It is not always easy to accept an apology, especially if it comes from a person who has hurt you deeply. Maybe you fear it is not sincere, maybe you need more time to evaluate and reflect or maybe you lack words to describe your state of mind. However, once you have chosen to accept them, you can communicate your decision and try to forgive those who hurt you. If repentance seems genuine to you, try to embrace it and act in a way that forgives the wrong you have suffered.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Evaluating the Apology
Step 1. Pay attention to how they are worded
Notice if the person who hurt you expresses himself in the first person, saying, for example, "I realize I made a mistake and I'm sorry for what I did." The setting of this sentence denotes accountability, an important element when apologizing. You should also pay attention to the tone of the voice and interpret the gestures. In general, those who are repentant look into each other's eyes and have a sincere tone of voice. If he doesn't avoid eye contact and talks to you in a sarcastic tone, he probably isn't convinced of what he's saying.
- When it is genuine, repentance is direct and comes from the bottom of the heart. For example: "I realize I was wrong and I am sorry for what I did. I apologize for my behavior and I hope you can forgive me."
- Keep in mind that body language can change based on the person's experience and any ailments. For example, a socially anxious person might avoid eye contact while being sincere. However, apathy manifests itself universally, so it is evident when a person hesitates in these situations.
- Be careful if he pretends to repent. For example, it might say, "I'm sorry you are offended for this"; "I'm sorry you try this"; "I didn't mean"; "Mistakes have been made, but now we can move on" and so on. This type of "apology" is a way to distance the interlocutor from the gesture that damaged him and shows reluctance to take responsibility for it.
Step 2. Notice if they are passive-aggressive
It is a sign that the apology is not sincere. If he is not really repentant, he will not waste time pointing out your mistakes or blaming you even partially for what happened. This type of approach indicates little conviction in apologizing and is a way to discharge responsibility or blame for what happened or perhaps to avoid the consequences of one's actions.
- For example, a passive-aggressive attitude might present itself like this: "I asked you to accompany me to the party, but you refused. So I decided to go alone. If you accepted, I wouldn't have to lie to you. Except. this, I'm sorry."
- In the example given above, the person speaking is not at all repentant; indeed, it could have the bad habit of inventing justifications and extenuating circumstances to get by in the most difficult situations.
Step 3. Trust your instincts
As much as you can rationally analyze a person's intentions, the sixth sense is often a great evaluation tool to understand if you can trust and accept his apology. Take a few minutes to consider what he said and follow your gut. Ask yourself:
- Does my gut tell me that she is honest and sincere?
- Did he ask for forgiveness and promise never to make the same mistake again? These are two essential aspects that indicate sincere repentance (as we have said, the other important aspect is to take responsibility without blaming others).
- Are you uncertain about him and doubt his apology? If what she has told you generates in you a sense of fear, obligation or guilt (a kind of emotional blackmail), it means that she is not repentant, but is trying to manipulate you to keep you under her control and prevent you from asking questions about how much she is. success.
- Do the apologies seem sincere to you?
Step 4. Consider if you are ready to accept his apology
First of all, you should evaluate the situation as a whole and ask yourself if you know this person well. Eg:
- If a family member or close friend apologizes for acting badly towards you, but this isn't the first time, try to figure out if they are doing it to avoid facing the consequences of their mistakes. When they are recurring and accompanied by false promises of change, bad behavior can lead to the exploitation of excuses for not taking responsibility for one's actions.
- If a family member or partner apologizes for an isolated mistake, you are more likely to forgive.
- Do you always get excuses from the same person? In this case, you will have a hard time figuring out when she is sincere. Because she takes advantage of it, you may be indifferent even how sorry she really is. If you want to go beyond the usual "I'm sorry", see if he really feels responsible for what happened, if he shows regret, asks for forgiveness and promises not to do it again.
Step 5. Take some time or learn more if necessary
There are several causes that lead us to make mistakes or harm people. It is important that you are willing to turn a blind eye, especially if the person who hurt you offers sincere apologies. If you are not convinced of his regret, try to expose your concerns better.
It is preferable to take this approach rather than accepting an apology that you do not consider sincere and continuing to harbor anger and resentment, giving the impression that everything is fine. Doing so could also indicate the attitude that hurt you and highlight the problem the other person is facing
Part 2 of 4: Accepting the Apology
Step 1. Thank you for the apologies you received
Start by telling your interlocutor that you appreciate their repentance and their determination to be forgiven. You could simply say, "Thank you for apologizing" or "I appreciate your apologies, thank you".
- Listen without making judgments. It is right and normal to expect sincere repentance, but it is also necessary to listen with an attitude of openness. In other words, avoid interrupting, criticizing, and arguing while the other person is talking.
- Also, avoid belittling his apology by saying, "Okay" or "Nothing happened." If you respond in a superficial tone, you will end up hurting his feelings and not clearing up the situation. He may even believe that you are hostile towards him, which risks making matters worse and preventing it from resolving. If you need more time to digest what happened, tell him clearly: "Thanks, I appreciate your apologies. I'm still in pain and I need some time before I can believe it will never happen again."
- Show her your gratitude for having the courage to apologize and admit her mistake.
Step 2. Explain to her that I feel hurt
After thanking her, you should openly tell her that you feel hurt and specify that she has hurt you. By doing this, you will show that you sincerely share your mood and take the situation seriously. You might say, "Thank you for your apology. I suffered a lot when you lied to me" or "I appreciate your apology, thank you. I was sorry when you scolded me in the presence of my parents."
Be clear and direct about what you felt when she hurt you, but avoid using a passive-aggressive tone and criticizing her. Try to be as sincere and honest as she did when she apologized
Step 3. Show your understanding instead of saying that everything is fine
End the meeting by saying that you understand why she behaved a certain way and that you are willing to accept her apology and move on. You might say to her, "I understand why you had to lie to me and I forgive you."
Dismissing her by saying "okay" or "let's forget everything" will not make it clear that you accepted her apology. You may also sound sassy, sarcastic, and rude especially if his apology is serious. Keep in mind that it takes a lot of courage to admit that you are wrong, so until proven otherwise, consider her efforts to be genuine
Step 4. Respond clearly and concisely if you receive a text message containing an apology
Receiving an apology via text message isn't as effective as in person, but it's better than nothing. In these cases, behave normally, as if you accept them face to face, but express yourself clearly so that your interlocutor understands your state of mind. Don't feel compelled to accept them just because they're not physically present and explain to them that they hurt you.
- For example, you could write, "Thanks for your apology, I needed it. I was really sorry the other day when you neglected me in class, but now I understand the situation and that you had a bad day."
- You can also invite her to discuss the matter face to face or via video call instead of texting you.
Part 3 of 4: Taking Action After Accepting an Apology
Step 1. Try to get back to normal
Once you accept the apology, the situation may seem a little awkward and you may both feel uncomfortable. However, if you can go further and change the subject of conversation or put it all behind you, you will be able to welcome back those who hurt you and mend your relationship.
- It won't seem all right at first, and even if she has repented, you may still need time. Expect a bit of a bad time after she apologizes.
- You can even put an end to the embarrassment by saying, "Well, it's all clear now. Shall we get to work?" or "Ok, let's stop being so serious now".
Step 2. Learn to forgive using self-soothing techniques
Even once you accept the apology, moving forward may be more difficult than you think. When you remember the wrong right now, you will probably feel anxious, sad or stressed again - this is completely normal. If you are trying to forgive someone, try some relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or other methods that can calm you down. This way, you can ease the pain of what happened and dampen the resentment.
Forgiveness is not instant, indeed it may never come. Try to prepare yourself, but don't think you will suddenly feel it
Step 3. Seek the company of the one you want to forgive
Another way to practice forgiveness is to show the other person that you are working hard by starting over. Offer to spend some time together to let her know that you still enjoy her company and want to continue being her friend. If necessary, remind her that you are trying to forgive her, but if the pain is still recent, discourage her from acting as if everything is back to normal. After all, you are trying to re-establish relationships and right now you are licking your wounds.
- Organize something you can collaborate on. For example, play a sport, plan a day trip, volunteer, and so on. This will show her that you are willing to regain trust in her and renew your bond.
- Suggest something that you both like to show her that you are ready to overcome any adversity and willing to live the best moments.
Step 4. Be prepared for more problems to arise between you
Even if you are trying to regain trust in this person - especially if their apologies are sincere and you accepted them - you should pay attention to some red flags. They indicate to you that he could make the same mistake or fall back into bad habits, generating further problems with consequent requests for forgiveness. Dissuade her from making the same mistakes or hurting you again as she has in the past.
For example, if you are again late for appointments, tell them because they may not realize it. Remind her that you are sorry when this happens. Doing so can encourage her to try harder
Part 4 of 4: Coping with the Most Difficult Situations
Step 1. End the relationship if you can't move forward
Forgiving someone is one thing, forgetting another. Even if you forgive, you may not be able to put what he did behind you. In this case, it is best to end the relationship for the benefit of both of you. A relationship cannot grow if there is resentment on both sides.
- For example, you might say, "I accepted your apology the other day, but I'm not sure I can put a stone on what you did. I'm sorry, but I don't think we should keep seeing each other."
- Alternatively: "Your friendship is very important to me, but I can't help thinking about what happened last month. I don't think I'll be able to go on and I need time."
Step 2. Don't trust anyone who continues to misbehave
It's okay to give someone a second chance, but if they make a mistake a second, third or fourth time, there comes a time when you wonder if they'll persevere just because they know you're willing to accept their apology and therefore have no qualms about stepping on their your feelings. If a friend or partner keeps making mistakes and apologizing, they may not be acting with the best of intentions. In the long run, if she doesn't correct her behavior, you better end your relationship.
It is better to apologize with actions than with words. If someone continues to hurt you even realizing it, it means that they are not really repentant
Step 3. Agree to those who exaggerate with excuses
If someone doesn't stop apologizing, they probably feel really guilty. However, being told "I'm sorry" 20 times in a row can be irritating and make it worse. To get him to stop, try to agree. For example, instead of saying, "It's okay," try "You know it's there? You're right. You hurt my feelings and I'm glad he's apologizing."
