Talking to the person you have a crush on would make anyone nervous, but it's even more challenging if you're shy. However, it will get easier if you use a simple phrase to break the ice, even if you are introverted. Self-confidence is key, so take a deep breath, be yourself and go for it!
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Finding the Courage
Step 1. Practice greeting people
The more you practice, the easier and more natural it will become to introduce yourself. Acquire this skill by paying a compliment or greeting at least one person a day. Say hello to classmates and talk to whoever is sitting next to you. When you feel more confident, try greeting the guy you like too.
- Take baby steps. Start with a simple "hello". When you feel more confident, ask people how they are doing. Eventually, you will find the courage to talk to the guy you like!
- You don't necessarily have to say "hi". You can choose the greeting that feels most natural to you, such as "Hey!" or "Hello!".
Step 2. Think about some topics you could talk about
If you know a little about the guy you like, think about a few questions you might ask him about his passions or interests you have in common. If you don't know him, think about some general topics that you can both talk about easily, like pop culture or current events.
- For example, if you know he likes sports or music, you can decide to tell him, "Hey, how was the game last night?" or "I heard your band is doing great! When's your next gig?".
- If you take the same course or participate in the same activity, you can mention it or make a joke. This can help you create a joke that only you understand or find a recurring topic for your conversations.
- A little preparation doesn't mean you should imagine the entire conversation in advance; you just need to be focused in the moment and sincere while talking to the guy you like.
Step 3. Relax with a few deep breaths
In some cases, shyness can paralyze you, but with a few deep breaths you will be able to ease the physical tension and calm the nervousness. When shyness seems to take over, take a moment to inhale and exhale deeply a couple of times.
Try deep breathing. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, then exhale for 8 seconds
Step 4. Smile to look and feel confident
Smiling is a powerful way to improve your mood, as well as looking friendlier and more attractive. Also, the act of smiling helps you relax physically and improve your attitude. When you feel nervous about being with the guy you like, sport a confident smile.
- This does not mean that you should smile 100% of the time, like a baby doll. Instead, show him a quick smile to let him know that you are comfortable with him.
- Also try to smile with your eyes; this will make your expression more natural.
Part 2 of 2: Have a Conversation
Step 1. Start with a compliment
If you've never talked to this person before, it's hard to find a common topic or reason to start the conversation. The easiest way to break the ice is to compliment or comment on something she's wearing.
- If you're wearing a T-shirt with the logo of a band you like or a place you've visited, you also have other opportunities to start a conversation. For example, you might say "I love that band! Did you see it in concert?" or "New York is beautiful this season, have you been there recently?".
- Compliments are ideal, because neither of you is forced to continue the conversation after the first exchange, but you still have the chance. After breaking the ice, you can smile and nod to the guy you like when you see him, strengthening your bond.
Step 2. Ask him a little favor
Borrowing a pencil or a sheet of paper is a simple and undemanding way to open up the communication channels. These interactions create what is known as the "Ben Franklin" effect - the person you ask for a favor is more likely to be attracted to you and develop a bond with you.
Of course, always asking someone for favors can get annoying, so don't try too often. Once or twice should be enough
Step 3. Offer to study together
If you take the same course, studying together can be an opportunity to talk to him for a long time, without feeling too much pressure. Before an exam or question, you can naturally ask the guy you like if he'd like to see you to study together.
- For example, you could say in a friendly tone, "Hey, are you prepared for tomorrow's exam? Would you like to review the formulas together tonight?"
- Depending on how well you know the guy you like, you can study in a public place, such as a bookstore or a bar, or in your home.
- If you've never talked to him before, you can organize a study group with other classmates and invite him informally. This way, your invitation will be more general and won't make the event embarrassing, instead of being obvious and sudden.
Step 4. Ask him questions
Once you've started the conversation, asking questions of the guy you like is the easiest way to get it going. Also, thanks to your curiosity, you will show him that you are really interested in him and avoid focusing attention on you. If you are feeling particularly shy, try asking him something and letting him talk so that you have time to recover.
Some topics you can cover include his interests, hobbies, job, weekend plans, or advice on popular culture topics (like favorite books or movies)
Step 5. Maintain good eye contact
Being shy can make it difficult to look someone in the eye, but resist the temptation to look down. Show the guy you like him that you care about what he says by looking him in the eye as he talks to you. Constantly staring at your interlocutor can be as bad as never looking at him, so a good rule of thumb is to keep eye contact with him for a third of the time while you speak and two thirds of the time while you listen.
- Maintaining eye contact is important, as it shows the other person that you are listening to what they are saying.
- You shouldn't always maintain eye contact, as such an attitude can become unsettling.
- Break eye contact from time to time and stare at something else for a few seconds; you can observe an object behind his shoulders or your legs if you are seated.
Expert Advice
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Learn to listen.
As you listen to the other person, let a natural alchemy develop between you. Improvise the conversation based on what's happening. The more he talks and expresses his personality, the more you will listen, respond and find points of contact with him: in this way, you will develop your bond.
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Keep the conversation cheerful and playful.
You have to be honest, so it's okay to tackle deeper topics if the conversation calls for it, but don't bombard him with all your feelings right away.
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Avoid being adoring.
When you have a crush, remember that your goal must be to get to know the other person. Don't decide you like it regardless of everything. Over time, you may discover things about this person that you don't like, so show your sincere curiosity about getting to know them.
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Try to focus on your breathing if you are nervous.
It is normal to be attracted to someone, as is to feel the adrenaline rushing. However, you may be able to calm down by paying attention to something concrete, like your breathing.
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Express your feelings directly.
Don't mince words, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Avoid giving away your feelings right away and asking the guy to marry you right away, but you can say things like "It's easy to talk to you", "You're beautiful" or "I'd love to meet you again."
