If you are shy, you may have a hard time enjoying life. You probably feel isolated or limited, but you can overcome your shyness by making sure it doesn't affect your daily life. Keep in mind that some people are naturally shy. However, by following a few steps to combat this feeling, it is possible to become more outgoing.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Recognizing Your Patterns
Step 1. Understand how shyness works
Shyness can manifest itself in different ways and forms. By determining which type you fall into, you can better target your efforts to win it. If you are not a physician capable of diagnosing psychological problems, you should consult a mental health professional to find out which of the following categories your shyness belongs to:
- If accompanied by anxiety, it not only generates anxious behaviors in social situations (social anxiety), but also extends to social phobias. These disorders can be managed by a therapist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional.
- Often, when you are shy, you are also introverted. Shyness accompanied by introversion is quite common and can manifest itself in one way or another in approximately 50% of the population. It is a character trait that can be balanced with extroversion, that is, acquiring skills and characteristics typical of extroverted people.
Step 2. Keep a journal
Write down times when shyness has taken over so far and your efforts to be more sociable. Describe how you feel and any details you can remember. Afterward, try rereading the diary to see if stronger behavioral patterns emerge.
- Write every day if possible. Make it a habit. To introduce this activity into your daily routine, give yourself a reward when you describe an aspect comprehensively.
- Be honest with yourself. If you realize that you are trying to rationalize your thoughts, perhaps you should dig a little deeper to discover the true meaning of what you intend to express. However, also try to be clear and direct.
- Pay attention to your mood. When you feel an emotion, write it down. This way you can keep track of what you feel.
Step 3. Pay attention to the habit of isolating yourself
What you choose to do can greatly affect your social interactions. If you stay at home instead of going out, you won't have many opportunities to socialize. If you do this continuously, you risk getting used to it.
Leave your cell phone. Leave it at home when you go out. Put it in the refrigerator or microwave (turned off) for a few hours, until you forget about it. This way, you will be much more likely to talk to others
Part 2 of 3: Breaking down your barriers
Step 1. Reconsider your point of view
Realize that people don't constantly think about what you do. You will feel much freer if you realize that no one is dwelling on every little mistake you might make. Everyone thinks about himself and his mistakes. Remember it. It will help you feel more comfortable.
Step 2. Look for situations that allow you to interact with others
If you are looking to be more outgoing, the most effective way is to go out and find an opportunity to interact with other people. Don't hesitate to export. Attend an event or go to places where it is likely or certain that you will be able to meet and talk to someone.
- Join an association. Search online or contact a center in your city. By spending your time with people you share your interests with, you are more likely to have a conversation.
- Cultivate a passion, perhaps a martial art or a team sport. If practiced in a group, physical exercise does not require extreme socialization skills like other activities, but only a minimum. This way you can improve your social skills without putting too much effort into it.
Step 3. Set goals that are realistic but challenge you
Don't feel compelled to suddenly become a totally open and outgoing person. Enjoy the small wins. Begin to be more sociable gradually. As you become more comfortable, embark on bigger adventures.
- Start by saying hello to those you don't know or by giving some compliments about your interlocutor's clothing. Decide in advance what you would like to try to say and practice in front of the mirror or with a close friend, family member, or therapist. This way, when the opportunity arises, you will feel more comfortable and have less difficulty being in contact with people.
- Try asking someone out or suggesting they have dinner together. If you still don't have the courage to invite people, write a card or send a text message.
Step 4. Repeat the experiences you enjoyed
Your difficulties will gradually disappear, so don't give up. If you're having fun at a party, on a date, or out with friends, try to repeat the experience to reinforce this good feeling. If it still seems like a big step, propose something that makes you comfortable, like having a coffee or skating. Beware of activities that may cause you some difficulty.
Step 5. Make up some excuses to talk to people
Go to a public place and challenge yourself by asking for help or information. You will probably have to use your creativity. Take a moment to come up with a question or pretext for conversation in your chosen context.
- When you go to the grocery store, ask someone for their opinion on a food item.
- Ask someone in which direction to go, even if you already know the route.
- Ask someone to help you carry something, even if you can handle yourself.
Part 3 of 3: Proceed Gradually
Step 1. Establish a reward system
To nurture a new habit, it's important to encourage success. Tell yourself that you will only give yourself a reward if you talk to a certain person or are able to converse with a stranger.
Step 2. Ask a friend to help you
Sometimes it's not that easy to be sociable. In these cases, external help, such as that of a friend or even a family member, can be useful, as long as it has an expansive character. Ask him to encourage you, but also to help you be more outgoing.
Step 3. Think of something to do that won't make you uncomfortable
Imagine your progress, step by step, then try to interact in various ways with a person you trust. You can start with small exercises, such as greeting an acquaintance, and then become more confident by even greeting a stranger. From here you could go on by talking about the time, giving a compliment or asking what time it is. Use your body language to show that you are willing to continue the conversation and see how the meeting proceeds.
Step 4. Find the appropriate professional to talk to
In some cases, it is necessary to consult a professional. In this field there are different types of professionals who can help you in relation to how shy you are.
- Psychotherapy can help you identify your behavioral patterns. Cognitive therapy has been shown to help overcome shyness.
- Couples therapy helps people express themselves in romantic relationships.
