Depression is a mood disorder that needs treatment like any medical condition. If your partner suffers from this disease, you can greatly contribute to his recovery. By helping him to heal himself and supporting him during the treatment, without neglecting yourself, you can assist him until he has recovered. Read on to learn more about how to help your spouse overcome depression.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Preparing to Treat Your Spouse
Step 1. Recognize depressive symptoms in your partner
You may suspect that he is depressed by the way he behaves. If you're not sure, there are several common signs to tell if something is wrong. Some of the common symptoms of depression are:
- Persistent sense of sadness.
- Loss of interest in hobbies, friends and / or sex.
- Excessive exhaustion or psychomotor slowing that manifests itself in thinking, elocution or movements.
- Increased or decreased appetite.
- Difficulty sleeping or excessive sleepiness.
- Problems concentrating and making decisions.
- Irritability.
- Sense of despair and / or pessimism.
- Weight loss or weight gain.
- Suicidal thoughts.
- Pain or digestive problems.
- Sense of guilt, worthlessness and / or helplessness.
Step 2. Encourage your spouse to ask for help if they have not already done so
His depression can be so debilitating that he is unable to ask for help. He may also feel embarrassed by how he is feeling. If you suspect he has depression, encourage him to speak to a therapist.
- Arrange a meeting with a therapist. You will likely recommend that your partner consult a psychiatrist.
- Also try asking your partner if they would like your presence for moral support.
- If you're not sure where to start, you can also consider making an appointment with your spouse's primary care physician for suggestions.
Step 3. Get informed
Understanding depression, its effects, and possible treatments will allow you to better understand your partner and help them make informed decisions. Ask questions, read books, and visit reputable websites on diagnosing and treating depression. There are many associations that make resources available for people suffering from this disorder. Check out some of these sites to find useful information on how to support the person next to you.
- Fondazione Idea offers many resources, from basic information to support through telephone listening and self-help groups.
- Project Ithaca offers information on depression, a listening line and publications of articles on depression.
- EDA Italia Onlus - Italian Association on Depression includes a number of resources, such as a YouTube channel on diagnoses and depressive disorders and self-help groups.
Part 2 of 2: Supporting the spouse
Step 1. Encourage your partner to open up to you
Often speaking openly about depression as a real illness that has real consequences can be a relief for the people who suffer from it, as it shows that there is someone who cares about them and is willing to help them. It is important for those around you to get professional help, but confiding in you about their state of mind could also benefit them.
- Say encouraging phrases every day to show him that you care about him. For example, before you go to work, try to tell him, "I love you. Count on me at any time." Also, value what he can do throughout the day by telling him, "I'm so proud of you and what you've accomplished today."
- Let your partner know that you are there by saying, for example, "I know that you are going through a difficult time now. I just want you to know that I am there for you whenever you need to talk. Even if I am not at home and you want to. confide in you, call me and I'll be there ".
Step 2. Listen to him when he wants to speak
Another important part of helping him recover is to show that you listen to him and understand his point of view. Let him tell you what he is feeling, giving him a chance to fully express himself.
- Don't force him to speak. Just let him know that you are willing to listen to him when he feels ready, respecting his times.
- Listen to it carefully. Nod and react appropriately to show him that you are listening.
- Occasionally try to pick up on what he says in the conversation to let him know that you are paying attention to his words.
- Avoid being defensive, trying to take control of the conversation or ending sentences in its place. Be patient, even if it can be difficult at times.
- Make him feel like he is always being heard by saying "I see", "Go on" and "Yes".
Step 3. Contribute to your partner's recovery
Even if you may not understand the reasons why he fell into depression, it is important to support him during treatment. You will probably have an idea of what you can do to help him, but if you're not sure, try asking him a few questions as well. Here are some ways to help him out:
- Take on some of your spouse's daily responsibilities. You should take care of the practical matters that normally belonged to him, such as paying bills, talking to whoever knocks on the door, handling condominium disputes, and so on. Ask him what you can do to offer help if you are unsure. Keep in mind that you will not have to take on his responsibilities forever, but only until he has recovered. You can also involve friends and family.
- Protecting your partner means taking care of him physically. Make sure she eats properly, has moderate physical activity, sleeps well, and takes her medication.
- Attend a few sessions of psychotherapy, if possible and appropriate (but do not force him to accept your presence).
Step 4. Give him hope in all possible ways
Hope can manifest itself in many forms, through faith in God, love for children, and any other channel that is important in the eyes of those in need. Find out what matters most to your partner and remind them when they think about giving up. Tell him that bad things pass, even if it seems impossible at the moment, that you will be by his side and that his presence is very important in your life.
- Make sure he understands how much you love him and that you will support him in difficult times, whatever the cost. Reassure him by telling him that you know it's not his fault.
- Make sure he knows you understand if he is unable to take on certain family responsibilities. Things you consider normal daily chores, such as feeding the dog, cleaning the house, or paying the bills, could suffocate him.
- Reiterate that it is the disease that creates certain thoughts in him, leading him to think terrible, impossible, irreparable things, etc. Acknowledge his feelings and promise him that you will find a solution together.
Step 5. Encourage your partner to do what once brought him joy and to try new things that could help him heal
Invite him to go to the cinema or take a walk together. If he refuses the first few times, try to be patient and keep asking. Just don't force it, because it probably can't handle too many tasks at once.
Remember to compliment him every time he does something that benefits him and makes him feel better. A simple thank you, such as, "Thank you for mowing the lawn. It's just beautiful now. I really appreciate it," could mean a lot to a person suffering from depression
Step 6. Plan fun activities
Your spouse may feel more comfortable spending time indoors with you and the rest of the family, but you should plan something fun for everyone. It is good for each family member to have interesting activities that they are eager to do. They are useful not only for the partner suffering from depression, but also for others and children, because a change in the situation will do everyone good.
If you don't have children, invite a couple of friends over. Just try to call people your partner feels really comfortable with
Step 7. Recognize the signs of suicide risk
Depressed people sometimes commit suicide when the thoughts of hopelessness and helplessness become unbearable. If your spouse talks about suicide, take it seriously. Don't assume that he will never do what he says, especially if you have any evidence that reveals a plan exists. Here are some warning signs:
- Threats or talk about suicide.
- Phrases that imply that he no longer cares about anything and that he will no longer be there.
- Give away his things, make a will or make arrangements for the funeral.
- Purchase of a pistol or other weapon.
- Sudden and inexplicable joy or serenity after a period of depression.
- If you notice any of these behaviors, ask for help immediately! Call a doctor, a mental health clinic, or a suicide prevention and support line, such as Telefono Amico at 199.284.284, for advice on what to do.
Step 8. Take care of yourself
It's easy to forget your own needs when your spouse is in pain, but if you're not well, you won't be able to care for them. In fact, depression can affect the whole family. This is why you shouldn't neglect yourself while helping him solve his problem.
- Get plenty of sleep, eat right, keep exercising, and keep in touch with family and friends for moral support.
- Take a few moments to yourself so you don't get engulfed by the situation.
- Consider going to therapy or joining a support group to better cope with your spouse's depression.
- Reduce stress at work and in other circumstances. Too many stressful situations threaten to knock morale down.
- You will also need to address the impact of your partner's depression on your children. Ask your primary care physician and the specialists who care for your children's health for advice.
Advice
- Try to keep a positive attitude. It's easy to be swayed by a loved one's negative thoughts, but depression is a treatable disease.
- The partner's depressed behavior does not represent his true nature. Since his social skills have been compromised, he may become isolated, shy, sulky, or even angry with the rest of the world. If he is in a rage, remember that this manifestation is due to his sense of frustration. He is not mad at you, you are just a victim.
- Be prepared for rejection. Because depression clouds judgment, your suggestions and help may not be welcome. Do your best not to get mad or take it personally. However, it is best not to attempt to offer advice. Your intentions may be good, but you may give him the impression that he is speaking from a position of superiority, and unless you really know what he is going through, it is difficult to make assumptions about what is best for him "based on your own. experiences". You may want to seek help from a specialist.
- Try to be patient and acknowledge his progress, even if it takes time.
- If your spouse isn't in the mood for sex, don't take it personally. This disinterest comes from depression and has nothing to do with you. A decrease in libido is a classic symptom of this disorder, as well as being a fairly common side effect of antidepressants. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or isn't attracted to you.
- Contact a hospital or mental health clinic for support and guidance. If the company you work for offers a support program, use it. It may provide you with an excellent aid to learn how to manage their depressive problems together with your spouse.
Warnings
- Don't try to fix everything yourself, because you can't. Ask family and friends for help. Do your best and acknowledge your efforts.
- While being supportive in most cases leads to healing, don't support substance use just because it seems to make them feel better. They may work in the short term, but cause further problems in the long run.
- If you live in the United States, don't call the police during a depressive episode. Agents could traumatize or kill those who are depressed. Call the hospital, a doctor, or a suicide prevention and support line if needed.
- Realize that depressive episodes can recur. Learn to recognize the warning signs by alerting your partner that they are exhibiting them and that it is time to seek help right away. For those who abuse drugs or alcohol, the risk of relapse is four times higher than for those who do not use these substances.
