Whether you are having trouble with your marriage or just want to make it as amazing as possible, wikiHow has what you need to improve your marriage. Start with Step 1 below to channel yourself along the path to marital bliss.
Steps
Method 1 of 7: Part 1: General Tips
Step 1. Love as you mean it
Take a look at the way you love your husband and he loves you. Sometimes we are so busy with our problems or we settle down so much in a relationship that we forget how we should really love someone. Make sure that you love him as he deserves and that you are reciprocated to the same extent.
Step 2. Be open to each other
Do you keep any secrets from your husband? Are you basically pretending to be another person just to impress him? Your relationship will only improve if you are open with him and you are yourself. The same goes for him. Trust each other and accept yourselves for who you really are.
Step 3. Keep your relationship confidential
Being overly caring in public is often a helpful sign of problems in a relationship. It usually indicates that you feel you have something to prove to others. Arguing in public: it is also a negative sign. Be careful when you find yourself behaving like this and use it as a way to find the problems to be solved within the relationship.
Step 4. Appreciate what you have
Yes, okay, I know: your snoring companion sends you into a rage. And his terrifying bathroom habits, oh my. But imagine how you would feel if he died. Imagine following him to the emergency room and seeing the doctor approach you to tell you that he didn't make it. When we put things in perspective, we are able to put aside the little problems to better appreciate the wonderful things we have while they are there. Nothing is eternal, so love it while you can.
Step 5. Work together to establish rules
Having a few basic rules can stop many problems in the bud. Discuss together how you would like to deal with problems, such as how to choose who to stay with during the holidays, who should be in charge of cleaning what, etc. Discussing hypothetical situations before they happen (and maybe even writing them down) can help you know how your husband will react to certain decisions and will save both of you the hassle of accidentally upsetting the other.
Step 6. Improve your sex life
Improving the way people have sex has never hurt anyone. Your marriage can only risk getting better if you are both more sexually satisfied. This doesn't even mean having much more sex… it can simply mean getting more pleasure out of the sex you have. Try it!
Step 7. Lower your expectations
If you expect your husband to look fantastic at over 40, an intelligence worthy of Harvard, a fortune equal to that of Mark Zuckerberg in the stages of his career, as well as the ability to read your mind, you will have difficulty with relations. Thinking that someone becomes better than they are does not mean loving your partner, but rather loving your imagination. People basically never change, so stop having such high expectations and instead focus on loving what you have as it is.
Method 2 of 7: Part 2: Busy Together and Separately
Step 1. Help each other equally
Both spouses should work together to get some things done. It means doing something from time to time that you don't want to do. However, it mostly means that you both have to compromise and help each other out. Helping and doing unfair favors can add tension to a marriage.
For example, one woman says, “Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother arrives that weekend and I need your help to fix everything”and the husband replies:“My plans are already established and I will not change them”. In this way, tensions are added and problems are created within the marriage. Her husband would do better to reply: "I have to work that evening, but I can get up very early on Thursday morning and do some cleaning."
Step 2. Be united on the same line
It is especially important when you have children. Discuss thoroughly and decide how you want to handle different situations, so that you can be united in your actions. Having the feeling that your mate is prevailing over you openly can be embarrassing and cause tension.
For example, if your daughter asks if she can go to a party and you two don't feel the same way, tell her right away, “Dad and I are going to talk about it. We will let you know our decision”
Step 3. Address the problems together
The essence of marriage is to collaborate to face all the difficulties of life. When you have a problem, get your husband's help. Ask for advice when you need it and let him know he can do the same. This will help establish a bond between you and make you feel more united.
Step 4. Find a new hobby together
Finding something you enjoy doing together can offer you a useful way to spend time together and relax at the same time. Try activities that have other benefits as well, such as exercise, or activities that help excite you and make you feel young, such as play.
Step 5. Spend time alone
However, it is important to remember that you are still two distinct people. It is important to spend time on your own to focus on yourself and your needs. Make sure you both have the opportunity to do so.
For those with children it probably means that one of the two will have to look after the child so that the other can have some free time
Step 6. Get involved in each other's life
Don't limit yourself to simply sharing the same home by living your life alongside the other person. Be interested in what your husband does at work and in his hobbies. Support him, encourage him, and find a way to get involved.
Method 3 of 7: Part 3: Starting Over
Step 1. Set the month of February for your first appointment
Once a year or so, you should give yourself time to fall in love with your husband all over again. Analyze how you have changed as a person and what direction you want to take in your life now. Spend a few weeks pretending to be dating again for the first time. You will be surprised how much it helps your marriage.
Of course, it doesn't necessarily have to happen in February. Do what is best for you
Step 2. Treat yourself to more first dates
Go out for some fabulous dates. It is important to keep the relationship healthy. It will also allow you time to talk and feel united.
Step 3. Get to know each other again
Spend some time learning about each other again. Introduce yourself to your husband as if you just met. Let him do the same. Talk about what you do, what you like, your family life, and your expectations for the future.
Step 4. Do new and exciting things
When dating someone new, you tend to go out and do new and exciting things. You should do the same. Accept appointments you wouldn't normally accept. Try new things together you've always wanted to try. This will revive your relationship and make you feel young, free and in love again.
Step 5. Put some effort into it
After being together for a long time, it's easy to let go. Do not dress up for dates, reveal your worn underwear, etc., but for the period of the year dedicated to the first date (at least!), Get busy. Make yourself beautiful. This will show your partner that you still believe that it is worth it for him.
Step 6. Court your husband
Don't assume that just because you are married, your husband doesn't need to be convinced that you love him and that you are going to work hard to keep him close. Act as if he doesn't necessarily have to be with you and work hard to show him that you really want him to be the only one for you.
Method 4 of 7: Part 4: Having Fun Together
Step 1. Play
Board games are making a comeback and can be a great way to bond and have fun with your husband. Of course there are the classics (Scarabeo, Monopoli, etc.), but there are also some noteworthy innovations. Try Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne, The Settlers of Catan or Once Upon a Time.
You don't even have to play just the two of you alone. Call your friends for a game night once a week or a month
Step 2. Plan a social evening
Create mutual friendships and all get together for an evening dedicated to games, a party, a movie or other fun outing. It will make you have fun together, socialize and feel invigorated. You can also schedule separate outings only with your friends and (him with his).
Step 3. Read a book together
Read a book together, whether it's just at the same time or literally from the same book. It can offer you topics to talk about and spark conversations you might not otherwise have had. You can read books on current events, strategies for raising children, history or simply compelling novels.
Step 4. Start practicing an artistic activity
Whether it's taking dance lessons together, learning to play complementary instruments or learning to draw, this can offer you not only a way to bond more with him but also a moment of creative release. Learning new skills like these will make you proud of yourself and make you proud of each other.
Step 5. Visit places
Travel together if you can. It doesn't even have to be outside your country; you will be surprised by the adventures you can find in the backyard. Anything that gets you out of the house will be fine, really. In this way you will give life to new experiences that you can share and that will unite you.
Step 6. Cook for each other
Take turns cooking a good dinner for your other half. If you're both bad cooks, take a cooking class together or seek help online. This is a way to join that fits perfectly into a busy schedule (you have to eat, right?).
Method 5 of 7: Part 5: Improve Communication
Step 1. Pay more attention
Improving the way you communicate is essential to creating a happy relationship. The first step in improving your way of communicating is learning to hear the things it doesn't tell you. Pay attention to the little things he says, his body language and his reaction to different situations. We often have the feeling that we cannot or should not say what we really (sometimes legitimately) need to say. Help your partner by trying to read between the lines.
Step 2. Talk more often
Spend more time talking to each other. Even if you're not an excellent communicator, chances are that if you just generally talk more, you will end up saying something that needs to be said. Talk at dinner, before bed, as soon as you wake up in the morning - anything to introduce more time for conversation with your husband.
Step 3. Give both of you a chance to talk
When talking together, make sure you both really have a chance to say something. If your partner is not very good at having his say during a conversation, behave responsibly by asking him open-ended questions, thus offering him the opportunity to say what he thinks and feels.
Step 4. Listen to your partner when he speaks
When your husband talks, especially when you have been together for a long time, it can become a habit to silence him or ignore him (especially if you are not very interested in what he has to say). However, it is a deleterious habit that over time negatively affects your relationship. Listen and truly process what he says when he talks to you.
Step 5. See things from his point of view
When you talk and your husband says something you don't like or don't agree with, or maybe it's just something he does to annoy you, try to see things from his point of view. People rarely do things for the sake of being evil; rather they believe they are doing the right thing or manipulate the information they have at their disposal. Human beings are prone to err.
Step 6. Be honest with him and yourself
Talk to your husband if there is something bothering you or if you have done something that does not make you feel comfortable. Always be honest about your feelings and actions. Not being is one of the most common sources of marital friction. Of course, you also need to be honest with yourself and admit when you have problems.
Step 7. Analyze your feelings
When you are angry (or feel any emotion, really) with your husband, take a look at your feelings and try to find out why you feel this way. Sometimes you will find that you believe you are furious with your husband but in reality, on the whole you are angry about something else.
- For example, you say you are mad at your husband because he bought the PS4 with his money. Are you really angry with him because he bought it or are you angry because you don't have that amount of money to spend on yourself? In this case, your husband has fewer faults and shouldn't be held accountable.
- However, if you have spent money that was intended to pay your car bill, you should be angry. You have to learn to understand which are the big problems and which are the small ones or the nonexistent ones.
Step 8. Get help if you need it
Marriage counseling can be really complex. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. If you feel like you can't really tune into its own frequency, you can seek help if you wish.
Just make sure the person you meet is a licensed consultant in this area. Many inexperienced and low-skilled people will only try to extort money from you by claiming that they can help you
Method 6 of 7: Part 6: Arguing With Intelligence
Step 1. Avoid insults
The discussions arise initially because one of the two sometimes exacerbates the (barely negligible) contrast right from the start by making critical or contemptuous considerations in a conflicting tone. Raise the problem gently and without blaming anyone.
However, this step should truly be considered as "Never insult". Insulting someone will only make things worse and not make them better, and insulting your husband is the first step towards divorce
Step 2. Stay calm
When you are arguing with your husband, do not carry on the argument if you know that you will both be very angry. Calm down and restore a state of tranquility before facing any problems you are going through.
Step 3. Make today today
Don't keep score. Don't use whatever your husband did last summer as a weapon against him now. It belongs to the past. It was a different problem. And scoring instantly turns your teammate into your enemy. You are on the same side! Never forget it.
Step 4. Take responsibility
When you make a mess, recognize it and move on. When you misunderstand something, admit it. When you feel a sensation or express an opinion, defend it. Don't passively say aggressively that your mother thinks your husband spends too much time away from home. Tell your husband what you think. This makes discussions more productive.
Step 5. Work on one problem at a time
If your partner raises a question about something that has been bothering him, don't try to turn it around by saying, “Well, I might _ but yesterday you _…” If you have a problem with your husband, you can discuss it in another. Unless one is directly related to the other, no more than one issue should be raised in an argument.
Step 6. Respect each other
When arguing, respect each other. You love each other and should behave accordingly. Don't insult him. Don't interrupt him when he speaks. Don't belittle his feelings or opinions. It is much easier if you start a discussion calmly.
Step 7. Engage in the discussion
Don't stop listening. Ignoring the other can be an omen of the end of the marriage. This occurs when your partner starts yelling or moaning and you just stop listening to them. It happens because one of the two loses the desire to take an interest in the other. Engage in discussions and pay attention to whether your husband is engaging. If not, it might be a good idea to seek help.
Method 7 of 7: Part 7: Addressing External Factors
Step 1. Don't panic when you meet someone new
It happens. You meet someone who makes you feel like a teenager again. Butterflies taking over your stomach and you think maybe your marriage was a mistake. Imagine that all the problems that exist within your current relationship would not exist in a new one. And maybe that's true, but it's probably not. It's normal and natural to meet someone and have some kind of crush. These feelings can even make you think that the elements that are bothering you in your current relationship are bigger problems than they actually are. But often these feelings pass. Don't be too hasty by abandoning everything.
Step 2. Don't let work get in the way
Work sucks. It stresses you out, and if you're not happy with your career choices or the direction you've taken, work can make everything in your life horrible too. If you feel you have problems within the marriage, consider if the reason is really the sense of dissatisfaction you feel with your career … then make some changes!
Step 3. Don't let your finances control you
Economic problems are one of the most commonly cited reasons for divorce. Keep the family's spending habits under control and work with him to set some ground rules that everyone can accept. Work hard to make sure that money is not a major concern for you and you will have fewer problems.
Step 4. Don't forget about other family problems
If you are dealing with other family issues, such as a parent who has to move into your home or your brother who has been arrested yet, the marriage can also be fraught with a lot of tension that has nothing to do with the marriage itself. If you feel stressed within the relationship, evaluate if the stress comes from an external factor like this before taking drastic actions.
Step 5. Don't let the children get in the way
Children sometimes cause problems. They sure add more stress, but don't let stress ruin your marriage. Get busy together and try to see your child as an element of union, not separation.
Step 6. Don't be put off by the middle age factor
No matter where you are in life, it is possible that you are gripped by that feeling of loss, dissatisfaction, midlife crisis. But don't panic! If you start to think that maybe you should have married your childhood best friend or maybe your secretary is your true love because it still makes you feel very exciting … stop. Think. The excitement you want in your life can come from other sources. Even if you feel the need for a change in the relationship, you may feel so much better just going out and doing something new.
Advice
- Never expect your mate to be more than "you" are willing to be for yourself.
- Always strive to be the person you want to attract.
- Enjoy each other's company. Plan activities that satisfy you to do together and separately.
- Allow your mate to be the person they want to be. It is easier to change yourself.
Warnings
- To love is a VERB. It's something you do; behavior that shows interest.
- Love is what keeps couples together when conflicts emerge.
- Avoid making the relationship disposable when conflicts arise. Contrasts are present in all relationships, and in a marriage you are expected to go through conflicts from time to time. In those periods it will be important to communicate with each other with maturity and compassion.
