Any kind of rejection, be it emotional or business, should negatively affect your happiness. Sure, being rejected isn't a great experience, but you shouldn't let that take happiness out of your life. Rejection is part of existence - there will be times when someone declines your job application, date invitation, or ideas. Accept all this and know that what really matters is a healthy attitude to be able to find a way to always get back in the game.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Coping with the Immediate Consequences
Step 1. Give yourself adequate time to deal with your suffering
You will feel upset, whether it is rejection of a manuscript, an idea at work, or you have been rejected by a potential romantic partner. It is normal for you to be angry and it is okay to take some time to process the pain.
- Take some time to process the rejection. For example: if you can take a day off work, do it. Or, if you were thinking of going out that night, stay home and watch a movie. After you get a shocking rejection letter, take a walk or allow yourself to go for that chocolate cake.
- Make sure you don't overdo it by spending your days sitting indoors, basking in self-pity. In the long run you will feel worse.
Step 2. Talk to a trusted friend
This does not mean that you are completely free to let off steam without restraint. This would only prove to certain people (your potential editor, that girl you liked, your boss) that you are whiny and melodramatic and can't handle your life. So, find a trusted friend or family member and confide in them.
- The best friend is the one who can talk to you openly. It can help you find out if and what went wrong. It will also help you recover from this bad time.
- Avoid using social media to vent your frustrations. The internet never forgets and if you ever try to get that fabulous new job, the employer may check and find that you are incapable of handling rejection. It doesn't matter how upset or angry you are - just avoid doing it.
- Don't complain too much. Again, don't wallow in rejection, otherwise it will only make the situation worse. Don't start talking about your problem every time you talk to your friend. If you think you are exaggerating, be sure to ask him "Am I putting too much emphasis on this rejection?" If he says yes, adjust accordingly.
Step 3. Get over it as soon as possible
The sooner you accept it, the better off you will be. It also means that you will not allow other similar situations to bring you down in the future.
For example: if you can't get the job you really wanted, give yourself some time to be upset, but then forget about it. It is time to start looking for something else or to consider what you may possibly change for the future. You have to keep in mind that when one thing doesn't work, you will have other opportunities that will develop in an absolutely unexpected way
Step 4. Don't take it personally
Remember that rejection says nothing about you as a person in its entirety. Being rejected is part of life and not a personal attack. The editor, the girlfriend, or your boss weren't interested.
- Rejection is not your fault, per se. You were rejected because maybe there was something particular that "them" would not have worked for. They refused your request, not you
- Remember, they can't reject you as a person because they don't know you. Even if you've dated someone a few times, it doesn't mean they know everything about you and therefore reject you as a person. They don't just accept a situation that doesn't work for them. Respect it.
- For example: you asked that girl you liked out on a date and she said "no". Does that mean you are useless? What will nobody want you? No, of course not. She is simply not interested in your request (for whatever reason … she might be in a relationship, not interested in dating, etc.).
Step 5. Do something else
Once the time you have given yourself to grieve has passed, you need to take your mind away from rejection. Do not immediately go back to work on the thing that was rejected, because you will only go back to mulling over the problem. You need to take some space and time.
- For example: You presented a novel manuscript to a publisher and they rejected it. After struggling for a while, move on to another story or take some time to write something different (try poetry or short stories).
- Doing something fun can be a great way to take your mind off rejection and focus on something else. Go dancing, buy that new book you really wanted, take the weekend off and go to the beach with a friend.
- You can't let a rejection bring an abrupt end to your life, because you will be rejected several times in your life (like everyone else). Go ahead and do other things, without letting it affect your existence.
Part 2 of 3: Coping with Long-Term Rejection
Step 1. Reevaluate the concept of rejection
Keeping in mind that rejection isn't about you as a person, it's time to consider rejection something different. People who say they have been rejected tend to take rejection worse than those who manage to make it something that focuses on the circumstance itself rather than making it personal.
- For example: if you ask someone to go out with you and they say no, instead of saying "I was rejected", you have to think "He said no". That way you don't take it personally (he said no to your request after all, it's not you who rejected it).
- Some other examples could be: thinking something like "friendship has waned" (instead of thinking your friend rejected you), "I didn't get the job" (instead of "They rejected my job application"), "We had different priorities" (instead of "They turned me down").
- One of the best to use is "It didn't work", as it implies that no one is to blame, neither them nor you.
Step 2. Know when to quit
When something goes wrong, which doesn't always mean you should give up, it's important to recognize when it's time to stop and move on. Often, not giving up means moving beyond that particular instance, but trying again in a more general sense.
- For example, if you asked someone out and they said no, not giving up means not giving up on the idea of finding love. Avoid this person, but don't give up asking others to go out with you.
- Another example: If your manuscript is rejected by a publisher, it is good to stop and think about what went wrong with that publisher, but you should keep trying with other publishers and agents.
- Keep in mind that you are not always entitled to a positive response.
Step 3. Don't allow others to control your future
Rejection, as has already been said, is a part of life. Trying to avoid it or dwelling on it will make you miserable. You have to be able to accept that things don't always work out the way you want and that's okay! Just because something didn't work doesn't mean you're a failure or that nothing will work.
- Each request is unique. Even if that chick turned down a date, it doesn't mean that every girl you like will tell you no. If you start to believe that you will always be rejected, then yes… you will put yourself in a position to be rejected every time.
- Keep moving forward. Mulling over past rejections will keep you bogged down in the past and won't allow you to enjoy the present. For example: if you keep thinking about the number of times they haven't accepted you for a job, it will be difficult for you to submit your resume and go different ways.
Step 4. Use it to improve
Sometimes rejection can be an important wake-up call and can help you improve your life. The publisher may have rejected your manuscript because you still have to work on your writing style (as it was it couldn't be published, but that doesn't mean it can't be in the future!).
- If you can, ask the person who refused to give you feedback on why they weren't interested. For example: maybe your resume wasn't well written, and instead of convincing you that no one will ever want to hire you, ask the potential employer what you could do to improve it. It may not answer you, but if it does, it may provide valuable information for your next attempt.
- If it's in a relationship, you might ask this person why they're not interested in dating, but the reason may be that they just see you as a friend. You can't do anything to change his mind, so the lesson is to properly address that disinterest and remain optimistic about a potential relationship in your life (even if it won't be with that person!).
Step 5. Stop ruminating
It's time to stop thinking about that rejection. You have already given yourself time to cry, you have spoken to a trusted friend, you have learned what to do and now you have placed it in the past. The more you think about it, the bigger the problem becomes and the more it will feel like you can't get out of it.
If you find yourself really not able to throw it behind your back, you need to seek professional help. Sometimes recurring reasons ("I'm not capable enough" etc.) take root in your psyche and each refusal favors further grounding. A good professional can help you overcome the problem
Part 3 of 3: Managing the Rejection of a Proposal
Step 1. Remember that you are allowed to say "no"
This can be difficult for many people, especially women, but you don't have to accept something you don't want. Of course there are cases in which the obligation is there, for example when the flight attendant tells you to sit down: you just do it.
- If someone asks you for a date and you don't want to go out with her, then you can respond directly, simply specifying that you are not interested.
- If your friend wants to go on a trip that you don't want to do / can't afford, their world won't fall if you say no!
Step 2. Be direct
One of the best ways to reject a proposal is to be as direct as possible. Don't beat around the bush. Direct is not the same as brutal, although some people will perceive it that way. There is no way to reject someone's proposal (of anything: a date, a manuscript, a job) without causing displeasure.
- For example, someone asks you out and you're not interested. You have to say, "I'm really flattered, but I don't reciprocate your feelings." If she doesn't understand and insists, she becomes angrier and speaks in unequivocal terms: "I'm not and I won't be interested and the fact that you don't leave me alone makes me less and less interested in you."
- In the previous example, when your friend offers you the trip, answer him: "Thanks for thinking of me! I really can't afford to go on vacation, not even for a weekend. Maybe it will be for next time!". This will not exclude that you may enjoy yourself in the future, but you need to be clear with your friend.
Step 3. Give specific explanations
You don't have to, but being specific about why you're not interested can help the person proposing. If there are areas for improvement (especially if it's a manuscript or resume), you might want to mention them so I can work on them.
- If it's a relationship, just specify that you don't reciprocate. If he wants more explanations, you have to say that attraction and love are not in control and that he must accept that you are not interested.
- If you are refusing to publish someone's poem in your magazine (and you have time), explain what is wrong in your opinion (structure of the poem, cliché, etc.). You don't have to say it's terrible, but you can explain that more work is needed before you can publish it.
Step 4. Do it quickly
By acting promptly, you don't let emotions grow and deteriorate. It's like tearing off a band-aid (to use a cliché). You must explain as soon as possible that the proposal (a trip with a friend, a date with someone, a person's manuscript, etc.) is not right for you.
The faster you do this, the faster the other person will be able to get over it and use the experience to improve
Advice
- Find a way to recover from rejection. Some take refuge in faith, others in a hot bath and in meditation. Find a way to clear your mind, forget about bad feelings, and recreate your balance.
- If you get rejection of love, that doesn't mean you should feel inferior. It just means that the other person doesn't feel attracted to you. And this cannot be forced.
- Even if someone said no to you, it doesn't mean they don't see the good things you have; rather, focus on shaking the experience off and focus on the good within you.
- Success and acceptance come almost entirely from hard work. Sometimes, we don't want to admit that we still have so much to do before we get better. Be enthusiastic about your chances but try to be realistic too; if it is necessary for you to learn and experience, take action and do not fall back into rejection.
- See a professional if you feel depressed after a rejection. Alcohol and drugs won't help you.
Warnings
- If you continue to take rejection personally, consider talking to a therapist about it. If you suffer from depression, anxiety or other mental disorders, you may not have the resilience to cope with the pressures of life and therefore need support. There is nothing to be ashamed of; everyone needs a guide sooner or later.
- Not everyone explains the reason for the rejection, sometimes because they are too busy, other times because they don't know how to explain themselves without being too critical. Again, don't make it personal. Look for someone who can trust you and take the time to understand what happened, in order to make you better for the future.
