It's not easy to tell if a person is avoiding you. There is a possibility that your paths simply have not crossed. However, there are some telltale signs: maybe you saw her, but she didn't even look at you, or you wrote her a message on Facebook two weeks ago but didn't get any response. Put yourself in his shoes and try to figure out the reasons why he might be avoiding you.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Recognizing Elusive Behaviors
Step 1. Notice if he has suddenly stopped communicating with you
Be careful if a person stops writing to you altogether. He may also avoid talking to you in person, only contacting you via email, text, and on social media. If you feel that you have a romantic relationship or friendship with someone, but they stop talking to you overnight, they are probably avoiding you.
Consider that the other person may just be busy, but they really want to see you. She might send you messages like, "I'm sorry I didn't answer your phone calls… I'm very busy with school right now. Let's meet next week when I have more time." However, if messages of this type follow each other week after week, or you don't even receive any more, you can assume that he is trying to avoid you
Step 2. Know when someone makes excuses not to spend time with you
He can justify himself with his many work commitments or with a busy social life, or he always has something to do "at the last minute". If someone continually finds reasons to cancel your plans, they may be avoiding you.
Don't be too hard. It really happens that you have last-minute commitments and a friend could really feel overwhelmed by all the things they have to do. Apologies indicate an attempt to avoid you, but they don't necessarily mean someone doesn't want to see you
Step 3. Try to look the other person in the eye
If you meet her face to face, try to catch her eye. If he's avoiding you, he probably won't look back, he might just do it for a few moments, or he'll roll his eyes.
Step 4. Send the person some messages and rate their responses
If after a simple "Hey! How's it going?" you don't get an answer for a few days, he probably doesn't want to talk to you. Try again if she doesn't speak up, but don't accuse her of anything; just try to converse normally. If this second message also remains unanswered, don't keep insisting. Respect the reasons why he's avoiding you and don't make it worse.
- Some messaging services show an indication when the recipient has viewed the message. Use this information to understand if you are being ignored. If the other person reads what you write to them but doesn't respond, you can at least assume that they are not interested in talking to you via text. If your communications are not "read" or "viewed", you can tell when he is online based on the "chat" bar or when he publishes his posts.
- Use the information you know about the person's technological habits. If you know a friend doesn't use Facebook often, it's no wonder they haven't read your message. If, on the other hand, he is constantly using the social network, but does not respond to what you write, he is probably avoiding you.
Step 5. Notice if you get short, detached responses
If you can have a conversation with the person, consider whether their answers are monosyllable and trivial. In this case, he's probably trying to deflect your questions, so he can get away.
For example, you can say, "Hey, we haven't talked in a while. How's it going?" If the other person answers "Good" and starts to leave, they are probably avoiding you
Step 6. Consider how the person treats you when you are in a group
If a friend talks to everyone but you, he may be avoiding you. Not necessarily those who avoid you do not spend time with you, they may simply not recognize your presence. Try saying something directly to him and notice his reaction. If he responds sharply and curtly, then walks away (or worse if he doesn't respond at all), there's a good chance he's avoiding you.
- Compare her attitude in a group and her attitude in private. Maybe your friend "avoids" you only when you are in the company of other people, or he quickly disappears when you are alone. Try to understand if he behaves the same way with others or just with you.
- Notice if the person leaves the room when you arrive. If this happens all the time, it can indicate that he doesn't want to spend time with you.
Step 7. Assess whether the person respects your opinion
If he doesn't ask your opinion during business meetings or conversations with friends, he may try to ignore you. He may not ask what you think about his decisions or he may not react in any way when you express your point of view.
Step 8. Don't accept the behavior of someone who deceives you
Consider if you are a priority in this person's life. She may ignore you if she doesn't find time to be with you. Maybe she doesn't feel ready to commit and is content with living for the day. Note the following signs, which indicate that you are not very important to her:
- Your relationship does not improve: it alternates between very pronounced highs and lows, is stagnant or even takes steps backwards.
- This person is only heard when he wants something from you. She may be interested in money, attention, sex, or just someone to talk to. Find out if you are being used constantly.
- Make plans with you only at the last minute. He may show up at your house or text you late at night without even trying to plan a date.
Method 2 of 3: Understanding the Avoidance Attitude
Step 1. Ask yourself what the reason for his behavior might be
Maybe you had a fight or there was an unpleasant situation between you, you said something that offended her without realizing it, or you make her feel uncomfortable in some way. Think carefully about your behavior and try to identify the reason.
Step 2. Look for behavioral patterns
Analyze situations in which you feel "shunned" and see if there are common elements that repeat themselves. Maybe the person ignores you at specific times or in the presence of some people; maybe it has to do with you, or with her. Evaluate what happens and try to understand why.
- Does this person seem to avoid you at certain times or when you do some activities? For example, you may have recently started experimenting with drugs and a friend doesn't like seeing you when you are in an altered state.
- Does he avoid you when you are with someone? Maybe she isn't avoiding you, or she doesn't like your behavior in certain companies. She may be shy or withdrawn - she never rejects conversations in private, but quickly disappears when you are in a large group of people.
- Does he avoid you when he tries to work or study? Maybe she really enjoys spending time with you in informal social situations, but she can't get her work done when you are together.
Step 3. Think about the ways you try to contact the person
If a friend or partner is present and engaged when you see each other in person, but they never respond to messages, they may not appreciate communicating that way. This can be especially true if a friend leads a very busy or disciplined life; it is not easy to find time for a long and in-depth exchange of messages for those who work, study or train continuously.
Step 4. Consider that people sometimes drift away
Evaluate whether the person has changed since they started avoiding you and if so, how much they have changed. Maybe he started dating a new group of friends, found a new romantic interest, or started playing a new sport or hobby that you don't find interesting. It's great to have a close relationship with someone, but people change and relationships end. If you come to the conclusion that a friend is moving on with their life without you, it's time for you to move on too.
- Also consider if you have changed. Maybe the other person behaves like they always have, but you are different. You may have started hanging out with a new group of friends, have a habit your friend doesn't like, or have simply become less available.
- An estrangement is not the same as the end of a relationship. If you find that the distance between you and a friend is growing, you have to choose whether to let them go or try to keep your relationship alive. However, remember that the commitment must be shared.
Method 3 of 3: Addressing the Problem
Step 1. Ask for a comparison
If you are certain that someone is avoiding you, you can try to raise the issue gently. Maybe you want to make up for the mistakes you've made, or you suspect a friend is avoiding you because they're having a hard time. Be respectful, direct, and explain exactly what is bothering you.
- If you are not sure why a person is avoiding you, you can say, "I wanted to talk to you, because lately I have the feeling that you are avoiding me. Did I make you angry?".
- If you know why, don't mince words. Apologize for what you did and try to reconcile the relationship. For example, you might say, "I have a feeling that the situation between us is strange after the fight last week. Our friendship is very important to me and I want to talk about it, so that we can leave it behind. worth ruining the relationship we have for that discussion."
- You can talk to the person privately, or ask an expert to act as a moderator. Consider if you feel comfortable and choose the best solution to solve the problem.
Step 2. Ask a mutual friend for advice, but don't talk about the person avoiding you behind them
If you have a trusted friend in common, ask them for their opinion. You can say, "Do you know why X is mad at me? I have a feeling he's been avoiding me lately."
Don't spread unfounded rumors or gossip about the person avoiding you. If your relationship is important to you, be very careful what you say. If you speak ill of this person behind his back, those words are likely to be reported to him; in that case, the situation could only get worse
Step 3. Give her space
In some cases, we need to overcome our problems on our own before we are ready to reconnect with others. In many situations, forcing this connection only serves to push the person avoiding you even further away. Try to be patient, open, and carry on without her. If he decides to become part of your life again, you will know.
- Clarify your intentions by saying, "It seems to me that you need space right now, so I will let you free. When you want to talk, my door is always open."
- Don't close your heart. It can be very difficult to move on with your life and still leave the door open for this person. Take a step back in your relationship, remember the good times we had together, and try not to leave room for anger.
Step 4. Turn the page
It can be very difficult to leave the relationship with a person, especially if you have invested a lot of time and energy. However, in some situations you have to accept that things will never go back to the way they used to be. You need to mature and think about your emotional health: wasting hours living in the past, reflecting on what has been and could have been, makes it nearly impossible to learn and thrive in the present. Go ahead.
Turning the page is not a definitive conclusion. It doesn't mean that you won't be able to rebuild a friendship with this person in the future. It just means that you won't be wasting your precious emotional energies on a person who is currently unwilling to receive them
Advice
- If a person continues to avoid you for a long time, it is probably time to let them go. If she doesn't care about spending time with you, she may not consider you a friend anymore.
- If she seems uncomfortable when she is with you, she is probably not open in your presence.
- If the fact that this person avoids you makes you suffer greatly, ask a mutual friend if they can find out why.
