If your feelings for a girl are more passionate and strong than you'd expect in a normal friendship, it might be time to take that relationship to the next level. However, leading this transition isn't easy. That said, if you behave naturally, if you communicate your feelings and respect your friend, you will find that you have the opportunity to start one of the most important relationships of your life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Understanding If You Should Date
Step 1. Think about the state of your friendship
Do you talk often, do you see each other in your free time or do you simply know each other through mutual friends? There is no right answer that indicates that you should move on to a romantic relationship, but you need to reflect on the current situation before deciding to date. A strong friendship is often the best basis for a good relationship as a couple; you know the other person well and you already enjoy spending time with them. Signs that you are ready to move to the next level include:
- You have no problem telling each other secrets, dreams and thoughts;
- Communicate truthfully and frequently, at least once or twice a week;
- Have calm and pleasant conversations whenever you are alone;
- Share some hobbies and ideas.
Step 2. Begin to build trust
Offer your support to your friend when she is in a vulnerable situation, so that she knows that you care about her and that you can be a strong and positive presence in her life. If you can't trust someone when you have to tell them a secret or when you have a problem, you will never be able to give them your heart. Building trust takes time, but here are some tips to get you started:
- Share some information about yourself; giving trust is the best way to receive it. Talk to your friend about your family, your personal story, your dreams or goals, your worries and insecurities.
- Always try to be reliable, on time, and to help out every time you make a promise.
Step 3. Ask your mutual friends for their opinion
Ask someone you can trust if they think your friend has feelings for you. Often from an external perspective it is easier to notice details that you may have overlooked due to emotional involvement. Ask sincerely and specifically for advice. Saying "Do you think she likes someone?" you won't get a helpful answer like the question "Do you think we'd be good together?".
Make sure you talk to a trustworthy friend who doesn't reveal your feelings before you've had a chance to do so in person
Step 4. Avoid talking too much about your past relationships
You shouldn't view this as a taboo subject, because dealing with it is a good way to learn about a person's sentimental preferences and past. However, you shouldn't constantly complain about your exes or talk about how perfect you were together, as this can lead your friend to think you haven't forgotten your previous relationship yet.
If the girl you like is always talking about other loves, crushes or exes, maybe she isn't ready for a relationship
Step 5. Remember that relationships are not based solely on physical attraction
This is especially important when trying to turn a friendship into love, because dating a person means so much more than finding a "friend to kiss". In fact, relationships are not based only on sex and physical relationships, but are an encounter between two people from all points of view: emotional, social and physical. If you only care about having a friend you can sleep with, you don't really want to be with her. Don't start a relationship that you aren't willing to commit to.
Step 6. Spend some time alone to see if you would make a good couple
One of the most common scenarios is a crush that develops between two people within a group of friends. While there's nothing wrong with that, romantic relationships are based on two people's ability to feel good alone, not in a group. You don't necessarily have to go out together, but you should find a moment to go alone before deciding whether to move on to the next level. Here are some ideas:
- Ask him to help you buy drinks and food for a party;
- Sit opposite or next to her when you are out for dinner;
- Invite her on a casual date, like going for a run together, going to a new venue, or completing a project or homework together.
Part 2 of 3: Making Your Own Move
Step 1. Ask yourself if you are willing to lose your friendship with the person you want to invite out
Sadly, some girls can't get back to being "just friends" after you step forward. Physical attraction ruins everything, one of them wonders if things could have been different and being alone becomes embarrassing. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't make your move. You just have to be willing to risk your friendship for something more; if becoming a couple is really important to you, the game is worth the candle.
Step 2. Use open, romantic body language to indicate your attraction
We often forget how important body language is in flirting, but non-verbal messages are key to telling a woman that you are interested in her. In addition, they also allow you to understand if the other person reciprocates the attraction. While each person is unique, there are some gestures that universally indicate attraction and respect:
- Turn the shoulders and hips towards a person;
- To look someone in the eye clearly and frequently;
- Fixing your hair and clothes;
- Imitating posture and speech
- Lean forward to be closer.
Step 3. Make the situation warmer by flirting discreetly
Before making your move, you should try to figure out if your friend is open to a romantic relationship. Without exaggerating, discreet advances let the other person know that you are interested in moving to the next level. This is a great way to get her to think about a romantic future together. As you try to apply the following tips, ask yourself how the other person reacts: Are they shy or have a laugh? In this case, maybe he prefers it if you stay friends. However, if he responds with behavior similar to yours, looks you in the eye, or makes romantic gestures in turn, you may have found the right person. To start flirting:
- Look her in the eye and smile. Smiling is proven to be the most effective flirting technique.
- Break the contact barrier: A simple hand on the shoulder or upper back, a pat on the arm or a hug longer than usual (2-3 seconds) are all clear signs of attraction.
- Give her sincere compliments to make her feel good. Everyone loves compliments, and they're a great way to show that you care about a person. To really hit the mark, choose specific phrases: "You were great on your last math test" instead of "You look really smart."
Step 4. Ask her out
Sitting around thinking about inviting a friend over for coffee is not only heartbreaking, it also reduces your chances of starting a romantic relationship with her. When you are sure you want to take your relationship to the next level, wait for a moment when you find yourself alone and step forward. You don't have to resort to grand or romantic gestures, just be honest. Any answer is better than not knowing the truth. Remember this when trying to find the courage to ask the question. Take your friend aside or ask her to see you in an informal situation and say:
- "I really appreciate our friendship, but I would love to take the relationship to a higher level. Would you like to go out with me?"
- "We are good friends, but my feelings for you go beyond friendship. I would like to have the chance to get to know you even better at dinner."
- Can even a simple "Let's go out together next Thursday?"
- Except for tragedies or life-changing events, there is no wrong time to ask a person out or a perfect one. Throw yourself!
Step 5. Avoid grandiose declarations of love and instead choose sincere and respectful phrases
Regardless of what your feelings are, telling a person that they are "the one for you" and that they "complete you" will only push them away, making your relationship too serious too quickly. Keep calm and try to be respectful but honest when you speak. Here are some phrases you can use:
- "I care a lot about you and our friendship and I think we will be really good together";
- "Getting to know you has been an incredible experience and I would like to have the opportunity to do it even more deeply";
- "You are an exceptional person and I am very lucky to be your friend."
Step 6. Accept the answer given to you
If your friend reciprocates your feelings, you are about to start a romantic relationship together. If, on the other hand, she says no, it's time to move on and start forgetting her. Constantly asking her out together, begging her for another chance, or ignoring her will prevent you from remaining friends.
- If you feel your friendship can continue, you will still need to spend time apart. Try not to see her for a few weeks and notice how the situation is when you return. While you shouldn't expect you to be best friends again, time can help you get over your feelings and recover from the previous relationship.
- However, be aware that some people have a hard time returning to a friendship after a love confession. Unfortunately, this is a risk you have to take.
Part 3 of 3: Strengthening Your Relationship
Step 1. Communicate your expectations early in the relationship
Dating a friend can be great: you already know your quirks, you have mutual friends, and you can skip that awkward phase of getting to know each other. However, the situation can get awkward even if you don't clearly explain what you want from your relationship. Are you only interested in informal dating or are you looking for a soul mate? Do you expect things between you to progress slowly or do you prefer to start in fourth place and immediately understand if you are compatible? Even if it's not easy, you need to have this conversation.
- Start talking about your needs, saying, "I know we've been friends for a while, but I'm looking for a lasting relationship."
- It continues with: "What are you looking for in our relationship?", "How do you think things will be going forward?".
Step 2. Go slowly, even if you feel ready to run
Friends often skip the early stages of a relationship quickly, getting to the physical side of the relationship before dating. While there is nothing wrong with that, problems will arise in the future if you don't step back to talk. Don't try to hide intimacy and attraction for the other person. Instead, use this opportunity to make your move and say how you feel. Trying to forget a kiss or an occasional intercourse will lead to problems in the future of the relationship, when both of you are confused about what happened before.
- If your friend is moving too fast for you, naturally remind her that "Our friendship comes first, we have plenty of time for the rest."
- Just because you're dating now doesn't mean you have to spend all day together. Keep the right distances and go slowly.
- Keep reminding yourself that a strong friendship is the best foundation for a good relationship.
Step 3. Spend time with mutual friends
Nobody likes it when a couple forms and disappears from the world, only to reappear holding hands and ignoring everyone else. This would not only be difficult for your friends, but it would create a lot of tension in your relationship. If you stop dating after you push all your closest friends away, you'll show that you only care until you find a girl.
- Make time for group activities and don't cancel your plans and traditions before going out with your friend.
- While you shouldn't hide your relationship, you shouldn't let it affect your relationship with your friends either. Spend time alone with them and give them your attention as well when you are in a group.
- Try to be discreet; there is no need to tell your friends all your relationship stories. They don't want to hear from them, and your partner probably doesn't like it if you talk about private details with them.
Step 4. Find hobbies and activities to do together
While you shouldn't ignore old friends, you shouldn't continue living the way you used to now that you're dating someone. It is important to find things you love to do together. Talk and spend time alone to grow your relationship from a friendship to something more. If you're not ready to commit to loving someone, it's best to just be friends.
Carrying on a relationship takes time, effort and energy, but the reward is a very close and unique bond
Step 5. Don't change your personality from when you were friends
Just because you're dating a girl now doesn't mean you should change to make them love you more. She fell in love with you when you were still friends. While everyone goes through changes as a relationship develops, finding a girlfriend is no excuse to completely change your personality.
- Your friendship should remain intact no matter how romantic your relationship is.
- Make sure you feel comfortable when you are together. If you feel like you have to resort to new clothes, a new way of speaking, or new hobbies to make you love yourself, maybe it was better to stay friends.
Step 6. Understand that if your relationship ends badly, you probably won't be able to make friends again
Once you get to know a person romantically, it becomes extremely difficult to detach from those feelings and return to a friendship. Dating is an intimate experience and you will learn a lot of new things about them, positive and negative. This aspect, coupled with the potential feelings of love left between you, makes it difficult, if not impossible, to recover the previous relationship. Remember the beautiful moments we spent together and turn the page, knowing that you both did everything you could to make things work. In the end, you can't hope for more.
Advice
- Remember that if a friend told you no, it doesn't mean your friendship has to end. Everyone happens to have a crush.
- Go slowly. If you feel confident enough to take the relationship to the next level, go for it. However, remember that your friend may not have the same idea.
- "I don't want to ruin our friendship" often means that the girl considers you just a friend. In this case, your relationship should be strong enough for you to be friends again.
- Avoid putting your friendship under the microscope looking for clues. Probably, some signals that you think are important are nothing more than tics, random habits or comments made without thinking, not secret confessions of love.
