Writing your own vow is the perfect way to personalize your wedding and show your guests how you feel about your partner. Promises should be short and sweet, but they should also communicate what makes your relationship special and what drives you to union in the sacred bond of marriage. If you want to know how to make this challenging task simple, just follow these simple steps.
Steps
Method 1 of 2: Prepare to Write Promises
Step 1. Obtain authorization from the person who will officiate the wedding
Make sure you are allowed to recite written promises in your own hand.
Step 2. Talk to your partner to mutually decide if you both intend to write your promises
Both of you will have to be convinced of this idea, or the guests will notice it. Writing your promises is not for everyone.
Step 3. Take time to reflect on your love
If you and your bride-to-be have committed to writing the promises, you should take the time, alone and together, to think about what you love about each other, what makes your relationship special. This will help you come up with ideas for the promise, and you will likely find that you have so many wonderful things to say about your partner that it will be impossible to name them all. Here are some ways to reflect on your love:
- Arrange an appointment with promises as a theme. For real. Book your favorite restaurant, order some wine and talk about what you love about each other. Share your favorite memories, discuss the most difficult situations you have faced, and talk about the moment you realized you wanted to spend your entire life together.
- Don't be afraid to be silly when dating! Embarrassing memories will be fine too. Bring a notebook and write down some ideas.
- Take time to think about promises. Write your thoughts about your partner in a journal.
- If you've kept a journal during the relationship, browse it for ideas.
Step 4. Make a plan with your future wife
When you have both reflected on your relationship, you can discuss some practical aspects of your promises so that you are on the same page and create a united front in front of your guests. Here are some important things to establish before you start writing promises:
- A time or word limit. Most promises are around a minute or 150 words long. Don't write longer promises. If you dwell on it, the guests will lose patience.
- Decide on the style, tone and level of formality. Serious with a touch of irony? Poetic and light-hearted? Intensely romantic? While you don't have to use exactly the same tone, your promises won't sound good if you wrote them very romantically and your future wife in a comical way. Remember that while there's nothing wrong with showing your playful side, the underlying tone should be serious. You are about to make a commitment for life after all.
- Establish the structure. Choose a similar structure, for example start with "I promise…" or "I swear…". You can also use the same opening or closing phrase, such as "Thank you for agreeing to be with me for life". If you prefer, you can refine the structure as you write the promise.
- Decide whether to write the promises together or separately. Will you share all your thoughts during the process, compare them at the end, or keep the surprise until the wedding day?
- Set a delivery date. It may sound silly, but you should make your promise at least a month before the wedding so you don't have to write it in a hurry. The more time you spend writing it, the more you will be able to express your feelings.
Method 2 of 2: Write the Promises
Step 1. Write what you love about your other half
Write down any ideas that come to your mind, anything that makes your future wife so special. You can write about her beautiful blue eyes, how she can make you laugh even when you're sad, or how she always knows what you're thinking even when you're miles away.
- Make a list of adjectives that describe your beloved's best qualities. Think about the qualities to emphasize in the promise.
- Focus on the anecdotes that highlight the best qualities of your loved one. Saying she's nice has less of an impact than the general cleaning story she devoted to for days because she knew your family would visit.
- Think about the times your loved one helped you. It happens to everyone to live difficult times and you should think about how the person you love behaved, how he helped you in the difficulties.
Step 2. Mention the important memories of your relationship
Write down the most memorable moments you shared with your future wife. You can write about your unforgettable vacation or the time she was by your side watching horrible TV shows when you couldn't get out of bed.
- Think about the places you have visited together, from a special hike up a mountain to your favorite restaurant.
- Think about the milestones of your relationship. You can write about when you got a dog together, moved in together, your first date, or the moment you realized your story was intended by fate.
- Think about the hardest moments in the relationship. How did you manage to overcome them together?
Step 3. Write down the promises you want to make to your future wife
Make a list of promises you will keep throughout your life, based on your partner's personality and the experiences you have shared. Some can be serious, like always apologizing when you're wrong, or never going to sleep angry, while others can be more fun, like promising that you will always do the dishes if you are allowed to adjust the thermostat.
Remember that in more traditional promises, people promise to stand by their loved one in health and in sickness, in joy and pain, in wealth and poverty, and to love and respect them until death do you part. Find a personal way to express the same concepts, because they are the basis of marriage
Step 4. Remember to be yourself
You may be so focused on making perfect promises and impressing guests that you forget to show what makes you who you are, and what makes your partner so special. If when you are together you always joke, also joke in your promises. If you are a romantic, don't be afraid to overdo it with poetic phrases. It's your day, and you should show your true nature.
- You can take inspiration from other promises, poems or texts on the internet. You can ask a close friend who recently wrote his promises if he can share them with you. They can be helpful guides, but don't rely too much on other people's words, rather focus on showing the unique aspects of your relationship.
- If you have a sense of humor, write a light joke! After saying something serious, you can say to your partner, "I promise to always watch football games with you, as long as you continue to bring me flowers every week."
- Remember to be yourself, but don't forget your audience. You can still share the best parts of yourself and your relationship without excluding, confusing or boring your audience. Will your grandmother want to hear some great foot massages you give your partner? Probably not.
Step 5. Avoid clichés
When writing promises, it is normal to be tempted by clichés, but it is important to make them as personal as possible, identifying the most original way to show what you feel. Avoid calling your future wife your best friend or soul mate, or saying your heart melted when you first met.
You should avoid clichés, but you shouldn't be obsessed with originality. If your loved one is truly your best friend, don't be afraid to say so. But in most cases, try to create promises that only you could have written
Step 6. Ask for feedback
When you feel confident in the text, it's time to ask someone's opinion. While you may think your promise will move the audience, you will need to make sure it is written in the right tone, and that you have been able to communicate your feelings clearly before sharing them with the world. Here are some people to ask for their opinion:
- If you and your future wife have agreed to share your promises, ask her what she really thinks.
- Ask a trusted friend - who knows you well - if your promises communicate what you mean.
- Ask your parents or your grandparents for advice. Tips from an older person will help you understand the nature of love.
Step 7. Prepare to make the promise
Once you've written the text, all you have to do is focus on the execution. You should repeat until it feels natural, but you shouldn't give the impression that you are reading a script. After all, words must come from the heart.
- Focus on speaking clearly and maintaining eye contact with your loved one as you glance at the audience.
- Remember that on your wedding day, promises will look different than rehearsals. You will feel some tension, and this is normal. They will be even sweeter if the audience sees how much you truly love your future wife.
Advice
- After the wedding, you can frame your promises and hang them up, to remind them every day.
- Include a promise to always apologize after any quarrel and disagreement. It will be the most remembered and useful promise for your wedding.
- Bring a note or sheet of paper with you to read the promises. You won't have to remember them by heart if you say them with passion.
