If someone close to you is suffering from depression, then you are in a sad, difficult and destabilizing situation, not only for the sufferer but for you as well. You wish you could help your loved one, but you need to make sure you say - and do - the right things. Even if you have the impression that he is not listening to you, in reality he is trying. If you are looking for some ways to help someone cope with depression, here are some helpful tips.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Talk to Your Loved One About Depression
Step 1. Get help right away if your friend is considering suicide
In this case, you must immediately contact the emergency services by calling 112 or taking them to the nearest emergency room.
You can also call the toll-free number for suicides (different for each region) or contact the friendly phone in your area
Step 2. Make a list of symptoms
If you are concerned that any of your loved ones are suffering from depression, make a list of the symptoms you notice. This will give you a better understanding of their level of discomfort. You should write down the aspects that occur during most of the day, most days, for at least 2 weeks.
- Feelings of sadness.
- Loss of interest or pleasure in things he previously found agreeable.
- Noticeable loss of appetite or weight.
- Too many binges and weight gain.
- Sleep disturbances (sleeping too much or too little).
- Fatigue or loss of energy.
- Increased agitation or decreased activity that other people may also notice.
- Sense of worthlessness or guilt.
- Difficulty concentrating or uncertainty.
- Recurring thoughts about death or suicide, attempted suicide or plan to carry it out.
- These moods can last for 2 weeks or more, they can stop and then come back and are referred to as "recurring episodes". In this case, the symptoms are more than just a "bad day". These are severe mood swings that affect social or work functions.
- If your friend has had a death in the family or another traumatic event, they may be showing symptoms of depression without being clinically depressed.
Step 3. Talk openly with your loved one about their depression
Once you are satisfied that he does indeed suffer from this disease, you should be honest and have an open conversation with him.
If he doesn't admit that he has a real problem, it will be more difficult to help him overcome the discomfort
Step 4. Explain to him that depression is a clinical disease
It is a medical problem that can be diagnosed and treated. Reassure him that the depression he is experiencing is a real feeling.
Step 5. Be steadfast
Make it clear that you are worried about him. Don't let him say it's just "a bad time". If you see your friend trying to change the subject, shift the conversation to their emotional state.
Step 6. Don't engage in defiant behavior
Remember that your loved one has an emotional problem and is in a very vulnerable situation. While it is important to remain firm, don't be too aggressive at first.
- Don't start by saying, "You are depressed. How can we deal with this?". Instead, start with, "I've been seeing you pretty down lately. What's going on?"
- Be patient. Sometimes it takes a while for a person to openly confide in them, so give them all the time they need. The important thing is to avoid that he can divert the conversation to other topics.
Step 7. Keep in mind that you cannot "fix" depression
You certainly want to help your friend as much as possible, but know that you cannot "fix" the depression. You can encourage him to seek help, be close to him and always there when he needs it, but ultimately it's up to him to work to improve.
Step 8. Discuss the next steps to take
Once your friend acknowledges that he has depression, you can talk to him to find ways to manage it. Does he really want to deal with a major problem in his life or does he just want to try to spend more time with his loved ones and try to get out of it alone?
Part 2 of 5: Helping Your Loved One Get Help
Step 1. Recognize when your friend should go to a professional for help
Before both of you try to deal with the problem on your own, keep in mind that if depression is not treated, it can become very serious. You can still help the sick person, but know that they should go to a mental health professional. There are different types of therapists, each offering different skills or specializations. Among these you can find consultant psychologists, clinical psychologists and psychiatrists. Tell your friend that they can only go to one or more specialists.
- Counseling psychologist: This is an area of therapy that focuses on stimulating individual skills and helping people to overcome difficult times in their lives. This type of therapy can be short-term or long-term and often treats specific problems and sets specific goals.
- Clinical Psychologist: This specialist has been trained to subject the patient to tests to confirm the diagnosis and, therefore, tends to focus more on psychopathology, or the study of mental or behavioral disorders.
- Psychiatrist: this professional figure uses psychotherapy, tests or evaluation scales to define and correct the pathology, but generally we turn to this doctor when there is the need to take psychotropic drugs, since he is the only one authorized to prescribe them.
Step 2. Give your friend some reference names
To find a competent doctor, consider talking to friends or family, your church pastor, mental health center, or family doctor.
You can also contact the local ASL directly in your area, or do an online search to find a qualified professional in your area
Step 3. Offer to arrange an appointment for the patient
If you have decided to see a doctor, you can consider making an appointment. Sometimes, some depressed people may have a hard time taking this first step, so your friend may need your help.
Step 4. Accompany him on the first date
You can decide to go to the visit with your friend, in order to make him feel more at ease.
If you speak directly to the mental health professional, you may have the opportunity to briefly report the symptoms you have noticed, but be aware that the doctor will most likely only want to speak to the person concerned
Step 5. Encourage your loved one to find a good professional
If the first session does not satisfy him, encourage him to see another doctor. A negative experience of this type may discourage the patient from trying again. Remember that not all therapists are the same - if your loved one doesn't like a specific doctor, help them find a better one.
Step 6. Offer different types of therapy
There are mainly three most significant therapies that have been most consistently shown to provide benefit to patients. These are cognitive-behavioral therapy, interpersonal therapy and psychodynamic therapy. Your friend may consider having different types of therapy, based on his or her situation.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): The goal of CBT is to challenge and change the beliefs, attitudes and preconceptions underlying depressive symptoms and to actually change maladjusted behaviors.
- Interpersonal Therapy (IPT): IPT focuses on coping with life changes, building social skills, and dealing with other interpersonal problems that can develop depressive symptoms. IPT can be especially effective if there has been a specific event (such as bereavement) that triggered a recent depressive episode.
- Psychodynamic therapy: this type of approach aims to help the patient understand and deal with the feelings that arise from unresolved conflicts. Psychodynamic therapy focuses on identifying unconscious feelings.
Step 7. Suggest to your friend about taking medications
Antidepressants can help a depressed person feel better while undergoing therapy. These drugs act on the neurotransmitters of the brain to try to counteract the problems that are generated and / or developed by them, and are classified according to their target neurotransmitters.
- The most common are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs) and tricyclic antidepressants. You can find the names of some of the more common antidepressants by searching online.
- If an antidepressant alone doesn't work, your therapist might recommend an antipsychotic. There are 3 antipsychotics on the market (aripiprazole, quetiapine, risperidone) and a combined antidepressant / antipsychotic therapy (fluoxetine / olanzapine) is recommended when the antidepressant alone is not enough.
- The psychiatrist may recommend trying a few different medications until they find the one that suits the specific situation, as there are antidepressants that have side effects that affect some people. It is therefore important that you and your loved one monitor the action of the medicine. Notice any negative or unpleasant mood changes right away. Generally, changing the drug class solves the problem.
Step 8. Combine medication with psychotherapy
To maximize the effect of the medicines, your friend should continue to visit the therapist regularly during drug treatment.
Step 9. Encourage him to be patient
Both you and the sick person will need to be patient. The effects of therapy and medications are gradual. Your friend will need to have regular sessions for at least a couple of months before they can notice any positive results. Neither of you should give up before the counseling and medication have had time to act.
Generally, it takes at least three months of antidepressants before you see lasting results
Step 10. Determine if you are allowed to discuss medical treatment
Based on the type of relationship you have with this person, you can determine whether you have the ability to review various treatments with their doctor, as a patient's medical records and information are normally confidential. Special considerations must be made regarding data and private information when it comes to mental health, as it is sensitive data.
- Your friend will most likely need to draw up a written authorization for you to discuss his or her treatments.
- If you are a minor, only your parent or legal guardian is allowed to evaluate the different therapies.
Step 11. Make a list of medications and treatments
Compile a list of medications she is taking, including dosages. It also lists the treatments it undergoes. This helps him to remain constant with the therapies and to comply with the treatments and the taking of drugs with regularity and precision.
Step 12. Connect with other members of your loved one's support network as well
You shouldn't be the only person trying to help him. Get in touch with family, friends or his parish. If he's an adult, be sure to ask him for permission and get his consent before talking to others. By comparing yourself with other people who are fond of him, you will be able to obtain further information and different points of view on his situation; this will help you feel less alone in dealing with and managing the problem.
Be very careful when talking to others about your friend's depression. People can be prejudiced and wrong opinions if they don't fully understand the problem. Choose carefully who to talk to
Part 3 of 5: Communicate with your loved one
Step 1. Be a good listener
The best thing you can do to help your friend is to listen to him when he talks to you about his depression. Be prepared to hear something that can relate to you. Don't look too upset, even if she's saying really terrible things to you, or she may curl up and never confide anymore. Be open and attentive; listen to it without preconceptions or without making judgments.
- If your loved one is not speaking, try asking them a few gently phrased questions. This might help her to confide a little. Start by asking her how she spent the week, for example.
- When she starts telling you something upsetting, encourage her by saying, "It must have been very difficult for you to be able to tell me about it," or, "Thank you so much for confiding in you."
Step 2. Give her your undivided attention
Turn off your phone, make eye contact, and show her that you are giving 100% of your full attention to the conversation.
Step 3. Know what to say
What a depressed person needs most is compassion and understanding. Not only do you need to listen carefully to her, but you also need to be sensitive to what she says when she talks to you about depression. Below are some useful phrases you can say when you are talking to your close friend:
- "You are not alone in facing this, I am here with you".
- "I understand that you have a real disease and it is this that causes you certain thoughts and feelings".
- "Maybe you don't believe it now, but know that the way you feel will change."
- "I can't understand exactly how you feel, but I'm fond of you and I want to help you and take care of you."
- "You are important to me. Your life is important to me."
Step 4. Don't tell him to "react"
Telling someone to "get back to reality" or "recover" is generally not helpful. You have to be gentle. Imagine finding yourself experiencing the feeling that the whole world is against you and everything is falling apart. What would you like to hear? Realize that depression is a very real and painful state of mind for the sufferer. Don't say phrases like these:
- "It's all in your head."
- "We all go through moments like this."
- "You'll be fine, stop worrying."
- "Look at the bright side".
- "There are so many things worth living for; why do you want to die?"
- "Stop acting like a fool."
- "What's wrong?"
- "Aren't you feeling better now?"
Step 5. Don't discuss how your friend feels
Don't try to dissect his feelings. These might also be irrational, but if you tell him he's wrong or start arguing about how he feels, you're not helping him. Instead, you should instead tell him, "I'm sorry you're feeling bad. What can I do to help you?"
Be aware that your loved one may not be entirely honest about how much he is suffering. Many depressed people are ashamed of their condition and lie about it. If you ask him: "Are you okay?" and he responds positively, try to find a different way to try and understand how he really feels
Step 6. Help him see the bright side of things
When talking to him, try to keep the conversation as positive as possible. You don't necessarily have to be elated, but try to show your friend his life and situation from a better perspective.
Part 4 of 5: Being Present
Step 1. Stay in touch
Call your friend, write him a letter, an encouraging e-mail or even go to his house to visit him. This will make him understand that you care and that you show it to him by all means. There are many different ways to stay in touch with someone who is dear to you.
- Make an effort to visit him as often as possible without suffocating him.
- If you work, send him a "check" e-mail to let him know that you are close to her.
- If you can't call every day, send a few text messages or instant chat messages as often as you can.
Step 2. Take a walk together
Your loved one may feel better, if only a little, if they spend time outdoors. Taking the first step out of the house can be terribly difficult for someone with depression. Offer to share some time with him and enjoy a nice day in the fresh air.
You don't necessarily have to train together for a marathon. It is enough to walk for even just 20 minutes. You will likely feel better after doing some physical activity in the fresh air
Step 3. Immerse yourself in nature
Studies have shown that staying in touch with nature can reduce stress and lift mood. According to research, walking in green spaces can help the mind enter a meditative state, helping to promote relaxation and an improvement in the mood.
Step 4. Enjoy the sun together
Exposing yourself to some sunshine raises your vitamin D levels, which also help improve mood. Just sitting on a bench and getting some sun for a few minutes can also help.
Step 5. Encourage your friend to pursue new interests
If he has something to commit to and focus on, he can distract himself from depression, even if only temporarily, and be able to look to the future with more optimistic eyes. While you don't necessarily have to force him to take skydiving lessons or learn Japanese thoroughly, encouraging him to have certain interests can help him shift his focus and get him out of depression.
- Find edifying books he can read. Eventually you can also read together in a park or discuss the book.
- Take him to the cinema to see a movie from your favorite director. Your friend may enjoy a new film genre and at the same time you will enjoy his company.
- Invite him to express his artistic side. Drawing, painting, or even writing poetry can help a person express their feelings. This is also something you can do together.
Step 6. Recognize your friend's achievements
Whenever he achieves a goal, acknowledge and congratulate him. Even small goals, such as being able to shower or go shopping, can be meaningful to someone who is depressed.
Step 7. Be there to try to improve his daily life
You can encourage him to try new things and get out of the house, but sometimes the best thing you can do is just be available and present to run all the ordinary errands. This way you can help him feel less alone.
- Being there for those undemanding activities like making lunch or watching TV can make a big difference.
- You can lighten his load by helping him with little things. This could be running errands for him, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, or doing laundry.
- Depending on the situation, having healthy physical contact (such as a hug) with your loved one can also help them get better.
Part 5 of 5: Avoiding Burnout Syndrome
Step 1. Take a step back from time to time
Sometimes you may feel frustrated when your advice and reassurances - expressed with the best of intentions - are met with grumpiness and resistance. It is important not to make your friend's pessimism a personal matter: know that it is a symptom of the disease and not a reaction towards you. If you feel this pessimism is taking too much of your energy, take a break and spend time doing something stimulating and enjoyable for yourself.
- This is especially important if you live with the depressed person and find it difficult to walk away.
- Direct your frustration towards the illness, not towards the person.
- Even if you don't frequent him, be sure to check in on your loved one at least once a day to make sure they can handle their situation.
Step 2. Take care of yourself
It is very easy to get overwhelmed by the problems of the sick person and lose sight of one's needs. If you often find yourself in contact with a depressed person, you may also be influenced and find yourself sad or down in the dumps, or you realize that your worries are triggered by this situation. Know that your feelings of frustration, helplessness, and anger are perfectly normal.
- If you have too many personal issues to resolve yourself, you may not be fully able to help your friend. Make sure you don't use his problems as an alibi to avoid yours.
- Recognize when your efforts to help the other person prevent you from enjoying your life or taking care of the things that matter most to you. If your depressed friend has become too dependent on you, know that it's not healthy for either of you.
- If you feel that you are getting too absorbed and involved in his depression, ask for help. then it may be a good idea to see a therapist yourself.
Step 3. Take some time to stay away from the sick person
Even if you have been an incredible friend, providing emotional and physical support, remember to save time for yourself so you can enjoy a healthy and relaxing life.
Visit many friends and family members who are not depressed and enjoy their company
Step 4. Stay healthy
Go outdoors, run 5km or walk to the market. Do whatever is useful to you to maintain your inner strength.
Step 5. Take some time to laugh
If you can't get your depressed friend to laugh a little, at least spend time with funny people, watch a comedy, or read something funny online.
Step 6. Don't feel guilty about enjoying life
It is your friend who is depressed, not you, and you have every right to enjoy and appreciate your existence. Remember that if you are not feeling your best, you are unlikely to be able to help your loved one.
Step 7. Learn about depression
One of the most useful things you can do is to inform yourself and know as much as possible about this disease. For the depressed person, these feelings are very real. If you don't have depression or another mental disorder, it can be very difficult for you to relate to his feelings. Read books or websites about depression or talk to a professional.
