Are you going to meet your boyfriend's or girlfriend's parents for the first time? Some parents are loving and welcoming and try to make a good impression, but others go out of their way to make your life impossible. And while you don't have to pretend you're different from who you really are, it doesn't hurt to make a good impression the first time you meet them.
Steps
Step 1. Ask your girlfriend what rules her parent's etiquette has
Are they expecting a handshake, a hug or a bow? Do they prefer to be called Mr. / Mrs., by name, or Mum / Dad? Do they expect you to take your shoes off when you enter the house? Should you take off your jacket or wait for them to tell you to? Where do they usually sit, so you will avoid taking their seats? Your girlfriend may think your questions are weird or boring because she takes certain rules for granted, but you will avoid feeling uncomfortable if you know them in advance.
Step 2. Ask your girlfriend to be accommodating enough in this circumstance
If she has a fight with her parents, it may make you uncomfortable, especially if you are asked which side you are on. It is a battle you cannot win. Therefore ask your girlfriend to avoid any quarrel. If despite your request, they transcend, be prepared to change the subject.
Step 3. Choose the clothing remembering the following:
You want parents to understand how fantastic you are, and you absolutely do not want clothing to distract them. You must understand that for the older generations the outward appearance is very important and it is difficult to pay attention to what someone says when you are attracted or surprised by what they are wearing. In general, it is better to opt for sobriety!
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If the parents are conservative, strict or Catholic, dress as if you were going to church. Look at the parents with a thoughtful air, because that way they will feel important. Be sober and leave the heavy metal shirt and miniskirt in the closet.
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If the parents are hippies, wear casual and comfortable clothes (but not too much - sweatpants and pajamas are not a good idea, no matter how quiet they are).
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If the parents are affluent, get or buy quality clothes that you would wear in a professional setting.
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Step 4. Highlight some aspects of your personality that are diametrically opposed to those that the parents did not appreciate in the ex (in the ex) of your partner
Before you meet your parents, ask your girlfriend, “Did your parents like your ex? Why or why not?”. If they liked or disliked something from the previous partner, they dig for character traits, not immutable characteristics like race or social status. For example, if the parents did not approve that the ex had no purpose in his life, talk about your goals and plans. If he didn't like him because they thought he was a snob, try to be humble. If, on the other hand, you did not like it because it was too centralized, find a way to show that you respect the individuality of your partner.
Step 5. Find common ground
Here's how some preliminary research might come in handy.
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Are the parents sports? If you are passionate about the same sport, this could be a great conversation piece. If you are an avid fan of their opposing team, you should avoid this topic for now.
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Geographical origin. Are you or someone else in your family from the same country? Or have you visited that area? Example: “Sara told me that she lived in Germany for a year when she did her military service. I studied in Germany for a summer."
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The other interests that often unite different generations are classical music, jazz, wine, beer, cars, art, animals, gardening and literature.
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Step 6. Make sincere appreciation
If you are at your parents' house, look around for something you really like, such as a work of art, or an area of the house (for example "I like your greenhouse! It looks like a tropical jungle."). If you eat together, comment on what dishes you prefer. Before leaving, thank them for hosting you, for dinner, etc.
Step 7. Read the body language
If you pay attention, you will be able to grasp what parents like or dislike about you, and adjust accordingly. Some parents may approve of you shaking your girlfriend's hand, others may feel uncomfortable. Some will be annoyed that you are constantly moving, while others will think that you are too stiff if you remain motionless all the time. You could follow your boyfriend's or girlfriend's example up to a point, but remember that your parents are examining you, so you can't get away with it.
Step 8. Find the things you have in common and talk about them
Try to be intelligent and express yourself correctly and gracefully.
Advice
- If you shake hands, read How to Have a Convincing Handshake
- If you go out for dinner, it is generally nice to offer to pay for yourself or for yourself and your partner. However, the insistence could be interpreted as a lack of education. If they decline your offer, you can offer to take care of the tip (and to make no mistake, try to be generous).
Warnings
- Making eye contact is generally a good idea, unless the parents have a cultural tradition where some forms of eye contact are considered synonymous with rudeness or disrespect.
- If you are a vegetarian or vegan and the parents organize a dinner, make sure your girlfriend notifies them in advance. If this were a hitch, suggest going to a restaurant where there are some dishes you could order and avoid making your personal life choice a topic of conversation.
