Do you have an irritating co-worker you deal with all day? Or a friend who starts getting on your nerves but you don't know how to manage? Dealing with unpleasant people is a skill that can come in handy in many social, personal, and professional contexts. You can acquire it by making a commitment to maintain self-control and trying to avoid conflict with the person in question. If you can't stand the other person anymore, you will need to approach them in a respectful and proactive way.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Maintaining Self-Control
Step 1. Take a deep breath and stay calm
While it can be difficult to deal with an irritating person, you need to strive to maintain self-control and remain calm. Getting angry, agitated and frustrated can only ruin your day without having any real effect on the person's behavior. Rather than get overwhelmed by emotions, try taking a few deep breaths and stay calm.
You could try doing some breathing exercises: close your eyes and inhale deeply through the nose through the diaphragm, then exhale deeply through the nostrils. You can repeat this breathing a few times to calm yourself down and not be irritated by the person in question
Step 2. Don't react
While you may be tempted to yell or swear at the person who is bothering you, reacting in this way will only help get you upset and give the other person the attention they are looking for. On the contrary, you should try to divert attention from what the other is saying and try not to react: this technique can be a great way to get used to this type of people and not let their words reach you.
You may want to try repeating a few words to yourself, such as "compassion" or "acceptance," to help you not react. Try mentally repeating them over and over until they become a mantra you can rely on
Step 3. Try to empathize with the other
To maintain self-control, it may be helpful to try to see the situation or problem from the other person's point of view. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment and try to understand why or how he became so unpleasant. Be empathetic and show some compassion towards him - this attitude could help you remain calm and composed in his presence.
For example, a person who always sees the negative side of everything may not have had a very happy childhood and may be led to expect only negative consequences. Or again, if your family member is always overly enthusiastic about everything, they could behave like this because they feel lonely and isolated in their social life and therefore try to always show themselves happy
Step 4. Prepare a few sentences in advance to say to the person in question
When you meet her, you may feel so frustrated that you end up saying something that hurts her feelings. To prevent this from happening, try to prepare some phrases to use to strike up a conversation or to end the conversation, such as:
- "I'm glad you mentioned this topic because …"
- "Interesting! I didn't know anything!"
- "I was pleased to see you, but now I have to escape."
- "I'm sorry but I can't talk now, maybe next time."
Step 5. Take care of yourself
If you are hungry, tired, or stressed, it may be more difficult to maintain self-control in the presence of someone who is bothering you. Make sure you take good care of yourself to increase your chances of staying calm. Among the things you can do about it are:
- Get enough sleep
- Eat healthy food;
- Exercise regularly
- Find time to relax.
Part 2 of 3: Avoiding Conflict
Step 1. Set limits
If it is difficult for you to be in the presence of the other, it may be worth setting boundaries so that you don't find yourself too emotionally involved. It is a useful mechanism to manage the situation that will allow you not to find yourself in situations where you could come into conflict with the other.
- You can try to limit the time you spend with the person in question, for example by exchanging just a few words in the morning at the office and going out for lunch. Otherwise you can decide not to answer his calls or messages immediately, but only when you have some free time.
- You may also try to remain calm and aloof in case he speaks to you during a meeting or in another social setting that you cannot walk away from. This way you can set personal boundaries that can help you manage the person's irritating nature.
- For example, if the other person starts talking loudly during a family boarding school, you can try to stay detached and focus your attention on something else: this will keep him away and remain calm.
Step 2. Try to be optimistic
When you are in the person's presence, make an effort to be optimistic and not to let their attitude get you down. If you are positive and proactive, rather than angry and grumpy, you may discourage her from trying to annoy or bother you.
- One way to be optimistic is to adopt open body language, which is to maintain eye contact with the person and nod to show that you are not upset. It is also wise to keep your arms relaxed at your sides.
- Avoid replying with stinging or passive-aggressive comments, but opt for simple, polite responses such as: "Thank you for sharing this thought with me" or "But that's great!".
Step 3. Stay away from the person in question
If you are unable to handle their presence, even though you have tried to be positive, it may be worth avoiding them. Keep your distance and find a way to avoid spending time with him or her. Sometimes the best way to handle the situation is to detach from the other and stay away for some time.
You can try to keep your distance for a certain period of time, in order to have some space away from each other: you can try to skip a family meeting to avoid meeting him or choose work duties that do not involve his presence
Part 3 of 3: Addressing the Problem
Step 1. Identify the problem
Eventually it may be necessary to talk to the person in question and try to work out together how to solve the problem. Before confronting each other, you should sit down for a moment and figure out what is bothering you so much. You may wonder what his or her unpleasant attitudes are or what you find irritating about him or her - once you understand what it is, you may be able to deal with the problem.
- For example, you may be irritated that your co-worker is always late to meetings and disorganized in front of clients. You may then come to understand that you are generally annoyed by his behavior and lack of professionalism.
- Or you may feel annoyed by the fact that your family member always talks about himself while ignoring the problems of others, coming to understand that what troubles you is his lack of respect.
Step 2. Talk to the person in question
If you would like to confront each other, you should do it in a quiet and private place. You can propose to meet you after work or call him and ask him to speak privately. Try to address the issue face to face if possible.
- Always speak in the first person and avoid accusing him or blaming him for something. For example, use sentences that begin with "I feel" or "I think" or start the discussion by saying, "I need to let you know that I am bothered by your attitude."
- Continue explaining the reason for your annoyance, for example saying that you have the impression that his constant delays at meetings and his disorganization are negatively reflected on the rest of the group and the company and that you are concerned that customers may consider him unprofessional.
- Or you can tell the family member in question that you have the impression that they are not respectful of others and that they focus only on their needs, so you are concerned that they are not sufficiently aware of others and their problems.
Step 3. Try to find a solution together
You should work with each other to find possible solutions or changes to make to their behavior. It may be difficult for the person in question to hear your criticism, but in the end they may feel sorry for their behavior and be willing to make some changes.
You might ask some direct questions like, "What can I do to help you?" or "How can I help you improve?". Show the other that you want to help solve the problem
Step 4. Get help
It may be difficult for the other person to hear your criticism to the point of feeling offended or angry, so be prepared for the conversation to "heat up" a little. In this case it may be a good idea to seek help from a workplace supervisor, such as a Human Resources representative, or a close friend or family member.
- You may want to think about asking for help even before starting the conversation, as your colleagues or friends may give you helpful suggestions on how to approach the matter.
- Make sure you don't speak badly or insult the person with others in the workplace, in the group of friends or in the family, otherwise you risk making the situation worse. On the contrary, try to always talk about it with respect and ask others for advice on how to best manage the situation.
