If you've recently learned that someone in your life is transgender, you may have a hard time understanding their situation and risk speaking wrong. She begins by respecting her gender identity and using the same terms and pronouns she uses to describe herself. Also, treat all transgender people with the same courtesy you do to your acquaintances: respect their privacy, don't ask overly personal questions, and apologize if you make a mistake.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Addressing a Transgender with Respect
Step 1. Use the right pronoun
When talking about a transgender person, you should refer to them using the pronoun that corresponds to their gender identity. So, it's better to inquire about the gender she identifies with rather than take it for granted.
- Usually the pronoun "she" is used for transgender women.
- For men, "he" is used.
- For people who identify with non-binary gender, genderfluid or agender, various pronouns are used. Usually, these are subjects who do not reject the aspects attributed to the male or female gender. They do not feel "born in the wrong body", although there is a possibility that they want to change some physical characteristics.
- Normally, the term "sex" indicates the sex assigned at birth, which should not be confused with the gender identity chosen by the subject.
- Some people use numerous pronouns, but this does not necessarily mean that one is as good as the other. For example, there are those who might use "she" and avoid "him".
Step 2. Use the name you have chosen
When you want to call a transgender person, always use the name they have chosen. Most transgender people prefer not to be called by their first name. If a friend has changed their name, it is not correct to refer to them using the old one.
- Don't ask what the previous name was if you don't know it. Many transgender people consider him "dead" and not very relevant in their life.
- When talking about a transgender person, use their name and the corresponding pronoun, or avoid using them altogether.
Step 3. Use appropriate transgender terminology
Address yourself using the appellation (sir, lady) and any other term that fits your gender identity. For example, if you are talking about a trans woman, call her a woman. If you refer to her in a formal context, call her "lady".
- Try to use neutral language when addressing a group. Instead of saying "ladies and gentlemen", try "distinguished guests".
- That said, there is no need to point out gender identity. Avoid using transgender-appropriate vocabulary more than necessary. Don't tell a coworker how "beautiful" it is every single day or exclaim to a friend "girl!" whenever you see it. You may be too condescending.
- If you are referring to a non-binary, genderfluid or agender person, avoid using any pronoun.
Part 2 of 3: Treat a Transgender Person with Courtesy
Step 1. Apologize if you make a mistake
If you misspell your name or pronoun, or if you use an inappropriate expression, correct yourself by adding that you are sorry. It's best to apologize immediately and stay calm. If you get upset, you could make the same mistake again. Take a deep breath.
- You might say, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry";
- If you don't have the opportunity to apologize, find a moment to communicate privately how desolate you are. For example, you might say, "I just wanted to apologize for calling you the wrong name. There are no extenuating circumstances. It won't happen again."
Step 2. Do not disclose gender identity to others
Some transgender people are secretly living their identity. In other words, not everyone knows I'm transgender. This could mean that their family members ignore you and keep calling them by their first name or that current acquaintances assume they are cisgender.
- Avoid public speaking about their transition;
- Don't tell other people that they are transgender.
Step 3. Think carefully before asking personal questions
While you may be curious about the path of a transgender person, you may be intrusive by asking inappropriate questions. If a friend brings up a particular thing, in this case you could go deeper. However, until that time it is best for you to avoid questions related to her body and past.
Most transgender people are reluctant to answer when it comes to sexual reassignment surgeries
Step 4. Avoid judging her appearance
Even if you have noble intentions or want to be encouraging, the most respectful thing to do in front of a transgender person is to give them the space they need when manifesting their gender identity. Do not express opinions on his appearance and do not evaluate how much his image corresponds to the gender with which he identifies.
- Do not say if and how much she has managed to make others believe her gender identity. For example, avoid saying, "I never thought you were transgender." If you suggest that her transition is not complete, you may be suggesting that there is something wrong with her choice.
- Avoid giving unsolicited advice. For example, you should never suggest that she would look more suited to the gender she chose if she dressed differently or started taking hormones.
- While it sounds like a compliment, many transgenders don't want to be considered "brave" simply because they are who they are.
Step 5. Treat her like a person
Gender is an important part of a person's identity, but it is not the essential element of their relationships. So, treat a transgender person as you would treat anyone else.
- Don't make unnecessary allusions to her transition. It is up to you to choose to talk about it;
- Find some common ground, such as a passion, a place you both lived in, or some interest you share and chat about these topics.
Part 3 of 3: Helping the Transgender Community
Step 1. Recognize the benefits of cisgender (or cisexual) people
People who are not transgender or of non-binary gender define themselves as "cisgender". They rarely fear being confused with the opposite sex they belong to. As a result, they are unlikely to face family rejection, joblessness, social isolation or physical violence due to their gender identity. On the other hand, with a few exceptions, many transgender people experience these problems on a daily basis.
- Transgender people run a very high risk of being subjected to physical violence by others;
- Due to physical assault and family rejection, there is a rather high percentage of suicide attempts in the transgender community;
- Be aware that being cisgender means avoiding many problems that transgender people can't help but deal with.
Step 2. React if you hear claims against transgender people
Support and defend this category. If someone tries to mortify a transgender person in your life, take a stand by saying that you respect them and shouldn't be humiliated. If someone uses their gender identity to denigrate them, makes a joke, or disrespects them, tell them you feel offended.
You might reply, "I don't appreciate the insult you gave my friend. You don't know his life, so you should think before you start denigrating people based on their gender identity."
Step 3. Volunteer or help the transgender cause
Your time and money can help improve the quality of life of all transgender people, even those you don't know.
- Among transgender youth there is a very high percentage of homelessness due to family neglect or social hostility. Consider making a donation to an association that cares for LGBTQ youth.
- Support the improvement of the conditions of transgenders in custody, placed in the wrong structure based on the sex assigned at birth;
- Support health care for sexual reassignment surgeries, hormones, gynecology dedicated to this category and other treatments essential to the well-being of transgender people.
