If you feel like your partner always thinks you are wrong, your relationship can suffer. The best strategy is to talk to him about it and explain to him how it makes you feel. However, if he truly thinks you're wrong (i.e. he always blames you and never gives in during arguments), you may be dealing with a narcissist, which makes the situation even more difficult. You also need to consider whether your relationship is harmful - in this case the best solution is probably to end it.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Discuss with Partner
Step 1. Address the problem right away
It is important to discuss the situation with your partner, as they may not even realize that they always think you are wrong. You may be tempted to avoid the issue, but then the gap between you would only widen. If possible, it's best to talk about it right away.
Also, if you avoid the problem for too long, you may start getting angry at your partner, making your relationship even worse
Step 2. Think about what to say
It can help to reflect for a few minutes and think about what you really want to say to your partner. Don't get to write a speech, because that would create separation between you. However, having a general idea of the topics to be covered is good, in particular choosing some phrases that can make your point of view understand without hurting your partner.
Step 3. Choose the right time for the conversation
It may be helpful to mention to your partner that you want to talk to him. That way he won't be surprised by what you have to tell him. You will also have the opportunity to decide together what is the best time.
- For example, you might say, "I'd like to talk about the way we fight, especially the fact that I always feel like I'm always going to be in the wrong. When do you have some time?"
- If your situation is slightly different, you can say, "I would like to talk to you, because I have the feeling that you often don't give due importance to my opinion. When can we do that?".
Step 4. Use first person affirmations
When you talk about the problem with your mate, the most effective way to do this is those kinds of affirmations. Explain what's wrong by starting with "I", focusing on your feelings, rather than starting with "you" and giving the impression that you are blaming your partner. In general, first-person affirmations are more effective for opening a dialogue.
- For example, you might say, "I have the impression that in most cases I end up being wrong in arguments and arguments. I get angry because you always insist on being right and I have to give up in the end."
- Alternatively, you can say, "I have the feeling that, in most cases, you don't respect my opinion and my competence. Being wrong always makes me angry."
- Conversely, "You think you're always right and I'm always wrong" is not a good way to start the conversation.
Step 5. Listen to what the other person has to say
If you start the discussion by planning a monologue, you will not resolve the situation. You need to be able to hear your partner's opinion, because you are trying to communicate with him about a problem, so you both need to have a chance to express yourself.
- What your mate has to say may surprise you. For example, you may find that he has the same impression, that is, that you believe that he is always wrong. Once you are satisfied that both of you are feeling the same, you can commit to improving the way you communicate in the future.
- To get your partner to talk, be sure to give them space during the conversation. For example, you might say, "Now that I've expressed my feelings, I want to hear what you have to say. What do you think and how do you feel?"
Step 6. Evaluate your partner's reaction
After hearing what he has to say on this particular topic, consider what lies behind his words. His response may indicate that he is willing to work on the problem and your relationship. Conversely, it can also suggest that the problems are deeper than you thought and you may decide to see a psychologist or end the relationship.
- For example, if your partner tells you, "What you say is stupid. In most cases you are wrong," he is not responding openly and is not helping you.
- Conversely, a response like "I didn't realize I was making you feel this way. It's a problem. Let's try to figure out what we can do to fix it," lets you know he's willing to compromise. You can go on by saying, "I'm happy to hear that from you. Here's a good solution:".
- Listen to your partner's response. If he doesn't use first-person affirmations himself and starts blaming you again, he may not be willing to fix the problem.
Step 7. Work on a solution
Once you've both had a chance to talk, find a way to improve the situation in the future. Suggest methods that can solve the problem and ask your partner to do the same.
- For example, you could set a password to put an end to quarrels and see if someone feels wrong. Pausing for a moment in a heated discussion to consider your feelings can help you communicate better.
- Alternatively, you can decide that you will tell your partner when you think they don't value your opinion or expertise.
Step 8. Consider getting help from a psychologist
If your partner wants to change but doesn't know how to do it, you can consult a professional. Find a local psychologist who can help you solve your problems. If you don't know who to turn to, ask close friends for advice.
Part 2 of 3: Dealing with a Toxic Relationship
Step 1. Think about the balance of power
The fact that your partner blames you can be part of a bigger problem. He may be trying to manipulate you and gain power over you and your relationship. If he does this often, he is likely committing emotional abuse and you need to consider whether the relationship is worth continuing. If you decide to stay, you need to start getting respect within the couple.
- Think about whether your partner tells you that you are always wrong to change the way you behave or to gaslight (convince yourself that what you think is not true).
- In other words, imagine going to the cinema and thinking the protagonist is rude. Afterwards, your partner tries to convince you that you are wrong, saying "The protagonist was not rude, he simply made himself respected. It is you who do not know how to assert yourself. You are weak and that is why we do not get along."
- Your partner is emotionally abusing you to convince you that what you think or feel is wrong, with the intention of taking control over you. In this situation you might say, "I disagree and I have a right to have my opinion. That character insulted his wife without feeling any remorse. He's rude."
Step 2. Notice if your partner manipulates you
Telling you you're wrong is a way to manipulate you, but you may find that your partner tries to control you with other behaviors as well if you start paying attention. It is possible that you are trying to bend to your own needs. Identifying the strategies he uses to manipulate you is enough to start changing your relationship. In addition, thanks to the increased awareness, you will also be able to resist his attempts better.
- For example, your partner may make you feel guilty, even about things you should be happy about. If you chose the movie to watch, then later they might say "I'm glad you're happy, but that movie wasn't my first choice. I mean, of course the other one was better, but you really wanted to see this one, so that's okay ". You can answer: "You won't be able to make me feel guilty for seeing that movie. I liked it and I'm glad I chose it."
- It may also make you feel guilty about your own insecurities. Imagine going out with your friends one evening, when your partner, who doesn't like the idea, says to you: "I'm sorry, but I don't want you to go out with your friends. Isn't that enough for you?". You can answer, "I feel like my other relationships make you feel insecure. I really appreciate our relationship, but my friends are important too. I can value them without taking away from you."
Step 3. Don't take responsibility for her feelings
Your partner may blame you for their emotions. He may say to you, "It's your fault I'm angry. You didn't behave as you should have." The only person responsible for the emotions he feels is himself. Avoid apologizing for how you feel. On the contrary, you might say, "I understand you're angry. I'm sorry I didn't behave as you wanted, but I tried. It seems to me that your anger is not being directed in the right direction. Who are you really with?".
Step 4. Resist attempts to belittle yourself
Another toxic behavior in a relationship is exploiting your insecurities against yourself. Your mate can use the way you think about yourself or the world to keep you in check, convincing you to stick with him because you believe you are not worth enough.
- For example, your partner may say to you, "You are lucky to be with me, because you are gaining some weight. Nobody else would get you." You can answer, "You are rude. I am proud of my body and I will not allow you to make me feel ashamed of my physical appearance."
- While you can try to argue when your partner talks to you like this, you should consider whether your relationship is worth all of this emotional pain.
Step 5. Consider whether your relationship contributes to the well-being of both of you
When you are with someone, you have to both take and give. Both of you should give your partner the support they need. Think about your relationship. Do you get as much as you give? Do you get the support you need? If not, you may decide to end the relationship.
You can talk to your partner about it, saying, "I feel like I'm giving a lot more than what I get in our relationship. I have needs that aren't being met."
Part 3 of 3: Identifying and Understanding Narcissists
Step 1. Assess whether you feel your partner considers themselves superior to you
Since he always thinks you are wrong, it is possible that he considers himself superior to you. Likewise, if your partner feels better than you in all respects, they are more likely to try to convince you that they are right and you are wrong.
Does your partner make statements that may indicate that they are feeling superior? For example, he might say (seriously, not jokingly) "You know I'm smarter than you, so of course I'm right."
Step 2. Notice if you constantly change to satisfy his wishes
A narcissist literally thinks the world revolves around him. He expects to go and eat in the place he prefers, watch the movie he likes and arrive when he wants without consequences. The problem arises because it does not grant you the same privileges.
A narcissist, in fact, has no problem being very late (even an hour or more) without apologizing. When it happens to you, he expects an apology instead and it will never happen again
Step 3. Notice if its standards are unattainable
Narcissists often have very high standards. Because they have a hard time seeing beyond themselves, they don't understand that some expectations are exaggerated. They also don't notice all the effort you put into what you do. That's why it seems like they always expect more than you can give and remember all your mistakes much better than the good things you've done.
Step 4. Try empathy
This advice may seem strange to you, but narcissism often comes from insecurity. Many narcissists, in fact, think they are not good enough and compensate for this with extreme self-centeredness. Consequently, one method of dealing with a narcissistic partner is to try to understand their fears and help them overcome them.
- For example, you may have noticed that your partner becomes particularly narcissistic when you decide to go out with your friends. This attitude may indicate that he doesn't feel enough for you. You can help him with reassurance.
- You can say, "I'm going out with my friends tonight. In some cases it seems to bother you. Can you explain to me why?".
Step 5. Describe your needs
If your partner is a narcissist they may have a hard time figuring out what you need because they can't put themselves in your shoes. In that case, you need to clearly express what you want from the relationship so that he knows how to behave.
For example, you can say, "I get the impression that you always think I'm wrong. Can we work on this problem?"
Step 6. Learn that it is not always possible to develop a functional relationship with a narcissist
If your mate approaches narcissism, you may be able to make things work with him. However, if he's a full-fledged narcissist, it won't be as easy. For example, you will begin to lose your identity, constantly having to give in to his whims. Consider whether continuing the relationship is a really good idea.
If your partner refuses to understand your point of view or if they often manipulate you, don't hesitate to plan the breakup. A psychologist can help you with this process
Step 7. Create an exit plan
It may not be possible to change your partner's habits without the intervention of a professional. If your partner manipulates or verbally abuses you, you should come up with a plan to end your relationship safely.
- A psychologist or psychotherapist can help you develop strategies for ending the relationship.
- If you are married, you can start consulting with attorneys regarding divorce.
- If you are living with your partner, start thinking about where you can move to after the breakup. Can you live with friends and family? Are you ready to live alone?
- Set goals for the future. Where do you want to go in a year? Focus on your goals and you may be able to leave the story with your narcissistic partner behind.
