How to Talk: 13 Steps (with Pictures)

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

Even if you think that chatting is just a way to pass the time or to avoid embarrassment, many great friendships and relationships started with a banal discussion about time. Not only can small talk help build a meaningful bond with a person, it is also a fundamental skill that will benefit the professional world. If you want to know how to master small talk, just follow these simple steps.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Making the Interlocutor Feel Comfortable

Step 1. Try to have open body language

If you want to make a person feel comfortable, the best thing to do is to have an "open attitude" and direct your body towards that person without being too intrusive. Use only eye contact, do not cross your arms and do not turn your back to your interlocutor. This way he will understand that you are giving him your full attention and that you are happy to talk to him. Keep the right distance from the person.

• Put the phone away. There is nothing more annoying than talking to a person who is constantly checking their cell phone.

  

• You must seem eager to talk to that person, but without giving the idea of being too anxious. You don't have to lean over so as not to seem like you want to overwhelm the person or scare them. Many feel uncomfortable in the company of someone who continues to chat.

Step 2. Say hello in a friendly manner

If you meet someone you already know, just say "Hi" and add their name: "Hi, Bruno, it's nice to see you!" This is a simple and straightforward way to let the other know that you are happy to talk to them. the person introduces you first, so they feel more confident and believe they are in control of the conversation. Just say, "Hi, I'm Maria, what's your name?" Repeat the person's name when they answer you, and they'll feel special.

Remember to smile and pay attention to the person when you greet them. You don't have to give the idea of wanting to pass the time while you wait for your friends to arrive

Step 3. Keep your speech light and positive

Conversations are an exchange of energy while transmitting information. To make a conversation pleasant, you need to keep yourself positive, cheerful and light. If you are optimistic, ready to smile and make things fun, you will make the other person want to keep talking to you… - even if you are only talking about your favorite brands of grains.

It's true: it can be difficult to keep the speech light and fun when you've had a really busy day or week. Remember, however, that you are chatting with someone who is not your friend, so you should avoid speaking too negatively, as you risk your interlocutor losing interest

Step 4. Start with a little compliment

With a simple "What beautiful shoes … where did you get them?" You can start a fun conversation about shopping. Even if the compliment isn't decisive, your interlocutor will feel appreciated before they even start discussing other topics. You can use this technique just described to introduce yourself to someone.

Part 2 of 3: Start Talking

Step 1. Find common ground

It doesn't necessarily mean you discover that you share some strange interest. It may simply be that you both had to deal with a lot of bad weather during the week. Anything that is about both of you and that establishes a connection - albeit tenuous - can be considered a shared interest. And remember that the "little things" can lead to more interesting topics. Here are some ways to establish common ground:

• "The English teacher is hilarious!"
• "Gloria has amazing parties!"
• "Did you ever expect all this rain?"
• "I like to come to this cafe …"

Step 2. Reveal something about yourself

Once you have established what you have in common, you can tell something a little more personal, without overdoing it. Here are some ideas that could follow the previous statements:

• “He is the best teacher I've ever had. Basically that's why I graduated in English."
• "I met Gloria last year when Philip took me to his Great Gatsby party."
• "The rain is just terrible. I'm training for a marathon and I have to use the treadmill, which I don't like."
• "Every time I find myself in this cafe, I feel at home. Maybe it's the effect of intense coffee, but I'm serious: I could work here for hours."

Step 3. Involve the other person

Now that you have established what the common ground is and have revealed something about yourself, it is time to engage the other person and get them to talk, asking them to reveal some information about themselves. Don't ask for anything too personal, such as health, religion, or politics. Just stay superficial and ask open questions about personal interests and work. Here's how you can get the other person involved:

• "And you? Do you also have a degree in English or do you just know the professor?"
• "Did you go to that party or is this your first time? It was fun, but I drank too many cocktails."
• "What about you? Did the rain keep you from doing something fun this week?"
• "Are you coming here to work or are you just reading for fun?"

Step 4. Continue with a question or statement

The person's response will be affected if followed by a question, statement or joke. Try to find a balance between questions and statements. Too many questions will make the person feel like they are being questioned and too many statements will not give them room to talk. Here's how you can continue these example conversations:

• Other person: "I too have a degree in English. I've always wanted it, but having had that professor is a further merit."

  You: "Oh really? What are you planning to do with this specialization? It's nice to meet another person in this field."

• Other person: "I couldn't go on that occasion, but last month I went to his New Year's party. It was memorable!"

  You: "I agree! That's why you looked familiar to me. How do you know Gloria? It's too strong!"

• Other person: “I don't mind the rain, but it made it difficult for me to take my dog out! It was so annoying!"

  You: “Do you have a dog too? I have a little poodle named Stella. Do you have a picture of your dog?"

• Other person: “I'm here to read just to relax. I can't believe I've spent all this time without reading Young Holden."

  You: “I love that book! Some people think it's overrated, but I completely disagree."

Step 5. Pay attention to your surroundings

Once the conversation has started, you can also look around for ideas for conversation. It could be something the person wears or owns or a mark on the wall that could refer to you two. Here are some things you might say:

• "Uh, Juve. It's a classic. Have you been a fan for a long time?"
• Did you also participate in the Youth Games? In which year? I don't remember what I did with that t-shirt."
• "What do you think of tonight's a cappella concert? I've seen the flyers at school, but I don't know if I'll go…!
• "Ah, Zwirner's book. That book taught me everything I know about algebra. Is the course always the same as it used to be?"

Step 6. Spend some time listening

Listening to what the person is saying can help you identify new common ground and guide the conversation in a more fun or productive direction. Your interlocutor may make a small comment about your question or what you are talking about, so you would do well to keep your ears open to see if their responses will change the conversation. Here are some examples of how two people can take cues to steer the conversation in a new direction and create a deeper connection:

• You: "I met Alessandra during a trip to Mexico with some friends."
• Other person: “I remember very well when he told me about that trip! I was trying to help her improve her Spanish, but I doubt she ever used it, except to order a Piña colada."
• Do you speak Spanish? Interesting! You could have helped me prepare for my study trip to Madrid. In the end, my Spanish was good, but I needed help!"
• Other person:”I love Madrid. My grandmother lives there, so I visit almost every summer. He takes me to the Prado every Sunday."
• You:”Madrid is my favorite city! The works of El Greco at the Prado drive me crazy."
• Other person:”Do you like El Greco? I prefer Goya."
• You: "Oh, really? You know there's a new Goya movie coming out next week - I'm thinking of the Excelsior! You go there?"
• Other person: "Sure!"

Part 3 of 3: Finish Big

Step 1. Open (but not too much)

By the end of the conversation, you may be revealing something more about yourself, however insignificant, whether it's your obsession with your cat, your passion for yoga, or your thoughts on your favorite band's new album. Let the person walk away knowing something about you - it could bring you closer to a deeper level.

You probably shouldn't reveal your thoughts on the meaning of life, your lost love, or death in a chat. Just reveal something about yourself and wait to develop a deeper bond before going too personal

Step 2. If it's going well, mention seeing you again

If you've really enjoyed the conversation with this person, whether it's a crush or a friendship, you can tell them that you really enjoyed talking to them about that particular topic. Ask her if she wants to date again or if she can give you her mobile number. Maybe you could even just name a place where you will both be. Here are some things to say:

• “I'd love to see that movie with you. Can I have your number so that we can agree on the details later?"
• "I've never met another person who loved MasterChef as much as I do. I go to see him with my roommate every Monday night. If you give me your number, they can send you all the information."
• "Will I see you at Gloria's next party? I heard he will only let in whoever is dressed in the toga, so it will be a memorable party."

Step 3. Take your leave in a nice way

After having a chat, you will probably need to go back to class or go talk to someone else at the party. You should let the person know that your exchange of ideas was important. Here are some ways to politely end the conversation:

• "It was nice talking to you! I'll let you know how I found your paella recipe."
• "I'd like to talk about Spain again, but I haven't said goodbye to Nina yet and it looks like she's about to leave."
• "Oh, here's my best friend, Silvia. Do you know her? Come on: I'll introduce her to you."
• “I would like to stay and talk to you, but duty is calling me. I have to prepare for the analysis. We will meet again soon."

Advice

• Always be polite.
• Relax, you don't have all eyes on you.
• Adjust your breath: Make sure you don't hold it or breathe too fast.
• If you don't read the newspapers and watch the news, at least read the headlines of the day.
• If you like a girl, a joke might make her smile.
• Learn three neat jokes that you can tell in any situation.
• Follow football.
• Practice conversing with the butcher or postman. If you were too upset, you could start with a simple "Hello".
• Cutesy phrases are useful for starting the conversation, as long as they're not mischievous.

Warnings

• Try to remember what the person you are talking to said and try to show interest, especially if they tend to emphasize a certain topic.
• Don't push yourself into conversation when you notice resistance from people - they may be introverted or they may not want to talk. Other people may not care about the weather or where you buy your shoes!