keep the dialogue and the life as a couple alive.
Organize some activities that lead you to talk and collaborate. For example, take a cooking class or work on an art project. Pick a sport to play together, but make sure you can be on the same team. Team harmony will strengthen your relationship, help you feel closer and improve your ability to communicate with each other
Step 7. Recognize the more severe symptoms that result from lack of confidence
While it is normal to wonder if you can trust your partner or if you are placing too much trust in him, sometimes you risk getting overwhelmed by these kinds of problems and complicating an important and lasting relationship. If you are afraid of having big trust issues, try to recognize some signs by asking yourself the following questions:
- Is your distrust interfering in your relationship?
- Do you find it difficult to have friends or to get to know people due to a lack of trust?
- Have your past relationships been exasperated, painful, or even violent?
- Are you afraid that everyone around you is dishonest and false, even if you have no evidence to prove it?
Step 8. Consider what else your trust issues might be related to
If you're having a hard time identifying a single reason why you can't trust your boyfriend, try to figure out what your lack of trust might be coming from. Distrust in a couple relationship often stems from the experiences and interactions experienced in the first years of life. Below are some of the most common reasons why you may have a hard time trusting your boyfriend or other people in your life:
- If you have been abused, physically or emotionally abused, or have received various rejections, you may find it hard to trust others.
- If you have low self-esteem or don't feel worthy of the love and affection of others, you will likely have a hard time trusting your relationships.
- Traumatic events, such as the disappearance of a loved one, illness or betrayal, can compromise people's ability to trust.
- Some types of mental disorders can also heighten anxiety, cause hallucinations, or generate paranoia that hinder trust in others.
Step 9. Talk to a mental health professional
If you can't trust your boyfriend or think your trust issues are more serious, seek out a counselor. It will help you analyze your concerns and may provide you with both emotional support and appropriate therapy.
Method 2 of 3: Learn to Trust
Step 1. Remember that in a couple both parties must be able to trust each other
Trust, in fact, is a feeling that unites two people. Thus, you will be able to stow it more easily in your partner if you also behave seriously.
- If you expect trust from your partner, they should expect the same from you too. Therefore, it is good to lead by example. If you are concerned that your boyfriend may flirt with other women, try not to behave like this with other men.
- To build trust in your relationship, both you and your boyfriend will need to be reliable companions and live up to what you say. By doing so, you will learn to rely on each other. For example, if you make a commitment to do something together or help each other in certain circumstances, try to keep your word.
Step 2. Promise to trust him
While it may seem too simple, the promise of trusting your boyfriend will allow you to act accordingly. If you both agree, you will have established a firm ground in your relationship.
Step 3. Reflect on your boyfriend's feelings
An important element in learning to trust your partner is to keep in mind what they are feeling and to show a certain sensitivity towards them. If you expect him to behave the same way around you, then you should even consider this attitude as a priority in your relationship.
- An important aspect at this stage is to listen but also to respect your boyfriend's thoughts and feelings.
- Even if you sometimes disagree with him, don't ignore how he might feel at the moment and don't act disrespectfully.
Step 4. Build a dialogue with each other
To build trust, you need to interact and communicate in person. While you will sometimes need to call, text, or email you, try to spend time talking to each other in person.
- In this way you will be able to forge a strong bond between you and increase the sense of security in your relationship.
- It is much easier to trust someone when you have a chance to look them in the eye and be sure they are telling the truth.
Step 5. Promise to be discreet about your report
By telling other people the most intimate details about your relationship, you risk jeopardizing the trust each places in the other. If both of you promise not to betray her, you will be able to trust more easily in other respects.
If there is something you would like to remain between you, tell your boyfriend clearly so that he realizes what you expect and want. At the same time, when he shares confidential information with you, reassure him that you will keep it confidential
Step 6. Agree to admit your mistakes and apologize
It is inevitable to missteps in a relationship, but if you both know you were wrong and can sincerely apologize, you will learn to trust each other and gain more confidence in your relationship.
It is much easier to reconcile after an argument if both parties are willing to acknowledge that they have done or said something unpleasant or inappropriate
Step 7. Learn to forgive
By dwelling on something that hurt your feelings or hurt you, you will prevent yourself from trusting your boyfriend. If you have explained your point of view to him and he has offered you a sincere apology, then you will have to do whatever it takes to let it go.
If every time you discuss you bring up how hurt you have felt in the past, it will be difficult for both of you to trust each other and communicate honestly. If your boyfriend realizes that you always react this way, he will likely be hesitant to talk to you openly and truthfully
Step 8. Find time for yourself
To build trust in the relationship, it is important to spend time with your partner, but it is also necessary to have moments to dedicate to yourself, family and friends. The time you spend away from your boyfriend will teach you to listen to your gut and also open up to new perspectives from which to observe your relationship.
If you have any doubts that your trust is misplaced, talk to friends or family about it. They may help you analyze what you are feeling and understand more clearly whether your trust is deserved or bad
Step 9. Don't give up
Trust is not something that blooms overnight. Rather, it requires hard work, patience and commitment.
Based on the nature of your relationship and the challenges life poses, expect to have doubts about the trust you are placing in your boyfriend. Probably he too will have similar perplexities sooner or later. It's natural, but how you deal with these concerns will determine the strength of your relationship
Method 3 of 3: Regaining Trust After a Betrayal
Step 1. Confess to your boyfriend that you don't trust him anymore
Regardless of what has made you lose faith in him or has made you feel betrayed, your relationship will not be able to go on unless both of you are willing to talk about the distrust that affects your relationship and what you are feeling.
- Make sure you speak in person. It is difficult to communicate openly and sincerely over the phone, by email or text, as you do not have the opportunity to look each other in the eye to assess each other's attitudes and expressions.
- Try to be honest when discussing such difficult topics. While it may initially be less painful to avoid analyzing or reliving bitter situations, unpleasant questions about what happened are more likely to re-emerge if you don't address them with determination.
- As calmly as possible, explain to your boyfriend what he did to make you think your trust has been betrayed. Instead of accusing him, make it clear that it is your feeling or suspicion. Open the speech by saying, for example: "I'm worried …" or "I'm afraid that …". Maybe the situation isn't what you're imagining, so it's best not to jeopardize the relationship. Even if you have lost faith in him, openly accusing him may put him on the defensive and make him nervous, making the discussion even more unpleasant.
- If you find it difficult to argue without help, make an appointment with an analyst or therapist so that their presence simplifies your confrontation.
Step 2. Pay attention to the opportunities that can arise from this difficult situation
While no one likes to face a betrayal or a loss of trust, on the other hand think about the opportunities that could arise from such a circumstance. Think of it as an opportunity to strengthen, consolidate or rebuild your relationship and define underlying problems.
By looking at the situation this way, you will be able to handle cheating and learn to trust your boyfriend again
Step 3. Establish a new direction for your relationship
If you have lost faith in your partner because he has cheated on you, you will need to decide or discuss the possibility of basing your relationship on new criteria, since he has changed and you will not want to repeat the same mistakes. By setting new conditions, you can be sure that you are both on the same page and share the same expectations.
- Think about the stressors that may have contributed to the feeling of betrayal or distrust. For example, if you no longer trust your partner in financial matters, agree on how to spend your money in the future. Establish specific criteria and commit yourself to respecting them.
- If you've never set criteria or rules in your relationship, now is a great time to start, so that you have the same expectations and decide which behaviors are appropriate or not.
Step 4. Be sensitive and try to empathize with him
Regardless of who has lost faith in the relationship, you both need to be sensitive and understanding in order for each to accept the other's feelings and concerns. By doing so, you will be able to get back on track and improve your communication.
Nobody likes to talk to a partner who is numb or who makes no effort to understand how the other is feeling
Step 5. Learn to trust your instincts and your intuitive ability
To rebuild trust in a relationship, you need to learn to trust your instincts, no matter how difficult it is after a betrayal. The more you trust your ability to understand if a person is honest and transparent, the more likely you are to trust your partner again.
- To realize what your gut is telling you, experts suggest paying attention to what your body is communicating. Do you have a tingling sensation on the skin or a sense of physical discomfort? In these cases, your instincts are likely to be warning you.
- Some research also suggests paying attention to how you initially react to a situation. This does not mean that you have to lose your temper if you have no proof, but consider what your conscience might suggest before ignoring it.
Step 6. Don't allow fear to control your relationship
Fear of cheating can seriously undermine the trust you have in your partner and the conviction with which you carry your story forward. Stop fears from controlling your relationship and hindering your happiness.
- Look critically at what appears to be triggering your fears. Are they based on real facts or do they indicate a lack of trust in the relationship?
- Talk to your boyfriend about what you can do to prevent such fears from gaining ground. Is there an easy way to reassure you or by which your partner can convince you that these fears are unfounded?
- The more you trust your instincts, the more you will be able to manage and face your fears.
Step 7. Seek help
Rebuilding trust in a relationship is a challenging task, so don't feel embarrassed to ask for help. A couple or marriage counselor, or another psychological professional, can help you regain confidence after a betrayal and move forward in your relationship.
They are qualified professionals to deal with this kind of situation. Therefore, a person capable of mediating can help you restore lost trust
Advice
- If your boyfriend repeatedly betrays your trust, he is probably not worthy.
- If you expect your mate to be reliable, you should prove that too.
- If you have trouble trusting your partner or talking about your trust issues, make an appointment with an analyst or therapist. It could help you analyze your concerns and build the trust that is lacking in your relationship.
