Who hasn't happened to have moments of despair? In fact, it is perfectly normal to be tormented by doubts of a personal nature. However, if you have ended up at the bottom of the chasm and can't get back up, it's time to make a change. Follow these tips and techniques to feel better about yourself and get your life back in hand.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Changing Attitude
Step 1. Take your time to unleash your sadness
Forcing yourself to be happy without first acknowledging and dealing with sorrow will cause far greater problems in the future. Nonetheless, don't indulge in the excuse that you've come to an impasse. You need to feel the sadness, recognize it, and use the wisdom gained from this experience to move on.
You may not even know why you feel this way. Sometimes the mind automatically enters a path of its own, impossible to rationally decipher. If this happens to you often, then you need to know that the logical part of the brain has taken a little vacation, but it's time to get back to work
Step 2. Avoid making negative internal monologues
Repeating yourself that you should "think positive" can be a rather useless suggestion, especially when you have to pay the mortgage, the car doesn't start and life seems to be out of control. Instead of trying to convince yourself that it's all sunshine and rainbows, channel your energy to deal with unpleasant moments with a smile on your face. This change must begin precisely with the observation and reformulation of inner monologues.
- If you find yourself thinking "I can't believe I'm back to square one", correct this by adding, "But I'll be fine this time too." Keep turning negative affirmations until it comes naturally to you. Next, make it your goal to completely defeat the negativity.
- This ploy has been shown to have numerous psychophysical health benefits, including increased life expectancy, reduced risk of cardiovascular disease, and increased resistance to the common cold.
Step 3. Don't allow others to tell you who you are
It has been shown that people tend to accept and play the roles assigned to them by their fellow men. For example, since childhood, your parents have given you the image of an untrustworthy person, and they have never shed it. Maybe your friends have gotten so used to the idea of being able to count on you that they have forgotten to help you solve your problems. If the preconceived ideas of those around you prevent you from exploiting your true potential, explain it openly to those directly involved. If a person can't adjust to your more genuine side, they shouldn't be a part of your life right now.
Stand up for it, but if it's not worth it, don't fight. Whatever the situation, a bully generally takes it out on you because he fears you and knows you are superior. But you are strong and you can control yourself. You determine your identity, no one else
Step 4. Create a list of values
Sometimes you may have some insecurities about who you are as a person. In those moments, it can be helpful to write a list of values to help you determine the things that guide and motivate you in life. This can also help you identify the problems that are causing your negative thoughts. Here's how to proceed:
- Identify times when you felt happiest, times when you felt most proud, and times when you felt most satisfied.
- Use these moments to determine which values are most important to you. So make it a priority in your everyday life.
- Don't forget to reaffirm your principles when you are feeling down.
Step 5. Write a list to express your gratitude
It must not only refer to concrete things you have (hot water, a computer, a full refrigerator), but also to those that give a spiritual value to your life (friends, hobbies, beliefs). Call it "List of Gratitude" precisely because it lists everything you are grateful for.
When you're not in the mood, it's sometimes hard to be grateful. To inspire yourself, look at someone else's life. What should he be grateful for? How many of these things do you own too? Probably many
Step 6. Reduce the shame
Take a minute to answer the following question: "What is shame and in what cases is it useful?". You will probably give an answer like, "An emotion induced by society. It is seldom useful." Exactly! When you feel ashamed, you worry about what others think of you. And what is it for?
- The moment you are pierced by this emotion, take it by the horns and analyze it. If you were 7, would it bother you? If you were 70, would it bother you? What if I lived in a different culture? Chances are you answered all of these questions in the negative. The reasons why you should feel shame have been instilled in you for no valid reason. Get them out of your head and make room for more useful sensations!
- If you find that shame is a constant in your life, consider seeking professional support from a therapist.
Step 7. Unplug for a moment
Take a day off to relax in your pajamas, read a good book and don't be bothered by anyone. If you don't have time for this mini getaway, listen to an audiobook as you drive to work or on the bus. Keep your mind focused on something beyond negativity.
- It's easy to forget that you can control your mind. The mind belongs to you, while you do not belong to it (so to speak). If you present her with a new world to explore, you will gain a new perspective. Relaxing and distracting yourself are the first steps to take to discover a new mentality.
- Taking time to take care of yourself is really important for your overall well-being. Finding the time to dedicate yourself to the things you appreciate and feel good about will help you get rid of some of your insecurities.
Part 2 of 4: Changing Behavior
Step 1. Make a resolution and stick to it
Generations today are chock full of chronic dissatisfied. A lack of personal gratification may seem like a rather unnecessary concern, but that doesn't rule out alarming. You can philosophize as much as you like about your life, but that won't get you anywhere. Instead, focus on one goal and be consistent. Completing a project will make you feel determined, useful and important.
It can be any project. Run a 10k. Defeat shyness. Become a wine expert. Do whatever business you think will interest you in the long term. Just remember one thing: the harder it is, the greater the rewards. Losing 2kg is great, but losing 4kg will give you double the satisfaction
Step 2. Master a skill
This step is similar to the previous one. Specifically, mastering a skill, i.e. becoming a true expert, will give you a sense of identity, new knowledge and great personal gratification. If you are good at something right now, try your hardest to become even better. The rewards will be unimaginable.
Once you have mastered something, you will know that you are actually good at it. There is no room for doubt or negativity. This project can become an oasis of positivity, reassurance and relaxation. Inevitably, it will be an integral part of your daily life. So if you've been hiding your passion for bagpipes for 8 years, let it emerge
Step 3. Create something
This step is also similar to the previous ones: in fact, they are all intertwined. Perhaps you have set out to become an artist. Returning to the above, the creative process is quite satisfying, especially in today's world. Today's life is full of comfort and technology: you turn on the light with a simple gesture, you talk to people through a screen and in a few hours you can get to the other side of the world. Everything is ready to be consumed effortlessly. Create something yourself: you will become a special person, full of resources, knowledge and awareness.
Remember, it doesn't matter what you do. Sure, a new irrigation system for Congo would be a globally useful project, but creating a bag with duct tape also stimulates creativity. What can you do with your talents and skills?
Step 4. Stimulate your energy
This method doesn't work for everyone, but it might help you. Have you ever felt particularly energetic after a run in the park? That's right, this is the feeling you need to aim for. Putting the body to work could get the brain on the right track.
It's all too easy to lock yourself up in the office and think that the 6m you walk daily to the bar is enough to get your daily dose of contact with nature. Instead, take a walk, go out, feel the sun's rays on your skin. You will wake up, feel energized and feel good
Step 5. Cultivate new habits
It may be impossible to permanently erase the old ones from your brain, but you can overcome them. Instead of trying to eradicate the habits of yore, develop healthier and stronger alternatives to replace them. Developing new habits takes time, but once they are established, they will stay with you for life.
- Exercise. Go swimming and try a dive never done before. Sign up for a dance class and try out a style you don't know. Or, give it a try at a whole new sport.
- Volunteer. Working with children, puppies, and poor people is a good way to feel good about yourself. Plus, the positive feeling you get from it is almost instantaneous. Do you want to be happy? Go to the hospital with a puppy and enter the ward where cancer patients are located. That's all.
Part 3 of 4: Changing Relationships
Step 1. Commit to nurturing meaningful relationships
If you don't want to or can change your attitude yourself, surround yourself with people who can encourage you to walk this path. Call or email a friend who always puts you in a good mood, especially if you haven't heard from them for a while. Call your friends right away and invite them to hang out with you.
Do something you know will make you smile: go bowling, watch a movie, eat a pizza, go shopping, throw a sleepover, play a sport or just hang out with your friends. Or, talk to a friend who is in a similar situation to yours, share feelings and thoughts without fear of being judged. People who have similar experiences are better at listening and empathizing with those in a similar situation
Step 2. Identify and avoid people who demoralize you
If the company of opportunistic friends or trying to maintain a civil relationship with an ex-girlfriend brings you back to bad habits, try to stay away from these people and move on. There is no point in enduring this emotional drain.
Behavioral studies have shown that although the absolute elimination of a factor that triggered a bad habit leads to the disappearance of certain patterns in the brain, reintroducing it makes them reappear without problems, as if nothing had changed. This means that a small slip can quickly reappear a habit that you have been trying so hard to remove. This applies to both things and people
Step 3. Surround yourself with friends who make you feel good
Now you know that people can be bad habits too, so make sure you hang out with people who will lift you up. Start with yourself: after all, you are the person you spend the most time with. The beauty is that you will immediately understand who the right people are for you. It is quite difficult to ignore that feeling of benevolence and warmth that only true friends can convey.
You don't need thousands of friends. Find 2 or 3 that can actually stand by and help you. It is more than enough to count on a couple of people capable of awakening positive feelings in you
Step 4. Don't give in to negativity
It is impossible to please everyone. There are people who don't like you, and there will come a time when you will notice. However, whenever you have such an experience, remember that there will be 10 other people who will confirm your positive characteristics instead. Don't let one rotten apple spoil the whole fruit basket.
For example, 10 people showered you with compliments, while one said to you: "Eh, more or less". How do you react? You probably just focus on this not-so-brilliant comment: it's human nature. It's okay to listen to the criticism and try to improve yourself, but obsessing yourself is ridiculous to say the least. It's the opinion of one person who has no power, so don't give it to them
Step 5. Undress the emotions
While you may not be able to understand a problem, it will be helpful to talk about it openly with someone you trust. Tell a friend about your experiences and be as honest as possible. You will take a huge weight off your shoulders.
Sometimes the problems seem huge in one's mind, then they speak out loud and everything changes. Telling someone about a difficulty can make you realize that basically there is nothing more futile, only that your brain was unable to figure it out on its own. You will automatically assume the point of view of your interlocutor, allowing you to think more creatively. This may open your eyes
Step 6. Raise someone's morale
No, it's not exactly selfless (after all, the title of this article isn't "How to Make Others Feel Better"), but it's full of good intentions. Cheering up another person will make you feel good, because you will be infected by their good mood. You will be surprised to find that it is really easy.
Giving flowers on Valentine's Day is definitely typical. Buy them for no particular reason? It is touching. Now, replace the word "flowers" with any other cute gesture. If you can surprise someone for no good reason, even a cup of coffee is enough, you can improve their day, and with a bit of luck the effect will be contagious for you too
Part 4 of 4: Changing your Worldview
Step 1. Broaden your horizons with new experiences and people
It is all too easy to become absorbed in yourself and forget that beyond your nose there is a world full of facets. Constantly expand yours, so you'll take a clearer perspective of what really matters and your great fortune.
Talk to strangers. It's the easiest way to broaden your horizons, learn something, and gain interpersonal benefit. You may think this may upset others, but remember that people like to get attention. Chatting with a stranger could be an interesting experience on both of you day
Step 2. See the difference between your little world and the real one
Very often one makes the mistake of thinking in absolutist terms: "I have had a failure" turns into "I am a failure". Maybe that's the way it is in your world, you got a bad result in what you tried to do. However, it is not fair to believe that you are a failure. You are not even remotely.
Nothing is completely positive or negative. Feelings are not absolute facts. Thinking "I am a despicable person and a failure" is a good example of this. It is impossible that you do not even have one positive characteristic: do not misunderstand the passing sensations. If you happen to have these thoughts, stop. Get on the train in the real world, where your worth is equal to that of everyone else (and that's the truth)
Step 3. Remember that you are not in anyone's crosshairs
Thinking like this is paranoid. Most people are too busy with themselves, with the image they convey, and with their experiences to worry about sabotaging others. Understanding that no one has the goal of destroying you can help you take the reins of your life back. Now, what are you going to do with it?
The only possible sabotage would be what you would do to yourself. Did you end up in the same sights as you? Are you your own worst critic? If so, know that this is absolutely normal, but it is not the healthiest of habits. Don't be so hard on yourself. Be as indulgent with yourself as you are with others
Step 4. Do a good deed
If someone asks you for help, give them a hand. Maybe you are not in the mood, maybe you will do it by poking your nose, but helping someone distracts your mind from momentary afflictions, not to mention that this gesture will make you feel good.
All of this allows you to remember that you are a good person. Sometimes it's easy to forget. However, when you take concrete actions, it becomes rather difficult to ignore. If you see an opportunity (all you have to do is keep your eyes open), take it. Keep the door open for someone. Help a friend move. Wash the dishes when it's not your turn. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture, simply an act of courtesy
Step 5. Improve the world by doing small actions
Even making anonymous gestures helps you feel good, if not better. Picking up a piece of paper off the ground, donating magazines to a doctor's office and becoming an organ donor are three examples of actions that would improve the planet without actually deriving a personal benefit. Well done! You are a great person. This is the proof.
Donate clothes to a charity. Help out at an animal shelter, charitable organization, or hospital in your city. Make a donation to support a good cause. Whether it's an isolated gesture or a new habit to cultivate regularly, it's worth it. Maybe someone else will reward you for it in the future
Step 6. Get out of your comfort zone
Constantly surrounding yourself with the same old things doesn't stimulate innovative solutions. Taking a simple action, like going on vacation, is enough to let go of autopilot and break old behavioral patterns. Use it to your advantage. If you can't make a drastic change in your life right now, make small daily changes in your routine instead.
Listen to your favorite song and let loose for a few minutes. Pick up a business you haven't done in years. Invite your friends to go to the beach and get completely covered in sand. Call on your courage and ride those roller coasters you've always kept your distance from. Try something extreme, like snowboarding or rowing. Whatever experience it is, make the commitment and carry it out
Advice
- You have a purpose. Don't care about people who demoralize you. Fulfill your goal or dream.
- Don't blame yourself for your imperfections. Change the cards on the table and try to consider them differently. Remember that you are unique on the face of the earth, there is no one identical to you.
