As the world continues to expand and the ever-increasing number of opportunities and choices available to us, it's not easy to know what we want. One day we are convinced that we have all the explanations, the next we feel without any clue to attach ourselves to. To focus on your real desires, rather than those of others or what you believe you should desire, you will need to take a little exploratory journey into your soul. Don't be afraid, this quest will allow you to become a better and happier person.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Think Logically
Step 1. Separate your 'should wants' from your wants
We all have a list of things that others expect from us that clashes with the things we really want. 'We should' tidy up the kitchen, 'we should' resume our studies, 'we should' stop and finally start a family. But none of these should lead us anywhere, because we don't have the necessary impetus. For this reason, even if we decide to accept the commitment, the energy at our disposal would run out, returning us to the starting point after 5 or 10 years. So avoid wasting your time and get rid of your 'shoulds' now.
Most of us hardly distinguish our 'shoulds' from our 'wants' ones. Take the time to reflect on your wishes. Recognize your wants and from now on stop attaching importance to your shoulds
Step 2. Think about what you would do if you lived without fear
We all have abstract and intangible fears. We fear that people do not like them or that we do not have their respect, we fear that we will fail, not find a job, have no friends and finally find ourselves alone. To achieve what you really want, clear all these fears for a moment.
If you were financially independent and everyone loved you (and if these two conditions were permanent), what would you do? Whatever idea comes up in your head, that's what you want
Step 3. Think about what doesn't satisfy you
In fact, all of us are pros at grievance. We know exactly how to recognize our unhappiness, but we are not as good at understanding the reasons and making changes. When the malaise comes over you, analyze it from within. Why are you not satisfied? What is what you are looking for? What would make things better?
Take your job, for example. Let's say you are not happy with your current situation. It is possible that your hatred is not directed towards your work itself, but towards some of its aspects, and that these aspects need to be isolated. What would you change if you could do it? How could your perspective on this change?
Step 4. Make a list of your priorities
Divide it into categories, following your intuition. The list could be similar to family / relationships / career, mental / emotional / physical, etc. For each category, list at least 3 things.
Now analyze the options available to you. Which ones align with your priorities and which ones don't? Which options are best suited to your priorities? They are most likely the best for you, in line with your real values and with minimal cognitive dissonance
Part 2 of 3: Thinking Honestly
Step 1. Shift your focus to tomorrow
Be realistic for a moment: being past or present oriented, it's easy to get involved in where you were or where you are rather than where you want to be. Not knowing where you want to be, you most likely won't get there. By focusing on tomorrow, you will have a better picture of where you want to be in 2, 5 or 10 years. Whatever your goal, you can commit to achieving it.
When you find yourself mulling over an old partner or all the money you want to spend on buying that new car, stop! Your current thoughts are not future oriented. Do you want to have that person by your side in 10 years? What about that car? If the answer were 'yes', then it could really be a real wish. If the answer is 'probably not', it's not worth ruminating about
Step 2. Be honest with yourself
Think about this: what are you pretending not to know? What are you pretending not to know about yourself? We often have latent understandings locked up in our minds that we don't let come to light. When we stop deceiving ourselves, truths and possibilities open up before our eyes. Stop the scams! Only then can you get in touch with the real you and his true desires.
Here's an example: Let's say you have an artistic temperament, wear pink on Wednesdays, make fun of nerdy girls at your school, and spend your weekends going from party to party. You have built a yourself that desires popularity, prestige and beauty. If this yourself is sincere, that's fine. However, there may be a latent self who wishes to establish himself in the world of science, who wishes to dress in vintage rather than fashion, and who wishes to accompany himself with a small number of sincere friends. Are you honest with yourself about what you want?
Step 3. Give up your intellect
All those 'shoulds' we've talked about generally come from two sources: the opinions of others and your own mind. You have no power over others and it is not easy to get them to take care of their own business. But yes, you have power over your own mind! And yes, you and your mind are two different creatures.
- Think about the things you 'know to be right for you'. You don't like to eat coleslaw for lunch, but you do from time to time. You don't want to study for that exam, but you do anyway. Just for a second, get rid of that filter. Which of your desires have nothing to do with logic?
- If you lived in a world without consequences, where it was not necessary to be brilliant and act cautiously, where thinking a lot was not a must, how would you spend your time? What decisions would you make differently?
Step 4. Own your ideas
In the previous step we mentioned desires based on the opinions of others and those based on your own mind. We have analyzed those related to your mind, so let's move on to those related to other people. We live in a global village, so it would be almost impossible to silence the whole world. So try to get in touch with 'your' ideas, not those that others give you. Only you are the author of your ambitions.
- Think about your definition of success too. 'Your' definition, not the one you can find in any dictionary or the one your parents have been trying to instill in you from the first day you came into the world. What decisions would you make if you lived by 'your' definition?
- Forget prestige. It is difficult, but try. Forget about social prestige, it too is an idea that comes from other people, or from society in general. If other people weren't a factor (and they shouldn't be) how would things change? If reputation wasn't an issue, what would you do?
Part 3 of 3: Think Constructively
Step 1. You need to know that you are exactly where you should be
All life is precious. Each experience transforms you and teaches you something. For this, it's only fair that you are exactly where you are, so don't be hard on yourself. You are not missing out on anything, there is no 'correct path' to walk. The closest thing to a 'correct path' is where you are now.
It's hard to understand, especially if you feel like you're not doing your best. But try to remember that all life is transitory. Whether it's a job or an emotion, it won't be forever. Perhaps you are in a difficult situation now, but that does not mean that the path is the wrong one. To push yourself forward you need to go through the current difficulty
Step 2. Relax
Just because you are exactly where you should be, relax. It will all be fine. Life is able to rearrange itself, to transport you somewhere, even if you cannot realize it. By being constantly stressed out, you will miss out on the opportunities that are in front of you right now. This would be the worst thing you could do!
Additionally, your feelings may sometimes be masked by anger or other negative emotions. Try meditation, yoga, or just take a break to breathe deeply. When the emotions have dissipated, you will be able to think more clearly
Step 3. Let things flow
When you have reached a state of relaxation where you have realized that everything will be fine, one day everything will be fine. Have you ever heard that love encounters happen when you least expect them? The same thing happens with desires. If your eyes are open and relaxed, you will be able to see opportunities when they arise and you will be able to recognize them as correct.
Who knows? Maybe they have been in front of you all this time. A more relaxed attitude could lead you to the intuition you've been waiting for
Step 4. Remember that no one ever 'fully matures' or reaches 'full understanding'
An old joke goes, "Why does the old man ask the child what he will want to be when he grows up? Because he is looking for ideas." So if you can't make up your mind, big or small, don't be hard on yourself. same. Isn't wanting a million things at a time what makes us human?
In other words, there is no rush. You have a lifetime to come up with a solution and find out what you want and, in any case, those that await you will be fun and memorable days. You will be happy, however you decide to be
Advice
Keep a journal in which to write down your thoughts. It will help you clear your mind
Sources & Quotes
- https://tinybuddha.com/blog/when-you-still-dont-know-what-you-want-to-do-with-your-life/
- https://www.forbes.com/sites/jasonnazar/2013/09/05/35-questions-that-will-change-your-life/
- https://tinybuddha.com/blog/3-questions-to-help-you-determine-what-you-really-want/
- https://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/02/27/purpose-work-love/
