F. Scott Fitzgerald once received a rejection letter that said "It would be a good novel if you did away with the character of Gatsby." Of course, not all rejections lead to huge success, but why on earth might this not be the case for you? If you want all your endeavors to succeed, then you must learn to accept rejections, to restart after a setback and to come back with much more strength and passion than ever. So how do you accept rejection instead of mulling over the anger or bitterness you feel after not getting what you wanted? Read on to find out.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Be More Optimistic
Step 1. Don't let rejection define you
One way to have a more optimistic mindset as you learn to accept rejection is to not allow it to affect who you really are. Whether you get dumped by your girlfriend, or your application for a job or college that interests you most is trashed, you can't let what happened make you feel undeserving of everything. Of course, a rejection is never easy or pleasant, but it only has to do with a specific situation of a very specific moment, it does not define you as a person.
- Instead of saying "I was turned down by the university I always dreamed of going to", you say "My application was not accepted". Do not think that you have been rejected as a person, it was a certain circumstance that did not make you get what you wanted.
- If rejection makes you feel like an undeserving loser of everything, you will only be doomed to fail again. Instead, focus on the specific circumstances of what happened, not the fact that it happened to you.
Step 2. Be proud of yourself for giving it a try
Another way to consider rejection positively is to think of all the people who have never even had the courage to try what you did. Maybe you gave your all and asked the person you like to go out with you. Perhaps you sent a letter of request to a literary agent to find out if he would like to have a look at your manuscript. Perhaps you have applied for a position that you knew was virtually unattainable. Okay, you didn't get what you wanted, but you should still pat yourself on the back for having the courage to prove yourself.
Don't be put off by rejection. You must be proud that you had the guts to take this once in a lifetime opportunity. Think about what else you can achieve or might try. The sky is your only limit
Step 3. Don't be catastrophic
After a rejection, people feel completely inadequate, as if they can never do anything good in a certain area again. If you are rejected by a girl, you must think that it is an isolated case, it is not a sign that you will never find love. If your proposal to write a book is rejected by three agents, don't think that the others you turn to won't have kinder words. Think of all the husbands / writers / geniuses who wouldn't have gotten a damn thing if they stopped at the first no.
Rather, consider it an opportunity for growth, to challenge yourself again. If you let just one, 10, 20 rejections make you think this is the way things are always going to be, then it will be difficult to find happiness or success
Step 4. Focus on the positives of rejection (if there were any)
Of course, let's face it: sometimes a refusal is just a refusal and does not offer anything good. However, in other cases you can reap the benefits despite everything; it is enough to think about it a little to grasp a different point of view, which could also manifest itself from the first moment. You may have been turned down from a job, but have been told to apply again after six months, because you are a good candidate; it still remains a refusal, but it also allows you to consider it a way to have crossed the threshold of the company. Everything depends on how you decide to consider this experience: do you want to believe that the glass is completely empty or look for some precious drops of water to quench your thirst at least a little?
- If you have been rejected by a woman, you may initially think that this experience has nothing good to offer you. However, you can also decide to consider it a chance to fall in love again in the future, because you will have the opportunity to find love again. Doing so is much better than thinking that a sentimental rejection has nothing positive.
- An agent rejected your novel, but he may have also told you that you are very talented and that you shouldn't hesitate to hear from you after correcting it or with another project. Despite not having found the agent of your dreams, you have attracted someone's attention and your chances of getting noticed in the future have increased.
Step 5. Don't take it personally
Another way to be more optimistic after a rejection is to not take it personally. If you don't get accepted for a job or if you don't enter the college you dreamed of, don't think everything went wrong because of you. You don't know why it happened: maybe an internal employee was hired, maybe they were looking for someone they could transfer immediately; it hardly happened because you are a useless loser with no future. Remember that even the best are rejected and there is nothing wrong with you.
Of course, if you get dumped by your girlfriend then it's hard not to take her personally. However, try to take a step back and look at it from a broader perspective. If you were rejected, it is because the relationship was obviously not working out for one reason or another. This doesn't mean you're not good for anyone, it just means you weren't the right one for this particular person at that time in your life
Step 6. Think positively about the future
Another way to feel better after a rejection is to always look ahead instead of basking in regret or trying to understand why the present sucks so much. If you are not being hired for a job, think about all the other professions and opportunities that await you. If you are left by your girlfriend, think of all the interesting people you haven't met yet. If your first novel is rejected by 50 agents and you're about to lose faith, think of all the great words you haven't written yet. By letting a rejection define everything in your life and not seeing that there are so many opportunities, you will never be able to move on.
When you are rejected, think of all the untried opportunities that you have at your complete disposal. Write them down and reread them. If you really think you don't have many chances left, ask a friend to help you think about it. It is highly unlikely that you have no other attempts to make
Part 2 of 3: Learning from Rejection
Step 1. Imagine having a tooth extracted
One way to consider rejection positively is to think that it is an inevitable step on your path to success. After all, how many actresses managed to land a starring role after the first auditions? How many writers have managed to publish a book on the first try? You may think that success comes naturally to people, otherwise there is nothing you can do. The fact is that rejections are nothing more than pride and indicators of your commitment, not your future success. Whenever you are rejected, just think that it is an inevitable step in getting what you want.
- If you are a writer and want to publish a novel, tell yourself that you will not have the chance to publish a single story if you do not receive 50 rejections first. Whenever this happens to you, just remember that it's another step on the road to success.
- If you are looking for a new job, you should remember that you will be turned down at least five, 10 or even 15 times before getting hired. Be proud of all these rejections, because they make you understand that you are trying and that you are getting closer and closer to acceptance.
Step 2. Evaluate what you can improve on to get even closer to success
Use rejection to help you think about the future and the new attempts you will make at what you want to achieve. If an interview didn't go well, ask yourself if you can improve your communication style or body language, or if you can gain a little more experience before trying to follow the same path again. If your novel was rejected, ask yourself if it would be better to do another revision to cut out unnecessary scenes or improve dialogue. Consider the improvements you can make before trying again, and work towards achieving them.
- If you are lucky enough to receive constructive opinions, then use them to help you move on. Did an agent tell you you need to improve your writing? Reach out to an expert or a friend with a talent for writing for help. Did another agent tell you that the protagonist of your story is not original enough? See how you can change it.
- Of course, some opinions may be useless or deviate from what the point of the matter is. You don't have to change yourself or your job to match another person's concept of success, unless you agree.
Step 3. Evaluate the progress you have made since the first rejection
If this is your first time getting rejected, then hats off, welcome to the club. Almost all of us have been rejected many times, some in one way and some in another. If you're like most people, then chances are you have your nice pile of trash piled up somewhere too. Don't think it's sad, be proud of yourself for all the no's you've received. Then, take a look at one of the first rejections and see if you can track the progress you've made since then, both professionally and personally. You will understand that you have grown a lot as a student, writer, human being and so on.
- This is especially useful if you are a writer who fails to get noticed. Read your first stories and compare them to the ones you are working on now. Sure, you still get rejected and you may have doubts about your job, but don't let that scratch you. Instead, think about how much better you have been since the first rejection and be proud of yourself for moving forward.
- If we are talking about sentimental rejection, it may not be easy to make a concrete "pile" of it. However, when thinking about your first relationship gone bad, consider how much you've grown as a person and how much you've changed. Remember that not all rejections are the same and that you can always progress, even if you think your path is endlessly littered with closed doors.
Step 4. Know when it's time to move on
After so many refusals, one of the most complicated parts is figuring out if you should continue. While you shouldn't let a no depress you or keep you from unleashing your potential, there is a time and a place for everything. If you've received a slew of rejections, it may be time to ask yourself whether what you're chasing is worth pursuing, or whether it would be worth taking a different path. Someone said it's crazy to repeat and repeat the same steps and expect different results. If you feel like you've always had the same approach before a rejection, it's time to take a new path.
- There is a fine line between persistence and obstinacy. If you truly believe that your book is well done and ready to go, then you can keep looking for the right agent, even though you have already received 60 rejections. But if all the agents tell you that the manuscript still requires a lot of work, then it would be better to review it instead of facing the same rejection again.
- If you've been inviting a girl out for months or trying to win her back, and you feel like you're not going anywhere, then it's time to accept what happened and move on. Use this experience to help you find someone who will like you for who you are instead of trying to force a relationship.
Step 5. Remember that everything happens for a reason (in most cases)
Of course, this sentence could be incredibly irritating to you, especially if the rejection is fresh and you still suffer from it. You may think they are empty words, used by people to comfort each other, without real substance. Of course, something horrible can happen, without being able to do anything but lick your wounds and move on. However, if you think about the rejections and obstacles in your life, you may realize that they have actually led you to something beautiful. You may not understand it now, but accept that this may not lead you to something positive that you cannot even imagine now.
- We assume you have been turned down by a tennis team. Maybe you've been training for years and made a lot of sacrifices to get into it. However, the rejection may have made you rediscover volleyball, which you had neglected. And who knows, this sport, after all, is the one for you.
- You may think that your university experience will not be the same if you don't go to a certain city, as you've always wanted; nevertheless, once you move to that place that doesn't convince you, you find that you are unable to imagine a life without your new friends. You will think back to the day when you believed that the other university was your dream and you will laugh about it. Now it may seem unimaginable, but it will really happen.
- Maybe you will be rejected by what you thought was your dream venture. But a no could take your career in a slightly different direction, making you find a path you wouldn't have considered otherwise.
Part 3 of 3: Go further
Step 1. Talk to your friends about it
Another way to accept rejection more easily is to talk about how you feel with a trusted friend. If you're a rag after getting a no, whether it's in a professional or personal context, sometimes nothing can cheer you up like a chat with someone you trust. Don't keep all the anger or hurt inside, stop ruminating about what would have been. Instead, call an old friend or invite him for a coffee, tell him how you feel. You will instantly feel better and be able to move on faster, because you will have someone to talk to about your problems.
- You may get the impression that a rejection is a catastrophe. However, a friend can offer you a more rational and concrete perspective on the situation.
- On the other hand, avoid babbling about what happened to anyone who comes within range. Getting an unbiased and helpful opinion from a friend can help you feel better, but complaining and talking about the same problem over and over can actually make you feel worse.
- Talk to someone who understands the extent of the rejection. To hear you say "It's not the end of the world!" from a friend when you're feeling down could be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Step 2. Talk to others about their experiences in case of rejection
You are not the only one on the face of the earth to whom this has happened. If you are feeling really down, talk to a friend, relative, or co-worker. listen to their experiences, you will see that everyone has suffered like you. Sure, maybe this friend of yours is happily married now, but you've never heard of his ex-girlfriend breaking his heart. Your writer friend may now be at the height of his career, but you've forgotten the four novels he had to write before his work was published.
Talking to others about their experiences with rejection will make you feel less alone. You will understand that everyone has been there before you in one way or another
Step 3. Remember all successful people who have had to swallow a rejection
Read the stories of those people who are so admired today, but who had to do a lot of training to get to this point. Knowing that you are not alone in the world, that everyone has to digest rejection sooner or later, will help motivate you to move forward. Obviously not all people who receive a rejection become very famous, but you must remember that even the no help in the path towards the goal. Here are some examples:
- Gone with the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell, was rejected by 38 publishing houses before they found the right one.
- Marilyn Monroe was told to quit acting early in her career. The fashion agencies told her she should be a secretary.
- Walt Disney was fired from the "Kansas City Star" because he was told his stories lacked imagination.
- Early in her career as a reporter, Oprah Winfrey was fired because she was told she couldn't separate her emotions from her stories.
- Michael Jordan was discarded from his school's basketball team.
Step 4. Another way to accept a no is to call us
If that never happens to you, then the biggest rejections will sting you even more to the quick. Instead, with experience - especially when it comes to things that are not very important to you - you will learn to accept them and to consider them for what they are: nothing special. Depending on your situation, there are many ways you can try to experience receiving a no, and as a result, you will be better at getting through the disappointment faster.
- If it bothers you to be rejected by girls when you try to invite them out with you, make a habit of doing it more often. This doesn't mean that you have to woo any girl you meet on the street. You should ask them to go out 10-20% more than usual. If you continue to be rejected, knowing above all that you will not be upset, you will make a call and you will not think it is a catastrophe the next time.
- If you feel broken every time you try to send your stories to literary magazines and receive a no as big as a house, then you should send your short stories to more people. Of course, this doesn't mean that you have to offer them before they seem ready, but that you should do it more often, so you won't be disappointed when you get a negative response after months of waiting.
Step 5. Don't bask in it
If you want to accept rejection and move on, then you need to learn to stop thinking and rethink what happened. You should talk about it, write about it, make lists of pros and cons considering your future decisions or carry out whatever else you need to do to absorb and accept what happened. However, you should strive to find other experiences that enrich you, whether you spend time with your friends or pursue your love of photography. That way, you'll move on and won't spend all your time mulling over the rejection. Once that happens, the best thing to do is move on.
- Easier said than done, right? It's hard to stop thinking about rejection, especially if you're feeling bitter, confused, or hurt. However, the sooner you make it your goal to find other satisfying ways to spend your time, the sooner you'll be able to move on.
- That said, if we're talking about a romantic breakup, you should avoid setting a deadline, you can't force yourself to stop suffering. Let your feelings flow, cry when you feel like it, write in your journal and face your emotions, turn the page when you are ready.
Step 6. Don't put all your eggs in one basket
Another way to better accept a rejection is to try to avoid focusing your entire life on one goal, such as entering a prestigious writing school if you are a writer, marrying your historical girlfriend or becoming the school principal. where you have been working for five years. While having goals, whether personal or professional, is what motivates you to move forward, you should avoid letting one thing carry all this weight to you, so much so that if you don't get it, it will tear you apart.
- This is not to say that you shouldn't feel deeply hurt if you can't get what you wanted. However it does mean that, as bitter as it is, you should always remember that your life has other things to offer you, not just a relationship, a job or a success. One dream can't be everything to you.
- Sure, you were dying to get into that school. You may think that this was your only path to becoming an established writer. Before you put all your hopes on something though, consider alternatives. Eventually you will be accepted somewhere and you can still have an experience that will enrich you as you explore your passion. If you think it has to be all black or white, you will be incredibly upset when a project doesn't go well.
Advice
- Consult a person you trust. This will help you let off steam.
- Put yourself in the shoes of the person who rejected you, try to understand why he did it.
