Dealing with people who complain all the time isn't easy. They can be annoying and even drain your mental and emotional energies. Perhaps you have a friend or relative who behaves this way, or it is a colleague of yours who fills your days with negativity. Regardless of who is complaining, there are things you can do to address the situation constructively.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Friends and Relatives
Step 1. Change the subject
Listening to complaints all the time can be tiring and still make a conversation awkward. The next time your friend starts complaining, change the subject.
- Maybe your aunt often complains about her husband's work commitments. Say, "If I'm not mistaken, you've been busy too. Tell me about your new book club!"
- By changing the subject, make it clear to your interlocutor that you would like to talk about something else. Just make sure you choose a neutral topic.
- Avoid potentially negative topics. For example, if a friend always tells you he hates his job, don't talk about it. Instead, tell him the story of the book you just finished reading.
Step 2. Set up stakes
Maybe your friends always use you as a shoulder to cry on. If people regularly complain to you, it means they see you as someone they can trust. However, emotionally, their habit can be exhausting for you.
- Let your friends know that they don't have to exceed certain limits. Try saying: "Sara, I'm always there if you need me. But, from time to time, I'd also like to talk to you about my life."
- If a friend's problems make you uncomfortable, let them know.
- For example, a friend may often complain about her disappointing sex life. Try saying, "Laura, would you mind if we changed the subject? These details of your privacy make me uncomfortable."
Step 3. Use first person affirmations to assert your opinion
It is important to explain to your friends and family that always complaining has a negative impact on your life. You can use first-person affirmations to express your feelings and ask the speaker to do the same.
- A first-person affirmation describes the feelings and ideas of the speaker and not of the listener. If you use them in conversations with a complainant, you may feel less stressed after the discussion is over.
- If you live with someone who complains all the time, you may get the impression that they blame you for anything that's not right in the house. Instead of saying, "I'm tired of hearing your complaints," try, "I have a feeling that you are blaming me for all the things that are not right in this house."
- You can also consider saying "Always listening to your negativity is very frustrating for me" instead of "All you do is complain!".
- You can ask other people to rephrase their complaints with first-person affirmations. For example, ask your sister to say "I feel our Christmas gatherings are very stressful" rather than "Christmas in your house is awful."
- Try using first-person affirmations when communicating with people who complain often. This will show him how effective this style of communication is.
Step 4. Deal with an elderly person who complains often
Elders can complain about many things. Your family reunions can turn into unpleasant occasions if there is an older relative who tells everyone about his or her misadventures. There are some methods of dealing with this specific situation.
- Listen for a minute. Older people often feel lonely and just want to talk to someone. Choose a more cheerful topic of conversation and have fun chatting with them.
- Offer your help. Many seniors are unable to cope with the daily challenges of life.
- If your grandmother complains about traffic, offer her a solution. Make a plan to go shopping for her so she can spend less time in the car.
Step 5. Deal with complaining children
If you have children, you've probably heard more complaints than you could have imagined. In particular, adolescents and pre-adolescent children protest a great deal. You can choose how you react to this attitude.
- Try to come up with ideas. If you have a teenage child who complains about being bored, ask them to make a list of the things they would like to do. This will help him find solutions for himself.
- Be patient. Remember that children go through many changes.
- In many cases, a child's complaints stem from anxiety or even fatigue. Solve its problems at the root.
- Don't judge and don't criticize your child. For example, if you protest that dinner "sucks", try saying "I'm sorry you think so." If his grievances don't attract much attention, he'll likely find more positive things to say.
Step 6. Spend time in groups of people
In social situations, it can be embarrassing to hear a person complaining all the time. If some of your friends or relatives like to complain, your meetings won't be much fun. Try not to be alone with those who have this habit.
- People have a much less tendency to protest when they are in a group. You don't have to avoid going for coffee with your pessimistic cousin, just ask someone to join you.
- The next time your cousin asks you for a coffee, just say "Great idea, but I already made a deal with a couple of friends. You don't mind if they join us, do you?".
- As a group, you will not feel the need to respond to complaints. If a friend of yours is not happy with the pizza she was served, you won't have to answer anything if other people are sitting next to her. Let someone else carry on the conversation.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with Negative Colleagues
Step 1. Show empathy
Dealing with a complainant colleague can be frustrating. Not only is this an embarrassing situation, it can even reduce your productivity. If you often deal with colleagues who see everything black, learn to handle the situation constructively.
- Try to be compassionate. In some cases, people just need to let off steam.
- If one of your coworkers constantly complains about working too much, say, "I'm overwhelmed with work too. Maybe we could take turns refueling with caffeine."
- You can try complimenting your colleague. Tell him, "Wow, you worked a lot this month. At least your commitment helped. I heard your presentation was fantastic." These phrases will paint the situation in a more positive light.
Step 2. Offer your help
Remember that some complaints are legitimate and stem from a real problem. If you have the chance, give your interlocutor a hand.
- For example, a colleague of yours may not like the cold temperature in your office. If you agree with him, ask him to go together and talk to your boss.
- Maybe a colleague feels he is being treated unfairly by your supervisor. Try saying, "Have you considered talking to the HR department about your situation?"
- By offering advice to someone who complains, you show that you understand their words and point out that their problem can be solved. Hopefully, your colleague will listen to what you told him.
Step 3. Ask questions
You may find that you stop listening every time you talk to someone who complains all the time. Instead, try paying attention for once. You may find that by asking questions and participating in the conversation, the interview will be more constructive.
- Start with simple questions. Try saying, "What can you do to fix this?"
- This approach will give the responsibility of finding a solution to your interlocutor and not to you. At the same time, however, it will let him know that you are listening to him.
- If the person says they don't know what to do, try asking more questions. You can say, "Why don't you try to think about it? We'll talk about it again next week if the problem hasn't been solved yet."
- Try to understand the situation. If a person complains in vague terms, saying "I hate this place," try asking him why.
- This answer allows you to understand if the protest is valid without expressing your opinion. At that point, you can decide whether to pay more attention to the problem.
Step 4. Be honest
Socializing with your colleagues can be fun. Maybe a group of people from your office meet regularly for an aperitif at the bar. However, if there is someone in the company who is always complaining, it could ruin the whole evening.
- Express your opinion politely but firmly. Try saying, "I don't feel like talking about work right now."
- You can try to take the person aside without getting noticed. You can tell her, "I know it is good to let off steam, but maybe we could leave the work problems inside the office, okay?".
- You can just turn to someone else and talk about a different topic. The people present will follow your example and discuss something more enjoyable.
- Explain your point of view using first-person affirmations. You can say "I feel stressed when you tell that you are not happy at work".
Step 5. Take control of the conversation
You may feel anxious whenever a pessimistic colleague approaches you. Instead of looking up, take action. You can choose to change the direction of your dialogue.
- Stop complaining before they start. When your colleague approaches, immediately tell him something positive.
- For example, you might say "Hi Marco! I heard you ran a five kilometer ride this weekend. Well done!". By starting the conversation on a positive note, you can avoid complaints.
- If your interlocutor starts complaining, you can stop talking to him. You reply "Damn, it sounds frustrating. Unfortunately I have deadlines to meet, so I have to get back to work right away."
Part 3 of 3: Maintain a Positive Attitude
Step 1. Eliminate negativity from your life
Other people's problems can drain your emotional energy. If you feel that someone's company is negatively impacting your life, consider moving away from them. Try to reduce the time you spend with pessimists.
- You won't always have a chance to completely eliminate a person from your life. For example, it may be one of your relatives who is complaining a lot.
- However, you can decide not to attend all family reunions. If Uncle Carlo stresses you out, don't feel guilty if you don't show up for Sunday lunch. Explain that you already had a commitment.
- If one of your friends sucks up all of your energy, spend less time with him. You can try to tell him: "Giovanni, I'm trying to change my life and I can't go out to dinner with you every Tuesday anymore."
Step 2. Think positive
An optimistic attitude can change your life. Remember: you can't control other people's actions, but you can decide how to react.
- Make a conscious decision to always be positive. For example, next time you hear complaints, try to think "Wow, my life is great by comparison."
- Thinking positive doesn't mean ignoring problems. Rather, it means focusing on positive solutions and situations.
- Thinking positive can help you suffer less stress, giving you physical and mental benefits.
Step 3. Prioritize taking care of yourself
Thinking positive can help you cope better with constant complaints. To keep this attitude, you need to take care of yourself.
- Taking care of yourself means meeting all your physical and emotional needs. Take the time every day to ask yourself how you are doing.
- Ask yourself "How am I? Do I need a break?". If the answer is yes, relax for a few moments.
- A simple five-minute walk around the block can do wonders for your mental health. If you prefer, you can try a soothing foam-filled bath.
Step 4. Reduce Stress
If you are more relaxed, you will be better able to cope with people who complain often. Look for ways to relieve tension. You can do this in many ways.
- Follow a healthy diet. Fast food foods are very good, but they are high in sugar and fat, which can make your mood worse. Try to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables.
- Move more. Sport has been shown to improve mood. Try to get at least 30 minutes of exercise a day throughout the week.
- Rests. If you are tired, the complaints will be more annoying. Try to get at least seven to nine hours of sleep a night to reduce your stress levels.
Advice
- Face the situation with sincerity. Let your interlocutor know how you feel.
- Step away from the situation.
- Mentally prepare to deal with the person who is always complaining.
