It is very difficult to forget a person who has played a key role in your life. However, if you can't live in the present because of this loss, you need to find a way to move on. To begin, allow yourself to feel all the sadness of the breakup, work to stop thinking about this person, and actively work to move forward.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Initial Actions
Step 1. Keep a journal about the relationship
If you're trying to forget someone, an effective way to get started is to keep some sort of relationship log. Talking as honestly as possible about how you feel about it can help you understand in a more objective way why it's over. If you've lost someone because they died, having relationship notes can allow you to deal with all the pain this situation causes and find emotional closure.
- If a romantic, friendly, or family relationship has ended, you need to be as objective as possible when updating your journal. Try to be honest about how you feel. Were you happy or did it make you uncomfortable? Was the relationship stable? Did you ignore any signs of instability?
- If you are commemorating the loss of a loved one, talk about happy memories. What will you miss the most? What were the best moments spent together? How do you feel about moving on?
- After writing the diary, read it again. Reconsidering the report in its entirety can allow you to achieve the objectivity needed to move on.
Step 2. After finishing the logbook, review the repeating patterns
Consider your life in general and other relationships. Do you tend to get involved with certain types of people? Do you approach people who negatively impact you? Do you make decisions for reasons that relate to your personality? As you think back to past relationships, consider the following questions:
- How did the relationship or friendship start? Who took the first step? In the early stages of the relationship, did you have an active or passive role?
- As the relationship progressed, who has assumed a dominant role? Who made decisions about how to spend time? When you were with this person, did you feel you had adequate decision-making power? Have you ever been pushed to do something that made you uncomfortable?
- How did you feel in the relationship emotionally? Happy? Stressed out? Depressed? Anxious? Bored? Did you think your needs were being met emotionally? Because ?
- Why did the relationship end, who made this decision and how did you feel afterwards?
Step 3. Express your emotions
When you try to forget someone, in the beginning you need to have a chance to unleash your pain. Maybe you want to ignore the negative feelings, but sooner or later you will have to deal with them. In this way, you will be able to understand why you are suffering.
- Write a letter to yourself. Keep a diary. Talk to a friend or therapist. Try to be as open as possible about how you feel and why. Let it out completely. You may end up crying, that's not a problem. It is important to discharge emotions in order to move on.
- Take on your responsibilities too. In most cases, the reasons why a relationship ends are not down to one person alone. Try to objectively understand if you could have done something differently. You don't have to blame yourself, but try to get to know and understand yourself a little more. Use the end of this relationship as a learning experience to move on.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
After reviewing the relationship and dealing with your emotions, don't neglect yourself. Immediately after a loss, many tend to let go. Do what you can to prevent this from happening to you.
- Try to sleep well, eat, exercise and take care of your personal hygiene. When you're sad about the breakup of a relationship, it can be hard to love yourself, but it's important to find ways to be strong and move on.
- Do something nice for yourself. Watch a movie you like. Prepare a warm bath. Order a pizza. See your friends. Find a healthy way to pamper yourself. Immediately after the loss of a person, you need to take care of yourself from a psycho-physical point of view.
Step 5. Allow yourself to suffer
You can't force yourself to forget someone prematurely. Take your time to fully process the loss, as there is no universally valid time frame to move on.
- If possible, do a ritual - it can help you have an emotional closure. Since rituals are guided by symbolic intentions and actions, many feel they have greater power when they perform them.
- Some like to burn old objects and memories. If you are processing a loss following a death, writing letters to the deceased and placing them next to the tombstone can help. Choose a ritual that you find meaningful and that you believe will help you move on.
Part 2 of 3: Stop Thinking About Someone
Step 1. If you are trying to forget someone, put away everything that makes you think of them
Search all the rooms in your home to find items that make you rethink the person you lost: pictures, DVDs, gifts, foods, souvenirs.
- If you don't feel like throwing something out, try keeping it in a box and ask a friend to keep it until you're ready to move on completely.
- Also do an electronic clean up. Erase all the music that makes you rethink this person and the photos you have saved.
Step 2. Disconnect from social networks
If you are friends on Facebook, chat or have other contacts, delete or block this person. It won't help you to see its updates all the time. Also, if you want to forget her, limiting your ability to communicate with her is a key starting point. Eliminating the temptation to talk on Facebook or Twitter can really help you move on.
Step 3. Focus on the present
Keeping your mind focused on the present helps you forget. By dwelling on the past, it will be almost impossible to forget a loved one.
- Try to remember that you cannot change the past. You have the power to change only the present. Strive to live your best every day. Some find it helpful to consciously remember this. For example, when you realize that you are basking in the past, stop and say, "It is past now, now I am in the present, I want to focus on my happiness."
- Meditation, yoga, and physical activity are effective for focusing on the present. Try joining a gym or class.
Step 4. Take up a hobby
This is very useful for distracting yourself and focusing on the goal of moving on. Try a new video game, knit, join a team or start crossword puzzles. Anything that allows you to stay in the present and move forward can help you forget someone and start a new chapter in your life.
Part 3 of 3: Turn the Page
Step 1. Get help
At the end of a romantic relationship or friendship, it is important to see other people to get distracted and avoid becoming a obsession.
- Go out with your friends. Go for a drink or a coffee. Invite them to see a movie at your home.
- Don't hesitate to call people you haven't seen for some time. Call a relative you don't talk to often. See if an old school friend is free to go to dinner. Connecting with people you neglected while you were caught up in this relationship is helpful in forgetting and moving on.
Step 2. Get to know other people
If the person you are trying to forget belongs to your social circle, it will help you to go further. Look for ways to meet other people.
- You could volunteer. Many make new friends through shared interests. Look for a cause that is close to your heart and actively participate. When you are emotionally vulnerable, this will not only help you serve purpose, it will also give you the opportunity to meet like-minded people.
- The Meet Up website is useful for making new friends. It allows various groups and individuals to schedule meetings based on certain interests. Just enter some information on your account and several target groups will appear for your hobbies and passions.
Step 3. Take a vacation
If you have time and you can afford it, go away for a few days. You could visit a city that is a couple of hours away by plane or take your car and go to a town in the countryside. Look for new landscapes and create new memories. Discovering a different environment can help clear your mind. If you can't take a long break, even a weekend out of town can leave unwanted thoughts and worries behind, allowing you to move on.
Step 4. If necessary, consult a psychologist
If you feel trapped and can't forget someone, therapy can help you. Negative emotions that arise at the end of a relationship can be addressed with the help of a professional. Ask your primary care physician to recommend one or ask for recommendations elsewhere. If you are a student, you may be eligible for free sessions at school or college.
Step 5. Feel grateful
After taking the time to make a commitment to consciously forget, try to feel grateful for what you have lost. It may seem counterproductive, but finding ways to appreciate the good times can actually help you achieve emotional closure and forget.
- If you are in pain because this person died, feel grateful that you have had the opportunity to spend time with them. Joyfully remember the good times.
- If you're in pain because a relationship has ended, don't forget the good times. Even though you weren't soulmates, feel grateful for having felt love. If a friendship has ended, remember a great journey together and be grateful for what you shared.
