With learned helplessness we mean a psychological construct by which a subject, after having repeatedly experienced negative and uncontrollable events, begins to consider himself "powerless". As a result, he stops expecting positive change and begins to surrender by accepting the fact that negative events are part of an invariable situation. He may even give up on improving his life. If you suffer from learned helplessness, you don't have to stick to these psychological mechanisms. Get over it by discovering where it comes from. So, try to change the beliefs that keep you in a stalemate and take back control of your life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Learn about Learned Impotence
Step 1. Find the source of your problem
Learned helplessness could result from some situations that occurred during one's growth. Try to go back to the root. Reflect on past events that may have fueled your current mental patterns.
- For example, in childhood you may have been neglected or abused by your parents and, therefore, you have learned not to expect any help from adults. Alternatively, you may have been raised by parents who felt paralyzed by the system and unable to improve their lives (and you acquired that mindset from them).
- Reflect on your early experiences to determine where your beliefs come from. You could also ask friends and loved ones how you behave, to see if they can identify a common denominator that has affected you so much that you become the person you are today.
Step 2. Identify negative beliefs that keep you clinging to certain psychological mechanisms
Try to understand how learned helplessness affects your daily life. You can do this by recognizing the beliefs that affect the way you act. You should also observe if you use self-destructive and resigned language. If it is imbued with pessimism, you can commit to changing it.
- Get a notebook and write down some general thoughts on life, including "if you weren't born rich, you never will be" or "good people always come last."
- Write down your innermost thoughts such as: "I'm a loser", "I'll never get the promotion I want" or "if I was beautiful, the guys would notice me."
Step 3. Pay attention to self-fulfilling prophecies
Your thoughts and beliefs have the ability to transform you. Your way of thinking can affect the choice of goals to be achieved, the career to pursue and also the people to attend. Even if you want a better life, your mental patterns may stand in your way.
Considering the previous example, suppose you believe that "if you were not born rich, you never will be". If you allow this belief to take root in your mind, it is possible for your life to take exactly this course. You may give up on the sweetest opportunities or never get rid of your debts
Part 2 of 3: Questioning Negative Beliefs
Step 1. Analyze your reality for negative language
If your innermost thoughts are highly destructive, they can fuel a lack of self-esteem, depression, or anxiety. Challenge unnecessary beliefs by looking for evidence to support or contradict them.
For example, if you believe you are a loser, look for evidence for or against that thinking. Is it consistent with the reality of the facts? Are you jumping to conclusions? Keep in mind that if you've built positive relationships in your life, they automatically contradict the idea that you are a loser
Step 2. Find alternative explanations for your beliefs
Sometimes learned helplessness takes root in the mind because one refuses to see that there are multiple explanations to life events. If you come to conclusions other than those that justify your beliefs, you will feel able to change your situation. You may even improve your mood.
Let's say you were rejected for a job promotion. You might immediately think, "My employer doesn't like me." However, take a step back and try to see the matter another way. Maybe whoever got promoted was simply more qualified or maybe your boss didn't consider you because you didn't seem eager enough to grow on the job
Step 3. Evaluate negative events so that you focus on your efforts, not human characteristics
If you have problems with learned helplessness, you probably tend not to blame yourself for the successes you have achieved and you blame yourself for all your failures. Learn to reconsider negative events by attributing your results to your efforts rather than to certain character qualities.
Instead of saying, "I'm a fool because I did the report badly," he thinks, "I could have done better. Next time I'll do it." In this way, you will prepare yourself to frame a possible success in relation to the efforts made - which can always improve - not to some human traits, such as stupidity
Step 4. Learn to see yourself as a worthy person
Typically, people who have learned helplessness problems have low self-esteem. You probably don't recognize that you have control over your life. You see yourself as a puppet when you are the puppeteer. So try to identify your strengths and believe in your potential.
List your best features. Go deep, including everything from the most important to the least relevant qualities. For example, you could write: "I have an excellent nose for business" or "I have an eye for detail". Keep this list handy whenever you start to doubt your worth
Step 5. Consult a therapist
It is difficult to go from a vision of helplessness to one that allows you to put your skills to good use. The process becomes complicated due to depression, anxiety, problems related to abandonment, violence suffered or low self-esteem. If you are having a hard time changing your old beliefs, you should probably go to a mental health professional who specializes in this area.
Find a therapist near you who helps people with learned helplessness. Alternatively, explain your situation to your doctor and ask him who he can refer you to
Part 3 of 3: Take Control of Your Life
Step 1. Set concrete goals
By setting yourself goals, you will put yourself in a position to overcome learned helplessness. The simple idea of planning your future can actually help you feel more in control of your life. Start by thinking about achievable goals.
- Try using the SMART strategy to set specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound goals.
- For example, you might decide to increase revenue by 25% over the next six months.
Step 2. Identify a small task to do each day
Once you've defined your goals, focus on one at a time. Complete at least one task a day so that you slowly get closer to the goals you need to achieve. Small daily actions increase motivation and allow you to stay in control of your life.
For example, a daily stimulus linked to a milestone might be to look for a second job or cut back on expenses to get more money
Step 3. Celebrate the small wins
If you have set long-term goals, you can get tired or bored easily. Then, set small milestones by which to chart your progress. When you have passed one, don't hesitate to celebrate.
In order not to lose motivation, try to link an attractive reward to each stage. It could be a dinner with your partner or family or a weekend away
Step 4. Build positive relationships
For better or for worse, those around you influence your beliefs. Get away from individuals who have learned helplessness issues or have negative behavioral patterns. Seek the company of upbeat and resolute people.
You may find them by attending a trade association or class where you can share your interests
Step 5. Stop and take care of yourself when you are stressed
After a bad and exhausting experience, be kind to yourself. Maybe you will be tempted to go back to old destructive mind patterns. So, acquire positive habits that you can rely on in these moments.
