When you care about someone, you don't want them to engage in behavior that is harmful to themselves and others. Unfortunately, smoking is a bad attitude, but with your help, they will be more likely to eliminate it. However, you cannot force her to quit as the decision rests with her alone.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Offer Adequate Support
Step 1. Don't quote the stats
Your boyfriend knows smoking is bad for him and he probably wants to quit already. Therefore, it will not be so helpful to mention a slew of facts about diseases, life expectancy and so many other aspects. In fact, if you tell someone to quit, you will push them to smoke more.
- Rather, it is preferable to focus on the behavioral patterns of the smoker and the role that addiction plays in smoking.
- Point out that over the past few decades the number of smokers has been decreasing and that many people have been able to quit.
- As many start smoking to feel part of a group, knowing that this habit is becoming increasingly rare can encourage them to quit.
- By remembering that smoking is an addiction, you will help your boyfriend realize that, by smoking, he is not in control of his life. He will probably not like it and will try to quit in order to gain more autonomy.
Step 2. Realize that everyone is different
It means that the same strategies are not effective for everyone, but also that each person needs a different level and type of support. Talk to your boyfriend to find out what kind of help he needs.
Your boyfriend may indirectly suggest that he intends to talk about his problem. To break through, pay attention to the topics it raises: the opinion of a doctor, the pregnancy of a relative, the example of someone else who has quit smoking
Step 3. If these solutions don't work, look for another way to gently address the issue
Perhaps some laws regarding smoking are changing or the cost of cigarettes has been increased. Ask him what he thinks and use this to talk about his habit.
- You: "Today I read an article about the ban on smoking in parks."
- Him: "It's good. I hate it when I sit on a bench to breathe clean air and someone smokes next to me."
- You: "I'm surprised to hear you talk like this. Won't it be difficult for you to be in the park without smoking?"
- Him: "No, actually I'm already trying to decrease the number of cigarettes I smoke every day."
- You: "Really? How can I help you?".
Step 4. Try the "nudge" method
It is not easy to find the right balance between encouraging your boyfriend to quit smoking and behaving in a way that feels like he has no other choice. Lawyers and economists argue that the "nudge" method can encourage people to change, while still allowing them to decide on their own.
- This strategy works like this: You tell your boyfriend to open a savings account in which to deposit the money he would otherwise spend on cigarettes (a jar in the kitchen is fine too).
- At the end of the period, ask him if he has smoked. If he has not done so, he will be entitled to use the money saved. If he smoked, he'll donate it to charity.
- Some versions of this method require the person to pay the money to a charity that is not one of their choices!
- If there is a friend who is trying to quit (or if you are making this attempt), you can challenge him. The money will go to those who manage not to smoke for the longest time, while those who lose must make a donation to a charity chosen by the winner.
Step 5. Mobilize your support network
If your boyfriend agrees, let friends and family know about his plans and encourage them to offer their support. Remind your boyfriend that the doctor is also part of your support network and ask him if he has ever thought of consulting him about what drugs would help him to eliminate this addiction.
Step 6. Think before checking it
To feel more motivated, some smokers appreciate the intervention of someone to inquire about their daily progress, while others find it intrusive and counterproductive. Ask your boyfriend if he thinks your controls are helpful or harmful.
Step 7. Ask open-ended questions
Invite your boyfriend to talk about his habit: why he started smoking, how it makes him feel, why he wants to quit, what stops him from quitting, and so on. This way you will have a clearer idea of his relationship with cigarettes and may also help him glimpse connections he has never made before.
- You: "Why did you start smoking?".
- Him: "All the older kids smoked at school."
- You: "And now? You're not a teenager anymore."
- Him: "I think it has become just a habit".
- You: "Did you think you would smoke forever?".
- Him: "No, but it has always seemed too difficult to stop."
- You: "You can do it! Do you want me to help you come up with a plan?"
Step 8. Point out some small progress
For a smoker, even staying a day without cigarettes is a great achievement. Recognize this success and use it to show your boyfriend that he can live without smoking. These small successes can fuel his resolve.
Step 9. Focus on the whole person
Do not allow this purpose to invade the entirety of your relationship. Even if he doesn't want you to inform you about his progress, ask him how his day went and how he is in general. Your talk doesn't have to focus solely on its addiction.
Part 2 of 4: Think Long Term
Step 1. Make a plan, but be ready to change it
Your boyfriend might feel more motivated and focused if he has a date to quit smoking, but it shouldn't be invariable. In case you want to stare at her, let him know that he won't fail if he can't completely get rid of his habit.
Step 2. Point out the temporary nature of withdrawal symptoms
Many people suffer from insomnia, concentration problems, anxiety, agitation, irritability and depression. These disorders usually go away within a week or two. Reminding your boyfriend that these are transient symptoms will incentivize him to believe he can get through this stage.
Step 3. Realize that ending an addiction is like a learning curve
Many people make several attempts to quit smoking. If your boyfriend is relapsing, encourage him to learn from this experience so that next time he avoids anything that previously caused him to smoke. Smoking is a behavior that is learned as much as detoxification.
Step 4. Talk about when, not if
Relapses can be frustrating, so show your boyfriend that it's only a matter of time before he can get satisfying results. In fact, most people who quit smoking and relapse will try again after a short time.
Part 3 of 4: Offer Some Distraction
Step 1. Get what you need
People smoke for many reasons, one of which is to relieve boredom. Your boyfriend will need to adopt a less harmful habit to combat boredom. Therefore, consider having the following available:
- Hard candy to suck;
- Chewing gum;
- Fruits and vegetables cut into pieces.
Step 2. Spend time together
Use his desire to quit smoking to propose some activities to do together. Have dinner together, go to the cinema or visit a museum: invite him to do whatever helps him to distract him from the thought of eliminating the habit of smoking.
Step 3. Train
One of the pastimes that allows you to be together is definitely sport. Physical activity can alleviate many discomforts that arise in the period of abstinence, such as:
- Anxiety;
- Depression;
- Irritability;
- Weight gain.
Part 4 of 4: Safeguarding Your Health and Spaces
Step 1. Don't make it personal
When people try to quit smoking, they get easily nervous. So, remember that your boyfriend's behavior has nothing to do with you. However, if he mistreats you because he's upset, you have every right to tell him he's rude or rude and walk away from him.
Step 2. Ban smoking in your home and car
It is especially important if you live together. If his behavior exposes you to secondhand smoke, you both risk developing serious health problems. Also, if he doesn't smoke at home, he is more likely to quit.
Do not store lighters and ashtrays in the house, otherwise he will remember what he is avoiding
Step 3. Avoid places where smoking is allowed
In this way you will not only protect your health, but if you stay away from the contexts that can induce him to light a cigarette, you will also help him not to smoke.
Step 4. Know your limits
How important is it to you for your boyfriend to stop smoking? While you can take some steps to help him quit, you need to think about what you will do if he does not intend to quit.
- Think about whether his addiction is more important than his strengths. Most people have serious flaws, and according to some experts, certain problems hinder happiness.
- Faults of an ethical or moral nature are an exception. Smoking does not actually fall into this category, but it can prevent you from leading a long and healthy life. If the idea that over time you may lose your boyfriend for health reasons seems too painful to you, smoking takes on a rather serious connotation to your relationship that you can't afford to ignore.
- If smoking is an insurmountable obstacle to you, your boyfriend needs to know. It is not fair to give him an ultimatum without letting him know. Tell him that you can't be with a person who smokes, but you are sure he can quit and that you intend to help him.
