To be happy with yourself, or have a positive identity, you need to learn to appreciate your personal, professional, and social self. Most people, young or adult, of any race or nationality, sometimes feel bad about themselves, a negative feeling that can result from personal, work or social dissatisfaction. To be able to develop a positive identity, the best thing to do is to learn to accept the uniqueness of your qualities and to love yourself for who you are, while making a commitment to pursue your goals (personal, professional and social) and to increase your social connections.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Accept Yourself
Step 1. Appreciate diversity
Learning to accept yourself is essential if you want to develop a positive identity. In this regard, it is important to keep in mind that every human being is different: in fact, no two faces or two bodies are completely identical throughout the world. But if there are no rules that determine how people should be, how is it possible that there is any form of inferiority? By learning to appreciate the diversity that characterizes the world, you will be able to begin to accept and love yourself more.
Make a list of all the different aspects you appreciate in the world. Here are some possible examples: religion, culture, environment, skin color, talents, personality. These variables are what make all human beings - including yourself - interesting and unique
Step 2. Appreciate the uniqueness of your qualities
There is no "normal" human being, and there is no "normal" conformation for a human being.
- Accept your differences in a positive way. For example "Wow, I have huge feet, but they are what makes me unique!".
- Start viewing mistakes and flaws as opportunities to learn or improve yourself.
- Stop evaluating as defects those aspects of yourself that you cannot change (skin color, height, etc.), instead classify them as unique qualities that make you yourself. "Inferiority" and imperfections can also be seen as unique or individual qualities: were it not for those details, we could be generic clones without any unique traits.
Step 3.
Nobody's perfect. It is said that the grass of the neighbor is always greener; By focusing on the idea that there will always be someone in the world with more money than you or more beautiful than you, you will have a hard time being happy.
- At first glance, other people may appear perfect, but like you, everyone has their flaws.
- When you find yourself comparing yourself to others, stop immediately and reframe your thoughts. Shift attention to your particularities that you find interesting. Compliment yourself for developing them.
- Understand that most people don't intend to judge you. Most of them don't know that you got a bad mark on your last math test or that you gained some weight since last summer.
Step 4. Forgive yourself
Those who are able to accept themselves have the ability to forgive themselves for their past mistakes and do not allow such incidents to define them as people. Your history and your mistakes do not determine who you are; it is only your actions in the present moment and the person you decide to be in this moment that defines you.
- Consciously admit your mistakes and regrets. Reflect on each individual situation and forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made. You can do this in your mind or out loud, saying for example, "I made a mistake, but I forgive myself. That doesn't make me a bad person. In the future I will choose not to repeat my mistakes."
- Also identify your past goals and positive behaviors. Examples might include: graduating, passing an exam, caring for your personal relationships, accomplishing a goal, or helping someone. These positive events are likely to cloud your mistakes and help you focus on the positive aspects of your past.
Part 2 of 3: Love Yourself
Step 1. Identify your values
Your personal values have a huge impact on your beliefs, goals and identity. They are what you feel is important in your life and can include things like family, knowledge, kindness and so on. Identifying your values can help you understand who you are and what is most important to you.
- Make a list of times when you felt happiest. What were you doing? Who were you with?
- Then make a list of the moments you felt most proud of. What was the cause of this feeling? Were the others proud too? Who?
- Make a list of the times you felt most satisfied. Was it an experience that gave your life more meaning? Like? Because? Was it the gratification of a particular desire? Which?
- Review your lists and try to identify what values those experiences represent. Examples may include: growth, faith, determination, passion, love, loyalty, patriotism, honor, intellect, generosity, etc. You could use this list as a reference or search online for examples of personal values.
- Finally, go back to the values you managed to identify and try to determine which of these are the three most important to you.
Step 2. [Define Yourself | Define Your Identity]
The first step in learning to love yourself is to commit to getting to know yourself better. Athletes who are able to love each other tend to have more positive emotions and have a higher esteem for themselves and their behaviors. Part of loving yourself is to truly understand who you are or to create your own identity. The parts that make up your identity define who you are.
List the most important aspects of your identity. Here are some examples: athlete, mother, child, granddaughter, passionate person, dancer, writer, etc. Each is an important identity that you can learn to love and appreciate
Step 3. Think positively about yourself
How you think about yourself affects your feelings and behaviors. Overall, evaluating your identity in positive terms can help you feel happier about yourself.
- Stop and reflect on your strengths (everyone has them): you will find that you feel happier and more confident about yourself!
- Look on the bright side of everything!
- Create positive mental images. Using your imagination helps you develop greater self-confidence. Imagine that you are totally confident and happy with who you are. How does it feel? What is happening? How did you do it?
Step 4. Use positive internal dialogue
Positive affirmations help you develop greater self-confidence and reduce negative emotions, such as anxiety.
If you feel bad about yourself, try to make positive statements, such as: "It doesn't matter if I didn't get the grade I wanted, it doesn't make me a bad student. I know I'm a great student, I just need to understand how. I can do better next time, everything will be fine ". The key is to not allow small mistakes to become part of your overall identity. Don't allow yourself to believe that hardships make you a bad person
Step 5. Respect yourself
Respecting yourself means treating yourself well and expecting others to do the same.
- Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Poor health can seriously jeopardize your overall well-being.
- Establish boundaries between yourself and others. For example, don't allow someone to undermine your self-esteem by making fun of an aspect of you that you struggle to accept. If you feel particularly sensitive about your body weight, avoid joking about it, otherwise others may feel empowered to do the same.
Step 6. Develop your character
Having virtuous qualities, such as wisdom, courage, humanity, and a sense of justice or proportion, can help you form a positive identity.
If you want to focus more on helping others, you can donate some of your money or time (by volunteering) to a charity of your choice. This way you will have the feeling that you are more useful for your community or for the whole world
Step 7. Set yourself positive and achievable goals
Focus on correcting those aspects of you and your life that you can change. Having goals and making a commitment to achieve them can help you feel happier about yourself. By doing so you will gradually get closer to your ideal self.
- Find a job. Not feeling good about yourself could be linked to the lack of a job.
- Stop focusing on the things you can't change. There are some things you can manage to get (a job, lose weight…), while others are not achievable. Aspects such as height, ethnicity and upbringing are very difficult to change in a healthy way. So learn to manage them and accept them as they are.
Step 8. Engage in activities that allow you to express yourself
They may help you feel more motivated and happier overall. To be able to achieve your goals it is important to have a high internal motivation, because it makes you able to self-encourage yourself rather than having to rely on external recognition (in terms of praise or financial gains).
- Activities that allow you to express yourself can include those that make you feel alive, complete and involved, and all those that you think you are particularly predisposed to, suitable for, and that allow you to be the real you.
- Determine your purpose. What do you want to be remembered for? For being a good parent or friend, or perhaps for helping others?
- Be consistent. Never give up. Don't give up opportunities for fear of making mistakes.
Part 3 of 3: Increase Social Connections
Step 1. Be sociable
Lack of interpersonal relationships can seriously jeopardize your well-being. Don't be too focused on yourself; interested in other people's lives.
- Find the right balance between your personal and social identity. You can do this by acting spontaneously and sincerely. Be yourself and don't impersonate a false identity.
- Celebrate your achievements with others. By doing so, you can create a sense of shared happiness. Celebrate your accomplishments, such as a new job, promotion, good grade, new home, engagement, wedding, etc.
Step 2. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people
Receiving the support of others is an important component of the process that will lead you to feel happy with yourself. To strengthen ourselves and to believe in us, we need to be surrounded by people.
Whenever you spot the presence of a negative person, who puts you in a bad mood or who treats you in a rude way, you will have to stop and think and decide if it is worth keeping your relationship alive
Step 3. Ask a friend for help
Good friends help you achieve your goals, whatever they are. They always know how to be honest, and together you can find ways to make yourself feel better about yourself.
- Talk to a friend about aspects of yourself that don't satisfy you.
- If you have trouble confiding in a friend, ask him if he has ever felt inadequate or unhappy with himself - you may be surprised to hear his response.
Step 4. Inspire and help others
It stimulates people to give their best - a virtuous quality that can help you develop your positive identity. By having the ability to radiate positivity and happiness, you will be able to internalize those same emotions.
When you find yourself looking for a compliment, back off! Whenever you notice that a person has a cool haircut or is wearing a nice shirt, let them know! In addition to helping her feel better about herself, you will also feel happier
Step 5. See a therapist
If despite your best efforts, you still feel unhappy with yourself and don't notice any improvement, you can try seeking help from a mental health professional. Psychologists and analysts can help you set specific goals and suggest the best way to learn to love yourself and be happier.
- Ask your GP for advice to find the right therapist for your needs.
- Alternatively, talk to a friend or family member or search online. In any case, ask for information about the costs of therapies and sessions.
