Parents are not always able to teach their children how to socialize as children. For some people this ability is absolutely natural, while others always feel like a fish out of water. Fortunately, socializing can be considered a real art, which anyone can learn. Yes, you too! Start by reading from Step 1.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Simplify Things
Step 1. The moment of arrival
There are two schools of thought about this: those who argue that it is better to arrive early, and those who prefer to arrive late. After reading the characteristics of each of these strategies, choose the one you prefer.
- Arrive early. You can have the opportunity to approach people before the groups begin to be defined, and therefore have a greater chance of cohesion. Other people may have already arrived at the designated location, so you won't feel uncomfortable. When more people arrive, you can introduce yourself and socialize by following the people you have already started to know.
- To arrive late. All the people have arrived, conversations in which you can participate will already be underway, you can settle down in a more relaxed atmosphere. Often you can spontaneously join an ongoing conversation without anyone noticing your intrusion. And you can also choose which topic you find most interesting!
Step 2. Get started
Even the most extroverted people sometimes have trouble starting a conversation. Not that it's a terrifying action, but it certainly exposes you to the risk of rejection, something that never pleases anyone. Even if you're feeling stuck and don't want to step forward, it's time to grit your teeth and pull yourself together. Do you know what you will find out? That most people are (at least a little) nice. You may not find a red carpet ready to welcome you, but your pessimism could quickly be disproved.
How to get started? First, make eye contact, smile, and show proper body language. At that point it is just a matter of finding the right pretext, for example a comment related to the speech, to be able to enter the conversation. What could be a relevant comment? Find out in the next step
Step 3. Find a comment relevant to the situation
It's the kind of comment to make when you feel you have something in common with someone. The bus that's late, the boss's hideous tie or the delicious sauce of chips. In short, it is just a sentence to start a conversation. When the interlocutor replies, just smile, then introduce yourself and ask for his or her name. The conversation is already in progress! Here is an example of a dialogue between two people in line to have coffee.
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Giorgio: "I don't believe they have raised their prices yet, maybe they put gold poured into the cappuccino!"
Sara: "Oh yes, I noticed that. But I can't stop coming here."
Giorgio: “It's the same for me. Anyway, I'm Giorgio."
Sara: “I'm Sara. What are you getting, Giorgio?"
Step 4. Start a little general conversation
There are two elements, minor comments and minor situations. Here's what it means:
- Start a conversation with a minor comment. In short, there is no need to prepare a profound and meaningful expression to be able to start talking to someone at a reception. If you do, you'll add a sour note to a topic that was light-hearted and light-hearted until now. Rather, it remains anchored at least initially to generic and minimal expressions, such as "I agree", "Yes, sure" or "I'm not sure"; they will easily introduce you to the conversation.
- Start a conversation from a minor situation. For example when you are in line for coffee at the bar. If socializing makes you nervous, the simplest thing is to do it when you know situations will wear out quickly. Think of all the small opportunities you can take advantage of to talk to someone: the shop assistant at the supermarket, people you meet on the street or at the bus stop, or any place where you are in line with other people. A few minutes and everything will be over. Definitely more painless than having to socialize for a whole evening.
Step 5. Do something
If you never do anything you will be bored only listening to the stories of others. People are interested in speaking because they have a chance to express themselves and say what they are doing. There is no need to celebrate yourself, you just need to talk about simple things, such as cooking, work or something you have read. Interesting conversations can also arise from these topics.
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If someone asks you what you did today, the first thing you answer is maybe "I've been home". There is nothing wrong with that, but you have certainly done something more. If you have surfed the net, do you remember any interesting information? Did you cook anything? Is there something that caught your attention? How can we increase the answer to this simple question?
You don't necessarily have to give details about your life every time. You could also respond with something capable of deflecting the argument, for example. “There are the Olympics! Are you following them? " Here, conversation started successfully and far from your private sphere. The interlocutor will not even notice your intent
Step 6. Stay up to date
Most conversations with strangers or acquaintances, but also with your friends, are based on the exchange of current news or information in the public domain. There are some topics that will most likely be discussed at each event, so take at least 10 minutes a day to read the front page news. Take a look at the famous magazines, find out if there are any highly rated films and which books have hit the charts, or whatever interesting you hear of them.
It is not certain that you must have an opinion at all costs. People generally like to get questions and talk, so make it that way. Once you understand a little more about them, try to shape your opinion. Does your interlocutor like to exercise? Then talk about the physical form of a show character. Do you love pop music? He will surely have something to say about the singers of the moment
Step 7. Don't judge people
If you do, it means that you don't care about socializing and interacting with others. The conversation won't even start if you don't give everyone an opportunity. And the truth is, people aren't always what they seem. If you label people based on the clothes they wear, or the comments they make, you will often be wrong. Rather, leave the opportunity to surprise yourself: you will immediately learn something more.
Talking to more people, starting a conversation and confronting them will allow you to make your life more interesting. You will increase your experience, you will learn new things and you will gain a greater knowledge of the world. Getting to know others is a constructive action, so don't close your doors
Step 8. Get out of the house
All of these tips will not lead to any results unless you try to put them into practice, so look for every opportunity to be sociable. If you don't like going to parties, join an association. Take classes or start hitting the gym. He works in a coffee shop. Surround yourself with people - it's the best way to get started.
You never know which way you will reach your goal. For example, if you have started training in a team you will be able to talk to other team members, go to parties organized by the company or use your new skills to socialize in an increasingly large environment. Seize even the smallest of opportunities: in no time at all you could become a popular person
Method 2 of 3: Making the Right Impression
Step 1. Smile
Would you ever get close to someone who holds their nose and closes in a corner? Probably not. If you want to receive warmth from others, you must first introduce yourself to them with a smile. You will convey your interest in someone with a welcome gesture and communicate your positivity to start a conversation with them. Everyone needs encouragement!
You don't need to be around someone to be able to communicate a smile to them. That's the beauty of it. When you enter a new environment, observe. If you make eye contact with a person, don't move your gaze right away - smile instead. Did you imagine that the first step was that simple?
Step 2. Adopt body language that communicates openness
Now that you've learned which facial expressions are suitable for socializing, it's time to improve your body language. Be careful not to cross your arms and hands and position yourself in the direction of the person you intend to communicate with. It is an indirect way of expressing your willingness to interact.
And obviously don't look at the phone. The next time you find yourself surrounded by strangers, resist the temptation to put on your headphones and play Angry Birds. How can you interact with others if you can't even see who you are in front of?
Step 3. Maintain eye contact
If you are too nervous it means that you have too many problems. Seriously. The other person will be so busy thinking what to say that they won't have time to pay attention to your agitation. So stop it! If you get a response, be polite and keep looking at your interlocutor. If he doesn't respond, ignore him but don't act rude.
It is a good rule to lay eyes on the interlocutor, at least when you have the feeling that he is about to say something interesting (at least from his point of view). If you want to comment, accentuate something in his speech and even if your gaze wanders a bit, make sure to move it back to him. You show interest in what he's telling you, right? And you want the same of him too
Step 4. Be an active listener
Many people think that socializing is just saying the right thing, but this is only the smallest part. Even after achieving excellence in your jiu jitsu lessons, you will need to be able to manage a good conversation even without talking about that topic. It is more important to know how to listen, ask the right questions and appear interested in the speeches, so much so as to push the person in front of you to speak continuously. Where is the difficulty?
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All you have to do is ask for something. Possibly a question with an articulated answer, for example "How does your typical day at work go?". Then, the moment you feel something interesting, you can create a new link in the chain. Continue to ask open-ended questions, show enthusiasm to listen, keep the right tone of voice (even if you get bored with more or think about something else). If you do all this, your interlocutor will be flattered by so much attention. Here is an example:
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Chiara: "What's your typical day at work?"
Marco: “You know, the work I do is not exactly the best but our boss manages to make it interesting. He's always around the company checking us out, so much so that I recorded my voice pretending to work when I'm playing Candy Crush instead."
Chiara: “No, come on! It's terrible! Do you know that every now and then I do it too? And have they never discovered you?"
Socialize Step 13 Step 5. Keep the names in mind:
everyone likes it when you are called by name. Being told "How are you?" it's one thing, but hearing "How are you Chiara?" is definitely a different kettle of fish: everything is projected onto a more personal sphere. Try to enter the name of the interlocutor when you can. Saying it will also help you remember it!
When you meet someone for the first time it is extremely important. Only by saying his name can you give extreme importance to someone. After hearing it, repeat it first and then try to slip it into the conversation at least once. Repeat this even as you are about to greet that person. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Marco. Soon!" it's definitely a gentle farewell way that will ensure you make a good impression
Socialize Step 14 Step 6. Learn to read others
All you need to do is learn to observe. Imagine a beginner Sherlock Holmes - what clues could you glean while you're talking to someone? Here are some factors to consider:
- What is that person's body language communicating to you? She is tired? Anxious? Are you looking towards the door? Does his gaze wander around the room? Bored? You can come up with many conclusions simply by taking into account the facial expressions and the movements and positions the person assumes, and also the place where they choose to sit.
- What can you tell from her clothing? Do you wear nice shoes? Is his hair unkempt? Are you wearing faith? Do you have any scars? Do you keep headphones or a cup of coffee with you? Do you have any piercings? There are details that you almost never notice. Use this knowledge to your advantage!
Socialize Step 15 Step 7. Dress for the occasion
This is the last point because, although it is important, it is not entirely essential. A person can be charismatic and charming regardless of their clothing. Even if when meeting people you've never seen for the first time, it is always advisable to wear suitable clothes, not necessarily beautiful, but in which you feel comfortable. Something specific to the situation you are in.
In any case, it is essential to be clean and tidy. In some environments even jeans and a t-shirt may be more than suitable, while in others a jacket and tie will be required. Whatever the occasion, however, you will not be able to avoid taking a shower. Even if you are a new Einstein no one will listen to your words if you give off a very unpleasant smell
Method 3 of 3: Change Some Wrong Attitudes
Socialize Step 16 Step 1. Understand that nervousness leads to feeling uncomfortable
All those who do not like to socialize have the same problem: they feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it is so difficult to cope with this problem that it is preferable not to address it at all. If you feel a deep sense of inadequacy go through it, repeat to yourself that it is only the result of your agitation. The moment you let yourself go, your discomfort will vanish too.
- In fact, coming to this conclusion will not help you overcome it easily. But at least now you will have a clear idea of how this mechanism is activated within you. You will notice how people with stained t-shirts are not at all embarrassed or how charming a woman even with untidy hair can be. Everything is in the ease: those people do not allow themselves to be overwhelmed by embarrassment. That's all.
- How do you make sure these things don't bother you anymore? A good rule of thumb is: if you know in advance that something will bother you or distract you, fix the problem. For example, if you are going to a job interview or party and you think your dress is a little short, wear a different one, if you think you will spend time pulling it up. Fiddling with clothes only draws attention to what (in your mind) is wrong with them, or that you are uncomfortable and nervous. If something spontaneously happens that you weren't prepared for (like the stain mentioned earlier), and you can't completely fix the problem, pretend it doesn't exist. Seriously! If you don't look at it, touch, rub or constantly try to hide it, it is likely that your interlocutor will not even notice it: he will look at your face and hands while talking with you.
Socialize Step 17 Step 2. Try to have positive expectations
It will be easier to overcome your feeling of discomfort if you approach situations with positivity. When you are about to approach a group of people, tell yourself that you can easily integrate with them. They are wonderful, you are too, and everything will be just fine. If you get a mayonnaise stain on your pants it won't be a big deal, and do you know why? Because you won't let embarrassment take over.
Life is a prophecy that one can try to write positively. For real. Studies have shown that those who think positive are much more successful than others. If you are in a pleasant place, you will surely be able to establish positive interactions. Negativity, on the other hand, drives away good opportunities
Socialize Step 18 Step 3. Enjoy your company
Sunny and cheerful people are the ones that everyone wants next to. If you are able to appreciate your company, others will too. Some maybe not. In any case, if you can appreciate yourself sooner or later you will convince yourself that you were creating your fears for yourself.
Even if no one can ever explain to you how to do it, the best way to embark on this journey is to dedicate yourself to the things you like to do most. The more you feel good about yourself and the life you are building, the more you will learn to love yourself for who you are
Socialize Step 19 Step 4. Understand why you are reading this page
There are two possibilities: either you're not good at socializing, or you just don't like it. Or you were looking for suggestions on what to say when meeting someone. Focus on the initial two possibilities, try to understand why up to now you have not been good at socializing and why you don't like it. Identifying the reason is the most effective way to achieve results. Here are some of the potential causes:
- You don't know how to do it. If this is your problem, perfect, now you will have many tips to put into practice to solve it.
- You don't like talking about this and that. Great news! You will now have learned how to tackle a subject you find boring and turn it in your favor.
- It makes you tired or stressed. If this is your problem, you will have to make every effort to relax. You are in control of your body, so try it.
- You don't like people. First, maybe you should find better people to talk to! However, since in some cases you will find yourself managing a conversation with the people you have at your disposal, you will need to focus on their positives. Surely they will have at least some.
Socialize Step 20 Step 5. Keep your problems in mind
You know yourself better than anyone else, so you will be able to identify, and fight, what is holding you back from having intense social activity. Consider these four cases:
- You don't know how to do it. What you need to focus on are the behavioral patterns you just read about in this article. Practice leads to habit, and you just have to practice.
- You don't like making generic conversation. You can let go of topics that don't interest you, that's the bright side of it. Most people hate talking about this and that, but perhaps none of the interlocutors took the initiative to divert the conversation to more significant topics. Take control of the situation.
- It stresses you out. Concentrate on your body, breathe deeply and slowly, focus on an external element, smile, and deal with things a little at a time. Learn to develop relaxation techniques when you are alone, this way you will know what to do if one day you suddenly need to find your zen again.
- You don't like people. Remember that the world isn't all about unsavory characters, and you don't have to spend all day with them. Learn not to dismiss someone just because you don't like the shoes they're wearing or because they made a comment that you think is wrong. It sounds difficult but it isn't.
Advice
- Be sure of yourself. As with all things, practice leads to improvement.
- Be open-minded. Good things only happen if you leave the door open.
- Always smile! A smile costs nothing!
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