Forgetting your first love can be very difficult. It is from her that you learned what it means to have a romantic relationship and that experience will have a great influence on your future relationships. If you can't leave your first love behind, don't worry - it's normal. Almost everyone has this problem, but you can follow some tips to overcome it. First, try to think less about your ex. Try to focus on the present and not live in the past. Adopt a healthier point of view about your love story. Even if it's over, you have learned a lot about yourself thanks to that experience. After the first bout of pain, try to move on. Focus on the future and not on lost love.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Controlling the Emotions
Step 1. Don't think too much about your ex
You may feel you need to get it out of your mind altogether, however this strategy can be counterproductive. If you try to force yourself not to think about something, you just think about it even more. For this reason, just try to limit the time you spend thinking about her and you will be able to forget her faster.
- Pick a time of day to think about your ex. You could allow yourself half an hour every morning. If you can't recall happy memories of your past love story, try listening to a song or thinking about a movie that you liked very much.
- After this pause for reflection, don't think about her for the rest of the day. If unwanted memories resurface, repeat to yourself: “I've already thought about her today. Better to do it again tomorrow ".
Step 2. Avoid unrealistic thoughts
If you let yourself be carried away by the loss of your first love, you could end up seeing everything black. For example, you might think "I will never love anyone else", or "I will never find happiness again." When you find yourself entering that spiral of negativity, stop and question your thoughts.
- Each relationship is unique. You're right when you think you'll never feel the same again. However, this does not mean that you will never be happy again or that you will never fall in love again.
- Be realistic. Most people don't stay with their first love all their life. Think about your parents, friends or relatives. They probably all lost their first love, but managed to form lasting relationships afterwards.
- Remember that even if things seem very difficult to you today, you will certainly be able to fall in love again and be happy, even if it takes time.
Step 3. Focus on the present
Remember all the positive things that happen in your life. Think about your friends, your job, your interests and your passions. You may not have found your soul mate yet, but you have many other things to focus on.
- Do activities that keep you focused on the present. Find a new hobby, join a club, volunteer, start going to the gym. All of these activities can help you not to live in the past.
- Form new memories to leave your past behind. To forget about your ex, do what you can to create new positive memories.
Step 4. Take care of yourself
If you didn't, it would be very difficult to think positively. With a broken heart, you may have trouble sleeping, playing sports, or eating. However, never forget your basic needs. This will help you stay strong and avoid negative thoughts.
- In addition to eating and sleeping well, indulge in gluttony. Don't be ashamed to pamper yourself after a breakup.
- Go out with your friends. Order food at a restaurant that does home delivery. Take a long walk or bike ride. Watch your favorite movie.
Part 2 of 3: Having the Right Perspective on the Past
Step 1. Examine your love story for repeating negative patterns
You can learn something from any relationship. Your experiences allow you to grow and change until you can develop a long-term healthy and happy relationship. When trying to forget your first love, try to spot any bad habits you shouldn't repeat in the future.
- Think about the reasons the relationship ended. Could you have behaved differently? Weren't you compatible? Why were you attracted to your ex? Didn't you love her for the right reasons?
- In most cases, love stories end because two people are not made to be together. You can take this opportunity to understand how to find a more compatible person in the future.
Step 2. Don't stop yourself from enjoying the memories of the past
You don't have to clear all thoughts about your ex from your mind. Over time, you will be able to smile about some of the things that have happened. Love can arouse wonderful happy emotions and your first romantic experience will always be special. If you find yourself smiling when you think back to a good memory, enjoy the moment instead of immediately returning to reality.
- Old memories can give you strength. Consider them a means of remembering that you are capable of love. It will do you good to rethink the best version of you.
- Old memories can make you feel better on difficult days. You may suddenly remember your ex's words of encouragement at a time when you were feeling sad. Accepting good memories can be useful if you do it with the knowledge that that love affair is over.
Step 3. Understand that your first love is nothing special
First romantic relationships can be wonderful experiences. They make you learn many things about yourself and give you the opportunity to experience love for the first time. However, people have a tendency to idealize their first experience in any domain. Other than the fact that this was your first time, your relationship was nothing special. Remember, men have the natural instinct to put their first experiences on a pedestal. Don't adopt this mindset or you won't be able to enjoy the present.
- You may recall experiences with your first love in an exaggerated way; when you start a new relationship, this attitude may lead you to make comparisons with the past. To be more objective, think about any of your early experiences - you'll remember most of them much more pleasantly than they actually were. Your first day on the job was certainly very exciting, but probably nothing exceptional happened compared to the other days.
- Instead of considering your first love as your soul mate, analyze the experience you lived with her. You have learned to love and have a romantic relationship. However, the person with whom you shared your love story was not the only one for you. You simply have an innate tendency to remember your first time in a more romantic way.
Step 4. Reflect on your first love to get to know yourself
Consider what you have learned throughout the relationship. Think about everything positive you've done. Have you learned to be more altruistic or to take care of another person? Even if the love story is over, don't consider it a failure. Almost all the romantic relationships you will have in your life are, in a sense, exercises. Appreciate everything you have learned about yourself and your ability to love, instead of trying to forget the past altogether.
Part 3 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Reconsider your goals
With a broken heart, you may forget your real life goals. You may think that losing your first love means you have failed. However, you should judge the situation more wisely. If your first relationship was unsuccessful, it doesn't mean you haven't achieved your goal.
- Think about what you want in life. In addition to finding a partner who loves you, think about other goals. What kind of career or education do you want to have?
- A defeat is not a failure. In fact, nearly all people face rejections and missteps on the path to more important goals. You don't need your first love to achieve your dreams.
Step 2. Don't be in a hurry to start dating other people again
Many have the feeling that starting to see another person can help them forget their first love. While a new relationship can help you not think about the previous one, this is not the road to recovery. Don't throw yourself into a new adventure and spend some time reflecting.
- Think about what you want from a relationship. Reflect on the positive and negative sides of the love story that has just ended. In the future, this will help you find a more compatible partner.
- Many people go from one relationship to the next, hoping to find a soul mate. However, if you are unable to feel good on your own, you will not be able to successfully develop a lasting relationship. First, you need to overcome the sadness of losing your first love and understand what you want from the future.
Step 3. Imitate the behavior of another person
Try to follow the example of a friend, relative or colleague who has suffered for love and has managed to move forward. Try to maintain the same attitude as those who do not need a love story to feel fulfilled and happy.
- Find a person who is comfortable on their own. You should rely on someone who doesn't feel the need to be in a romantic relationship to feel fulfilled.
- When you have found the right person, think about how he faced his pains of love. Find out how she managed to stay independent and strong after the breakup.
Step 4. Accept to be sad for some time
You may wish to move on, but it's important to be aware of your feelings. Do what you can to feel better, but bear in mind that sadness is normal in this process. Forgetting your first love is difficult and even if you do everything right, you may not succeed in a short time. Don't blame yourself if you are going through some difficult days - this is normal and it takes time to leave the past behind.
- Don't panic if the memory of your ex makes you feel sad. If you try too hard to avoid negative feelings, you may end up feeling worse.
- Accept feeling down for some time. You can cry if you feel the need. Release all negative emotions so you can keep making progress.
Advice
- Try to write what you feel. When negative feelings and thoughts build up in your mind, you can find relief by writing.
- Keep busy. Don't be left without doing anything, because it will be easier to think about your ex. Play sports, tidy up your room or pursue a hobby.
- Talk to people you don't know. Meeting new people will help you forget your ex and focus on your new group of friends. Join a club, volunteer or attend a social event - even alone.
- Get rid of any items that belonged to your ex. Clothes can hold her scent and recall her memory more than anything else. You should also throw away any cards he wrote you or drawings he made. Observing the things that once made you happy will only make you feel worse.
Warnings
- Checking your ex's Facebook page is a bad idea. You will get angry at seeing other people's photographs or posts.
- Even if you hate your ex, don't talk bad about her. You would be worse off.
- Don't use dangerous substances to overcome your problems; in the long run they will not help you and will only make things worse. Don't drink or use drugs when trying to recover from a difficult breakup.
