In a social setting, you may be offered a drink. Once you get into the party mood, you may be reluctant to answer "No thanks," but you have your reasons. How do you decline the offer without looking like a party pooper?
Steps
Step 1. Decline gracefully
Sometimes kindness is enough, and there is no need to go into detail.
Step 2. Decline, and provide adequate justification
- "No thanks, I'm not drinking tonight."
- “No thanks, I don't drink”.
- “No thanks, I have to drive”.
- "No thanks, I can't find the friend who should take me home anymore".
- “No thanks, I'm not thirsty”.
- "Thanks, but I'm trying to control myself."
- "Thanks, but I still have to recover from yesterday's hangover."
- If they insist, you too insist: "Thanks for the offer, but really, I prefer not".
- “Thanks, but no thanks; Maybe next time".
- “For now I'm okay, maybe later”, thus vaguely referring to a later moment (or to a non-existent future).
Step 3. Get a diversion
If you are avoiding alcohol, ask for a soft drink, juice, lemonade, coffee, tea, cider or water instead. Even bars keep these drinks on hand. Whether you drink it or not, having a drink in your hand can dissuade people from offering you more.
- If you are in a bar, ask for a drink or soda in a small glass (if they serve these drinks in large glasses), add a stirrer instead of the straw, and a wedge of lime or lemon. Nobody will notice it. And if your usual drink is a mix, maybe a cranberry vodka, order a cranberry juice. It looks the same, with ice (it's also a good way to get rid of someone in a bar without them noticing. After the first few drinks, however, you don't feel alcohol anymore).
- Many cocktails can be ordered "non-alcoholic" ("virgin"). Try a "virgin piña colada" or a "virgin daiquiri".
- Order a non-alcoholic cocktail by calling it by name. Some (“Shirley Temple”, “Roy Rogers”…) are known to be non-alcoholic. Others are less well known, with names that might blow your friends off unless they're experts or bartenders.
Step 4. Enlist allies
In a bar or restaurant, discreetly inform the waiters that you do not intend to drink, or that you are avoiding alcohol. Ask the bartender to omit alcohol if someone offers you a drink. You can even agree in advance what to bring when you order "the usual". It is especially useful with friends who drink a lot or offer drinks.
Step 5. Keep busy
Have conversation, enjoy food or appetizers, take pictures with (or with) other guests, or dance. Any of these activities will give you, your hosts and your friends something to do besides trying to get you drinks.
Step 6. Offer yourself as a designated driver
Tell your friends you need to drive. Better still if you offer yourself as a designated driver before you even receive offers. Many will think that you are choosing not to drink because you have to drive, instead of driving so as not to drink. A sensitive landlord should let go of the matter right away.
Step 7. State your reasons for not drinking or come up with a good excuse
While a simple "No Thanks" may suffice, some hosts are particularly insistent, and in certain cultures, the total refusal of a drink is often seen as a disrespect. Provide a reason or excuse and release the tension. Be firm and don't hesitate, don't do anything that suggests that you might change your mind. A good reason, even if it is made up or comical, could convince someone of the seriousness of your rejection, far from mere reluctance or indecision. Here are some common excuses / reasons that work wonders:
- Are you trying to lose weight, cut calories, etc.
- Your doctor has advised you to avoid (interferes with medication, etc.)
- It is Lent
- You are allergic
- Tomorrow will be a busy day
- You have an appointment the following morning
- You have to drive
- You feel dehydrated or nauseated
- You are convalescing, or still sick and on antibiotics or other medicines that cannot be mixed with alcohol
- You drank too much the night before and can barely stay in the same room as an alcoholic drink
- You have a stomach ache. It could be something you ate
- You're pregnant. If he's a stranger, he'll never know you lied (as long as you're not a man)
- You're training for the Olympics. If your host has a sense of humor, he will laugh (unless you look like an athlete, in which case he will ask you which discipline you train for). Then you can go on telling about that time when you fell in love with a gymnast on the bars …
- You are an ex-alcoholic. If you don't keep it a secret, you may find that not only are they sorry, but they are also committed to supporting and comforting you.
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It goes against your religion. If you have religious or other beliefs about drinking alcohol, say so. If your landlord isn't willing to go along with your religion, you might as well know right away. Some people advise against divulging their beliefs, as they should remain private and your host and other guests may take offense because by saying that you are trying to do the right thing by not drinking, you imply that they are doing something wrong by drinking alcohol. Worse still, those who make this observation point to the possibility of a heated discussion on ethics and religion. However, if yours is a religious motive, it's hard to tell whether the lie about it is kinder or more self-righteous. You should be able to stick to your beliefs without forcing them on others. Otherwise, you may not be ready for the contexts in which alcohol is consumed.
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If you don't like drinking, others may find it hard to understand, so it may be easier to come up with an excuse.
Turn Down a Drink Step 8
Turn Down a Drink Step 9 Step 8. Accept and hold it in your hand
If you really have to accept the drink, remember that you don't have to drink it. If you've already resisted the drink, then the fact that you carry it around without drinking it or leave it untouched shouldn't come as a surprise to the host.
Turn Down a Drink Step 10 Step 9. Throw it away
If you feel uncomfortable or tempted holding the drink in your hand, or if you have held it for a long time, get rid of it. Do it with discretion. Keep in mind that the absence of a glass in your hands may be noticed after a while, taking you back to the beginning of the rejection process.
- Offer it to a friend and see if they accept it. Recycling is better than throwing away.
- If you are in someone's home and you have access to the outside, you can throw the drink out. Try to get rid of only the liquid and carry around the glass with ice and any leftovers.
- Go to the bathroom and throw the liquid down the sink.
- If you have been offered a beer, take it to the bathroom and turn it over. Then fill the can again with cold water. Nobody can see the content, so nobody will ever know. They can see you drinking and, when they offer you another beer, you can tell them that the can is full and you are not ready for another one yet. One can, filled with discretion and caution, can work all evening.
- Never pour a drink into plants. It could kill them, make a sticky slaughter, or attract insects.
- Leave the glass in an area with lots of empty glasses and walk away.
Turn Down a Drink Step 11 Step 10. Remember that you are not the problem; are the others
If they try to get you to drink alcohol after you refuse, they are the ones who are being rude. Many choose to avoid alcohol for various reasons, and it's their business and nobody else's. You don't owe them any explanations, especially if you've already explained the reasons or excuses. Don't let someone pressure you to drink, and don't let them put you in a position where you have to "justify" yourself not to drink. If the landlord continues to bother you about the matter, pretend to be sick, thank him for a nice evening (lying), and go home.
Step 11. Avoid similar parties in the future
If you can't be firm in your intentions, or this landlord just can't accept a "no", avoid accepting his other invitations. When friends ask you why you don't go, tell them the truth: "Well, last time it seemed that the only important thing was to see me drink. I'm no longer interested in those parties (with alcohol or drugs). Until I am sure that my 'no' will be accepted and as long as I am bothered all the time, I will not be there”. This should solve the problem, because your friends will report to the landlord, and in the future they will all be more careful not to offend you again in this way.
Advice
- People choose not to drink for many reasons. It's your business, and a simple "no thanks" is more than enough.
- Many true friends will happily accept a "no". If you're a teetotaler, offer to drive back from the party. It gives you a reason to avoid alcohol, and many friends will be willing to pay you gas to prevent you from driving drunk.
- Arrange with a couple of friends for support. Sometimes a little help is enough to avoid an insistent landlord, someone with whom you can exchange a soft drink or change the subject before the landlord comes back.
- If possible, let the host know in advance that you will not drink. Justify yourself as you like, but let him know before the meeting that you don't drink. Ask for soft drinks or offer to bring something.
- Ask the host if a certain drink contains alcohol. By warning him before the party, he may find you something non-alcoholic.
Warnings
- If you think you are in some way in danger, walk away immediately and don't worry about good manners.
- If you don't trust whoever offers you the drink, don't accept it. Unscrupulous people might add - and sometimes do - substances that shouldn't be there.
- Follow your instinct. If you feel compelled to accept a drink from someone disreputable, don't take it or take it and ignore it or "get rid" of it in some way.
- If you are a teetotaler, don't hang out with people who might force you to drink.
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Remember!
Prevention is better than cure!
- Never damage objects or plants to get rid of a drink.
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