Human sexuality is determined by a complex mix of biological, psychological and environmental factors. Medical experts believe that it is not possible to choose one's sexual orientation, but that it is simply part of each of us. While some people know their sexual identity well from a young age, others continue to experiment throughout their lives. It is normal to question one's sexual orientation. If you are unsure whether or not you are heterosexual, it can be helpful to explore your feelings, talk to someone you trust (such as a teacher, psychologist, relative or friend), and learn about various aspects of sexual orientation and identity..
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Studying Your Feelings
Step 1. Try not to worry
Remember that it can take a long time to establish your sexual identity and that your feelings can change over time. You don't have to be in a hurry to fall into one category - relax, let your feelings develop naturally, and think about your feelings without judging yourself.
Step 2. Determine if you feel attracted to people of the opposite sex
Even if you've never had a romantic or sexual relationship with another person, you may have felt attraction to someone. Think back to the people you found attractive, whether they are acquaintances, famous or fictional characters.
If you find that most of the people you are or have been attracted to are of a different gender than yours, you are probably straight
Step 3. Find out if dating a person of the opposite sex makes you uncomfortable
Think about your intimate relationships, whether they are platonic (friendship), romantic or sexual. Think for a moment about how those relationships make you feel, without judging or analyzing your feelings too much. Consider which relationships you felt most comfortable in (safe, satisfied, happy).
- Do you feel romantic or sexual attraction towards your close friends of the opposite sex? If so, ask yourself how it would feel to hang out with them.
- How did romantic and sexual experiences you have had with people of the opposite sex or same sex made you feel if you had them? Did you feel satisfied and did you live them well? Notice which relationships gave you the best feelings and ask yourself if the other person's gender affected those feelings.
Step 4. Consider your friendships
Many people are better off having friends for whom they do not feel sexual attraction. For example, gay men tend to have more female friends than straight men, while straight men often prefer the company of other men.
- Think about your friendships. Do relationships with people of the opposite sex often become "complicated" due to romantic or sexual feelings? Do you feel more comfortable being friends or dating people of the same sex without obligation? In this case, you may be heterosexual.
- Having a lot of friends of one sex or the other doesn't give any definite indication of your sexuality. Consider your friendships along with other factors, such as previous romantic relationships or the types of sexual experiences you enjoy fantasizing about.
Step 5. Use your imagination
Imagine yourself in romantic or sexual situations with people of different genders. Let your mind wander freely, without thinking too much and without judging yourself. Think about how you feel when you imagine these situations:
- If you like more imagining yourself with people of a different gender than yours, you may be straight;
- If you only feel as happy and excited as you imagine yourself in heterosexual relationships or situations, this is also a sign that you probably prefer people of the opposite sex to yours.
Step 6. Imagine you have different sexual identities
Sexual orientation is a grayscale - it's not necessarily all black or white. You could be straight, gay, or somewhere in between (bisexual). Some people consider themselves heterosexual although in rare cases they feel attraction to (or have even had relationships with) people of the same sex, while others consider themselves gay even if they have had experiences with people of the opposite sex. Others are not interested in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship with people of any sex. In this case, a person can define himself as asexual or aromantic. The most important thing is what you think about yourself.
Try writing or saying "I'm heterosexual" out loud. How do you feel when you refer to yourself in this way? Do you feel comfortable?
Method 2 of 3: Talk about it
Step 1. Talk about your sexual orientation with a close friend
In some cases, it can be helpful to talk to a person who is facing the same problem as you. Tell a friend you trust about your doubts and ask about their experiences if they feel like talking about them.
If you know your friend doesn't feel uncomfortable talking about their sexuality, try asking him, "When did you first realize you were straight / gay / bisexual? How can you be sure?"
Step 2. Find a forum to talk about sexual identity issues
Look for a forum with capable moderators where you can talk (anonymously if you prefer) with other people who are looking for answers about their sexuality. If you'd rather not participate in the discussion, even just reading other people's conversations on this topic can help. If you know English, you can start with PsychCentral's Sexual and Gender Issues forum:
Step 3. Talk to a psychologist
If doubts about your sexual identity are causing you a lot of anxiety and stress, consider making an appointment with a mental health specialist (psychologist or social worker). These professionals are able to help you better understand your sexuality or at least suggest what resources you may find useful.
Method 3 of 3: Inform yourself
Step 1. Read books on human sexuality and sexual orientation
This is a great way to learn more about your sexuality. If you are a teenager or young adult looking for answers, you can try reading one of these books, available in English:
- 100 Questions You’d Never Ask Your Parents: Straight Answers to Teens’Questions About Sex, Sexuality, and Health, by Elisabeth Henderson and Nancy Armstrong, MD.
- S. E. X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Sexuality Guide to Get You Through Your Teens and Twenties, by Heather Corinna.
Step 2. Explore educational websites dealing with sexuality issues
Entities dedicated to human sexuality research and disseminating resources related to sexual and reproductive health often offer free educational materials on their websites. Try visiting one of these sites (in English) to learn more about sexual orientation:
- Kinsey Confidential. This site is affiliated with the Kinsey Institute, an organization dedicated to research on human sexuality. Read expert answers to questions about sexuality and post your questions anonymously.
- Planned Parenthood. In addition to providing care and educating young people about sexual reproduction and health, Planned Parenthood also offers information on sexual orientation and gender identity:
- American Psychological Association. The website of the American Psychology Association offers a lot of detailed information on sexual orientation and gender identity:
Step 3. Take a course on sexuality
If you go to school, you could sign up for a sex education class, or you could attend classes at the local public university. You can also find free or inexpensive sexual identity courses on the internet. For example, check out the free MIT introductory course material on Sexual and Gender Identities, available in English, at this address: https://ocw.mit.edu/courses/womens-and-gender-studies/wgs- 110j-sexual-and-gender-identities-spring-2016 /
Advice
- Don't worry if you don't find the answer right away. Understanding your sexuality is a journey that can last a lifetime.
- Remember that only you can determine your sexual identity. Don't let anyone else try to label you or force you to fall into a category that makes you uncomfortable.
