The "21 Questions" game is very simple, and can be customized according to the number of players and their personalities. Play it whenever you want to get to know someone better. Here are some simple guidelines and questions to start with.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Basic Game
Step 1. Understand the point of the game
The idea behind 21 questions is to ask each member of the group a series of 21 questions in an attempt to get to know that person a little better.
- When you ask a question, the "target" or person who is answering must have time to answer before being asked another question.
- This game is great for breaking the ice or as a way to pass the time in moments of boredom. Since it is a game, the questions and answers are often taken lightly.
- It is easier to play in two, but it is also possible to do it in small groups.
Step 2. Choose the first target
The "target" is the person who will have to respond during the current turn.
- All players should play the role of turn-based target, for the game to be fairer.
- Someone may offer to be the first target, but if you can't find an agreement, you can decide by tossing a coin, playing rock-paper-scissor, or rolling a die.
- Throwing a coin is an effective method in the presence of only two players. Each player will choose "heads" or "tails" at the time of the roll. The person who wins the throw can decide whether to become the target or have his playmate do it.
- Playing rock-paper-scissors is easier with just two people, but it can be extended to more participants. The winner will have the right to choose the target for the first turn of the game.
- Rolling a die is the best choice if you are playing with several people. Each person will roll a die. Whoever gets the lowest result will be the first target.
Step 3. Each player takes turns being the target
After the first target has answered the 21 questions, it will be time for the second target. If you are playing in a group, keep changing the target until each player has answered 21 questions.
- If you are playing with two, the second person will simply become the target after the first.
- If you are playing in a group, you can move the target clockwise until all players have rested. Alternatively, you can decide each target with another die roll.
Step 4. Decide who will ask the questions
When playing with two, it is the player who is not the target who asks the questions. When playing in a group, you will have to decide who will be in charge of the questions in each round.
- The simplest and most popular way is for all players to ask the target a question in turn.
- Another possibility is to decide on a spokesperson. All people in the group participate in drafting 21 questions for the target. The spokesperson collects these questions and poses them to the target.
- You could also ask the questions in turn. With this method, each target corresponds to a different person who asks the questions, and she is the only one who decides them. No one should ask the questions twice, and all participants should do it at least once. You should decide this role at random for the game to be fairer.
- The final option is to prepare a predetermined list of questions drawn up with everyone's agreement at the start of the game. The questions in this way will be the same for all targets in the game.
Step 5. Establish application guidelines and restrictions
The questions asked should vary according to the personality of the person who chooses them, but before starting, you should establish ground rules so that all participants know what to expect.
- Typically, players place restrictions on how personal the questions can be. These restrictions can be specific, such as prohibiting the question "What is your worst secret?". Or more general, like preventing very personal questions from being asked.
- You can also create guidelines for questions to ask by indicating a topic. For example, if you are playing 21 questions in catechism, you may decide that half of the questions should be religious in nature. If you are having coffee with a new friend or potential flame, you can decide on guidelines that indicate that all questions should be related to family events, dreams or personal goals.
- Usually, the themes are not used, and the questions are completely random.
Step 6. Avoid questions that can be answered "yes" or "no"
Although nothing strictly forbids this type of question, the possible answers would be concise and it would be more difficult to get to know someone.
- The same is true for questions like "Would you rather …" in which the target will have to choose between two options.
- If you ask a simple question like this, make sure part of the answer includes the "why" - the reason it was chosen.
- If possible, find ways to rephrase a "yes" or "no" question to cover a larger topic. For example, instead of asking "Do you like going to the beach?", Ask something like "What's your favorite part of a beach vacation?". If the target doesn't like going to the beach, you can probably tell from his answer. But if he loved going to the beach, you will understand more than if he simply answered "Yes, I like the beach".
Step 7. Answer honestly
The only way to make this game work is to answer every question truthfully. Otherwise, you may end up creating a false image of yourself.
If you don't feel comfortable answering a question truthfully, ask to be able to pass the question and briefly explain why you would like to do so. If the other players have something to object to, offer to undergo a penance: for example, having to answer 22 questions instead of 21 or having the option to ask one less question on your turn
Part 2 of 4: Icebreaker Questions for Strangers
Step 1. Keep a casual approach to the game
If you find yourself with a group of acquaintances or people you don't know well enough to be serious, ask ridiculous and random questions to ease the situation and not make anyone feel embarrassed. Some of these questions include:
- Which past period would you like to visit?
- What sound (sight, smell) could you not do without?
- What means of transport do you prefer to travel?
- What age do you prefer?
- What was the best part of your high school (elementary, middle, college)?
- If you could reincarnate as a plant or an animal, what would you choose?
- What song would you include in the soundtrack of your life?
- How would you title an autobiography based on your life?
Step 2. Consider the environment
If you decide to play with strangers or acquaintances you've met on a particular occasion, you may want to consider the environment when choosing questions.
- For example, if you are meeting members of a reading or writing club for the first time, you can ask questions like "What's your favorite book?" or "if you could be a fictional character, which one would you choose?".
- If you are meeting with a group of people from your church, you can ask questions such as "What is your favorite Bible verse?" or "when did your interest in religion start?".
- If you're meeting someone new at a cafe opening, you can ask questions like "what's your favorite snack to go with your coffee?" or "Would you rather not drink coffee for a month or not be able to shower for a week?"
Step 3. Cover the basic topics
While no one shares the exact same interests, there are enough similarities between people to ask the right questions for most people. Here are some examples:
- If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?
- What is your dream career?
- What are your three favorite hobbies and how did you get to know them?
- How was your first crush?
- Who was your childhood best friend?
Step 4. Ask questions that require creative answers
Instead of asking questions that specifically address the target's thoughts and desires, you can ask non-personal questions that require a creative response. The type of response you will receive can make you understand a lot about the target's thinking. Try questions like:
- In the cinema, which elbow rest do you use?
- Do hairdressers get their hair cut by other hairdressers or do they cut it themselves?
- If an ambulance ran over someone during the rush to save someone else, who would the paramedics choose to save?
- What would the strangest animal hybrid possible be, what would it look like, and what name would it have?
Part 3 of 4: Questions to Ask Friends
Step 1. Note that you can ask a friend any question you might ask a stranger
Most of the questions listed above are also suitable for playing with a friend.
When choosing questions from the previous section, avoid those you already know the answer to, or those that conflict with his personality
Step 2. Ask questions about family events
A good way to get to know a friend better is to learn about their family. Consider questions like:
- How was your favorite family vacation?
- What's your favorite family-related memory?
- Which relative do you get along best with and why?
- What was the worst fight you ever had with a brother?
- When was the time you were really proud of one of your parents or both of you?
Step 3. Consider questions about other friendships
Another way to get to know someone better is to learn about their experiences with other friends. Here are some questions:
- What were your closest friends like when you were a child?
- What was the most touching thing a friend of yours said or did?
- What was the dumbest fight you ever had with a friend?
Step 4. Talk about hopes and aspirations
These questions give you information about your friend on a personal level. Try not to take them too seriously. Eg:
- What did you dream of growing up when you were a child?
- If you could work in any field, which one would you choose?
- If you could pursue any dream, without worrying about money or practical matters, what would it be?
Part 4 of 4: Part Four: Questions to Ask Romantic Companions
Step 1. Note that you can ask any suitable question to a stranger or friend
If you and a potential love interest are just getting to know each other, the more general questions you might ask strangers or close friends are also appropriate.
Step 2. Ask questions about what the other person wants from life
These questions are serious enough, but not dramatic. Additionally, they can give you important information about the other person's wishes for the relationship. Some tips:
- How do you imagine your life in 5 (10, 15, 20) years?
- What would your ideal wedding be like?
- Where would you go on your honeymoon, and how would you spend your time there?
- At what age would you like to get married? And have children?
- What is your future ideal home like?
Step 3. Discuss questions about past relationships before asking them
If your other half is still not feeling comfortable and doesn't want to talk about their past relationships, now is not the time to pressure them. Also, you should never ask questions you don't want to hear answered. As long as you both know what to expect and you both agree, you can ask questions like:
- How was your first kiss?
- How was your first boyfriend?
- What was your most unforgettable date?
Step 4. Ask sexual questions only if the other person feels comfortable with them
Some people are more reserved than others, and if the relationship is new or if you have yet to reach that level of intimacy with the other person involved, questions of a sexual nature may be inappropriate. If you decide to "test the waters" "and ask a few, however, choose simple questions and change the subject at the first signs of discomfort. Here are some possible questions:
- How far did you go on the first (second, third) date? How far could you go?
- What is a fantasy you would like to make?
