If you're in a relationship with a guy who never wants to deal with your problems, maybe you should ask him what's bothering him. It is likely that some of your behavior has made him angry, or that he is upset about something else. It's easy to learn what is bothering him - you can tell from his attitude or how he relates to you when you talk to him. Above all, never neglect your attention towards him.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Observe His Behavior
Step 1. Pay attention to the way he treats you
Anger can manifest itself through evasive behavior, stubbornness, negative physical attitudes, aggression, or mood swings. In practice, it doesn't always translate into open disagreement.
If he is a quiet person, the fact that he avoids you does not necessarily mean that he is angry. If he's always blunt and straightforward, being punctilious might just depend on his sarcasm. Take note of these attitudes only if they differ greatly from his normal behavior
Step 2. Observe him when he is in a group
If he avoids getting directly involved, shows deference, pays more attention to others than usual, or offends in a cutting way, he is likely repressing his anger. However, if you analyze these factors in an exasperated way, you run the risk of exacerbating the problem, so discuss his way of dealing with other people in your group. Ask a friend who visits you a lot to give you a correct opinion on the situation.
Step 3. Notice if there is a lack of commitment on his part
If he doesn't propose anything, it doesn't mean he's angry with you. In other words, he is likely to be nervous because he doesn't have a chance to go out in the evening or come to a party. If he's in a bad mood, he won't want to make any commitments with you.
Step 4. Study his body language
Anger does not always manifest itself in the form of aggression and violence. Even if his are clear signs of anger, body language will not always resort to very direct gestures. The folded arms indicate that he has raised a defensive wall, blocking any entrance. The tighter the position of the arms, the more decisive its closure. An attitude that could indicate more hostility is to cross your arms and clench your fists. If the legs also assume this position, the signal is stronger.
Be aware that not everyone who crosses their arms is on the defensive. She often assumes this posture in cold weather, so don't assume that this change in her attitude denotes anger towards you
Step 5. Get some reaction
By engaging in positive behavior, you should receive a positive reaction. If you do something nice and get a cold response, it means there is a problem. Try doing a nice gesture towards him, like making him a snack or giving him a small gift, and see how he reacts.
Part 2 of 2: Addressing It Directly
Step 1. Choose a place to talk
A safe and quiet place will work for both of you, make you comfortable and allow you to communicate more openly than a place where you are forced to be together with other people. If you want some friends to be there for your peace of mind, make sure your boyfriend doesn't feel attacked. Do not take sides against him, otherwise he could close even more.
Talk to him in person and not on the phone. This way you will receive quick and direct answers. If, on the other hand, you discuss with him on the phone, he will have a greater advantage and could answer in the times he prefers, exacerbating the confrontation
Step 2. Practice looking for an opening
Whether it's a close friend, pet, or mirror, be prepared for the first few minutes of the conversation. It could be an awkward time for your boyfriend, and if he feels attacked, misled, or trapped, you better be direct and emotionally neutral. By doing so, you will help him to open up with more peace of mind.
- "I have the impression that you are angry with me about something and I have been thinking what the cause could be. Can we clarify the matter?".
- "Lately it seems to me that we are not very in tune. I have noticed a certain closure towards me. Are you angry about something?".
- "Is there something bothering you? You've been acting differently lately and I'd like to help you out."
Step 3. Insist
Don't exacerbate the confrontation by showing mixed feelings. Try to be positive and consistent to keep the conversation going. Remind him that you are worried about him and that you want to help him solve any problems that are bothering him.
Step 4. Show your commitment to the conversation
Show your affection by looking him in the eye and also using your hands to communicate with him. Touch his hand or shoulder from time to time to encourage him to open up more. Don't roll your eyes! He will think you are upset and may get even more nervous.
Step 5. Prepare to empathize with him
If he's furious, it's important that you don't get defensive. Be ready to apologize for the mistakes you made. You have cornered him, asking him to be open and express his anger towards you, therefore, by refusing his reaction or becoming aggressive, you risk closing the door of communication in the future.
Advice
- Don't wait too long before addressing the problem. If you notice a change in his behavior, raise him before it starts to get complicated.
- If he almost always seems angry with you, evaluate your relationship. Be ready to close it if you can't get through a single day without problems.
