Feeling truly good about yourself means loving who you are, inside and out. It takes hard work and some important rules to learn to accept yourself and deal with the unhappiness in your life. If you want to feel good about yourself, start by changing the thoughts, emotions and behaviors that may be preventing you from this process, then you can work on creating a lifestyle that makes you feel fulfilled, loved and satisfied. If you want to learn how to feel good about yourself, keep reading the article and you will be on your way.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Developing Self-Love
Step 1. Accept your individuality
Try not to compare yourself to others and accept your individuality, otherwise you will not be comfortable with yourself, as you are different from any other person. There is no one in the world like you, who has grown up with your experiences and who has your talents.
- If you try to compare yourself to others, your self-esteem will not benefit, because you will always find someone stronger, smarter or more beautiful than you. Instead, focus on being the person you want to become, without imitating your neighbor, the more outgoing girls in your high school or older siblings. Once you have been able to define the path to your success, you will be able to walk it.
- You may feel that others are in a better situation than yours. However, you've probably forgotten all your amazing strengths. You may not even realize the many things that happen in your life that other people would like to be like you.
Step 2. Develop your confidence
It is the key to feeling good about yourself and loving the person you are and will become. Try to make an effort to feel confident in who you are and what you can achieve, even if it will take some time. You need to remember that you are an amazing person and that gaining self-confidence is something you deserve. If you think you are worth it, then you will be able to stand out.
- To seem more confident, take care of your body language. Stand straighter, get better posture, and look forward rather than at the ground. Try to sit still or adopt an open attitude that conveys more positive feelings, typical of someone who is friendly.
- Find something to excel at, or try to excel in an activity you already enjoy. If you are a genius at something, think about how extraordinary you are in that field. Try to focus on your skills and preparation. You will feel better about yourself if you are good at something you like.
- When you find yourself in an unfamiliar context, focus on the best thing that can happen instead of thinking about what could go wrong.
Step 3. Be proud of your strengths
Each person has something that makes them feel good. Take time to think and write a list of all the sides you love about yourself. Try not to leave the table until you have filled a full page. Dig deep to find the aspects that make you a truly amazing person. Think about the different qualities you might have, such as compassion, a sense of humor, trustworthiness, or a work ethic. The longer and more truthful the list, the better.
- Some qualities to describe your personality could be loving, studious, hardworking, friendly, strong, intelligent, sharp, carefree, and fun. You can also add some physical characteristics that you appreciate, as long as they are genuinely important to you. It is necessary to write down every aspect of your person on this list and update it whenever you think about something you are proud of.
- Keep this list handy and refer to it often so you don't stop feeling good. You can also fold it and put it in your wallet.
- If you have trouble filling it out yourself, consult with people who know you well. Ask friends or colleagues to describe your strengths; some may surprise you!
Step 4. Expect bad days
Sometimes you just have to live with the negative feelings and understand that they will pass. People think that to feel good about yourself you always have to feel your best. If you are having a bad day, especially after a long period of positivity, don't be hard on yourself and know that this too will pass.
- If you feel deeply sad, try to talk to someone who loves you and can listen to your problems. If your sadness continues for at least a year and a half, see a doctor.
- When you are in a bad mood, the body senses it. Think about what part of your body gets upset when you're grouchy or upset. If you recognize the signals your body transmits, you will be able to understand what is bothering you and make sure you feel better.
Step 5. Work on developing a positive attitude
Maintaining a positive outlook under any circumstance can be difficult and time-consuming, but you can make it evolve as part of your life. Its development depends on a decision that you have to make yourself, respecting it every day. By taking a more positive attitude, you will feel better about yourself, as well as about your future prospects and all that you can accomplish.
- Try recognizing when your thoughts are overly negative and managing them to gain healthier thinking. For every negative thought that crosses your mind, focus on at least 2-3 positives. For example, if you think "I look so tired today", you can add "… but my hair looks great and I have a great smile".
- On a deeper level, if such a thought occurs to you: "I am so clumsy in social situations", you should say: "… but usually I can make people laugh and the people around me seem to feel really comfortable".
- Apply every day. Even if your attitude goes unnoticed, exercise your positivity. You don't know what a difference it can make and practice will make this task easier for you.
- Practice talking positively about yourself to your friends. Talk about something you've accomplished or are excited about. You will see that your optimism will be contagious and you will feel better about yourself just talking about it out loud. If your friends don't like talking about the good things in your life, consider whether these people truly make you happy and make you feel good about yourself.
- Determine the importance of things before you decide to get angry. For example, many people get nervous when they don't expect to find a lot of traffic. However, it only happens sometimes.
Step 6. Know that you have a lot to offer
Even if it seems like no one needs you or you feel useless, that's not always true. Talk to friends and family to see how much you really need and how much people appreciate you. If you let your family members know how you feel, they will make a list of all the amazing qualities you possess. Talk to your friends about your problems and they will tell you that you are underestimating yourself and that they need your presence in their life.
- The more you remind yourself that you are a worthy person and that whoever is lucky to know you, the sooner you will realize that you have so much to offer. Also, if you feel appreciated, then you will be well on your way to feeling better about yourself.
- Even if you are currently in a difficult phase in your life, you still have the opportunity to delve into some of your interests, become passionate about or become an expert on something. You could also make available what you can do to share your passions with other people. These are all valid reasons to feel good about yourself.
Step 7. Make a list of all the things you are most grateful for
You will likely be unhappy because you feel like you have absolutely nothing to be happy about. Unhappiness has to do with the perception of who you are and how you feel your surroundings. Start making a list of the things you are grateful for, writing down everything you are thankful for, from health to your siblings to good weather outside. It will help you understand that you can feel good because there is so much joy, luck and hope around you.
- Think of this list as the list of qualities that belong to your person. Fill a full page and read it often, adding whatever comes to mind each time.
- If you're having a hard time finding things to be grateful for, turn it into an exercise in positivity. Think about what pisses you off and urge yourself to find two good things in any unpleasant situation. For example, you can counter the thought: "I am furious that the dog is barking, waking the baby at 5 am" with "1. This morning I spent some time with my son and I was able to calm him down; every moment I have with him it's special; 2. I had the chance to hear the birds chirp at dawn."
- If you're still having trouble, ask others what they feel grateful for. You may find you have something in common.
Step 8. Focus less on your appearance
Everyone is beautiful in their own way. You will enjoy observing every aspect of your change and fantasizing about who you are becoming. However, your self-esteem must essentially rest on your personal qualities and character, not on your physical appearance. If you want to feel good about yourself, then the main priority should be your identity and, secondly, your outward appearance, when there is a correlation between them.
- Limit the time you spend preparing. If you spend all your time looking perfect, you will be led to focus less on the positive and constructive sides of your life. If you are a woman, decide how much time you spend styling your hair, wearing makeup, and looking in the mirror before going out. Create a routine that fits into that time frame. If you spend more time looking after your appearance, you will find flaws that don't even exist.
- In addition to the aesthetic aspect, you have other virtues. You should gain strength and confidence from what you do and get, rather than the physique. For example, you can have an incredible day, during which you receive numerous compliments for a project you have been working on for weeks. When you get home, you finally get a chance to look in the mirror and realize you have the mascara dissolved under one eye. Despite the smudge on your face, you've accomplished something great that should make you feel confident in your abilities.
- If people praise you based on your appearance, accept compliments. However, ignore the negative remarks and acknowledge that the appreciation of your personality is more important.
Step 9. Pay less attention to what others think
Be more concerned with what you think about yourself, rather than what others think about you. Focus on the uplifting and positive thoughts that affect your person rather than others' opinions about you. Ultimately, the one who has to live with yourself is you, so your opinion is what matters more than anyone else.
- Usually people who insult do it to feel more powerful. This means they are probably just as insecure as you are. They have no confidence in themselves, so try to avoid their comments and tease them with other insults. The best thing you can do is live your life exactly the way you want it, without looking back.
- It may be easier said than done. Instead of not accepting the idea of taking care of yourself, ask yourself why you want to please others. Ask yourself if it's worth doing so much to impress people who hurt you. Pretty soon you will see that they are just an obstacle to your happiness, not a means to achieve it.
- Know who to trust and when. For example, most people say they absolutely trust their mother. However, few would rely on the mother figure, for example, to fly a plane or cheat at the game. If you want to pay attention to what others think, choose your trusted advisors wisely.
Part 2 of 4: Coping with Insecurities
Step 1. Understand where insecurity comes from
Certain certainties are rooted in us from an early age. Some children are harshly criticized or ignored and tend to develop low self-esteem; other people are insecure when they first fail at something or find themselves in new contexts. Know how your insecurities are generated and what makes them worse, so you can better control them.
Step 2. Learn about cognitive behavioral therapy
Is there any way to change your point of view about yourself and start feeling good; however, it is a long process. The brain can grow and change long after the body has managed to reach a stable size: this phenomenon is called "brain plasticity". It allows you to learn or change thought patterns at any age.
- By changing your way of thinking, you can essentially change your behavior.
- You can go through cognitive-behavioral therapy alone or with the help of a therapist. Keep in mind that if you run into any difficulties, you should go to a cognitive behavioral therapist for help.
Step 3. Identify your mental patterns
The first step in this kind of psychotherapy is to recognize your own mental patterns. Many people who have a negative view of themselves believe that they are not worth much and that there is little that can be done to change the situation. First you need to start transforming your opinion of yourself in order to understand how you feel.
It can be difficult to gain self-awareness at first. Friends with good intentions and who want to help you can only tell you to "let it go" and recognize your strengths. There is much more to do than simply decide to change
Step 4. Start keeping a journal
You should start writing a journal, in which to confide everything you think about during the day, positive and negative. Describe the situations that arise from an episode, what your mood is and how you handled everything. This way you will be able to examine your mental patterns over time and you can begin to change negative thoughts.
- Be honest with yourself when you write. You have to identify everything that is on your mind to get a complete picture. The more honest you are, the more profitable the change in your behavior will be.
- Be consistent. Write down everything you think is important, such as what happens at work or what you fear will happen to your partner when you travel.
Step 5. Accept your thoughts
After some time has passed, you should review what you have written. In this way, you will be able to acquire greater objectivity about what you think and, consequently, accept it and reconcile with yourself.
- Try to remember how you felt while writing and, instead of feeling ashamed or hurt by the negative you thought, accept it. Anyone who makes such considerations; if you accept yours, you can start changing them.
- By giving yourself the opportunity to get in touch with your negative thoughts, you can get hold of them and begin to change them. Once you recognize the mental pattern that determines your low self-esteem, you can begin to change your way of thinking.
Step 6. Change your thoughts
After a few weeks of journaling everything you think and feel, and once you have learned to accept your feelings, you need to examine your thoughts and start changing your way of thinking. Reread the diary trying to identify common mental patterns. Find a common thread through your thoughts or choose a particularly painful one, and try to turn it into something positive.
- For example, you got sick because you didn't get a job assignment. Instead of focusing on your shortcomings, think about all the times you've accomplished something great in your career or completed a difficult project. He thinks: "I can change this situation because in my path I have done my job very well. I just have to concentrate and I will be a phenomenon, just like in other sectors".
- You should take what you feel and turn it into positive situations. Know that it is normal to feel bad, but realize that there are more profitable ways to establish a relationship with yourself that help improve your mood.
- Forgive yourself for past mistakes or incidents. There is no way to change the past, so you have to give yourself a chance to improve. Do you know the Anglo-Saxon saying: "Dress for the job you want, not what you have"? Consider yourself based on who you want to be, not who you have been. The growing process will be easier.
Step 7. Gain adaptability
Once you examine what you do, you may notice that you are missing out on certain occasions due to your low self-esteem. If you notice a pattern of behavior, such as refusing to participate in certain social contexts due to anxiety and negativity, you should begin to dominate such attitudes. Once you have changed the mental processes that are triggered in this kind of situation, you can push yourself to face them without worrying about any negative consequences.
- For example, do you often refuse to go out with colleagues because you fear that they will find you boring and that you might make a fool of yourself? Instead of thinking like this, think about your positives and what might arise from your qualities. You have other friends who appreciate you and your company, and for whom you are an interesting type. You can also make new friends and get closer to the people who work with you.
- If you think about the opportunities that can arise from a given situation rather than the horrible scenarios that could arise, you will also be able to see yourself in a better light.
Step 8. Practice
It will probably take you time to acquire this kind of mindset. It takes practice to get used to seeing yourself differently, but don't be afraid to see yourself in a positive way. It may seem difficult at first, but if you keep becoming aware of your feelings and recognizing negative behaviors, you have the opportunity to make small changes. After a while you will find yourself doing this automatically to the point where the thoughts you form throughout the day are more positive than negative.
- If you are having a hard time going through this process, you may need to see a therapist. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is useful if there is a qualified professional who knows the methods and is able to see aspects that the person is unable to see.
- During the meetings, the therapist collaborates with the patient, while the latter is committed to achieving his or her goals.
Part 3 of 4: Take action
Step 1. Do what you think is right
Sometimes people have low self-esteem because they take actions that they themselves consider wrong or dangerous. By adhering to ethical and moral codes in daily life, you can gain self-esteem and self-confidence.
Step 2. Share your successes with family and friends
When you accomplish something you are truly proud of, that is when you are at your peak. Admit that you have worked hard, congratulate yourself, and invite other people to share your joy. You will feel more confident and proud of who you are, because you will have other people who support you.
- Call your grandfather or email your favorite aunt to share the news and celebrate with family and friends.
- Know that this is an important event for both you and them. By talking to family and friends, you can share it with the people you love. And in any case, if you want to be comfortable with yourself, chances are you will have a lot to tell about your accomplishments.
Step 3. Accept compliments sincerely
When a friend tells you "I liked your speech", try not to dismiss it, replying for example: "I was so nervous I forgot a whole slide!". Just answer "Thanks!" and assimilate his words. If you are self-deprecating or belittling yourself every time someone tries to make you feel good, then they will stop doing it. Instead, the next time you get a nice compliment, legitimately express your happiness, instead of objecting.
- Look the person in the eye and thank them sincerely.
- If the compliment makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to accept it. However, if you like it, accept it.
Step 4. Celebrate by taking care of yourself
For some people, spending time taking care of personal hygiene is a way to understand that taking care of oneself is worthwhile. Taking care of your body is as important as taking care of your mind, and many treatments are also relaxing.
- To give a few examples, you could take a long bath or pamper your skin with a shower gel or scented lotion.
- This is something different than when you do make up or buy trendy clothes: it means understanding that your body deserves time and attention.
Step 5. Wear clothes that make you feel good
You know what kind of shirt makes you feel uncomfortable and what kind of pants make you awkward. If you have such items in your wardrobe, it's time to donate them to charity. Wear your favorite color. If you feel good, you will be more confident. If someone teases you about what you're wearing, shrug your shoulders and say, "Oh well, at least I like it!".
- Remember that people are watching you and talking about you less than you think.
- Avoid wearing clothes that make you uncomfortable just because you think they are trendy. Do what makes you feel good and everyone will see that you look good in your skin.
- In some situations, it is actually more comfortable to dress according to the occasion. For example, if you have to go to a business meeting, you should wear clothing that is appropriate to the rules established in that context, even if they will not be very comfortable garments.
Step 6. Develop your personal style
Experiment with clothes to see what makes you feel best. Some days you may feel more elegant, while others you may want something more comfortable. It's normal. Go shopping with a friend and try out new color and style combinations. You will most likely find something that fits you perfectly.
- It is not wrong to focus on the aesthetic aspect, as long as it expresses its own identity. For example, wearing your favorite color manifests a taste.
- Always laugh in front of a less than ideal outfit. It might be more suitable for someone else.
- By changing your style, you will be able to discover a side of yourself that you never knew you had.
- Try a new hairstyle as well. If you are a woman and have long hair, you can braid it or make a bun. Experiment to find the best way to express your personality, and remember that you have several options available. Any chance will still be an expression of you, if you like it.
Step 7. Be friends with the people who make you feel good about yourself
If you go out with friends and they start making speeches that make you uncomfortable, change the subject. If you find yourself in the company of people who are obsessed with physical appearance, try to direct the conversation on less superficial topics. If all of this happens often, it may be necessary to find friends with stronger values.
- Ask yourself if your friends compliment and support you, or criticize everything you do. If their presence is having a negative effect on you, then part with them as soon as possible. It will sound cruel, but you may be better off about yourself.
- For example, try changing the subject if your friends start talking about weight or diets and you don't intend to participate in these talks. It shows that there are more interesting things to discuss, such as the progress of your favorite football teams and the growth of your dog.
Step 8. Learn something new
Read the news about what's happening in the world. You will feel informed about current events and you will be able to get out of the usual routine, broadening your horizons. Take a pottery class or watch a documentary. Do something that inspires you to learn and appreciate the world. You will soon feel valued thanks to your willingness to change and all the new things you have learned.
If you've learned something interesting, share it with others. You will feel like you have even more to offer the world
Step 9. Exercise
Exercise will make you feel better, physically and mentally. While weight loss and fitness are side effects, working out is important because it will allow you to realize that you are taking care of your body and to develop a healthy routine. In addition, the increase in endorphins, in addition to making you happier, is a valid help! Train at least 30 minutes a day and learn to love whatever you do. You will feel good about yourself even making just this simple change in your schedule.
- Practice with someone else to make this process more fun and challenging. You will feel even better if you have a friend to push you when you may not feel like it.
- If you are not satisfied with the current training routine or have not found anything you like, keep changing it and try new sports. For each there is a training regimen. The point is to find the one that's right for you.
- To keep fit without spending too much money, you could run around your neighborhood or park, do aerobics, bodyweight exercises, or burpees.
Part 4 of 4: Persevere
Step 1. Volunteer
Volunteering is a great way to feel good about yourself, but also to give something back to the community and see that you have so much to offer the world. Find the form of volunteering that best fits what you can do, whether it's teaching people to read or just talking to others. Get in the habit of doing this at least a couple of times a month. Once you start this business, you will see that you will find a lot of people who will appreciate you and make you understand that you don't have to beat yourself down.
- You can get involved by teaching adults or children to read, cleaning a park in your city, serving at a library, or volunteering at a canteen or homeless shelter.
- Based on your abilities, you may find particular forms of volunteering. For example, lawyers can often hire a pro bono defense, while interior architects can help build housing for free.
Step 2. Continue keeping a journal
Keep writing in the diary after following cognitive-behavioral therapy (or even if you haven't tried it yet), because it will allow you to follow the path to regaining well-being with yourself. You should write at least once or twice a week and keep track of your progress, noting the things you do to feel better, as well as those that make you feel worse. It can be helpful in embarking on a path to happiness, but there will always be obstacles or days when you won't feel your best. It's important to be honest, always asking yourself what can make you feel better.
- Remember it's like a long journey. Be patient and kind to yourself. Know that this commitment takes time.
- Make time to read your diary at least once a month. It will help you see how much you have grown.
Step 3. Rejoice when you need it
If you feel sad, accept this state of mind and know that sometimes sadness is also good for you. However, you have the option to control your emotions and decide not to feel like this if you don't want to. Try doing what makes you happy or ask friends for help. Almost everyone has some stimulating activity that brings well-being.
- Examples include going fishing, shopping, hiking, doing a renovation project, meditating, bowling, meeting friends, working out, and writing.
- If it's daylight, open the window and let in the fresh air and sunlight. If it's night time, put on clean pajamas and curl up with your favorite book, movie or CD. If you feel stressed, take a hot bath or shower. Imagine that the water takes away your worries.
- Also try creating your own peace rituals. When you are angry or stressed, take three deep, long, slow breaths. Listen to your favorite music. Find some way to calm your spirit and repeat these steps whenever you feel anxious.
- Know that it is not a problem to get angry. The sooner you can deal with the problem, the sooner you will feel better.
Step 4. Make a list of your dreams
Find a nice notebook and write down the places you want to visit, the experiences you would like to have, the people you would like to meet and the skills to acquire. A dream list is a great start to living a life of fun, adventure and interesting experiences. Draw a box next to each item so that you can check it whenever a goal is fulfilled. By having an exciting program for the future and setting priorities to be implemented, you will be able to regain your inner well-being, because you will have the opportunity to project yourself into the future on a broad horizon.
Make sure the dreams on your list are actually attainable, no matter how bizarre they are. Try not to get discouraged by writing something you can never accomplish
Step 5. Get inspired by a role model to follow
Think about everything you should do to base your life on that example, whether it's your mother, Shakira, or your math teacher. Think about the generous way he treats people, how he reacts to disappointing or denigrating situations and how gracefully he lives every little moment of his life, following a purpose. Especially if you are feeling depressed, close your eyes and imagine how this person would have reacted if they had been in your place.
Using an external source of inspiration, you will be able to imagine what to do in difficult situations and have the strength to overcome adversity
Step 6. Maintain a strong support network
If you want to continue feeling good, help is likely to be needed. You will need to lean on friends, siblings, parents or partners (if you have one) and other important people in your life, such as colleagues, neighbors or classmates. In times of crisis you need to be able to count on who can listen to your needs when you don't need a hand. Also, you should surround yourself with animated people with the best of intentions so that you can be enthusiastic about what life has in store for you.
- While it is important to achieve your goals, it is equally essential to know how to socialize! Make it a habit to spend time with other people at least a couple of times a week.
- Spending time with loved ones is vital, but meeting new people is also good! Having a lot of friends and loved ones in life will improve your prospects and also help you feel better about yourself.
